Chapter 17:

(Clark's POV)

"Never." I reply and dash out of the garage, I run as fast as my legs will carry me and then fly, not caring that I'm still in my suit. My vision blurs with tears as I make my way to the Fortress. Emotion overwhelms me and I almost fall out of the sky. I shake my head and land in the Fortress. My knees buckle, I let myself fall to the floor, screaming as I do so. I let it all out. I stand, not bothering to wipe away my tears.

"Jor-El!" I yell angrily. I haven't felt this much anger towards him for so long.

"Yes my Son?"

"Why didn't you tell me Lois was pregnant?"

Silence.

"I don't want to ask again."

"You did not ask my Son?"

"I want a better answer."

"You would have left if you had known and would not have completed your destiny. This way is for the best."

"You're damn right I would have left. This way is only better for you."

"Not for me Son. For Earth."

"What about Lois? What about the children? And what about me?"

Silence again. Frustrated, I launch into the air again and head for Smallville. The fading early morning stars blur past me. I land in an overgrown field a little way away from the house and barn. I unceremoniously fall to the ground, looking up at the sky. Pondering all that has happened. Shock, pain and anger all course their way through me but I am soon overwhelmed with love and awe. I vowed long ago that I would be a man and own up to my actions, but how can I do that when I blame Kal for all the bad things I have done and then accept the children born out of him. It was all me, all of it and I am doing all I can to atone for my sins. How can I blame Kal when the whole point of me accepting my destiny was accepting all of me? I'm frustrated more than I've ever been in my life.

So many what 'ifs' and wishes running through my head. I wish I had of just been a man five years ago or that I'd have defied Jor-El and come back to say goodbye. Too late for I wish and what ifs. I stare up at the sky again, the sun rising and recharging me. I stand up and dust my hands off on my pants, leaving hand prints. I do a full three sixty turn and take in the farm, I'm hit with memories of my childhood. Happy memories of my Mother and Father. The love they shared and how they both made me feel loved, not just one or the other, but both. I try to correlate my childhood to that of the twins. Not that I know anything about them. My fault again. Damn. I shake my head, trying to get back on track. There's no question to whether or not I love Lois, I do, I want to be a part of the children's lives, but do they want me to be? And will Lois have me back? Her questions doing little to assuage my fears of rejection. I sigh and take off to my apartment, not wanting to be late for my second day at the Planet.


Outside the Daily Planet, 8:25 am:

I've wandered around aimlessly, lost in thought for the last hour. Completely nervous about running into Lois again. I pause outside the entrance to the Daily Planet, hand hovering above the handle. I breathe in deep and then enter.

"Smallville, gee! Could you get the door?"

I turn around to see Lois with her arms full of papers, her bag and a tray with two coffees. I open the door.

"Sorry Lois."

"I'd called you a few times before that. By the way, what happened to chivalry?"

"Sorry Lois, a little preoccupied."

"You alright?"

"I'd rather not talk about it." Hurt flashes across her face, "At least, not here in the lobby anyway." I quickly add. Her demeanor seems to change. "Oh, ok."

"Ah, here, let me take some of that."

"I thought you'd never offer. I was about to lose the coffee and I tell you, that would not have been pretty." She pauses. "I'm babbling, look I'll just shut up now." She all but throws her stuff at me, not relinquishing her hold on the coffee.

"Do you need two cups, because you seem quite jittery to me."

"Actually, one of these is for you."

I'm surprised. "Really? You're not joking? This is coffee we're talking about?"

"Actually, one tea and one coffee. And, no. I'm not joking."

"Thanks Lois, but I don't drink tea."

"The tea's for me."

"Since when?" I ask as we board the elevator, only two other people boarding with us.

"Since about six and a half years ago when Chlo dared me. Of course I can never turn down a challenge. Anyway, I can't stand coffee these days."

"Lois Lane hating coffee…what has the world come to?" this rivaled pigs flying.

"I know, I know, big shock huh?"

"Yup."

"So have you seen today's edition yet?"

"No." I reply as the two leave the car. "Why?" the doors close and Lois replies,

"I was wondering if you'd seen your new name, and whether you like it?" she smirks.

Oh no! The doors part on our floor and Lois exits. I stay put for a second. "Lois…Lois? Now what did you do?" I chase after her, worried about my new name. It's not like I like any of the others she'd given me. My face scrunches in disgust at the memory of Clarkie.

"Two days in a row Lois. Perry's definitely gonna have a coronary. Oh and my wife wants to hurt you. I'll let her explain though." The Jimmy guy converses with Lois, I'm a bit worried.

"Who wants to hurt who?" lame Kent, lame.

"My wife, Lois' cousin Chloe. Where are my manners, Jimmy, Jimmy Olsen." He offers his hand. So this guy married Chloe. I size him up. He seems open and caring, she could have done worse.

"Hi Jimmy, it's nice to meet you. Clark Kent."

"Welcome aboard CK." He smiles and leaves.

"Jimmy likes to give people nicknames. He sticks to Lois or Lo with me; he doesn't take too kindly to being hurt."

"I guess he doesn't. No one likes being in pain."

I follow Lois to our desk. My eyes drawn to a photo of Lois, Mom and the twins. I smile, albeit sadly. So much I've missed. Lois looks slightly uncomfortable.

"Jimmy took that a couple of months back, we were all mucking around at a park."

"They're gorgeous Lois, just like you." I look into her eyes, unshed tears glistening.

"LANE! KENT! GET IN HERE NOW!" I sigh and we head into Perry's office. As we enter Perry pretends to clutch at his chest.

"My heart Lois, I swear if you come in on time tomorrow I'll have a heart attack for real."

"Promises…promises." Lois jokes with him.

"Morning Perry."

"Morning Kent. Enough with the formalities." He indicates that we sit in front of his desk, taking his own seat.

"Loved the article yesterday, quite a team you two are. Kent and Lane."

"Lane and Kent Chief." Lois interrupts.

"I like it the other way, but I guess this is another one that I won't win." Lois nods.

"As I was saying, loved the joint article. Kent you need to carry your weight more with the writing, and hell, would it kill you to edit Lane's work. She couldn't spell to save her life."

I snort and am about to answer when Lois butts in, "You're so lucky there's a desk between us."

"If you waited just one second you would have heard my next comment, which happens to be that I absolutely loved the Superman piece. It was brilliant."

The 'Superman' part sticks in my brain. I look at Lois, she smirks back at me as she replies, "Thanks Chief, just hope our new 'friend' likes it too." She made sure to put a heavy emphasis on the word friend.

"Anyway, enough chit chat. There was a kidnapping down at pier nine. I want you two down there twenty minutes ago."

"Yes sir/chief." We say simultaneously.

Lois leaves and I am about to follow. "Oh and Kent?" he gestures that I move towards him with his finger. I walk closer. "Yes Perry."

"Love the glasses. Hides you well." I look at him horrified. I move my mouth to say something but must look like a gold fish.

"It's alright Kent, your secrets safe with me." He clasps his hand on my shoulder and squeezes for reassurance.

"You better follow Lane before she gets herself in trouble." He pushes me out the door.

"Ah, yes sir." I walk after Lois like a zombie. Is my disguise that useless?

"C'mon Smallville, we're gonna be the last one's there if you don't get a move on."

"Yeah, coming." I follow her into the elevator, shaking myself from my daze.


Please be kind and review.