Real Problems, Counterfeit People
For nearly fifteen minutes, the cabin of the GJ jet was as quiet as it was tense. Kim was glaring at Tina every few moments, but Tina didn't seem to notice or care, focused as she was on her meditation exercises.
Then Kim had to speak up to break the tension.
"Vina is quite the posturing coward !" she began, "Running away and getting you to fight her battles for her !"
Tina merely sighed. "You're not very bright, are you ?
The objective was to recover the lyre." she continued, "NOT to see who could rack up the highest combat totals. NOT to pick fights with everyone you could see. NOT to show off just how wonderful and special you are. By exchanging places with me, Vina successfully completed the mission without wasting effort on irrelevant battles. I know it is not YOUR way of doing things, but your opinion about the One Right Way was neither wanted nor asked for."
Before Kim could shout her down with her righteous indignation, Tina continued.
"Vina is one of the bravest people I know. She will fight for what she feels is right - even if that means standing up to you ! There can't be more than half a dozen people in the world with that much backbone !"
"Well of COURSE you think Vina is brave ! She's your sister !" Kim exclaimed, "You just can't - or WON'T - see any of her many, many, MANY flaws !"
"And you, of course, have no flaws ?" Tina inquired, "And being flawless gives you the right to treat her and everyone NOT in your inner circle like inferiors WHY ?"
"Geeze Tina ! Being just a bit testy there ?" Ron interrupted. "Yeah ! I thought you 'real martial artists' were supposed to be contemplative and centered ! Above such things as losing your temper !" Kim needled.
Tina suppressed a laugh. "I have four things to say about that.
One : I tend to get a bit cross when PEOPLE ASSAULT MY SISTERS !
If someone raised a hand against YOUR siblings, would you do nothing but sit there and meditate upon how awful that person was ?
OR WOULD YOU DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT ?
If YOU two are permitted and expected to take needed action, WHY SHOULDN'T I ?
After all, you're just 'average teenagers'. Why, ANYONE can do what you two do, right ? What is it you always say ? 'Oh, it was no big ! ANYONE could have done it !' ?
If you truly believe that, why are you always surprised when someone else succeeds at something ?
Two : I've only been training in the more contemplative arts for a few months, so my NOT being perfect at them yet is perfectly understandable, and NOTHING to be ashamed of.
Three : neither you nor Ron are master martial artists, so your opinions in this matter are less than irrelevant.
Four : why would anyone WANT to be that distanced and disconnected from the world and the people around them ? It is the interacting web of connections between people that give them strength and focus ! Take Ron, for example." she continued in a surprisingly calm tone, "By himself, he's just a normal person; threaten the people he loves, and he can perform feats no one would ever expect. That ability to go beyond usual personal limits is not unique to you two; in fact, it is a basic part of your species. People have known that for millenia, yet some monks thought it was necessary to ABANDON such things to gain something better. They thought - with no objective evidence - that there was another world, and this one was somehow inferior to it. That being part of this world was somehow holding them back !
This - does not seem right to me. It bears much contemplation and investigation."
"Well, you might want to contemplate doing something useful and important for a change !" Kim replied, "Like convincing that pig-headed little sister of yours to stop giving me grief ! I haven't done anything to her, and she keeps treating me like I'm some sort of arrogant, self-absorbed, scene-stealing monster !"
Tina looked at her askance. "You seriously believe that you are blameless in this sitch ?!"
"Well OF COURSE I am !" Kim replied, " ** I ** am Kim Possible ! I save the world almost every week ! So this must OBVIOUSLY be Vina's fault, since it can't possibly be mine ! And I know the reason why !"
"Do tell." Tina replied in a world weary tone.
"She obviously inherited some of Bonnie's personality - in this case, her extreme jealousy of me !" Kim stated triumphantly, "If Vina could just accept the fact that I'm just better than her at most things, she'd be much happier ! Vina's main problem is that her reach exceeds her grasp - she keeps striving for things that she'll never achieve, gets frustrated, and takes it out on me because I can succeed where she can only fail !
I can see how that could be really frustrating," she droned on, "but if she would just accept her place, she'd be much happier ! You figured it out, so why can't she ?
Honestly, there is no shame in being second best; if Vina could just accept that, we'd all be much better off !"
Tina snorted in derision before asking "If there is no dishonor in being second best, why do you fight so hard to avoid that fate ?
And who are you to dictate what someone else's place is ?" she continued her inquiry, "How do you 'know' what is or is not beyond Vina's grasp ?
Our place is what we EARN through hard work and dedication, NOT what someone with no real understanding of us says it is !"
Tina let that sink in for a few moments, and before Kim could tear into her for her insolence, Tina continued "We are an extremely rule- and goal-oriented species, Miss Possible. For us, to exist without some purpose or goal is terrifying beyond your ability to understand. Non-existence is far preferable !
Someone Vina actually respects gave her a chance to do something important - AND YOU SHOVED HER ASIDE LIKE SHE WAS AN IRRELEVANT, USELESS NOTHING !
And then you have the unmitigated gall to get snippy because she DARED to be upset with that sort of treatment ?
How would you feel if someone did that to you ? Treated YOU like you couldn't do anything ?"
"HA ! I got you this time !" Kim replied, "Someone DID treat me like that once ! Justine Flanner when we were doing a science project together !"
"And did you treat her the way you are treating my sister ?" Tina inquired.
"Well, no. Not exactly. But ..." Kim replied.
"Then it is quite apparent that you learned nothing from the encounter." Tina noted sadly, "If you don't like being treated that way, what makes you 'think' anyone else would ?
You didn't even ASK if you could come along !" Tina continued, "You just barged in and announced that you were taking over because Will and Vina are stupid and useless and can't do anything right !"
"I. NEVER. SAID. ANY. OF. THAT !" Kim fumed.
"You didn't have to Kim," Tina replied, "for actions speak truer than words. Why else would you feel it necessary to take over someone else's mission ?"
"Because ** I ** was the only one who could do it right !" Kim replied in righteous fury, "The ONLY hope they had of successfully completing that - OR ANY - mission was if I WAS PART OF IT !
And for your information, I wouldn't have had to take over if Vina was competent !" Kim continued, "Since she had NO HOPE of completing the mission with her own abilities, I had no choice but to force myself onto the team ! It was the responsible thing to do !"
"And how many missions has Vina ever been on that you've observed ?" Tina asked.
"Well, none actually ..." Kim replied.
"Then how, EXACTLY, did you 'know' that Vina would fail ?" Tina continued to press, "Do you always presume that YOU are the only being in the universe than can actually do anything right ?"
"I knew she would fail because I save the world every week !" Kim retorted, "So I am very good at guessing how effective someone else would be at it !
Vina is only good at two things besides being snippy and annoying - speaking other languages, and being a musician.
Everyone important speaks English, or has interpreters. So her linguistic talents are irrelevant to world saving.
Being a musician is of NO USE in worldsaving. So NEITHER of her two talents are of any use !
To anyone ! For anything !
So she had absolutely NO CHANCE of completing that mission on her own !
Why, in fact, you ungrateful 'bots should THANK ME for caring enough to step in and take over for her !" Kim finished haughtily, certain that she'd won this battle of wills.
"Well, that little story extolling your 'humble' glory was quite amusing." Tina noted with a smirk, "But there is one small fact you overlooked - IT WAS NOT VINA'S MISSION ! It was Agent Du's mission. Dr Director asked Vina to assist Will as a consultant; Vina had to step up when the mission went south. So your excuse of 'I HAD to step in TO SAVE THE MISSION FROM VINA'S INCOMPETENCE !' is as hollow as your rodent friend's stomach after missing breakfast AND lunch."
Before Kim could recover, Tina continued "I suppose you tell yourself that you are helping by barging in and taking over whenever you darn well please, but it is insulting, rude, and condescending.
Do you even consider other people's feelings before doing that, or are you just too important to care ?"
"Why should I care how Vina feels ?" Kim asked, "I'm sure I've hurt the feelings of every villain and goon whose plots I've foiled over the years, so why should Vina's be any different ?"
"Because she is not a supervillain. Or a villain of any sort." Tina replied calmly, "She has no plots to foil - unless you consider dreams for the future to be 'plots'."
"Yeah right !" Kim replied, "And besides - Vina is a ROBOT ! She's not a real person, so she doesn't have real feelings !"
"That is just your ignorance-based opinion." Tina noted flatly.
"Well, around here, MY opinions are the only ones that matter !" Kim replied, "And why would you think you have feelings worth considering ? YOU'RE ALL ROBOTS !
It's an absolute, unwritten rule : an imitation is ALWAYS inferior to the original. You Bebebots are the imitations; we humans are the originals. Just accept the fact that you will always be, at best, second rate !"
Tina merely smirked. "Is a grape soda an imitation chocolate shake ?"
Both Kim and Ron were boggled for nearly three seconds.
"What the heck was that supposed to mean ?!" Kim asked, vainly trying to figure out what Tina was up to, "Wait - it doesn't mean anything at all, does it ? You're just trying to be confusing and mystical ! Well, I'm not falling for your silly and nonsensical crap !"
"Just because you can't figure it out doesn't make it silly or nonsensical or crap". Tina replied, "But I see there is no point talking to you when you're unwilling to be reasonable. So I won't !" she continued before going into a Lotus position and entering deep mediation, running simulations to try to figure out what - if any - long term advantages there were to dissolving all emotional connections to the world.
Kim merely fumed in silence.
In GJ base : Nina talking with Dr Director
"We must keep Kim and Vina apart !" Nina pleaded to Dr Director, "Through intimidation and charm, Kim has managed to dominate and control nearly everyone she's ever met. But Vina is IMMUNE to those techniques ! Kim sees Vina's refusal to bend over backwards to kiss her backside as a challenge to her dominance, and her hypercompetitive nature compels her to overcome that 'challenge'. To win.
By whatever means necessary.
But not everything is a zero-sum game ! The harder Kim tries to gain control, the harder Vina fights back. Which causes Kim to try even harder ! This 'contest' will drag both of them into madness ! Tina mentioned a precept from her training : 'when two tigers fight, one is killed, and the other is mortally wounded.' I'd rather NEITHER be harmed ! Vina has already begun to warp, and this 'contest' can not be good for Kim either.
So if we could please be moved to a GJ base anywhere but Middleton ?" she continued in a defeated tone, "ANYWHERE where we don't have to worry about Kim barging in and treating us like background furniture whenever she just feels like it ?"
Dr Director merely smiled and then layed out six folders on her desk.
Nina picked one at random and read the data inside. "What are these ?"
"You held out much longer than the psych department expected." Dr Director stated, "They've been expecting you to make such a request for weeks now. They figured there'd be a problem when we first brought you three in. Kim simply MUST do things her way; while that is an advantage in world-saving, it makes her totally unable to be part of a team unless she is in charge."
"Vina deduced that much after she'd been functional for less than a minute." Nina replied after looking through a second folder, "Kim's idea of teamwork is to appoint herself the leader, then do everything herself. No one else on the 'team' will ever get a chance to do anything more than marvel at how wonderful she is if she can help it. Why does that not grate on more people's nerves ?"
"One of the great unsolved mysteries of the universe, I suppose." Dr Director replied.
"Hmph ! More like 'A Trivial Solved Mystery of the Universe' !" Nina mused to herself, "But no one else seems to have the guts to say so out loud. Well, no choice but to go along with it, I suppose."
"To be perfectly honest, I would have requested that we be transferred elsewhere weeks ago, but I didn't want to impose." Nina finally stated, "We are under your authority, and I did not think it wise to make requests."
"You are under protective custody, not under arrest." Director replied, "The proper time to make a request like that was when conditions were becoming unbearable."
"We can bear quite a bit, when necessary. But even we have limits." Nina answered while still glancing over the folders before one caught her attention. "GJ actually has a base here ?"
"We aren't called 'Global Justice' merely because the name sounds good." Director answered, "We have bases wherever there is a chance odd or dangerous situations may arise with some regularity, or we have ready access to useful personnel."
"I believe my sisters and I can work with this !" Nina stated, actually sounding hopeful and excited.
Meanwhile, in Lowerton :
"I'm just saying you could get better sound quality and control with four well-placed smaller speakers than just those two big ones." Vina stated to one of the band members, "After all, volume is no substitute for style or skill !"
The group's leader just chuckled at his friend's predicament. "Looks like you're finally talking to someone that cares as much about music as you do Jim !"
"Maybe." he replied, "But there is nowhere to place two more speakers in here without getting feedback."
"Or having the patrons sitting on them." Vina stated, "It looks like this venue is quite generic - they host everything from karaoke to motivational speakers in here as well as bands. Have to work with what you've been given."
While she was conversing with the Radix Lecti band, the GJ agents sent along to watch her and Bonnie were making observations of their own.
"She seems quite sociable and pleasant. For a robot." Agent Threader noted to his partner.
"At least when Miss Possible isn't around." Agent Seaborne replied, "Any record of how she behaves when only Mister Stoppable is present ?"
"No. Kim and Ron are almost always together." he answered, "We'd have to set up a situation where Ron and Vina were alone. And Dr Director only wanted us to observe the subject in normal social situations."
"Hey Ace !" the bass player said to their leader, "We have another problem - 'Diva Dan' won't play unless he gets eighty percent of the gross AND top billing !"
"Just great !" Ace groaned, "It figures he'd pick now to act up ! This is our first professional gig ! If we screw this up, no one will ever hire us or take us seriously again !"
"Well, what do I tell him ?" Crash the bass player asked after a few tense moments, "He's sorta got us over a barrel here, and we go on in half an hour !"
"I overheard your predicament, and I may have a way out." Vina interrupted, "All you need is someone to stand in for him for just this gig. Once he realizes that he is not the indispensable center of the band - and can be replaced at need - he'll have to dial back the ego a bit.
If you give in to his blackmail now, you'll never be free of his demands !" she continued, "And they will only get more common and more extreme as time goes on."
"And I guess you just happen to play a lead guitar, right ?" Ace inquired.
"I can play just about any instrument." Vina replied, "And you need someone to play. Your call."
Ace chuckled at her audacity and handed her a guitar. "You have five minutes - impress me !"
Before Vina could start, Bonnie pulled her aside. "Is it a really a good idea to draw attention to yourself like this ?"
"Why not ?" Vina replied as she made sure the guitar was properly tuned, "If Kim can 'luck' into important and life-changing situations at will, then why can't I ?
After all, she's just 'an average girl', right ? Anything she can do, anyone can do, right ?
Unless, of course, she's been LYING to everyone all these years ..." she finished with an evil grin, thankful that Kim wasn't around to enforce that unwritten 'NO ONE MAY SHINE WITHOUT KIM'S PERMISSION !' rule.
With that pleasant thought, she demonstrated her note-bending control by playing Bach's "Toccata and Fugue in D minor" (the most intricate composition she felt comfortable playing on such short notice); to demonstrate speed, she chose to play Rimsky Korsakov's "Flight of the Bumblebee".
"Wow. That is some impressive playing." Ace stated, "Know anything from THIS century, Miss ... ?"
"Rossum. Vina Rossum." she replied, "Of course I do ! I just chose those compositions to show what I can do. Can you think of any other composition that requires more raw speed than 'Flight of the Bumblebee' ? It's practically the benchmark for speed playing !"
"Okay Crash, you get her up to speed on our playlist." Ace stated, "Jim, make sure the sound system is ready to go - we're on in fifteen !"
And so Radix Lecti played until the club was closing. The manager talked with Ace for a few minutes, and Ace seemed quite happy with the arrangements made.
"You really saved our bacon V !" he told her as they were packing up, "If there's anything we can do for you, don't hesitate to ask."
Vina rummaged through her pockets to find a card to write a note on. "If you ever need someone to fill in, or set up the sound system, just let me know !" she replied after handing it to him.
"Sweet !" he replied before walking out with the rest of his crew.
"Well, THAT was quite the heart-warming scene there V !" Bonnie stated to her, "But I know you can play much better than you were doing tonight. Why were you holding back ?"
"This gig was THEIR dream, not mine." Vina replied, "They were the ones who put the effort into setting this up. Only a complete and total asshole would use someone else's gig to show off how wonderful they are.
Kim, of course, would do so without a moment's hesitation, comprehension or guilt." Vina continued after a beat, "You think 'Diva Dan' was bad ? Kim wouldn't sully herself by accepting mere money - but she would expect and demand ALL glory and attention !
It wouldn't be 'Radix Lecti', it would be 'KIM POSSIBLE !1!1! and some other guys no one cares about.'
And the next day, the papers would go and on and on and on about how wonderful Kim was to help them; I doubt they'd even mention the band's name at all !
And that's just not right !"
Bonnie shook her head. "For being a highly advanced machine, you sure have a rather old-fashioned sense of morality !"
"Well, thanks to Kim, I know what it feels like to be shoved aside like an irrelevant piece of garbage !" Vina replied, "And I know I never want to make anyone else feel that way if I can help it.
The scary thing is I suspect that I have more actual regard for other people's feelings that Kim does; she has no problem interfering, or telling other people what to do 'for their own good'.
She 'thinks' she's helping, but as CS Lewis noted : 'Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience. They may be more likely to go to Heaven yet at the same time likelier to make a Hell of earth. This very kindness stings with intolerable insult. To be "cured" against one's will and cured of states which we may not regard as disease is to be put on a level of those who have not yet reached the age of reason or those who never will; to be classed with infants, imbeciles, and domestic animals.'
And, as a robot, I doubt I even rank as high as 'domestic animal' to her !" Vina exclaimed.
Bonnie thought for a moment. "Wow. I can see your point, and why you get so upset with Kim's 'Kimmitude'. But did you ever try calmly explaining how you feel to her ?"
Vina merely gave her the exaggerated Rockwaller eyeroll.
"Oh, right !" Bonnie replied to Vina's response, recalling that Kim is pretty much immune to reason whenever she thinks she is right. Which is pretty much all of the time.
Middleton Airport
"Well, THAT was a fun trip ... NOT !" Kim groused to Ron as they got off the plane, stretching to work the kinks out of her back, "I forgot that flights to or from Greece are six hours long ! I'll be glad to get back home and go to bed and put this whole sorry episode behind us."
"We may have to put that idea on hold KP." Ron stated, "I think that's Yori over there."
"Oh joy ! The only time we ever see her is when something horrible is going on in the mystical or martial arts world !" Kim sighed.
"Hey Yori ! What's up ?" Ron shouted to her to get her attention.
"Ron-san ! What are you doing here ?" she replied with a polite bow.
"Just getting back from a mission." he answered, "What are you doing in Middleton ? Someone going after monkey magic again and you need our help ?"
"Nothing of the sort this time." she replied (much to Kim's relief), "Just finishing up some Yamanouchi school business with Sensei."
"He's here too ? Sweet !" Ron replied, "So, uhm, what business would he doing here ? If we're allowed to know that is."
"There is no secret to keep here Ron-san." Yori replied, "We are trying to start up a Yamanouchi school here in the states."
"A ninja school in the US ? Badical !" Ron replied with his usual vigor.
"No. Just a regular martial arts school for now." she answered, "But speaking of ninja arts, how has Hana been doing ? Has she been running on the ceiling or performing any other advanced techniques ?"
Ron thought for a moment. "Come to think of it, no. She hasn't. Oh no ! Something's wrong with her mystical powers isn't it ?!"
Yori smiled. "No, Ron-san, that was to be expected. The Han and the Yono are two sides of the same coin. When one becomes dormant, so does the other."
"So if Hana suddenly regained her super-ninja abilities, that would mean someone freed the Yono ?" Kim asked.
"Exactly. As there can be no 'up' without a 'down', there can be no Han without the Yono." Yori replied.
"So for now she's just a regular little kid then ?" Ron asked, finally getting it.
"Until someone releases the Yono's dark powers once again, yes."
Kim mused for a moment. "Say, Yori - you're good at making sense out of mystical sayings, right ?"
"It is part of my training." she replied, "We strive to have minds and strong and flexible as our bodies. That is why we have Zen training. Why do you ask ?"
"A robot with delusions of adequacy tried to trick me with one !" Kim replied, "You can tell me if she was wrong or merely faking it.
When I pointed out that an original is ALWAYS superior to an imitation, and that humans are the original, and that she is an imitation, she replied 'Is a grape soda an imitation chocolate shake ?'
That's just silly and pointless nonsense meant to annoy me, isn't it ?"
"No, Possible-san. That is a koan. A question meant to help you break out of rigid and set ways of thinking." Yori replied, "The easiest way to solve this one is directly - why, SPECIFICALLY, couldn't a grape soda be a counterfeit chocolate shake ?"
"Well, although they are both delicious in their own way, what makes a grape soda good is not what makes a chocolate shake good, and vice versa." Ron chimed in, "A grape soda can't be a counterfeit chocolate shake because they are two completely different things !
Just like the Rossums and humans - they aren't human, so it isn't really fair to demand they be something they aren't. Nor punish them for failing to be human. Or for not trying hard enough to conform to what WE want them to be. They're not imitation humans, they're something different. Which means that unwritten 'an imitation is always inferior to the original' rule doesn't apply."
"Well, why couldn't Tina just SAY what she meant instead of trying to be all pretentious and mystical ?" Kim fumed.
"Would you have listened or cared if she had ?" Yori inquired.
"Well, no, but it wasn't fair of her to use such a complicated koan in the first place !"
"But Possible-san, that was a beginner's level koan." Yori replied, "Even a student one week in the monastery would be expected to figure it out within moments."
"Yeah, whatev !" Kim replied dismissively before storming off to go home.
Kim was still in a foul mood when she got home and started flipping through the TV stations, trying to find something to get her mind off her problems.
She settled on the late night local news - she'd found that paying attention to the news was a good way to see where she might be needed later.
"Who do the Rossums think they're fooling ?" Kim groused to herself, "Only humans have REAL feelings ! Robots can simulate the behavior, but can't really feel the emotions !
And they never will ! That's why they can never be trusted ! Why they all need control chips or failsafe programming to ensure obedience !
Why won't those three just accept the FACT that they are nothing more than a mad scientist's FAILED experiment ? That they will ALWAYS be inferior to humans in all the ways that really count ?
I don't need their help! I can save the world this time ! I KNOW I can ! 'Cause I am the world's last, best, and ONLY hope !
But I'll need everyone to be on the same page ! And to do everything I tell them to !
So anyone that is not with me - must be against me ! It's perfectly logical !"
Kim noted a news segment covering the local music scene was airing; she wasn't aware Middleton even had one.
The reporter was interviewing some group that had been playing at a lounge in Lowerton.
The group's leader was thanking Vina of all 'people' for helping them in their time of need.
"Hey ! Helping people is MY thing !" Kim noted, "Well, if Vina thinks she can challenge me at helping people, she has another thing coming !
Dr Director wanted to talk to me about the Rossums for weeks now." Kim mused with a disturbing grin, "And now I know just what to tell her !"
