A/N: So sorry. I've been on vacation and I forgot that I have story chapters that needed uploading. It should all go up faster from now on.
Disclaimer: I own nothing except my own dirty, dirty mind. Giggling over silly things is fun.
Three days later, Tony was in the middle of kicking Clint's ass at Mortal Kombat when Natasha stepped in front of the screen. He hissed and leaned to the side, trying to see around her. "Kind of in the middle of something, Tasha. Come back later."
"Tony, we need you to pick up a few things from the store."
"That's Steve's job," Tony said. "I provide the money, he does the shopping. And by provide, I mean he can talk to Jarvis anytime to top up his account so I don't have to be bothered in the middle of a flawless victory."
"You wish, Stark," Clint muttered, savagely mashing buttons on his controller.
"Sorry, boys. You can settle this later."
Both Clint and Tony groaned as the TV suddenly went dark.
Natasha put her hands on her hips. "You two want to eat, don't you? We need something for dinner. All we have left in the pantry is pasta and breakfast foods."
"Steve is our designated-"
"Not anymore," she said firmly. "He's forfeited that job."
Tony stared at her. "Uh, why?"
She sighed and began ticking items off on her fingers. "He laughs at bananas, cucumbers, pickles, carrots, hot dogs, bone-in steaks, whipped cream, chocolate bars-"
Tony raised an eyebrow. "Chocolate bars?"
She thrust Steve's tablet at him. "This is the last thing Steve read."
Tony did a quick once-over. There were giant blocks of text that he really didn't feel like reading. But one sentence halfway down almost leaped off the screen.
Garcian unbuckled his belt. "Don't be afraid, Samantha. Chocolate goes down real smooth."
"Holy shit," Tony said.
"For what it's worth, it looks like he stopped reading right there. But it's in his brain now."
Tony skimmed down a few more lines. "Oh my god," he said. "I have to show this to Rhodey."
Natasha snatched the tablet back. "No, you are not showing this to anybody else. We want to preserve what remains of Steve's dignity until this all blows over."
"Ha," Tony said. "Blows."
Natasha gave him a withering look.
"Okay, okay," Tony said. "I'll go tonight, since you asked so nicely. But Steve's taking over tomorrow."
Natasha shook her head. "I'm not letting him back into a grocery store for another month."
"It's that bad, huh?"
"You weren't here yesterday when I got a frantic phone call from a grocery clerk, convinced that Captain America was having a seizure in their produce department. When I got there, he was laughing so hard he couldn't even talk."
"Wow," Tony said. "That is bad."
"So," Natasha said. "This may be the only time I ever say this, but I trust you to be more mature in public than Steve right now."
"Hell yes," Tony said. He high-fived Clint. More mature than Captain America. This was something worth celebrating.
