CHAPTER FIVE

Two nights after that, she awoke to find the room still dark and with an awareness that she was not alone. She froze for a moment but the lack of movement from the intruder convinced her they weren't a threat and she reached tentatively for the light. Bellamy was sitting on the very end of her bed with his head in his hands. Raven swung her legs out of bed and moved to sit next to him. As she approached his head lifted slowly and his eyes widened,

"Your legs!" he said.

"Yep, all good" said Raven, giving him a smile which quickly faded as she noticed the additional cuts and bruises on his face. Her heart skipped a beat with fear as she took in the darkness in his eyes.

"What happened?" she whispered, using one hand to turn his face towards her.

"We found them, at Mt Weather. Clarke is here, with Finn, and Jasper and Monty."

"Are they okay, are they hurt?"

"Clarke broke her leg and took a blow to the head. She's unconscious but her Mom says she'll be okay. Finn won't leave her side." Bellamy looked at Raven through his lashes as he said this, trying to gauge her response.

"I'm glad she's okay. We need her." Was all Raven said. She looked at him expectantly, waiting to hear details of the rescue but Bellamy's gaze had returned to his hands on his lap. She gave him a minute then grabbed his face to turn his eyes to her.

"Bellamy! What happened?!"

She could see the unshed tears in his eyes and stroked his cheek with her thumb.

"Tell me" she demanded in a softer voice.

"We had to fight to get them back. It was a big place and we had to fight to get inside and search for them. 3 of Kane's guys died before we even got in. I thought all our people would be there, everyone who survived the battle. And they were but... before the battle there were 81 of us. There were only 40 to rescue from Mt Weather and we lost another 3 before we managed to get out. When we arrived on earth there were 100 kids. And me. Now there are only 38. If I had made people leave sooner, move quicker. Over half our people are dead and I was the one supposed to keep them alive. I should have been better, done better."

The tears were finally escaping and rolling down his cheeks. He sunk his head back into his hands as Raven wrapped both arms around him and drew him close. His body shook as he tried to control his sobs. Raven wanted to tell him he didn't have to but she knew better than that so she just held on as tight as she could, resting her head on his shoulder, her own tears rolling down and soaking his shirt. Eventually she heard him take a last deep, shuddering breath and then he raised his head to look at her. She stared right back at him, trying to put everything she felt into that gaze. She cupped his face with both hands and sighed.

"Bellamy, no one blames you, but you. If it weren't for you and everything you've done, none of us would be alive. I know it won't help right now but its true and Clarke would tell you the same thing. The Council really screwed those 100 kids when they put them on the drop ship but you gave them their best shot at a life here. Do you think you should have killed all the grounders by yourself?!" Raven paused, hoping some of her words were sinking in. "Don't make me start saying good stuff about you, you know how I hate that."

One side of Bellamy's mouth twitched slightly in an almost smile. Raven smiled back and leant her forehead against his, stroking his face and hair with her hands.

"I just wish..." Bellamy trailed off.

"...that you could have saved them all." finished Raven. "I know. And I know you tried. They know you tried."

They sat in silence for a few minutes, not uncomfortably, just taking comfort from each other's closeness. Eventually Raven drew back to look Bellamy in the eyes again and take her cue from what she saw. The sadness was still there but the hopelessness was gone and as they gazed at each other it was replaced by something very different. Bellamy's hand came up to trace Raven's jaw before once again stroking through her hair to find and remove her hair band.

"You're beautiful," he whispered, "Spacewalker is such an idiot."

"His loss." replied Raven sharply.

"My gain." countered Bellamy before leaning forward to press his lips to hers. The kiss started as their previous one had, gentle and sweet and undemanding. It soon became something else, with Bellamy pushing Raven back onto the bed with both arms wrapped tight around her. One of Raven's hands was tangled in his hair whilst the other found his warm skin at the hem of his shirt. She ran her hand across the taut muscles of his stomach, feeling them tense with her touch. She continued stroking his skin, her hand moving to his back and then lower to the waistband of his jeans. As her fingers trailed just beneath the waistband he groaned and pulled back. His eyes were dark with desire as he pulled her shirt over her head, leaving her naked apart from her boyshorts. She quickly reciprocated removing his shirt and running both hands down his chest. Bellamy's hands were gently exploring her breasts and he brought his mouth down to kiss her body. She lay back as he straddled her, planting kisses everywhere from her throat to her waist. She could feel how much he wanted her and moved her hands to his waistband but he grabbed them both and pinned them above her head, staring down into her eyes.

"Raven, are you sure you want this? Cause I'm pretty sure you said it didn't help last time and I'm not sure my ego could take it again. I'm not going to be a replacement for him." There was a slight smile on his face but she could hear the insecurity beneath. And the answer was really clear in her mind.

"This time will be different. Because the only guy in my head right now is you." And with that she wrapped her legs round his waist and pulled him as close as she could, hoping he would get the message. "Don't make me say it"

"What?" he said with narrowed eyes.

"I. Like. You" she whispered. Bellamy lay slowly against her, with his hands on either side of her face, staring into her eyes as he brought his mouth to hers for a tender kiss.

"Good" he whispered back, using his kiss to let her know just what that meant to him.

This time the sex was slower and full of the intensity of two people trying to use their bodies to say what they are afraid to. They reached their release together with their names on each other's lips. As their breathing slowed, they lay side by side, arms and legs entwined. Looking into each others eyes, Raven brushed Bellamy's curls from his eyes,

"I'm glad you decided it was worth coming back."

"I'm glad I had someone to come back to," replied Bellamy with another kiss.

THE END