Sorry about the delay with this story, unfortunately I was posted abroad sans laptop and any other personal IT, so I literally had to just stop mid story! I've written the next few chapters and they are in the process of being reviewed by the most excellent Planetar (thank you). Once again, very sorry for the delay and thanks to those of you who have stuck by me with this, your feedback and reviews are always so welcome. It's worth noting that things may occur in a different order during this chapter than they did in the game, because I never intended this to be a complete rehash.


Tali woke up with a start. She was laying on her side, knees pulled into her chest. She'd woken from a nightmare, a dream of smoke and death. She remembered looking at a wall of drifting, fire-struck gas and a line of Cerberus troops charging from behind an Atlas. Somehow they had seemed more appalling than the mech, not because of their visored features or their overwhelming fire power, but because they were relentless mass-produced monsters, ready-made and terrorizing. Just like the Reapers.

She took a deep breath and shook the dream off, rolling onto her other side and jumping at the sight of Shepard standing next to her bio bed.

"Bad dream?" Shepard asked, her voice quiet.

"Kee'lah Shepard!" Tali rolled onto her back and flung her arm across her face plate. "Are you trying to scare me?"

"I'd say you were doing a good job of that yourself," The Commander shifted and sat on a canvas chair drawn up besides the quarian's bedside. "You all right?"

"Did Garrus ask you to spy on me?" Tali dropped her arm and rolled back to face Shepard.

"No," Shepard smiled. "I actually had to order him to get some sleep in the end." she shook her head, hair partially obscuring one eye. "He's been sitting here almost constantly since we got back." She eyed the quarian. She was still bandaged and her movements were sluggish, as if she was dazed. Various suit tears had been cleaned and sealed although a few on her face had needed more substantial repairs. Otherwise she seemed alert, and in much better condition that Shepard had expected.

"Really?" Tali shook her head and then hissed."Ouch!"

"You're healing much faster than Dr. Chakwas expected, in fact I think she said it was remarkable."

"It's the geth."

"The geth?" Shepard asked, frowning mightily.

"Yes." Tali grimaced as she sat up, swinging her legs off the side of the bio bed and looking at Shepard, "They are helping with improvements to our suit programming, it's quite incredible really. They..." Tali paused, her shoulders dropping when she realised Shepard was smirking at her. "You're not interested in the slightest, are you?"

"Nope." Shepard actually laughed, reaching out and laying her hand on Tali's knee, she looked up into the quarian's face. "At least I know you're feeling better," she rubbed her thumb across the smooth texture of the suit."I'm not going to lie Tali, I thought you were a goner for a minute."

"You were angry with me." Tali sighed, "I could see it in your face, you were," a pause, "...disappointed."

"What?" Shepard took her hand away and threw her weight back into the chair. "You're an idiot; I was terrified, not angry, and certainly not disappointed!" Shepard drew her feet up onto the chair, so she was completely enclosed within the seat. She took a deep breath and then unfolded herself deliberately and stood up, pacing along the outside of the room.

Tali just watched as Shepard seemed to be having some internal debate. Eventually the Commander stopped and looked out through the glass to the mess beyond. Her hands were clenched at her side, face frozen in a desperate posture of agony. "Is something wrong Shepard?"

"Hmm?" Shepard turned to her, distracted, as if she hadn't expected the quarian to speak. "What?"

"Is something wrong?"

"No," She shook her head and her face relaxed slightly. "Just distracted, that's all."

"I can understand that" Tali sighed "I suppose this is it now though, isn't it? No going back?"

"Something like that" Shepard shoved her hands into her pockets and glanced around the cluttered spaces of the med bay "Tali, don't ever think I'm disappointed in you, it's completely the opposite." She looked as if she wanted to say something else, but instead she simply shrugged and walked towards her. "I'm glad you're ok, get some more rest. I may not see you again before we head down to Earth, I have a lot to do." There was a lengthy pause before Shepard reached out and lay her hand behind Tali's head. She sighed softly and tilted her head forward, placing a gentle kiss on the material just above her face plate.

"Why does this feel like a goodbye Shepard?" Tali looked up at her.

"Does it?" Shepard gave her a tiny smile "It's not."

Tali didn't believe a word of it and she was struck with a terrible foreboding fear as Shepard drew away slightly, her face composed and suddenly expressionless. Again, Tali got the impression that Shepard wanted to say more, but this time she just nodded and walked away, leaving the medbay in a rush and stalking out through the mess. Tali shivered and ran her hands along her arms, hugging herself. There was a horrible finality about the way Shepard had looked at her that had chilled her to the bone. With a great, wracking sigh she threw herself back down onto the bed and stared up at the bleak white ceiling, wondering if this really was the start of the end for Normandy.


Liara woke up suddenly and had no idea what time it was. She was disorientated, unsure of where she was and her head was pounding. Rolling onto her front she took a deep breath and was instantly comforted by the familiar smell. Shepard's cabin. Stretching carefully she winced at the pain in her head , but it was a clean pain at least, just a sharp headache with none of the accompanying sickness she'd felt the night before.

Shepard was nowhere to be seen and the bed beside her was cold to the touch. With a groan she curled onto her side and closed her eyes, she never wanted to drink again. Alongside her discomfort, she'd woken up with a nagging feeling of melancholy hanging over her and oddly, it made her think of Shepard. Liara opened her eyes and stared at the stuttered reflections from the aquarium. It was natural for asari to feel emotionally connected to their bondmates, and this wouldn't be the first time she thought she'd sensed feelings from Shepard, but this was the first time she'd felt anything so strongly. Bondmate. She played with the word, is that what they were to each other? Is that how Shepard saw them?

She took a deep breath and sat up slowly, reaching out to the comm point on the bedside table. After a few moments, a low, familiar voice murmured, "You're finally awake?" Shepard's tone held a note of humour, but there were layers of something else beneath it.

"Something like that" Liara replied, pinching the bridge of her nose, as she fought to push the headache back.

"How are you feeling?" Shepard's voice was rough and husky, still bruised from the Dragoon's attack.

"Fine" Liara took a breath "Nothing a shower and some water will not fix anyway."

"Good" The smile in Shepard's voice was obvious. "Meet me in the CIC when you can?"

"Of course" A pause "Shepard, are you all right?"

Silence. "Yes, why?"

"I just wondered."

"Did Tali ask you to check up on me?"

"No." Liara frowned, puzzled. "Why would she?"

"No reason"

"Are you sure you're all right Shepard?" Liara was immediately frustrated that she couldn't see Shepard's eyes, because that was the one place her real feelings, her secrets, were exposed.

"I'm fine" Liara heard Shepard's deep breath. "Or I will be, or I don't know." her voice was tormented. "Am I supposed to be?"

Liara had to admit that was a loaded question "I suppose not" She wished they were different people, in a different time "I'll be with you as soon as I can."

"All right, suit up though Liara, we're not far from the mass relay, get ready to move."

The comm went dead and Liara swallowed as her stomach did a nervous flip. She was entirely sure her headache had just gotten worse.


Traynor noticed immediately that the Commander wasn't dressed in her normal hard-suit. The one she wore now was pure obsidian and adorned only with the N7 insignia and stripe. It was well polished and flecked here and there with all the marks of war, but still gave off an impression of practicality. The lack of any other colour made the Commanders fiery features stand out more than usual and Traynor had to admit, that arched over the cluttered console, head bent in concentration, Shepard looked darkly and wildly beautiful.

"Commander" Traynor watched as Shepard drew herself back and looked up at her. "I've sent the latest reports from Earth to your console as requested."

Shepard stared at her for a moment and then nodded. "Thanks" before turning back to the console. She picked up a pistol, untangling it from a line of grenades and inspected it. She murmured something and tucked it into a holster on the side of her leg. Then she picked up two more guns, a rifle and a folded sniper, and slung them onto her back. After a few minutes she'd untangled the knot of grenades and attached them to the pods on her chest. She kept going until everything on the console was cleared and her hard-suit was adorned with various bits and pieces of hardware. There were at least a dozen distinctly different types of devices that Traynor didn't recognise.

"Christ" Shepard keyed something on the console and chewed her lip, "These damage reports are massive in scale."

"And getting worse, I imagine" Traynor exhaled slowly.

"No doubt." Shepard agreed and glanced at Traynor for a moment, then her gaze flicked to somewhere behind her and eventually she cast her eyes around the rest of the busy CIC. She rolled her shoulders and stepped down from the console, stalking around the central island, eyeing the galaxy map from every angle. A dark, nervous energy seemed to be pouring off her and the ambience of the deck changed with every step she took. The mood almost tangibly altered from one of quiet curiosity, through to expectation and maybe even fear. "As soon as we've gone through the mass relay, expect Admiral Hackett to come on board" Shepard said, as she pulled alongside Traynor's console.

"Admiral Hackett?" Traynor frowned "What for?"

"He wants to address the combined fleets," Shepard gave Traynor a sideways glance. "From the Normandy."

"Why can't you address the fleets? It's your hard work that got them all here, after all."

"Because he's the admiral and I'm just a grunt."

"Grunt?" Traynor scoffed. "I'm a grunt Commander, you most certainly are anything but!"

Shepard smiled, charmed by the faint hint of a blush that was creeping along the specialists cheeks. "True enough, but to him, I'm the grunt on the ground and it's his right to address the fleets." Shepard tried hard to keep her voice level.

"I think you don't really care too much for Admiral Hackett, Commander." Traynor watched Shepard as she looked around the crew deck, her eyes never leaving the hustle and bustle, even as she spoke.

"I think you're far more astute than you let on, Specialist," Shepard replied "Admiral Hackett forged his career when war meant something to humanity, when we were out striving for success and progress. In the contact wars soldiers fought and died to protect our colonies and our rights. They fought for a legacy." Shepard tucked her hair behind her ear and pinned Traynor with a stare. "Our modern soldiering is based on battles and tactics learnt during those times, but now?" The Commander shrugged. "We take no tangible victories from this war. No one will ever look back and study our battles, everything will be forgotten and you know why?"

"Why?" Traynor shook her head slowly, captivated.

"Because this isn't a war, it never has been, it's a slaughter, and there is no glory or battle honours to be taken from a fight where soldiers are terrified, when they don't care about anything beyond their own survival. That isn't a situation any Admiral can fully understand, because they're too far away from it."

Traynor didn't know what to say to that. Shepard had never really spoken to her with such open honesty before. "I'll remember" she eventually mumbled.

"What?"

"I'll remember" Traynor nodded once and looked into Shepard's cool green gaze "The battles, the fights, everything we've done to get to this point. I'll remember and so will the rest of the crew!"

Shepard opened her mouth to speak and then thought better of it. After a few moments pause she gave Traynor a small smile "Well, at least someone will, Specialist," she jerked her head in the direction of the cockpit "If anyone needs me, I'll be with Joker."

"Yes ma'am"


Shepard sat awkwardly in the co pilot's chair. One hand drummed on the arm rest whilst the other was rubbing the smooth material of seat divide between them. She glanced across at Joker and then back to the console. A light went out and came back on.

"What does that mean?" Shepard indicated the light with a wave of her hand.

"Nothing, it's just a sensor indicator" He reached over and tapped the console. The light went out.

"Nothing? Does the Normandy really have indicators that mean nothing?" She took a deep breath and smirked. This time a line of red lights lit up on the console "Joker?"

"It's sensory feedback, just acknowledge them."

Shepard leant forward and reached out, hitting each of the lights. All of them turned green, apart from one. She poked it again, then pressed it hard. It blinked green for a second, then turned red again. She hit it with the heel of her hand.

"Easy!" Joker swatted, frowning at her. "I'm kinda busy Commander, any reason you're cluttering my cockpit or am I just lucky?"

"Just lucky, I guess."

"Figures" Joker reached forwards and took drink from the glass on his console. He'd been surprised when the suited figure of Shepard had dropped into the seat next to him, he'd assumed she'd be busy and that she wouldn't have time to speak to him before she left the Normandy. That would have been easier, but it seemed that she'd made time. "You remember our first run to Eden Prime all those years ago, with that turian Spectre watching us?"

"Nihlus" Shepard grunted.

"Yeah, I told you that mission was going to be bigger than we thought." Joker looked across at the matt black hard suit. He had been sitting here, wondering what he ought to say and hadn't yet come up with any answers. Part of him wanted to brush Shepard off with his normal dismissive humour, but for the first time in his career it didn't seem appropriate.

"I think you can probably chalk that assumption up as accurate."

"And now we're going back to Earth. I hope this is just a nice routine delivery"

"Yeah," Shepard said, swallowing "Me too."

Joker sat, looking at the empty glass "It's been an honour, Commander."

"Same here Joker."

Shepard was about to speak, but he raised one hand to stop her. He heard her sigh, as he looked up from the console to her face. "We're about to approach the mass relay, you ready?"

Shepard opened her mouth, then closed it and glanced out of the cockpit."Yeah," she paused "Joker, I -"

"Don't" he interrupted her calmly "Just go and do what you do best, Commander. Go and kick some Reaper ass!"

Shepard stood up slowly and looked at him. He had to look away. She moved until she was standing behind him and rested her hand on the back of his seat. She felt her adrenaline flowing erratically as they entered the mass relay and emerged on the other side into a line of wavering ships. Looking out through the warped bubble of the cockpit at the looming line of Alliance vessels, she felt twinge of rolling fear, rippling along the hair on her neck, fear of the unknown, fear of the future.

"Damn" Shepard muttered, as an Alliance dreadnought pulled alongside them. They were close enough to see the pocks and blazes along its hull, and a cluster of pits where it had previously encountered enemy fire.

"Commander, I've got an incoming message from Admiral Hackett" he looked at Shepard, eyebrows raised in surprise, "He's requesting to come aboard."

"Well," Shepard licked her lips, as she watched the big dreadnought cut through the fleet. "Don't keep the man waiting."


Liara stood in a throng of crew gathered around the galaxy map as Admiral Hackett addressed the fleets. Gazing around the group, she saw Garrus with a calm, concerned face; Tali, fresh from the infirmary looking around nervously; Vega was shifting from one foot to another, excited with the anticipation of battle and Traynor, simply looking taken aback. She watched nervous faces, white knuckled hands, and sweat stained brows. It was all happening, they were finally here.

"Stand fast, stand strong and stand together!" Hackett bellowed, his dark eyes lingering on hers for a few seconds. "Hackett out." The old soldier turned around and walked off towards the war room, indicating for Shepard to follow him.

Every set of eyes followed the retreating form of the silent Commander, every face was raw with readiness, overwhelmed by the sheer excitement and terror of being this close to Earth, of finally having to fight.

"Hey Doc." Vega startled her when he put his hand on Liara's shoulder. "How's the head?"

"Fine, yours?" She looked up at the big human questioningly.

"Ah" He pursed his lips. "Fine, doesn't really bother me any more Doc, I've had a lot of practice" he looked her up and down before wrapping his knuckles on the shoulder of her hard suit. "You ready?"

Liara was surprised at the slight undertone of affection she detected in his voice. "I think so" she shrugged. "Not that it matters, none of us have a choice but to fight now, ready or not."

Vega scowled "Yeah," He reached down and unclipped a pistol from his side holster. "Take this" he held it out.

"What?"

"Take it"

"No!" Liara looked down at the expensive looking, customised Carnifex "I do not need it."

"You do," Vega nodded, gesturing the pistol towards her again. "You can't use that piece of trash submachine gun you keep using. I know Shepard uses that overpowered Paladin, but I've always found this one a little less jumpy," he looked at her "Please."

"Why?" She reached out and took the pistol.

"I'm a solider Doc, like Shepard and I've been in the field since I was old enough to hold a gun." He halted, at a loss, knowing as he spoke that he was making a cock of it. "Hell Doc, this isn't an ordinary war, and it isn't even bad war "This is -" he stopped, "I don't know what this is anymore. But I do know that when it comes to it, I can't do much to keep you safe, but I can give you this. It's saved my ass so many times..."

Liara shifted from one foot to the other as she ran her fingers over the gleaming, cold black metal. "It is not for you to protect me Lieutenant," her bluntness stung him and she closed her eyes momentarily, "Although I appreciate the gesture."

"Shi-it, Doc!" he rolled his shoulders. "If it bothers you that much, consider it my way of protecting Lola."

Liara was stunned by his words, and then, bringing her gaze snap into focus on the marine, she realised there was a terrifying truth in what he said.

"Doc?" Vega said, in the tone of someone who has said the words before.

"You are a lot alike." Liara spoke numbly, as she slid the pistol into her side holster.

"What?" Vega frowned, his scared face creasing as he rubbed his chin with the palm of his hand. "You mean me and Shepard?"

"Yes" Liara nodded.

"No," He sighed, his hard suit creaking, as he sucked in a huge breath. "We aren't, I could never do what she does" he shook his head and looked away.

"Lieutenant?" Liara waited for him to look at her and when he finally did, his eyes were dark. "You already do."

He looked thoughtful, staring into the distance, then he seemed to hesitate before he let his gaze fall back to the asari. "That's probably the best compliment any one has ever given me."

"Then it is safe to assume you do not receive compliments very often?" She gave a small laugh in an attempt to break the tension.

Vega grinned at her and rocked back on his heels. "Just promise me something Doc?" his face became suddenly serious "Stay tight down there, and stay with Shepard."

"I will Lieutenant." Liara nodded "That is something you don't have to worry about."

"Good" Vega looked up as Shepard re-entered the CIC, her expression stormy "Oh and Doc?"

"What?" Liara followed his gaze.

"For God's sake, call me James!"