Chapter 2

Author's unnecessary note: Listening to a Paramore song as I write this (eh not really but I was listening to it)


One Shot 1: Cop Antics 2: In the Mall

Just as promised, Sima Zhao went to the mall with Wang Yuanji.

"What do you wanna do first?" Zhao asked.

"Have a blast. That's what I wanna do." Yuanji replied.

They eventually did have a blast. They went clothes shopping (which Zhao wasn't exactly happy about.), beat Zhang He's ass in an arcade dancing game and ate at Lu Xun's grilled chicken bar.

"That was good! Anything else you wanna do?" Sima Zhao asked.

"Uh..."

Before Wang Yuanji could reply however, Zhao got a call. It was Sima Yi.

"Zhao, you've got drunk drivers headed your way. They're in a red van."

"Father, it's my break remember?"

"Oh. Well just intercept them then you can continue."

Sima Zhao put the cellphone back in. He turned to Wang Yuanji.

"Be right back. This won't take long."


One Shot 2: Huang Zhong and his Icy Undies

The Five Tiger Generals were playing a dare game (obviously taken from Ryan Higa's I Dare You series). It was quite fun.

Some of the dares they have done were still on the table such as:

I dare you to get your face dunked in the toilet then flush it (Sima Zhao) - in the parentheses is the sender

I dare you dance like Zhang He in public (Zhen Ji)

I dare you to get kicked by a donkey in the balls (Pang Tong)

I dare you to wear a bra and scream like a girl in public (Lian Shi)

Now it was Huang Zhong's turn. His current dare read:

I dare you to shove an entire container of ice down your underwear Mwahahahaha (Cao Pi)

"Oh crap."

"You chickening out Huang Zhong?" Zhao Yun asked.

"Watch it squirt! I'll do it!"

Ma Chao took a small bucket from the backyard and poured a lot of ice in it. Huang Zhong was nervous.

"LET'S DO THIS!"

Zhao Yun shoved the ice into the old Shu officer's underwear. He screams in irritation.

"AHH!"

"MY BALLS ARE COLD AS ZHANG HE'S MOUTH!"

"Wait what?" Ma Chao asked.

Huang Zhong panicked and went around the house as he began to scream in front of the other Shu members. He ended up disturbing Guan Ping's sleep, caused a cat to cry in front of Bao Sanniang and to make it even worse, bumps Guan Yinping in the butt with his still icy pelvis.

"Why you...!"

The angry young woman punched Huang Zhong and he is sent flying to the wall. Zhao Yun admired the scene.

"I suppose that's an instant win for Huang Zhong."


One shot 3: One Fifth Direction

Guo Jia was listening to a bunch of boy band songs until he heard "One Thing" by One Direction. He began to think to himself:

"If I act like one of them, surely every woman in the land will squeal towards me."

He did begin to act like One Direction as he flirted with every woman in the land. He even sang a bunch of One Direction songs as he did it.

"Eeeeh!"

"So Cool!"

Yes. The women did squeal as he was flirting with them. Last women he had to flirt with were Wang Yi, Cai Wenji and Zhen Ji. He approached them and patted Wang Yi's shoulder. Panicking, Wang Yi turned and hits Guo Jia in the face with a hard and accurate right hook. The Wei strategist was thrown to and bounced off of Xu Zhu's belly afterwards.

"Oh crap! Sorry Guo Jia."

"Eh. This sucks."

Guo Jia gave up and went to sleep. The next morning, he had visitors. It was every female officer in the DW universe minus Wang Yi and Lu Lingqi. They began to sing "Firework" by Katy Perry like a well coordinated choir. Guo Jia groaned.

"Looks like they've been watching too much Pitch Perfect."


One Shot 4: Drunk Ladies 2: Busted!

Zhou Tai, Lu Xun and Gan Ning told everything to Sun Ce. He was astonished.

"What?! Da Qiao was making out with Xiao Qiao and Lian Shi drunk?! Where are they?"

Before they could answer, a servant reported that the three girls stole the car.

"Oh crap."

The girls were driving as they began to get themselves drunk (again). Moments later, they were forced to pull over. It was Sima Zhao.

"You ladies wanna know why I pulled you over?" he asked.

They ignored him and continued bobbing their heads as if they were listening to music even though they weren't.

"You three been doing any drinking?"

They still ignored him.

"Step out of the car and walk this line." Sima Zhao requested.

A still drunk Da Qiao turned to him, saying:

"Wha...? Nah"

"Ladies, step out of the car and walk the line now."

Da Qiao, Lian Shi and Xiao Qiao finally got out of the car.

"Walk the line properly." Sima Zhao said. They turned to him, drunk and confused.

"WALK!"

They didn't do it well as Sima Zhao shook his head. Half a minute later, the drunk trio was cuffed with their faces on the Wu car.

"You three are arrested for drunk driving."

Afterwards, Zhao went back to his date with Wang Yuanji as Wen Yang and Zhang Chunhua brought them to the station. A day later, they were released. As they walked back to Wu, Da Qiao turned to her friends, saying:

"Alcohol sucks ass."