I sob even harder as I picture Troye forgetting about me, dozens of tears streaming down my blotchy face.
Suddenly my door swings open and Zalfie are standing in my doorway.
"Yo Ty we are going out to celebrate Troy... What the hell." Alfie breaks off as he sees my current situation.
Shit. I forgot they were staying with me.
Zoella crawls over my sheets and wraps her arms around me. "What's wrong hun?" Alfie crawls around the other side of me and suddenly I feel like I am the centre of a very squishy Tyler Oakley sandwich.
"Nothing" I mumble. "Have you heard Troye's song? It's really good isn't it?"
"Yeah it's brilliant mate. We're all super proud of him." Alfie says.
"Is that what this is about?" Zoella asks. "Does this have something to do with Troye?"
"It's nothing." I brush off. I begin to sit up when Alfie and Zoella clasp hands over my stomach.
"Whatever this is it doesn't look like nothing. So you ain't moving until you tell us what is going on." Zoella says.
"We've got time on our hands and nowhere to be." Alfie adds.
I look down at my bedspread. "It's just.. His song is really, really good and he's going to become a superstar and will be able to date any guy he wants because let's be real pretty much every guy would turn gay for him and he's going to forget about me and I'll be alone thinking damn I miss him. I'll be forced to adopt 5 cats and name them after one direction members just to keep myself company. And I feel like such an idiot because I know he couldn't possibly like me because he didn't even kiss me at digifest. It was just on the cheek and I was actually nervous and I wanted him to kiss me. I really wanted him to kiss me! But he didn't so it's obvious he doesn't like me. Why can't I be his age? Why is Cupid such a bitch? Why can I no longer act like I want to be just friends every time we hang out and why do I blush at every flirty text he sends and why can't I stop getting my hopes up with every flirty text I send back. I want to hold him in my arms and kiss him until my lips are bruised and my cheeks hurt from smiling so much. I want to hold his hand when we're out in public together and create a video about how Troyler exists. I want to look in his gorgeous eyes and know that he feels the same way about me. But that's never going to happen so tomorrow I am going to pick him up from the airport and act like the supportive friend I know I should be. I am not going to melt into a puddle of sticky goo when he smiles and I am going to be positive, upbeat and fabulous as ever even though I feel like I am dying on the inside." The words rush out of my mouth in their hurry to escape.
I look at Zoella and her face is priceless. I honestly wish I was in the mood to take a photo. I turn to Alfie and his face is the exact mirror of Zoella's. Hah. Twin Zalfie facial expressions are sickeningly adorable.
"W-wait. Let me get this straight. You 'like' Troye. Troye Sivan." Zoella says.
"Uh, yes." I reply,
"OH MY GOD!" Zalfie yells simultaneously. "Ah!" I cover my ears.
"THAT IS AMAZING!" Zoella shrieks as she stands on my bed and begins to jump. "TROYLER EXISTS! MY OTP ACTUALLY EXISTS! She continues to shriek but the rest of it is completely unintelligible.
Alfie and I both are both covering our ears now. "My inner fangirl is doing what Zoe is doing but my vocal chords are not that powerful." He shouts over the shrieking.
Eventually Zoe stops murdering my eardrums and sits back down on the bed, out of breath and panting. "Oh my gosh, my Troyler feels just went off the charts." She pants.
I feel so frustrated. "You don't get it!" I exclaim. "There is no Troyler and there will never be a Troyler! He doesn't like me like that and it just wouldn't work out!" I hug a pillow to my chest and flop dramatically back onto my bed.
Zoella wraps her arms around me again. "Just you wait Tyler Oakley I am never wrong about love."
I feel my phone vibrating against my thigh again. It's Troye. Incoming FaceTime. "Speaking of the angel." I say.
"Um." Zoe begins." I probably wouldn't answer that right now. One you are not emotionally stable. And two you look like you've been crying for hours. It would freak him out."
I press decline and roll over onto my stomach. I bury my face in my favourite pillow and try not to cry some more.
"Let's make a list of pros and cons." Alfie suggests.
"Why?" I mumble into my pillow.
"Why not?" He replies.
My phone vibrates against my leg once again. Incoming facetime from Troye. I press decline again and roll onto my back. "Alright then."
Zoella flips out her phone. "Let's start with the cons. Bad news before the good. The rain before the rainbow."
"Okay." I say. "He doesn't like me the way I like him. He lives on a different continent. He doesn't like me the way I like him. We have an age gap. He doesn't like me the way I like him. If he becomes a superstar he'd be away on tour and then he would forget about me. He doesn't like me the way I like him. There would be a lot of pressure from our fans. Aannnd. He doesn't like me the way I like him."
"Time to change out of your sassy pants mister." Alfie says.
"Time for the pros." Zoella says in her sing song voice.
"Well.." I begin. "His accent. Mm Australian. His incredible blue eyes. Like how can a pair of eyes be that blue? His.."
"Wait didn't you think his incredible blue eyes were hazel?" Alfie teases.
I blush at the memory. "Actually I was just fucking with him. I didn't want to give away that I like him by saying beautiful blue or something cheesy like that."
"Haha!" Alfie laughs. "That is amazing! He was so freaked out when he thought you were serious. Anyway continue."
"His body. Like damn dat ass tho." I smirk. "His smile. Definitely his smile. Especially when he shows his teeth. His lips. His perfect hair. His."
"Wait, the pro list cannot be comprised solely of Troye's features!" Zoe interrupts.
I grin. "Alright, alright. When we hug it feels so natural to be so close to each other. He smells like heaven. I have never smelt anything as good as him. When he smiles at I feel like I've just ran a marathon. We know so much about each other. He's my best friend. Our fans ship us. His voice is so sexy. He's gay. We're never bored when we're together. He's a one direction fan. I'm just saying it would be a deal breaker if he wasn't! We can have meaningful conversations for hours and I never run out of things to talk about. Even sitting on a couch and spending the day on tumblr on our own laptops is such a good day. We laugh and joke around. If we dated I could kiss him whenever I felt like it. Queen Jackie is secretly dying to have him as a son in law one day. His dad ships us. He is the most incredible person I have ever.."
"Well I think that my genius plan proves that there are more pros than cons to dating Troye." Alfie announces proudly.
"Wait!" Says Zoe. "You forgot one very important pro!"
"What's that?" I ask.
"There is no cuter couple name than Troyler! At all! EVER!" She says grinning from ear to ear.
Hah. I think she's right. Troyler sounds fucking adorable. 'It's too bad it doesn't exist' says that little shit of a voice in the back of my head.
"Yeah there isn't." I say aloud. "But guys even though there are more pros than cons. Those are massive cons."
Zalfie share a look. I know that look. It's the 'why the hell doesn't be know what we know' look. I hate that look.
"Mate," Alfie begins slowly. "We're pretty sure Troye has been crushing on you for like ever. Whenever you walk into the room he lights up like a Christmas tree."
"You know he's Jewish right?" I say.
"Not important." Zoe dismisses with a wave of her hand. "It's a metaphor. Alfie's right though. The way Troye looks at you is adorable."
"Are you guys for reals?" I ask as my voice shakes.
"One hundred percent real." Zoe replies.
"I-I can't believe this. What should I do!? Should I go for it? Should I drop not so subtle hints that I'm dreaming about him every minute of every day? WHAT DO I DO?" I exclaim.
"Talk to him." Zoe advises. "Tell him what you told us. You can leave out the bit about the 5 one direction cats if you'd like. If you two love each other that's all that matters. Everything else is just detail."
"I'm going to talk to him." I announce. "Tomorrow I am going to declare my feelings for him and to fucking hell with the consequences." Holy shit.. Tomorrow I am going to declare my feelings for him and to fucking hell with the consequences. Holy shit..
