~12 AM, December 24, 2014~

I watched as Kendall twitches his nose in his sleep, and smile softly as I see he was beginning to wake up. No one else was in the room, it was just he and I. Soon, his eyes met mine, and they widen at realization. "James.." He whispers, and it warms my heart only a little. I go to open my mouth, but find I couldn't. All I could do was stare. I watch as Kendall leans in his chair, getting closer. There were bags under his eyes, meaning he barely slept during the time in the hospital. Noticing I was wanting to speak, he suspected my mouth was dry. "Hold on…I'll get you some water…" Kendall goes to get up, but sees that I was moving my arm.

Instead, he remains, listening intensely. With a crack of my throat, I manage to mutter a few words that I knew would break him. "Fu...ck...Y...ou...I…w-wan..ted...to...die." I see the change in emotion in his eyes, but his face remains solid. His trembling hand touches my cheek, pulling slightly away from the chills of my cold skin. Kendall knits his eyebrows together, and starts to lean in, eyes fluttering.

The monitor's rhythmic beeping increased in its pace, and I see the grin threatening to show on his face. It was almost like the whole world around me was slowing down with each millimeter the boy I fell for all those years ago got closer. Like the first time we ever kissed...

~April 13, 2011~

"Are you sure we won't get caught?" I whisper across the auditorium to Kendall Francis Knight, the school's infamous hockey jock, and also my best friend. He peers over with a goofy smile plastered to his face, and nods rapidly.

"Even if anyone tried getting in, they couldn't. I have all the keys." I chuckle, and attempt to keep myself from blushing, knowing exactly what was coming up soon. Kendall locks the East wing door before turning around, and just staring, looking me up and down. Out of no where, I feel warmth invade my stomach, and my mouth becomes dry out of amazement of just...him.

I will never forget the scenery. The following night was NJHS night, at least 15 rusted, grey seats lined the stage, all containing a stench that reminds your of the iron taste of blood in your mouth. Reserved signs hung from a couple rows ends, with "Reserved for NJHS" in large, silver font. I couldn't help but look up at the ceiling, and smile to myself at sight of a little yellow ball. It was the first thing I saw upon coming to this school, and for some reason it reminded me of me. Always seen, but yet never noticed.

Kendall slowly makes his way over to me, his lower lip dangling enough to show his pearly white teeth. I suck in my breath as he gets closer, carefully sitting down so that my feet dangle from the stage's edge. His eyes never leave mine, and soon enough he is in front of me. I feel his cool breath graze my lips, and inhale the aroma of his axe cologne. It truly was intoxicating.

"You remember that story Ms. Peterson read to us in third grade? About the princess and the frog?" I tilt my head, and smile in confusion, but I remember.

"Yea...? What about it?" A large grin charges onto the blonde's face.

"You've always told me you felt ugly, and small. Well...if I kiss you...You'll be a magnificent prince...My prince." A blush creeps on my cheeks, and I look down to my hands, biting my lip.

"But..." Kendall lifts up my chin, and I find myself staring into his green eyes.

My heart pounds harder than it has before, ringing penetrating my ears as the boy before me gets closer and closer. I taste his breath, and something sparks inside me. His lips meet mine ever so lightly, and at the moment, I knew what ever would happen in the future, wouldn't matter. Because as of now, I was reborn. Butterflies take flight in my stomach, and I find myself get closer to him so that our thighs were touching. A tingle chills up our spines at the contact, but by the time it reached our brains, we were already exploring. With each kiss, more butterflies took off, but soon came to a sudden stop at the sound of people banging on the doors. Insecurity instantly drapes a dark shadow over my head, and all light seeps from me. Thinking wisely, Kendall pulls out his phone and puts the screen in my vision.

"Isn't she hot, dude? I mean, looks at those tits, and that ass! Just...stunning..." The door where the people were opened, and in came Jase, his girlfriend Lyvie, Trent, and Mark.

"What'd you got there, guys?" Mark's snot-shot voice echoes, and it makes our stomachs tighten. Kendall looks up plainly.

"None of your business, Marcus D'Angelo." The boy puts his cellphone away, his line of sight locked straight with Mark's.

"Told you not to call me that, you little shit."

"Inappropriate language, Marcus D'Angelo. Wouldn't want me telling your dad on you, would you. Because you and I both know, things always turn out right." I hear a click as Kendall hits the recorder that he always carried in his pockets.

"You scare me so much, Knight! Oh, tell my daddy on me? The fuck he gunna do? Ground me? That stupid fatass won't do nothin." Lyvie steps up and whispers something in Mark's ear, and it causes his eyebrows to twitch. "Fine. Lets go, leave these faggots to it. Remember, I'm watching." Mark points his finger to us before leading his group out of the auditorium. I let out all the air that I had sucked in during the time they were in here. That was close. Once the doors close, Kendall turns off the recorder, and then faces me, licking his lips. I guess in his mind, I was the best there was, because from that moment on, he couldn't keep his hands off me. For the remainder of our time in the auditorium, we made out. By the end, we were both breathless, and simply happy. I lean into the beautiful boy, closing my eyes.

"I love you Kendall Francis Knight..." I feel a kiss plant on my forehead, and breath on my ear.

"I love you too James Lee Diamond..."

~12:10 AM, December 24, 2014~

Kendall's soft, wet lips met my cracked, dry ones, and that old spark shot through me once more. I feel liquid drip down my face, and I look to see him crying as he kisses me. He pushes more into me as his body trembles. Kendall breaks the kiss, and lets out a sob, digging his head into the crevice of my neck.

"Don't you DARE say that! God, James...Why'd you have to do this...Why do you...God...Just...Why..." His hands turn into fists, and my throat goes numb seeing him like this. Minutes dragged on, filled with the repetitive gasps, sobs, and choking sounds that came from my ex boyfriend. How I wanted to rub his back, say I'm sorry. Yet, I didn't entirely feel so. He hurt me. Broke MY heart. He should be here...Not me...

No.

That's selfish.

I am a selfish person...but...

No, you're not. Just confused is all...

I use all the strength left in me to lift my neck and mutter out hoarsely to him. "Ke..ndall...I...I'm...sorry...I...wish...I wasn't...like this...I'm...sorry..." My pitch goes high as he leans in and kisses me again. His breathing was as heavy and ragged as mine were, his hands wandering over my stomach, rubbing lightly. "No, don't say you're sorry...I should be...I put you in he-ere...God, baby I'm so sorry...I'm so sorry..." I bite my lip as he breaks once more.

"I...put me...in...here...Me...No-ot...you..." With that, I'm sucked into a deep sleep. However, good dreams raced across my subconscious...and it made me happy. I saw Kendall's body gleaming in the sun on a beach chair by the Palm Woods pool. I watch as his chest rises and falls as sweat beaded out onto his skin. I wanted him. Not sadness. Him. He is my happiness. My everything. I need him.

I need him...