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IN LOVE AND WAR
CHAPTER TWO: HOME-GOING
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The eyes are the window to the soul.

That phrase had never meant anything to Roald until he married Princess Shinkokami. Before she had assimilated into Tortallan culture, Shinko had hid her emotions behind a pale mask, but Roald could always tell what she was thinking by looking into her eyes. With time he could read them like a book.

Even knowing all this, Roald still did not understand how his wife remained so calm as his parents explained to them the situation with the war. Her face was smooth and pale, like a blank sheet of parchment as she listened to each word. But one hand clutched his, and two eyes grew glassy with tears; she was devastated.

Thayet took Shinko's hands in hers.

"You've been living with us for a long time. You are as much a part of the family as my own children. We won't force you to leave us."

"Who really destroyed the imperial navy?" she asked calmly. Roald didn't listen to the answer. All she cared about was the ships?

"What will you do?" he asked impatiently, interrupting whoever was speaking. "Will you go?"

Shinko stood and walked slowly over to the window. She gazed out. The new Rider trainees were picking their mounts. Lady Keladry was dueling with a friend from the Own. Princess Lianne was helping little Vania to mount her mare so they could share in a long ride. But Shinkokami didn't see any of it. She watched the sky, eyes blurring as she remembered her homeland. When she spoke, it was in a very quiet, tearful voice.

"I've seen my uncle execute men for stepping on a lady's hem. The Emperor is ruthless, and that is when he's not in a bad mood. I can't let him execute his wrath on innocent people, Roald. I can't further his anger by disobeying his orders." Shinkokami turned and Roald saw the tears streaming down her cheeks.

"I'm sorry," she said, "But I don't have a choice."

At that moment, Roald felt very selfish. He dropped his head, not saying all the things that he wanted so desperately to shout at her. Don't you love me? Stay Shinkokami, stay! And what about our baby?

Shinko's pale mask broke as he held her in a tight embrace.

"When does she sail out?" he asked over her shoulder. He was highly disappointed by his father's answer. His eyes searched Shinko's face. "Marry me again before you go? Then there won't be a contract that can be voided by your uncle. And when you come back we can be together again." Shinkokami smiled slowly.

"Of course."

"I'll get a priest who can do it," Jonathan said.

"Now?" Thayet asked.

"The ship departs from Port Caynn at dawn tomorrow," he reminded her, as they slipped from the room.

"Shinko, why don't we tell them?" Roald said. "They'd never let you leave if they knew."

"Roald, a baby only changes things after it's born. Right now, being pregnant does me no good. I love you. I'll find a way to get the baby back to you, and as soon as this is over, I'll come back. I love you."

Roald sighed pulling her close again. "I love you too."

…..

Shinkokami woke up in Roald's arms. She smiled, kissing his collarbone lightly. Then she remembered that it was their last morning together. Quietly, Shinkokami slipped out of bed and pulled a robe around her shoulders. The few things that she had brought with her from the islands had been packed, including her favorite perfume.

She washed her face, cleaned her teeth, and ran a brush through her hair before returning to the bedroom. Then she lay back down beside Roald and ran her fingers through his hair. She leaned down and kissed him. Soon he was kissing her back.

"I love waking up like that," he whispered when she pulled away.

"I do too," she said with a sad smile. Roald laid a hand on her belly, kissing her again. They only had a short amount of time left together, and Roald was going to make the most of it.

A few hours later they said goodbye. She clung to him in a desperate hug, and gave him one last soft kiss. Roald gathered all of his will and handed the woman that he loved, the woman who was carrying his child, into the carriage that would take her to Port Caynn, where a ship awaited to carry her to Yaman.

He had wanted to go to Port Caynn with her, but Shinkokami had thought that the long trip would just prolong their inevitable goodbyes. And so he stayed.

Shinkokami didn't travel alone. Her ladies, Haname, and Yukimi were with her, as was Yuki's husband, Sir Nealan of Queenscove. He had opted to travel with his wife instead of staying behind. They were also escorted by the entire Third Company of the King Own, for safety from burglars and ne'er-do-wells.

Port Caynn was half a day's ride from Corus. They arrived in the early afternoon, when the boat was set to depart. Shinkokami didn't sleep, like Sir Nealan, although she knew her baby needed it after the sleepless night before. She watched the terrain, knowing she'd never missed the mountains of the Islands.

She felt like she had cut out her heart that morning and left it with her family in Corus. She had too much time alone with her thoughts on that longest carriage ride of her life.

Finally they arrived at the dock. The ship was moored, awaiting them. Sir Nealan climbed down, helping each of the ladies to the ground. Shinkokami shrouded herself in her dark blue cloak before stepping into the dim light. Evidence of a storm was in the dark sky. The captain met them and announced that they would sleep aboard the ship, but the trip had been delayed until first light.

Shinkokami let the others handle the details, watching the men unload the carriage. The baby within her moved gently, for the first time. Her eyes flew back to the east. She felt the tears, but ignored them.

Blankly, she noticed that Sir Nealan had led his mare up onto the ship. Yuki and Haname walked behind him. Shinkokami was the last one to begin the trek up the gangplank. Her feet felt heavy. The baby moved again. She was glad when she was finally shown to her room. She collapsed on the bed, letting her exhaustion propel her into a deep sleep.

When she awoke, Shinko felt more tired than she had before. She looked out of her cabin's window. It was raining, but one squad of the King's Own had stayed behind to guard the princess' ship. She recognized a very wet sergeant as Lady Keladry's friend, Domitan of Masbolle, and felt bad that he was standing in the storm for her sake. Keladry loved him, even if she didn't realize it yet.

At least he'll go home to her, Shinko thought bitterly. She looked back towards Corus again.

Why was she doing this to herself? This voyage could mean doom for her pregnancy. News of that sort would nearly kill Roald. And if the child did survive the crossing, could she give birth without Roald?

Shinkokami left her room, turning to the room beside hers. It must have been Yuki and Neal's but Lady Haname was there as well.

"What is it?" Yuki asked, turning. She had a very good Yamani mask; her despair was completely hidden.

"I can't do it, Yuki," Shinko said. "I can't go."

"This isn't the time for Sakuyo," Haname started.

"Shinko, you have to come," Yuki began.

"I can't," Shinko insisted. She brought both hands to her belly. "There's a baby. I need to be with Roald. I can't do this without him. I need him now."

Yuki nodded, hugging her friend. Haname reciprocated slowly.

"Be careful," she whispered. Shinko smiled slowly.

"I love you all," she said, leaving the room. Luckily the gangplank was still lowered to land. Lightning flashed in the sky as she ran down to the soldiers.

"My lady, you should be inside," Domitan said. He was standing beneath a canopy, but it did him scant good when the wind was blowing the rain nearly horizontally.

"I'm going home," Shinko said sternly. "Even if I have to walk back, I'm going home."