Chapter Four: Pink Suns, City Lights, and Kisses in the Dark
"What happened last night?" Steve asked Tony, who had just woken up. The kids were already at school and Peggy and Darcy were playing in the living room. Steve had brought Natasha into the room and put her in Tony's arms. Now, Tony was looking down at her, any excuse being used not to look into Steve's eyes.
He knew exactly what happened the night before. Many things had happened. He'd admitted to being harassed before, and admitted he'd had worse than the concussion. He'd also practically admitted to being in more fights than the one he'd just been in, and he'd told Steve his nightmare was a memory. Yes, it could be any of those things that Steve was asking about. But something else had happened to Tony the night before. He'd realized how he felt about Steve.
He knew it had to be something more than just attraction, because he'd felt that before and it hadn't felt like this. He knew what is was, he just didn't want to admit it. He didn't want to admit it because he knew he'd be gone, probably never seeing Steve again, in less than a week. But, it was high time he admitted it, at least to himself. He loved Steve Rogers. And Steve didn't even know his true name.
"Tony? Are you listening to me? I asked you what happened last night." Steve interrupted Tony's thoughts.
"Uh, I know. But what exactly about last night? I mean which part?"
"How about the part from the talk before the kids and Greg got here? And the part while we were talking about you being in pain and in other fights."
"Right, that. Well, I don't think I really want to talk about it at all. But, yes I've felt the pain of being harassed before. And, yeah I've had worse than a mild concussion. I've also been in more fights before. They just weren't really with people who were younger than me."
"He isn't really that much younger than you. He's my age."
Tony laughed, ignoring the small ache in his chest when Steve reminded him of his age. "You know, twenty-nine is a lot older than twenty-three. Hell, twenty-three is a lot younger than twenty-five."
"It's weird, how the world seems to think that. I don't feel that way, not at all."
"And how do you feel about the couples that are like, people who are years apart? You know, where one is like ten years younger than the other?" Tony was hopeful that Steve was okay with it.
Steve shrugged. "For me, it's the point that you both love each other that matters. Not age, or genders, or anything else. As long as you love each other, then it's fine by me."
"Really? I mean, I feel the same way, but a lot of people don't." They sat in silence for a while.
"Can I show you something?" Steve suddenly asked.
Tony raised an eyebrow but nodded. A second later, Steve was scooping Natasha up and putting her in the other room, in the crib. Then he came back and helped Tony off the bed and up into the attic. Tony was curious as to why they were going to the attic, but he didn't question Steve. He got all his questions answered the second he stepped into the attic.
Paintings and drawings and all kinds of art were covering the whole room. Tony's jaw dropped. Steve was trying to figure out Tony's reaction, figure out what it meant, but he couldn't. Tony slowly made his way around the room, looking at every piece of art that he laid eyes on. Steve bit his lip, a nervousness rising in him as he watched Tony survey the room.
"What do you think?" He finally asked, breaking the silence.
Tony looked at him in awe. "I think you are crazy for not showing me all of this earlier."
"I wasn't sure if you'd like it…. I came up here last night, that's what I needed to do. I had an idea… and I needed to put it on paper before I forgot about it."
"Which one?" Tony asked.
Steve walked over to one of the easels and Tony followed him. The easel held a beautiful drawing, in full color. It was the sunset from the night before. Or, what it would look like if all of the houses that partially blocked it were gone. It was breathtakingly beautiful. Tony made an audible gasp and, after analyzing and taking in every inch of the picture, looked up to meet Steve's eyes. It was clear that Tony loved it and Steve smiled.
"Wow…. Steve, just… wow. I can't believe this. Everything is so wonderful. And this picture is just…. I can't put it into words how much I love this."
"It's yours." Steve whispered.
Tony's eyes widened. "No, you can't give this to me. You've given me so much already. Too much. This… this is way too much, Steve."
"If you don't want it-"
"No! I do want it."
"Then it's yours, Tony. I made it for you. Now you can see it every day, just like you wanted."
"Thank you, Steve."
Tony let Steve carry it, so he didn't drop it. He continued to look at the art until he came to one picture. He stopped short, the breath knocked out of him. Because he recognized the building in the painting. Maybe because it was a very popular building, maybe because it was in New York, maybe because he'd designed it, maybe because he owned and lived in it. The picture was clearly the Stark Tower. Next to the day-time picture sat a night-time picture of the building.
Steve spoke up after a minute of Tony staring, open-mouthed at the pictures. "That's the Stark Tower. It's in New York City. It was built last year; I've wanted to see it since I first saw it in a picture of its grand opening. The Stark family, I guess, lives there."
"Yeah…. Do you know anything about the Stark family?"
"No. I only know that they own Stark Industries and the tower. I don't even know their names."
"Oh. How is that? They are a pretty well-known family." Tony was truly curious.
"Nobody in this town knows anything about them. I don't really know how or why, but we just don't. We aren't too informed about anything that doesn't closely affect us and our town."
Tony was silent. Steve had gotten the details right down to the tee; he even painted the city lights in the right spots.
~~Stony~~
The day passed and Tony spent the rest of it out of the bedroom. He was in the living room most of the day, but after the kids went to bed he went out on the porch with Steve. It was dark and the only light came from the dim street lights that were placed far apart along the street. Tony shivered a little from the chill the wind carried. Steve noticed it, even though Tony hoped he wouldn't.
"Are you cold? Do you want to go inside?"
"No, please. I just want to stay out for a little longer."
"Okay," Steve scooted a little closer to Tony, trying to keep him warm.
Eventually, Tony sighed and leaned his head on Steve's shoulder. Steve immediately put his arm around Tony's shoulders to hold him in place. They both let the now-familiar feeling rush through them. After a moment of awkward silence, Tony pulled back slightly. He turned his head to face Steve and they looked into each other's eyes for a moment. Then, slowly, Tony leaned in.
Steve's eyes slid closed in instinct and longing. And then he felt a pair of lips meet his. And, in the dark of the night, they kissed. It was sweet at first, but they both lost control the second the feeling ignited in them. The feeling was stronger than ever, and it had them knotting their fingers in each other's hair and pulling at each other's shirts. But then they seemed to snap out of it and remember where they were and who they were. They pulled away abruptly. And Tony was inside the house in a flash.
Steve sat on the porch and put his hand to his lips, enjoying the lasting feeling. He had no idea what just happened, but he knew he wasn't the only one who enjoyed it. He didn't know why he let Tony leave. And Steve didn't know how long he sat there, his fingers touching his lips.
Tony crawled into the bed and lay on his side, under the covers. He focused on the feeling that stung on his lips, but it was a good sting. He didn't know what made him do it. He knew this was so wrong, and not because Steve and Tony were both men, but because he knew they could never be together. He knew he would be leaving the second he got the chance. But, now he knew he wouldn't be able to just leave it all behind in a second.
Tony was asleep; it appeared, when Steve finally entered the bedroom. He sighed and went to the bathroom to change. Then he slid into the bed, under the covers and turned his back to Tony. Neither of them got any sleep that night.
~~Stony~~
Morning came, and you could cut the tension between Tony and Steve with a knife. But, they put on a smile and went about their day. It was Wednesday and the kids were excited for the school week to be almost over. Darcy and Peggy had escaped to watch some TV and Natasha had fallen asleep as soon as they'd gotten home from bringing the kids to school. Tony decided to go outside and Steve followed him, wanting to talk.
"About yesterday-" Steve tried to start.
"I don't want to talk about yesterday." Tony interrupted.
"Why not?"
"Because."
"Because isn't a reason."
"I like you, okay?! A lot, I like you a lot! And I don't understand why or how!" Tony finally shouted.
Steve gulped; surely Tony didn't mean the same thing that Steve did. "I like you too, Tony."
"You don't get it, I don't just like you. I think… I think I love you."
"What?" The word feel out of Steve's mouth before he could think about it, or find the correct response.
"Just- forget it."
Tony walked off the porch and into the front yard, away from Steve. He didn't want to see the look of disgust or deal with the rejection yet. But he wasn't aware of the feet running up to him from behind. Not until the owner of the feet wrapped two strong arms around him and twisted him around. He opened his mouth to speak but was cut off by another mouth on his. A pair of warm lips was pressed to his and a large hand was cupping his cheek, another wrapped up in his dark hair. The kiss was sweet and wonderful and everything either of them would ever want, ever need.
Steve finally pulled away and rested their foreheads together. "I love you too, Tony. I love you so much and I don't know when or how it happened. It just did."
~~Stony~~
The rest of the day, Steve and Tony were right next to each other. They always found some way to touch, hands grazing or shoulders touching when they sat. They didn't quite know what they were doing. Were they dating? Were they friends with benefits? No, not friends with benefits, never that. No, they were just fools; fools in love. That night, they both silently decided, they would talk about it.
Night came and soon all the kids were tucked in bed, sleeping soundly. Tony and Steve sat on the porch, their new favorite spot. They sat in silence for a while until Steve silently scooted closer to Tony and grabbed his hand, holding it in his own and intertwining their fingers. Tony looked down at their hands and finally broke the silence.
"What are we doing here?"
"Huh?" Steve asked, trying to look into Tony's dark brown eyes.
"What is this," He gestured towards their hands. "Exactly?"
"People call it holding hands." Steve said, playing dumb.
"Funny. You think you're funny, do you?" There was an evil gleam in Tony's eyes. And suddenly he was attacking Steve, tickling him. Steve burst out laughing and started to wiggle around in his fit of laughter. Somehow, they ended up in the grass, Tony on top of Steve as he continued to tickle him.
"Mercy! Mercy!" Steve managed to call out. Tony finally ceased the tickling. He moved to get off, but Steve held him down as he sat up. They sat, kind of awkwardly, with Tony on Steve's lap. After Steve calmed down completely, Tony spoke.
"What are we, to each other?"
Steve thought about it for a moment, coming up with the right words. "I think we are whatever we want to be to each other. I think we can be anything to each other. What do you want us to be?"
"I… I've never felt this way about anyone before. I… I might not be a virgin, but I never loved the people I'd slept with. I don't even think I've ever even liked anyone I've slept with. This isn't just some crush or some weird attraction to me, Steve. I love you and I want to be with you. But… so much has happened to me… stuff you wouldn't even believe. Stuff I haven't told you and I don't know how you'd feel if I told you now."
"Tell me," Steve pleaded. "I want to help you, Tony. You just have to let me in." Steve placed a kiss on the side of Tony's head.
"What do you want us to be?" Tony asked, fighting the tears that threatened to come out.
"I want to be with you, Tony. And I don't want you to leave when your van is fixed. I don't want that to be goodbye. But, you have no house and I have… this is too small for us to all live in."
Tony gulped around the lump in his throat. He fought against the guilt and started to ramble pointlessly. "What if I told you who I really was? What if I let you in on my charade? What if I told you what was really going on; no more masks and no more parts to play? There's so much I want to say, but I'm too scared to give away every little secret that I hide behind. Would you see me differently? And would that be such a bad thing? I wonder what it would be like if I'd told you when we first met you. What if I told you that it's just a front to hide all the insecurities I have? What if I told you that I'm not as strong as I like to make believe I am? What would you think of me then?"
"I'd still love you, Tony."
"I don't think you would."
"Then let's just live in the here and now. I'll love you, no matter what you are trying to hide from me."
"You'll see, it will be different."
"I still think you're wrong."
"Trust me, I'm not."
"Let's go to bed, Tony. We have another long day ahead of us."
"Are you kidding? The days are short here!" But he followed his new boyfriend (maybe) to bed.
So, I meant to update, but I have been having problems with this story, so I plan to finish writing it short and sweet soon. Putting it up is a whole different story. Please review! :)
