Lil DeVille
April 5th, 2010
"I guess I've got some explaining to do, huh?"
This is what Tommy says when I walk into the house and freeze because of the sight before me. It's quite a thing to see… my best friend and my old fling are laying on the couch together. Maya is sleeping in Tommy's arms and he's wide awake, dark blue eyes glancing up to meet mine. Its weird that we've both just communicated a mixture of emotions without saying a word to each other.
First, he looks surprised. Suddenly, he relaxes and looks calm and collected. "Should I wake her up?" He says, looking down at Maya and I shake my head. I don't really know quite what to do at this point. I really just want an explanation. Did Maya call Tommy here? Did he just… come over? At this point, I should be used to falling into weird situations like this. But I'm totally not.
I don't say anything yet or start throwing around accusations, but I sit down on the floor beside the sofa and look up at him, one eyebrow raised. "Explain."
"She didn't invite me over," is the first thing he says and I know that he's not lying for two reasons. I know that when Tommy lies, his upper lip twitches a little like he's amused about pulling one over on you. At first I used to think it was something cute that he'd do when I'd asking stuff like "Why did you leave me up waiting for you all night?" I'd always feed into his bullshit and his excuses without any objections.
But I do my best to keep that in the back of my head.
The second reason is that I know Maya wouldn't ever invite Tommy to my house while she was alone. She used to constantly say that something wasn't right about him. She hated the way he treated me. I think he even scared her a little. Not scared as in she wanted to avoid him completely, but maybe he just made her nervous. We spoke about it a few times, actually. I never took it seriously, being madly in love with him the way I was.
He starts to explain. "Maya didn't even know I was coming over. I was actually looking for you."
My head shoots up when he says this. "Looking for me… why?"
"I wanted to apologize," He says slowly. I check for the lip twitch again. Nothing. "I wanted to tell you that I was sorry for the way I treated you. I've never appreciated you the way that I should have, but you're a wonderful girl. And a great friend. So… I'm sorry, Lil."
Our eyes lock for a second and I'm a little scared myself. I've never heard anything from Tommy this sincere. I want to ask him if he's on something… but he's as sober as a saint. "Gosh, what did she do to you?" I joke.
Tommy laughs a little himself. "She cussed me out. Told me that I can't just come marching in here, hoping to make things better with you and that you're happy now."
I smirk a little at Maya being so defensive over me. "She's right, you know."
"I know." I look up and Tommy is smiling, looking at Maya like he's got a baby in his arms. "She's been right about a few things."
I know I'm a little guilty of not listening to Maya's advice too. It's weird to relate to Tommy on something like this.
He says, "But I'm glad you're happy. Carter's my friend and a good guy and I'm happy you two are together."
"Really?" I'm sort of shocked hearing this, but I blush and it's nice to hear from him. "That's… really sweet of you to say."
He nods. "I mean it. And I hope this means we can set aside our past and be friends. If you're willing to forgive me."
This is a big fucking moment for Tommy and I. If I hadn't of met Carter, I probably wouldn't be so quick to allow this. Him asking for my forgiveness… him laying on a couch with my best friend in his arms… any of this. Meeting Carter taught me what real love felt like and that's what I needed to save me. If I wouldn't have given him a chance, I wouldn't be happy at all. I would be alone, healing from the damage that Tommy did by myself. Having someone there—no, having Carter to love and uplift me and make me laugh helped me grow after t I realized that I deserved to be treated better and it made me stronger. I should really hate Tommy, to be honest… but that wouldn't be healthy. Not when everything's played out like this.
I can tell that he truly is happy for me, and its odd but it sort of makes me think he's grown up some.
"I forgive you." I say and we both smile at each other. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I look over at Maya in his arms. She hasn't budged. "But… you still have some explaining…" I say, trying to be stern.
It works, because Tommy scratches the back of his head. "Eh… don't worry, nothing happened. We were just here talking…" The lip twitch. Finally.
"Tommy…" I say slowly.
"Really!" He whisper shouts, "We were. Maya's been really lonely here in this house. She needed someone to talk to. It was just a coincidence that you hadn't made it home yet. We sat right here and talked."
"And what else…"
He won't look at me this time and I fight the urge to lunge at him and throw him on the ground. If he had sex with Maya while she's in the mental state she's in, I'll kill hi-
"I kissed her. I mean, we kissed."
"And then what," I deadpan, glaring daggers at him.
"Nothing else, Lil. I promise. I swear on my grandfather's grave." Another sign that he isn't lying. I relax. It's silent between us for a few minutes, and I hope this is an indicator that I want Tommy to keep talking. He does. "I don't know… the first time, she was going on and on about how Kimi and I were so much alike and how we deserved each other and it was fucking me up. I grabbed her and I kissed her so she'd stop talking."
I stifle a laugh at this. I can only imagine how Maya reacted.
He keeps going. "The second time was after I told her how she needed to appreciate everyone she has in her life. She was telling me about how lonely and sad she feels, not being able to talk to anyone and I told her it was her own fault."
I stop him for a moment and put my hands over my face. "You told her that? God, for what? That's not what she needs to hear right now."
He looks at me funny and shakes his head. "See, that's where you're wrong. She does need to hear this kind of stuff. It's the truth. We're here for her, aren't we?"
I see what he's trying to do and its great, but I'm not really in the mood to hear any of it. Maya is in recovery right now and she probably isn't in the right mind. That explains why she feels so lonely and that's why she's so sad right now. She just needs a few more days to recover… but I appease Tommy anyway. "Yes, we are."
"And we love her. So why should she be afraid to reach out to us?" He looks down at her again and moves a little bit of hair out of her face. I'm weirdly interested in how gentle he's being. Not that Tommy isn't a gentle guy. It's just weird to see him act as if he… has feelings, I guess. He's acting like he finally has some sort of care in the world. But of all the things to care about, why some girl whom he's just started to get to know?
I tell him, "That's true, and I understand where you're coming from. Just… take it easy with all this truthful shit. I don't want her hurting herself again because of your tough love and brutal honesty." And I gather myself from the floor.
As I'm walking into the kitchen to get myself a drink, I hear Tommy reply to me in a soft voice. "I care about her, Lil."
I whip around to look back at him and he's got this weird look on his face. It looks sort of like he's been shot or something. "What's gotten into you?" I laugh and it sounds the slightest bit uneasy. I hope it covers up my doubt because to be honest, I feel a little suspicious right now. I know how Tommy is. He's not exactly what you'd call "normal" when it comes to relationships and stuff.
The thing with Tommy is, he pursues what he wants, and when he gets it he throws it in a pile of other unappreciated things. Then, he only returns to it when he gets bored of his other toys. I was in that pile before. I don't want to see the same thing happen to Maya just because Tommy has decided to win me over and get on my good side.
I don't want the tables to be turned so that I'm protecting Maya from him. I fight off the bitterness from the hurt and wait for him to come up with some sort of words.
"I don't know what it is… I just… I guess I just always knew there was something about her." He strokes her face softly and smiles. It's… not really an explanation, but it's more of what he doesn't say that lets me know he's serious.
I'm worried. I can see this situation taking a hellish turn left in a million different ways and I know for sure that Maya won't know how to deal with it. Say she does become interested in Tommy… he's not going to do right by her. It's not because he really doesn't genuinely have feelings for her, it's just not something he knows how to do. He's not a bad person… he's just spoiled. The world is his silver platter. He can have anything he wants. As soon as he has you in his grasp, you're lack luster. That is, until he decides to make you feel otherwise. Despite this, you're on a leash then. You're an item.
I bet if Tommy were rich enough to have some sort of secret laboratory in his house, and if he were smart enough to do it, he'd take Kimi, Maya, myself, and countless other girls… and use our features to build some sort of superhuman perfect girl.
I wonder if she would have Kimi's deep brown eyes and my lips. Or maybe Maya's dark, wavy hair and her knack for... well, everything that Tommy has a knack for. Perhaps she'd have my hands. Tommy used to always say that he loved when I touched him. But who knows who else he's said that to... It freaks me out because if this whole plan were actually possible, Tommy would get on it so fast. And with the way he picks up on girls, God only knows what she'd be made up of.
And all of a sudden, I don't think I can be in this room anymore. I try to shake the thought of Tommy surgically removing the part of my brain that holds all my knowledge of him to put it in the head of some robotic Frankenstein girl while I gather up my things and make a slow crawl up the stairs.
