Chapter 6
When I woke up again at 6 am, I felt great. Despite having had only six hours of sleep, I felt well rested. Ailith was still there. She had fallen asleep holding me. She must have been exhausted to sleep sitting up. I laid her down into my bed and left her to sleep. She murmured a little, but didn't resist. I grabbed my white roe from my closet, catching a glimpse of my reflection. I had to turn back to make sure I had seen right. I had already removed my old robe, so I could see myself clearly. I could easily count my ribs. I was paler than normal. I looked gaunt. A blind man could have seen that I had been very sick lately. I wasn't sure how Lizzy would react to seeing me today, but I had to go. I couldn't just blow her off. She was still my love. I sighed. Today was not going to be easy.
I dressed quickly and headed off to make some breakfast. She was still asleep when I brought some in to her. I decided to leave it for when she woke up on her own. I left a note, then went off to the stables. I hadn't seen Demon in forever. I hoped he wasn't mad at me for leaving him on his own for almost a year. Wow, a year. I was already 15, and actually looking like it. I had been dead two years. I was as old as Ailith now. It was hard to process since I didn't remember most of the last year. Demon nickered when I came in. I had brought both of them a treat. Two rabbits were hanging from my fist by the ears. They smelled them before I had even opened the door more than a crack. I threw Marshmallow a rabbit, then turned to Demon. He was watching me.
"Hey boy. Did you miss me." I held out the rabbit, which he profusely ignored, choosing to come up and sniff my face. He sniffed me all over before finally butting his head against mine. It was familiar. He was happy. He gladly took the rabbit and I let them both out of the stables. Marshmallow immediately took to the field, looking for other little things in the grass to eat. Demon stayed by my side, still watching me intently. "It's ok. I'm ok. You can go on." He finally took off, catching up with Marshmallow, already to the edge of the trees. It was nice to know he cared so much, and that he was so loyal. It made me smile.
When I got back, Ailith still slept. It was almost nine, and Lizzy would be expecting me soon. I was tempted to wake her, I had still not left the shadow realm without her, but decided against it. She had spent so long taking care of me, she deserved a good, long rest. I decided to leave a note with her food, though chances were, I would be back before she woke.
I had to make a choice. I knew I loved them both. I knew they were the same soul. But they didn't, and I wasn't going to tell them. So I had to choose. It was any easy choice. I could only truly visit with Lizzy once a year, every May 7th. But Ailith was here. I saw her everyday. Lizzy would forget about me. Ailith would not. We could be together forever. An easy choice. I knew I had to, somehow, end the visits with Lizzy. Carefully, I didn't want to hurt her. I had already formed a plan by the time I reached the gates. Now it was just time to execute it. I willed myself to land close to Lizzy, and she was right where I expected her to be, in our hiding spot. I made sure I was quiet, my voice no more than a whisper. "Lizzy." She was just as quiet.
"Ciel." Her face lit up, then fell. "Oh. What's wrong? You look sick."
"I have been wrestling with myself, trying to decide what to do."
"What do you mean? What's going on."
"Lizzy, I love you, but…"
"But?"
"It's this realm. Earth holds too many memories. Some are bad, and I don't like being back. But some are so good, most of those include you, that it hurts knowing I'll have to leave and it will be a year before I can come back to you. I miss you so much, but it is harder seeing just this little bit. I want more, but I can't have it. That is worse."
"What does it mean?"
"I'm not coming back again. and I want you to move on. Don't hang on to me, find someone else, someone living, who makes you happy. Please Lizzy, for me. Be happy."
"Ciel." She had started to cry, but wiped the tears away quickly. "I-I understand. I'll try. I'll try to be happy."
"You will. Time heals all wounds. I hate hurting you like this, but, it is easier, better this way." I started to walk away.
"Ciel? One more time, please." I turned back, and kissed her. She was the one who had to break away. "I love you, Ciel, always.
"I love you, forever." I turned to leave again, and was shocked to see Ailith behind me. I almost said her name, but she shook her head, gesturing to Lizzy. So I kept walking, and she followed. My gait was easy as we made our way back home. Hers was fidgety. Something was bothering her, and I think I knew what.
When I woke up, he was gone. I tray of food and a note was on his nightstand beside me. 'Be back soon. Unicorns are taking care of. I love you. Ciel.' It was not hard to figure out where he was going. It was May 7th. He had plans to meet Lizzy. I changed quickly, and made it to the gates just after he had disappeared. I followed him. I watched as he told Lizzy he wasn't coming back. I was confused. When he turned and saw me, he almost said something in surprise. I stopped him. Lizzy wouldn't understand. Instead, I followed him as we made our way back home. He looked like a burden had been lifted off his shoulders. I was waiting for the chance to interrogate him, questions reeling through my head faster than I could register them. It was a long way home.
"Why did you do that?" I was expecting this. I felt so good, I hadn't even worried about this conversation. I still didn't "I thought you loved her."
"I do, and I always will, but I love you more. Besides, it's better that she find someone who can make her happy all the time, not just once a year. She deserves to move on and you deserve more than just half my heart."
"And you deserve to be happy and if doing that hurt you then…" I cut her off. I scarlet blush was tinting her cheeks. For some reason, what she was saying made me laugh, she blushed deeper. She refused to meet my gaze.
"Ailith." I tilted her chin up, forcing her to meet my gaze. "I have never been happier. Now, knowing Lizzy will move on, and I have an eternity with you, I feel as if some burden has been lifted and I'm now lighter than ever before. I love you." She finally showed just the hint of a smile. I could feel myself grinning like I'ld never smile again. it felt so good. But still, her eyes were still clouded with confusion. I let her chin drop. I ran a hand through my hair. Geez, I needed a haircut. "Let me tell you something. Last night, I felt myself fall from existence. It was like floating in a pool of darkness. Something was dragging me down, but I heard a beep and it let go. I felt myself rising back up through the pool, but I wasn't doing it. I had no energy. Instead, it was someone above me. Someone was crying about me. She didn't know it, but she had thrown me a lifeline. She was pulling back up, back into existence, then higher, into consciousness. I woke up in her arms." She was dumbstruck. When I had started telling her this, I was serious, but now I could feel myself grinning again. I felt like I must look like an idiot, but I couldn't stop. I was too happy.
"I… brought you back?"
"I wouldn't exist anymore without you. It was you and only you. You saved me." She had started crying again. for the first time, I was the one who moved to her, enveloping her in my arms. Once again, I realized I had grown. I was about 3 inches taller than her now. " Thank you. You saved me. I love you." This time, she said it back.
"I love you."
"I love you." I loved him. I don't know how, but my mate was here. His familiar arms wrapped around me. His familiar eyes shone with the love too deep for him to even really understand. He loved me, just like he had for all those years. I loved him just as I would for all the years to come. I had thought I had been mistaken. I had told the truth that day. I could pick out my mate in any crowd, but I couldn't understand how there could be two. I still didn't. I also didn't care anymore. He was here. I was in his arms. He was in mine. I prayed a short, desperate prayer. 'Please, don't take him away again. Please, let us be happy. For a while, at least. Until whatever is coming, comes, and we are both given life again. Until then. Please.' I hoped that fate would be kind to us. I knew our time was limited, but I didn't want him to go until he had to. I wanted to keep him. For a while, at least.
