I want to start by saying thank you to those who have continued to follow this story...everyone who has taken the time to review, add it to their alerts, or favorited it...THANK YOU. It's amazing people such as yourselves that keep me motivated to write. I love knowing that people care about what I have to say. Hope you enjoy this chapter (:
Chapter 7
I wasn't sure of how long I slept, but the large shirtless vampire sitting on the floor in front of me indicated that I had slept long past sunset. I blinked at him a few times before sitting up and crossing my legs on the sofa.
"How long have you been awake?" I asked, running my fingers through my messy hair.
"Not that long," he replied, his voice small. "I didn't mean to startle you," he said apologetically. I shook my head.
"It's fine," I replied. He looked at me oddly, as if he wanted something but was too afraid to ask for it. After a moment, I understood what he wanted.
"You hungry?" I asked. He nodded his head eagerly. I stood up and started to move towards the kitchen. I hoped Eric would have at least a bottle of TruBlood on standby.
I opened the fridge to see that the only contents were a glass of blood. I took it out and held it to Eric. He took it and began to drink it down, not caring that it wasn't hot. I stood there awkwardly, not really sure what to do or say. Eric sensed my demeanor and stopped drinking.
"Is something wrong?" he asked. His blue eyes were wide and burning into mine. I looked away. I couldn't believe that not long ago, I imagined myself killing him. Right now, I couldn't even look at him.
"No," I sighed. I jumped on the counter and sat with my hands in my lap, refusing to look at Eric.
"You're uncomfortable with me," I heard him say. I shook my head.
"I must have done something horrible to you." It was the tone of his voice that caused me to look up at him. He had this look in his eyes, and I understood the emotions going on behind them. Fear. Shame. Guilt. This clearly wasn't the Eric that had destroyed my life. That turned me into something I loathed. No, this was a completely different person.
"You didn't hurt me," I lied. "You just made me realize some things about myself that I could have gone without knowing." That response seemed appropriate. I wanted to be honest with him, but I didn't want to hurt his feelings.
"And what was that?"
"That I'm..." I trailed off, not knowing how to answer. Should I tell him what he did to me all those years ago? Should I tell him that in another life, he had triggered something in me that made me into a monster? I knew I wanted to be honest…but how could I be without making him feel even worse about himself? I had begun to accept that the Eric I knew was lost and I could not blame this new foreign Eric for what the other had done.
"I don't know what I did to you," Eric said, bringing me out of my thoughts. "But it was something bad."
I didn't answer him. My mind was scattered and I could not fathom a coherent thought. I needed air. I jumped off the counter and walked past Eric. "I need a minute alone," I muttered. I walked to the front door and opened it. I went outside and closed the door behind me, taking a seat on the porch steps.
I began to contemplate my current dilemma.
I felt like I was standing at a fork in a road, two different options with two different outcomes. Down one road, there was the Eric Northman I had met that first night at Fangtasia. That Eric was arrogant, stubborn, and had ulterior motives for hiring me. That Eric is the one that turned me into a lycanthrope. Looking down that road, I saw nothing but bad memories, manipulation, and pain. The other road consisted of this new person, one who had his memories erased. Not only were his memories gone, but everything that had made him the person I knew ceased to exist. He looked like the Eric I once knew, but he was clearly not that person. And now, I had to decide. Would I subjugate this new Eric to the utter hatred I felt for the old one? Would it be possible for me to put aside what happened? Eric had become a new person…was it possible for me to do the same? I stepped back and looked at the person I had become. Since I became a lycanthrope, I had clung onto the rage I felt for Eric for what he had done for me. At times, that rage was what kept me motivated to keep moving and not give up. Now, I wondered if that rage could be subsided in exchange for compassion. I heard the door open behind me and turned to see Eric standing there.
"Eric," I sighed.
"I know you wanted to be alone," he said. "And that is why I'm leaving."
I stood and looked up at him. "Eric, you can't leave. It's too dangerous out there. And Pam said you needed to stay out of sight."
"I don't care," he replied. "I see how you are with me. I don't know what kind of vampire I was, but it's clear that I did horrible things to you. Why would you want to help me?"
I shrugged. "Eric, you did do some pretty bad things. But that was a long time ago. And people are capable of changing."
He shook his head. "No. I refuse to burden you, not after the things I've done." He lifted his hand and slowly brought it to my face. This time, I didn't pull away. His fingers trailed along my jaw for a moment before he pulled away. For the first time tonight, I met his gaze without looking away.
"Your pain is my fault," he said. "I couldn't bare it if I were to hurt you again."
And with vampire speed, he was gone.
I stood there a moment before the reality truly hit me.
He was gone.
I knew instantly that I'd have to go after him. If I didn't, Pam would most likely kill me. But how would I find him? He sped away so swiftly—a human would have never been able to follow him. Then again, I wasn't human.
I knew what I had to do. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, searching my mind for the monster living inside of me. When I found it in the depths of my mind, it was sleeping soundly. It hadn't been woken for a long time. I called to it, yearning for it to take over. It was my only chance of finding Eric. I felt the monster begin to stir and then possess every fiber of my being. But I wasn't afraid of the monster. I was in control. White hot heat began to spread first at my core, then throughout my entire body. My bones began to break and contort, causing me to cry out. For a second, I thought about stopping. The pain was too much to tolerate—
Before I could stop, the process was complete. I had transformed into the monster—the wolf.
Although my body was no longer that of a human, my mind remained intact. I opened my eyes and the night was instantly illuminated. I could see every detail the night had to offer. From the moisture on a blade of grass, to the insects crawling along the cement—I saw everything. I took a breath and let my senses take over. My nose caught onto his scent; he had gone west.
I began to run as fast as I could, staying in the shadows. Weaving between trees in the darkness would have been a challenge for a human, but not for me. I let my improved senses guide me to Eric's location. For a moment, I stopped to take in my surroundings. I was a bit surprised to see that I was once again at the same road sign I had been at the night before. It was then I realized where Eric had gone. I continued running, but it wasn't long before I found him. He was sitting against a tree, not far from where I had originally found him that first night. I ducked behind some bushes, watching him. His back was towards me and I was grateful for that. I closed my eyes once again as I began to transition back into my human form. The monster protested, but I ignored it, letting my humanity take over. After a moment, the white hot heat began to retreat and I felt normal again. I opened my eyes, letting them trail down my body. I began to blush profusely. I was human, but there was one specific detail that had been destroyed in the process…my clothes. "Fuck," I exclaimed aloud, causing Eric to move to me with vampire speed. I screamed out of embarrassment, and ran away from him and hid behind a bush.
"Carson?" he asked warily. "Why are you…?"
"Never mind that," I said. "Just stay over there!"
He looked away, embarrassed. We both were.
"H-how did you find me?" he said after a moment.
"I followed your scent," I said. I decided then that I would be honest with him. "Eric, I'm not human. I haven't been for a long time…not since you came into my life. When I first met you, you suspected that I was different. And it was this suspicion that made you give me your blood. When that happened, it triggered something in me, something needed in order for me to become what I am today. I'm a lycanthrope."
I gave him a chance to speak and after a moment, he took it.
"Why did you follow me?" he asked.
I sighed. "Because the Eric Northman I once knew is gone. And replaced with him is someone who is lost and needs my help. How could I hold you accountable for something that you didn't do?" I paused. "For so long, I've been running. And now that the past has finally caught up with me, all I want to do is let go of it. I refuse to let hatred for you to be the only thing that keeps me going. I want to move on."
I watched Eric as he took in everything I had to say. I hadn't planned what I was going to say to him when I found him, but at that moment, I realized that what I said was true. I wanted to move on. I needed to move on with my life.
"Before I can move on, I need to help you. I need to have closure, Eric."
"You'll help me," he said. "And in return, I shall help you. I owe you for what I've done to you."
I nodded. "Okay. We should get you back. Just give me a moment." He nodded and I began to transform back into a wolf. The monster in me was grateful for getting to be released twice tonight. After I had made the transition, I came out from behind the bushes and walked over to Eric. I looked at him though my new eyes, taking him in. It was like I was seeing him for the first time.
I moved closer to him and nudged his hand with the top of my head to let him know I was still in here. He began to stroke my fur. I turned away from him and nodded in the direction of the house and began to run. He understood and followed close behind. As we ran, my thoughts began to change. I was no longer fueled by anger and resentment for Eric. Something else began to take over, something I didn't recognize at first.
It wasn't until we got back to the house that I realized that not only had I began to make my peace with Eric…I had begun to find peace within myself as well.
Please, please, please review! I'd love to know what you think.
And to anyone who is a bit confused by the title of this story...that will start to make sense in the next chapter (; -Brittany
