Losers and Boozers
The door opened, and Barry stood on the other side, grinning from ear to ear.
"Damn, Lindsay, you just keep getting hotter," he said, appraising her with his big brown eyes. "You look great. It's so good to see you. Come on in," he opened the door wider and gestured for her to come inside.
"Thanks," she replied, feeling shy. She liked the way that Barry looked at her, but it also made her feel a tad self-conscious, especially since she was wearing jeans and a sweater. And her dad's army jacket, of course. It was way too long of a drive to dress up- though she did have something a little nicer to wear in her bag.
As she entered his dorm room, the first thing that struck Lindsay was how small it was- seriously, how could two people spend time in such a tiny enclosed space without killing one another?
"We're not in here together much," Barry said, as if reading her mind. "Jake- my roommate- is in a fraternity. He spends most of his time over at the frat house."
"Oh. Okay. Is- is he staying there tonight?"
Barry looked at her, slightly embarrassed. "Yeah," he said, cheeks flushing a little pink. "Though he stays there most nights, so it's nothing unusual. I hope it's okay. That way, if you decide to stay here, um, I can take his bed, and you can crash in mine, if you'd like." He indicated that the bed currently closer to them was his.
"Yeah, okay," Lindsay replied. She shrugged, hoping she sounded casual, and plopped her duffel bag on the floor next to Barry's bed. She hadn't bothered to try to find Julie's number this week, and she didn't ask Barry if he had it- the proposed sleeping arrangement sounded fine. She looked at Barry's side a little more closely, trying to gather information about him from the stuff in his dorm room, but he just had the bare essentials- toiletries, books, clothes, a few records- nothing that told her much. Once again, he sensed her curiosity and spoke up.
"I don't see much point in decorating until I get into an apartment," he said, shrugging. "Jake will be moving into the fraternity house next year, and most upperclassmen live off-campus."
Lindsay nodded. "Do you know who you're going to live with yet?"
Barry shrugged. "No, I haven't figured it out yet." He looked anxious for a moment, but then met her eyes and gave her a friendly but tentative smile. "So- what do you want to do?"
Lindsay fought herself from running her tongue over her teeth- she knew what she wanted to do, and that was to kiss him. Barry looked good- he wore jeans and a sweater like she did but he wore a collared shirt underneath and his hair was styled really nicely so he actually looked significantly more dressed up than she did. But there was no way she was going to start out the evening with kissing as things would only go south from there.
"Well-," she hesitated a moment, hating to have to bring this up, but "I told my parents that I was going to look at colleges, and I don't want to totally lie to them-"
"You want to see the campus?" Barry interjected gently.
Lindsay nodded, relieved. "Sorry if that's really lame."
Barry shook his head. "Are you crazy? Not at all. The campus here is beautiful, and there's a lot to see. I told you, I love it- I'd be happy to show you around. Need to use the bathroom or anything before we go?"
"Nah, I'm all right," Lindsay responded, grabbing her purse and walking out of the room with Barry. She watched him as he locked the door to his room, suddenly envious of his independence, his ability to come and go whenever he pleased.
They set off on a walk, with Barry playing the role of tour guide, talking nonstop with a mix of the history of the school and his own experiences. He gestured excitedly as they passed each building- the Museum of Art, the Library, the Student Union.
The lake the campus sits on was quickly coming into view, though it took them several more minutes to approach the path near the edge. When they finally did, Lindsay sighed deeply, all of the tension from home and her drive there rolling off of her shoulders. Being near the water seemed to have that effect on her. When she glanced over at Barry, he was looking at her and smiling.
"Lake Mendota is pretty amazing, huh? I like to come out here when I need to think. A little quieter than usual today. The football game is still on, so I'm sure everyone's inside watching. The team is away this week."
She nodded, completely at peace, not needing to say anything. They began to walk.
Just as she was getting in stride, she suddenly felt the warmth of Barry's hand grasp hers. She let out an initial gasp of surprise, but it was a nice feeling, so she didn't let go.
They continued to walk at a leisurely pace, talking about school and politics and music. The sun shone warm on their faces. Birds chirped and they passed a few students, though it seemed eerily quiet for a college campus in autumn. Some trees eventually appeared on their left. When Lindsay asked what was in there, Barry told her they were the Muir woods and started pulling her towards them, telling her how incredible they were and how this was one of his favorite places to study on a nice day. After just a couple of minutes of walking, they found themselves in a wonderfully isolated little patch of forest.
As soon as Lindsay turned to face him, Barry leaned forward and kissed her, with the urgency of someone who hadn't kissed her in over five months and really wanted to would have. His lips felt hot on her mouth. Wow. She kissed him back.
He pulled away after a minute, grabbing her hand again, immediately starting to tug her out of the woods, back the way they came. "Sorry," he grinned at her, "I've been thinking about that ever since my dad's party. I had to try to get it out of my system, I suppose."
"Did it work?" Lindsay asked, a little breathlessly. Barry could kiss.
"Not even remotely," he joked, smiling again. They continued their walk. "But that's okay. Did you want to see the stadium? It's kind of out of the way."
Lindsay shrugged. She'd never been a huge football fan. "Nah, that's okay."
"All right. You must be getting hungry though."
He had her there. Aside from some gas station snacks, she hadn't eaten since breakfast. "Actually, yeah, I'm starving."
He brightened. "Great. So how about we walk back to the dorm? You can change if you'd like and we can get ready for this evening. There's a place I had in mind to take you for dinner, and after that, we can do whatever you want."
"So, wait," Lindsay interjected, "You're taking me out to eat? We're not just going to the dining hall or something?"
"Well, we can if you want," Barry replied with a grin, "but as good as dining hall Sloppy Joes are, I had something a little nicer in mind- I made reservations. Do you like Italian? If not, we could always go somewhere else- though since it's a Saturday we might be waiting a while."
Italian sounded fine to her. After a quick stop in his dorm, Barry took her to a place overlooking the lake (apparently, a different lake). It was somehow casual and fancy at the same time and dinner was fabulous- they'd split a pizza and salad. It felt like an actual date, which was something Lindsay wasn't used to at all. Since Barry had even broken out a bottle of wine in the car and they'd each had a cup as they were getting ready to go into the restaurant, Lindsay was already starting to feel warmth spread across her cheeks from the alcohol. The conversation was flowing freely; both of them were growing more and more animated as they recounted stories of their youth.
"And remember that time when my mom made us go trick-or-treating together as The Brady Bunch?" Lindsay exclaimed, a little louder than she normally would have perhaps. She'd never really drunk wine before and was a little startled by the effect that it had on her. Nothing like when she drank beer with the gang. "She bought Sam and me the most awful blonde wigs. And I thought I was going to die when I saw Sam dressed up as Cindy."
"My parents never had to make me do anything when it came to seeing you," Barry replied, causing Lindsay to blush, "Though the Peter Brady bowl cut my mom gave me for the occasion was pretty horrible."
"But you looked cute!" Lindsay said. "I thought you did, anyway." Without thinking she muttered under her breath, still do. She was certain that Barry read her lips because he broke out into another grin.
Their flirtatious banter continued all throughout dinner. She had always liked Barry, just never realized that he would ever want anything to do with her, being three years older and all. The familiarity, the comfort of hanging out with someone that she'd known for so long- combined with the excitement and anticipation of being out with someone she liked as more than a friend- this was reading like a near-perfect first date.
When the check came, she made an offer to pay her share, but Barry wouldn't hear of it. He'd been working part-time over the summer, he'd said, in what started out as a brief internship but ended up as a part-time job at a law firm. It was grunt work, he'd explained, saying that he did little more than run errands, fetch coffee, and organize files- but he was finding out more about law, meeting people, and making money at the same time, which had been motivating, both for his career and for his wallet.
As they were getting ready to leave Barry came over to her side of the table and reached his hand out to help her up. She obliged and after she got to her feet he didn't let go of her hand, just held it as they walked out of the restaurant.
Lindsay was wondering if Barry was going to kiss her again when they got to the car, what he was going to suggest they do next.
She didn't have long to wait. Barry spoke up as they were walking.
"So- what would you like to do? It's up to you. We could grab some ice cream and catch a movie or something. Or we could just go back to the dorm and hang out and watch TV."
Lindsay was torn. On one hand, she liked the idea of going back to the dorm and spending time alone with Barry. On the other, it scared her a little. But ultimately, what prompted her next question was her sheer curiosity to meet Barry's friends. She was interested to see what his life was like up here. "Are- are your friends doing anything fun tonight?" Lindsay asked him.
"Um- well, my roommate Jake's fraternity is having a party," he said off-handedly, almost as an afterthought. "Would- would you like to go?"
"Sure, we can go," she replied casually. "That sounds fun," she added.
"Okay," Barry replied, hesitating. "I guess- we can just head straight there if you're ready?"
Lindsay nodded, and Barry opened the car door for her. As she eased inside, she briefly wondered if he was okay to drive. She ended up voicing her concerns out loud.
"Oh, I'm fine, but thanks for asking," he said. "I only had a glass and I had a lot to eat, as you could tell," he rubbed his stomach as he said it. It was true- Barry had eaten far more than she did. And he did have a higher tolerance, she supposed. "Besides, thankfully we don't have to drive far around here."
Barry was right- they reached the fraternity after just a couple of minutes.
They ended up parking a few blocks away since there wasn't anything closer. As they walked toward the fraternity, Barry briefly slipped his hand around her waist. "I can't wait to show you off," he whispered in her ear. It left Lindsay's spine tingling.
When they arrived, there was actually a pretty big line. "Ah, September. The parties are pretty huge this time of year," he lamented. He became distinctly uncomfortable. "Um- I'm sorry to say this, but I don't really know those two guys," he gestured to the two guys at the door, "So I think we're going to have to wait in line."
"Oh. Okay," Lindsay replied easily. She could think of worse ways to spend the next few minutes than waiting in line with Barry. They could just keep their conversation rolling from dinner.
Except that they waited for nearly an hour, and the attitudes of the guys at the door were awful- Lindsay was disgusted at the way that those jerks were just turning people away. And when they reached the front of the line, Lindsay still wasn't convinced that Barry would be able to get them in.
"Hey guys. I'm Barry and this is Lindsay. Jake's my roommate," Barry said by way of introduction.
"Which Jake?" The taller, blonder one immediately asked. He managed to sound both dimwitted and condescending at the same time.
"Jake Meyer," Barry replied nervously. This obviously wasn't his scene- no wonder he didn't bring it up, Lindsay thought.
"Were you on the list?" The shorter, burlier guy asked rudely.
"I- I don't know," Barry said anxiously. "I'm his roommate. Barry Schweiber."
The guys both started scrolling down a long list of names. "Nope," they both said simultaneously with a smug satisfaction, presumably when they reached the "S" portion of the list.
"Well, should we get him?" I heard the taller guy murmur to the shorter one.
The shorter one started eyeing Lindsay. Like, up and down, trying to picture her without clothes or something. "This your girlfriend?" he eventually asked Barry pointedly.
Barry blushed and protectively put his hand on Lindsay's shoulder, but he 'fessed up. He and Lindsay weren't boyfriend and girlfriend. They never were. "No," he said honestly.
The two guys stepped away from each other, like the parting of the Red Sea or something. "You're lucky this girl is so hot, man," the shorter one said as he waved them through. "I'm going to tell Jake you're here, and if he has an issue with it, we're going to find you and throw you out." He glanced at Lindsay again. "Though she can stay."
Lindsay remained quiet throughout the whole exchange, not because she didn't want to stand up for Barry, but because she wasn't really sure what she could have said or done. By the time she was ready to give those guys a piece of her mind, it was all over, they were in.
Barry apologized as soon as they were in the house and out of earshot. "These guys will say anything to make themselves feel important," he said, "I'm sorry."
"Oh, it's okay. I'm sorry for how they treated you," Lindsay replied.
"I'll survive," he said, grinning at her.
Coincidentally enough, they ran into Jake almost immediately after they got inside. "Hey, Schweiber," he said. "I didn't know you were coming." He turned to Lindsay and smiled at her. He definitely lacked the cockiness, the ego that the older guys at the front door had perfected. "Hi, I'm Jake." He extended his hand to her. "And you are-?" Barry must not have told him her name.
Lindsay reached out and shook it, smiling. "Lindsay. I'm a friend from Barry's hometown. Nice to meet you." She fought a blush as she spoke next. "Um- thanks for lending Barry your bed tonight so I can crash there," she muttered. She was staring at the floor by the time she was done, embarrassed.
"Not a problem- I'm here most nights anyways." He smiled at them both. "Party's downstairs. There should be plenty of beer, and they're setting up for the beer pong competition." Just then, some other fraternity brothers called out Jake's name. He turned around to see where the sound was coming from. "Listen, I gotta go, they're going to keep us pretty busy tonight. But if I don't see you again, you guys have fun." And then he was gone.
"Beer pong?" Lindsay asked.
Barry nodded. "It's a fun game. Don't worry, we'll be on a team together, I'll show you what to do."
And just like that, they were alone again, or as alone as you can be in a fraternity full of rowdy partygoers. She and Barry headed down to the basement, which was blasting with hard rock and even some disco, and there was nothing but the cheapest possible beer from a can- just like her friends back in Chippewa drank. Suddenly, she felt just a bit nostalgic for her old crowd. She smiled wistfully.
But she quickly got over it. Beer pong tables were being set up, and Lindsay had never seen anything like this game before. They put their names on the "list" immediately but had a feeling that they would be waiting a while regardless. As they watched the first few rounds, they each got a beer and Barry started explaining the rules.
"And if you make both shots, then you can 'bring them back' and take another turn," he was saying. It sounded fun, and Lindsay started paying more attention to the people already playing. She kept getting distracted, however, because as Barry was talking to her he had to lean close so that she could hear him over the loud music- so his lips and tongue were dangerously close to her ear. She wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not, because she had a slow, sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. But for now, Lindsay refused to acknowledge it.
After what felt like an eternity, a table had freed up, and after Barry made sure that Lindsay still wanted to play (to which Lindsay replied with a resounding YES!), they took their places at the end.
Barry leaned over and whispered in her ear. "Have fun. I've left the car here before; we're close enough to walk home. It'll take a while, but that's okay."
Their opponents introduced themselves, though Lindsay forgot their names the moment they were spoken. Barry let Lindsay toss first. Though she was only buzzed, having never been particularly good at sports or played beer pong before, the ping-pong ball hit a good foot away from the red plastic cup, practically off of the table.
"Good try, Lindsay," Barry said, though it was a white lie. "You'll get it next time." That lie was even more blatant. She'd had another beer while she was waiting, and on top of the wine, her reflexes were starting to deteriorate just a bit. And if she had to chug the nasty swill in the cups in front of her she certainly didn't foresee her coordination improving.
Barry made his shot, but since Lindsay missed hers the ping pong balls went to the team of frat brothers. This was a mistake.
Having had gobs of practice, the two guys won, sinking both cups three rounds in a row. Lindsay drank her half quickly (it was the only way she could get the beer down), but not long afterward she started to feel even more buzzed. Barry drank his half and they left the table so that the next team could play.
"Should we put our names on the list to play again?" he asked her gently. "Or do you just want to go back to the dorm?"
They couldn't have been at the party for more than an hour or two. On the other hand, it felt like they were there for about a million years. After having a couple of drinks, Lindsay was far more loose-lipped than she was normally. So she didn't try to stop the words from coming out of her mouth when she said, "Don't you know anyone else here?"
Barry turned as red as a tomato, staring at the floor. "No, sorry," he said. It came out no louder than a whisper.
She nodded, defeated. "Okay. Let's go then." Lindsay put her hand on his shoulder. "Hey, no need to feel embarrassed." Barry was silent as he led her out the door of the frat and they started to walk back to his room.
The walk truly did do her some good- the air was already crisp, and she felt like she woke up a bit on the trek to Barry's dorm (it felt like forever but apparently was about two miles). But she could tell that the alcohol was starting to hit her a little harder. She and Barry didn't talk much on the walk home; she seemed to have struck a nerve with her comment, and Barry had completely shut down.
She really had to pee, so when they got back to Barry's she asked where she could go to the bathroom; since it was a coed dorm he directed her right down the hall. She brought her bag in with her so that she could change and brush her teeth. She had brought sleep shorts and two different tops from home- one frumpy-ish t-shirt that was super comfortable, and one tight low-cut camisole that wasn't as comfortable but in which she knew she looked damn good. Holding both in front of the mirror of the girls' bathroom, Lindsay hesitated. But she opted for the former.
As she entered Barry's dorm room, he had already changed into boxer shorts and a t-shirt, and was sitting on Jake's bed. Holding a bottle of vodka.
"I need another drink," he said, smiling at her, though his smile was strained. He held the bottle out to her. "Want some?"
Lindsay shook her head but sat down next to him. Between the wine and beer, she was feeling just fine. But she knew Barry wasn't. "Are you okay?" she asked him, worried.
"Well, I guess you've probably figured out by now that I might as well be getting beat up every day like in high school for how popular I am around here," he said, opening the bottle and taking a swig. "Of course, at least when you get beat up every day people know who you are." He chuckled sadly and held the bottle out to her again.
This time, Lindsay obliged. She didn't want him to feel like an alcoholic (though for all she knew, he could have been, she supposed). It was the cheap kind and burned her throat like she imagined a swig of kerosene lit on fire would have- which was coincidentally what it tasted like.
She spoke up, but tried to be more mindful this time. "What happened to people buying the handsome, dashing, Jew?" Lindsay asked with a smile. The words brought her back to the Schweiber party. Barry seemed like he was having a lot more fun back then.
"I don't know- I've met a lot of people in my classes and we get along great," he said. "But since I hadn't picked a major until this semester, I wasn't taking core classes like most of the underclassmen here. I had different courses every semester- with really different people. There was just no continuity. I might seem outgoing, but it takes me a while to feel comfortable with people. By the time I felt less shy, classes would change. And this is a really big school. Kind of hard to track people down sometimes."
Lindsay listened patiently- but she wasn't buying any of this. He had been at college more than two years, for crying out loud. There are a ton of places he could have made friends besides class.
"Through Jake?" she wondered out loud.
Barry shook his head. "We're really different. We get along well, but I'm not sure we'll keep in touch after we're not roommates anymore." He took another swig. "Mostly because of his frat. You've met them- most of them are assholes. And they do this really weird thing with their pledges that involves meatballs. I'll spare you the details."
Lindsay blushed. She couldn't believe she suggested they go there tonight! If only she had known.
"Are there some cool people next door? Or down the hall?" she asked, gesturing around her. Hell, she had seen some seemingly-nice people on the way to the bathroom.
Barry shook his head again. "Um, I'm sure there are, but they probably don't like me right now. It's a long story, but the take-home is this: there was a party on the floor one night, I was super-stressed out about an exam on a Monday of all days, since my teacher was sick and had to cancel class the Friday before, and anyway I confronted the guy throwing the party, since it was getting really obnoxious. He told me to stop being an uptight asshole, and I called the RA and campus police on him and got the party busted." He winced. "That was just a week or so ago. And this is my first semester in this dorm. I don't think it helped my cause."
Shaking her head, Lindsay grabbed the bottle from him, taking another drink. He sounded defeated, his cause lost. "At work?" She gave it one last try.
Barry brightened a bit. "I like those people a lot. But I just met them this summer, so I'm still getting to know them. Plus, it's work, you know? I want to make a good impression. Not go out partying with them and get all wasted and sloppy." He gave Lindsay a sad half-smile.
Lindsay got a sense of déjà vu. This was starting to sound familiar, like when she tried to cheer Nick up after his failed Dimension tryout. She sensed the same feeling of helplessness, but she decided firmly that she was NOT going to attempt to rectify the situation by kissing Barry. In that moment, things felt completely different than they had earlier tonight, she concluded- she felt bad for Barry now more than anything else. And she cared about him, but kissing a guy she cared about just to make him feel better was a recipe for disaster- she of all people would know.
So she took one more stab at it. "Have you thought about joining a Jewish organization?" she asked him finally.
He nodded. "There's a frat. AEPi. I just haven't gotten the best impression of frats living with Jake. But I'm still thinking about it. We'll see." He finally smiled at her.
"Oh, okay, well good," she smiled back, right before taking another mouthful of vodka.
They ended up having a pretty good time hanging out in his room. They drank a little more, and Barry started to play some of his records. They were just drunk enough to be silly and dance around. Turned out, he had a Grateful Dead album and loved it, so that got Lindsay talking nearly nonstop about her summer, stuff that she had been too afraid to say on the phone while she was still at her parents' house, for fear that she would be grounded all over again. They laughed and talked and joked, eventually sitting and then lying on Barry's bed together, and when their eyelids drooped, Lindsay didn't make much of an effort to move and ended up falling asleep on his arm. Nothing happened between them physically, but it was the first time Lindsay had slept in the same bed with a boy (other than Sam when they would occasionally go on vacation and have to share a bed). It felt nice. Comforting.
Though it didn't prevent Lindsay from waking up the next morning with a throbbing headache. She was curled on her side. Next to Barry's bed were a garbage can, a roll of paper towels, and a huge plastic cup full of some bright liquid. Barry must have gotten past her sometime during the night. After a tentative sip from the cup she let out a sigh of pleasure. Gatorade. She took a long glug. And then another.
On the other side of the bed Barry was still asleep, snoring softly.
Lindsay wondered if it would be possible to get up, get ready, and get out of there without waking him. Not that she didn't want to spend time with him, but after last night's shenanigans, she didn't really know what to think. She remembered everything since she didn't black out- but she was really confused, not knowing what to make of it. She needed to get on the road. It was where she did some of her best thinking.
As Lindsay got up to go to the bathroom to get ready, a bout of nausea hit and she tripped over the strap on her open duffel bag, causing a few of her toiletries to loudly spill out. Barry stirred but didn't wake up. After getting dressed, she slipped quietly out the door. By the time she got to her car, the rest of last evening had come back into focus. Despite her confusion on everything else, Lindsay knew one thing for certain: she wouldn't stop being his friend, because he needed one now more than ever. She drove away with a tear in her eye.
