"Oh it did not go well" Shepard crossed her arms over her chest and looked at the ceiling. The room was cast in mute blue light as the hologram of Admiral Hackett blinked and fluctuated.
"So what's you plan Commander?" The Admiral scratched his beard, absently running his finger over one of his scars as his eyes tracked something in the distance.
"Get the Turian primarch off Manae, set up a summit meeting with the Asari and Salarian directly, bypass the council and appeal to their leadership"
"Sounds good, I like it"
"It's not going to be easy Admiral" Shepard shook her head "All these politics when we should..." She faltered in fury. She couldn't finish the sentence; she was too steeped in anger.
"I understand Commander, but forge alliances where you can, make people listen to you, and get me anything you can. Ships, resources, anything I can channel into the Prothean device"
"What about Earth?"
"Anderson and what's left of the Alliance forces will have to hold on" his voice was calm and unrippled, words cold and paced, brooking no opposition.
"I understand"
"Good, then make it happen commander"
"Yes sir" Shepard blinked as the hologram faded and the lights in the room changed from blue to a more natural, albeit dull, fluorescent glow. She paced around for a moment before settling against the bulkhead opposite the door. Shepard took a deep breath, whistling as she did, composing herself before facing the Normandy.
As she moved through the war room -fingers running along cold surfaces as she passed- she palmed her jacket, smoothing the fabric of her dress blues, marvelling that she was allowed to wear them again. The dull hum of the environmental scanner split the moment as she stood, waiting for the beam to pass over her, nodding to the soldier guarding the door as she passed through. In the CIC she walked to her console, hands deep in her pockets, head lowered as though trying to solve a complex problem.
"I've sent you the updated reports on Palaven and its moon Commander" Traynor's precise, clipped tones made her look up "The location the Turian councillor gave us is going to be difficult to access, Reaper forces are particularly heavy" she keyed some buttons, frowning "We won't be able to land a shuttle in the exact area"
"It won't be any worse than Earth" Shepard's eyes closed momentarily in pain, the opened before she spoke again "I feel like I'm leaving the fight again" a flash of self pity and unbearable hurt came into her face but disappeared just as quickly. Her gaze empty once more, she added "I'm not sure why though"
"You're a soldier Commander Shepard, I suppose politics does feel a bit like running when you're usually the one fighting" Traynor mulled on her words for a moment "I'm positive you will see more than your fair share in the trenches though" she shrugged one shoulder and laughed without humour.
"I'm sure" Shepard took her hands from her pockets and ran her fingertips along her console, bringing up a full three dimensional map of the Sol system. Large red lights blinked on and off around Earth "Alone against the galaxy" she muttered, ignoring the glances the crew was giving her as she bought up a model of the Earth and span it around "The human race, alone against the galaxy. God has deserted us, our allies have grown into strangers and the machines mass ever nearer on our heels" she zoomed in on the head of Alliance headquarters, the 3D model showing circles and flashes of red all around.
Traynor swallowed as her gaze raked over Shepard's face "I think the notion of God is quite antiquated now Commander"
"Hmm?" Shepard looked at her oddly, as if she wasn't aware she had even been speaking "True enough" she titled her head and studied the model "We have strength still though, and with that we will keep on rolling, grinding and crushing" her voice was suddenly an octave deeper and laced with fury as her hand swiped the console and the display vanished "They will not take my future from me" she spat, raking the fingers of one hand through her hair and stepping away from the console "Traynor, keep an eye on Palaven, let me know if the situation changes"
"Yes Commander" Traynor nodded, watching as the Commander walked away, every eye in the CIC was fixed on her. It occurred to Traynor that Commander Shepard had no idea of the effect she had on people, but right now, if she would have announced to the Normandy she was going to destroy every Reaper with the pure force of her will, they probably would have believed her.
Shepard had so much to do, so many reports to make, so many people to speak to and deal with. She stalked through the corridor to the elevator, jabbing her finger at the button several times more than was required.
"EDI can you have Doctor T'Soni meet me in the shuttle bay please?" She needed to sort out Doctor Eva's body.
"Certainly Commander"
When the elevator pinged and doors slid open, Shepard was confronted by James Vega crouched over the body of Doctor Eva. Like her, he'd gotten changed into a set of casual Alliance fatigues, and just like her, she could sense the angry waves of frustration emanating from him.
"Everything alright Lieutenant?" Shepard eyed the big man wearily as he stood up, crossing his arms as he raked his eyes over her.
"Peachy Lola" He muttered "What's going on with the walking dead here?" He indicated the prone android with a dismissive wave, the muscles in his shoulders bunching. Shepard smirked, sure he'd made the gesture deliberately.
"Have we got a problem here Vega?" Shepard took a step forward, pushing her chin out in an act of challenge. He'd been difficult since leaving earth, his attitude one of angry defiance and he'd questioned Shepard's decisions more times that she was willing to let go. She walked around him, stepping a little closer than was comfortable, watching him as he bristled, flexing his muscles and lifting one eyebrow. He was young, full of bluster and bravado, but in a strange way he reminded Shepard of her younger self, of the down and dirty marine she used to be before politics and ambition clouded her way.
"No problem Lola, I'm just not one for running, that's all" He followed her with his eyes, a fine sheen of perspiration coated his face and he licked his lips.
"You think I am?" she kept her voice level as she stuck her hands in her pockets and rocked in her heels. She had a feeling he didn't respect her, and if he didn't respect her, he was never going to follow her.
"It's all I've seen so far" he shrugged, his voice low and bored "Not seen too much of the legendary Shepard"
"Ah" Shepard nodded and turned around, putting her back to the big marine. She sighed and wished for a moment she could be more like him, go back to a time where the decisions weren't hers, a time when she could have stayed on earth and the only things that mattered was the fight "I don't live up to the legend Vega so try not to be too disappointed"
"I think I already am" He smirked "You dance Lola?" he rolled his shoulders, head rocking from side to side.
To her credit, Shepard actually laughed, her face creasing into a smile "A lot better than you I'll bet" she watched as he threw a few punches into the air, loosening his muscles.
"You wanna see if that's true Commander?"
For an answer all Shepard did was remove her jacket, placing it down onto the console next to them and noting that they had an audience. She looked up, making eye contact with both Liara and Cortez in turn. She hadn't noticed either of them enter, but it didn't matter. She could do with burning off some of her ebbing anger, and an audience didn't change that. She rolled her own shoulders, suddenly feeling uncharacteristically small.
Vega was heavier than her, and far more muscular, he was fast as well, faster than he should be for a man his size. Shepard knew that all the normal advantages of skill, intelligence and experience would be discounted in a brute contest like this.
She circled Vega slowly, her hands in a relaxed guard, face an expressionless mask. Even she had to admit, Vega looked mean, his mouth formed a slight smile, sweat glistened on his face and his shoulders flexed as he moved.
"I'm not gonna pull my punches Lola" the words, painted by that odd accent, rolled off his tongue.
"I don't want you too" Shepard was solemn.
Shepard continued to circle Vega, consciously loosening her muscles as she paced across the shuttle bay floor. She could feel the air conditioning against her skin like a cool breeze as she relaxed into her stance. A surge of dark energy wound its way up from her guts and she welcomed it, feeling the hairs lift on her arms, and a seductive buzz stir in her blood. She watched as a low laugh trickled from Vega's lips, and then he charged.
He was fast, and strong, but not graceful. He launched himself of top of her, bearing them both to the ground as he slammed a punch down onto an opponent that somehow was no longer beneath him. A knee connected though, and he grabbed what holds he could, striking down hard with an elbow into Shepard's ribs, using his heavier weight to hold the Commander down.
The shock of the impact jarred his shoulder and he felt himself being flipped over as muscles tensed under his grip and hands closed around him with surprising, chilling strength. He butted his head against Shepard's Jaw, feeling her grip loosen briefly and a curse escape her. He took advantage of that, slamming his fists against her stomach with all his strength. He knew she should have gone down, should caved and crumbled. Instead, a low, throaty laugh answered him and he felt a searing pain as a hand gripped his wrist and squeezed hard. The scent of blood and sweat filled his nostrils, overwhelmed him as his body was jerked out of his control. He felt the dizzying whirl of air as his feet left the ground. Awkwardly he flailed his limbs, trying to knock Shepard off balance, but he felt a surge of almost animal power as he was lifted, and turned, and suddenly the ground was coming up. Shepard growled, her body tense as it reacted on instinct, forgetting it was just a game.
A blinding blue light surrounded him just before he impacted the ground with a terrifying force, and he was suddenly lay spread eagle, face down and suspended an inch from the ground by a biotic field that had, terrifyingly, just saved his life.
Shepard eyed Vega for a long frozen moment before turning to face Liara, who was stood with her hands in the air, blue light encasing them as she held Vega in place. She held him for a few seconds to give him time to process what had happened before she let him go and made her way over to Shepard. Watching the commander body press the big human over her head had been shocking, and she had shuddered upon hearing the low growl of rage coming from Shepard's throat as she released Vega. The whole fight had been over before it had started, in typical clinical Shepard fashion, she had dispensed with the pleasantries and got straight to business, taking Vega out in a matter of minutes and leaving the Lieutenant wide eyed and flustered.
"Shit!" Shepard swore and looked back at the Lieutenant "You alright Vega?" she looked over at the big man who was getting to his feet, rubbing his wrist and shaking his head.
"My pride hurts Lola" he smiled and walked towards her "You don't pull your punches do you?"
Shepard shook her head, angrily "Sorry" she opened her mouth to speak again but thought better of it. Instead she turned on her heel and walked off, stopping only to grab her jacket, her footsteps were a hollow staccato on the floor of the shuttle bay.
"Are you hurt Lieutenant?" Liara asked, her gaze following Shepard's retreating form.
"I don't think so" He shook his head "That's some crazy power she's got Doc. I felt like a rag doll" he smiled but his gaze was distant "Remind me never to piss the commander off" he laughed.
"I think you should get that wrist examined by a Doctor at the citadel, just to be sure" Liara indicated his wrist with a wave of her hand.
"Will do Doc" he muttered, his fingertips massaging the painful joint.
"If you'll excuse me then Lieutenant" Liara gave the young marine a curt nod and followed the Commander out of the shuttle bay. She made her way to the elevator, surprised when she opened it to find Shepard leant against the back wall. She stepped in, waited for the door to close behind her and then spoke.
"EDI"
"Yes Liara"
"Hold the elevator please"
"Of course Liara"
The lights on the elevator door flashed from green to red.
"Don't" Shepard looked at her, her face hard, expressionless "I know what I did, you don't have to tell me. I lost control, completely" Shepard threw her arms in the air and began to pace "If you hadn't been there I'd have broken his neck Liara" she looked down at her hands "When did this happen? When did I become this thing, this tool designed to do nothing but kill?" she spat angrily "I hate it. I hate all these changes, all these implants and improvements, it's not who I was Liara" she shook her head, slowly now as the anger dissipated "It's not who I was"
"Shepard, that is not who you are" Liara reached out, grabbing Shepard by the shoulder "You're a..."
"Liara I don't want to hear it" Shepard shook free of Liara's grasp "Don't try and say I'm some god damned hero when I'm not. Do you have any idea of the lives I've lost, the people I've killed?"
"Of course not" Liara shook her head, blue eyes flashing with uncharacteristic anger "Because I haven't been with you all this time have I? I haven't had to watch you suffer those decisions, I haven't had to watch you deal with the grief and the guilt have I?"
"Liara" Shepard's anger had completely evaporated, replaced with a hollow feeling of sorrow.
"Don't Liara me Shepard. I've been here, I've lost people too and I've made sacrifices" she looked at Shepard, her eyes glistening but hard
"Don't you understand Shepard? None of us would be here if it wasn't for you. The galaxy would already be decimated and we wouldn't have a chance. We wouldn't have hope. So yes Shepard, I know how many people have died because of your actions and decisions, but I also know how many people are alive because of those same decisions" she was practically growling now "So don't stand there and tell me not to think that you are a decent person" she blew out an angry breath "And don't expect me to stand here and watch as you destroy yourself before the real fighting has even begun"
Liara stood there as the anger and the fight left her. Her arms fell to her sides and she looked at Shepard, eyes distant.
Shepard covered the space between them with two sure strides and grabbed hold of both Liara's wrists, staring into blue eyes that had once been almost as familiar as her own "I'm sorry" Her voice was achingly soft.
"Shepard" Liara looked away, she feel the Commanders breath on her cheek, the warmth radiating from her, so agonisingly close and so far away at the same time.
"What?" Shepard's voice was low, husky and so near.
"You can't finish every discussion we have like this" Liara admonished, but her tone was lighter now, and the ghost of a smile played on her face.
"I'm sorry" Shepard said "I mean it" she hugged Liara close, the embrace almost painful "Your right"
"Did you just say I was right?" Liara asked, speaking into Shepard's neck "Did Commander Shepard, saviour of the citadel, just admit to being wrong?"
Shepard let Liara go and stepped away from her. Smiling, she pushed the elevator button again, watching as the light changed back to green and the dull hum of the motors engaged.
"It had to happen eventually" when the elevator door opened at the CIC, Shepard looked at Liara "I have some reports to finish before we get to Palaven" she looked out at the crew milling around the CIC "I'll see you tonight though?" a hopeful question.
"Of course" Liara nodded, watching as Shepard stepped out of the elevator, her shoulders straightening imperceptivity. The doors slid shut and she hit the key for the crew quarters "Just another day on the Normandy" she muttered.
