A/N:

Do you practice being so wonderful? Thank you kindly for your faves/follows/reviews.


Chapter 11

Affirmations


A blanket of grey clouds covered the sky and the afternoon sun, shedding their final tears in farewell to spring. Droplets of water sprinkled themselves onto the green turf and gathered together into a few puddles. The constant pitter-patter on the clay tiles of a patio accompanied the buzzing sound surrounding the backyard. And far landscapes appeared as jittered backgrounds through the thick curtain of raindrops.

Seated on an outdoor bench of the patio, was a person who enjoyed the weather in silence. He observed the scenery before him, while under the protection of a canopy. The rain had always been a wonder to him. It portrayed the sadness he kept inside, and it did all the crying for him. It was a form of comfort.

Sasuke liked the rain, really; but not the same as how the two idiots in front of him were showing.

Naruto and Sakura had been playing in the rain for a while now, running around the grass field as any pre-schoolers would do.

The dobe. And the brat. What a tandem.

But the odd thing was he also contradicted that statement. The idea of Naruto and Sakura right next to each other evoked a negative reaction from him. It was the rubbing of two driftwoods together, the alignment of a lens to the sun, or the swipe of a match to its box… it set the flames to Sasuke's temper. And… And…

It doesn't mean anything.

"You're it, Sakura-chan!" Naruto sprinted away, wearing nothing but his black trousers – folded to the knees. The golden spikes on top of his head sagged with the added weight of the rain.

A laughing Sakura ran after him. Her now dark pink hair clung at the sides of her face, the drenched purple shirt enveloped her torso like second skin, and the denim shorts were in the same state.

They scampered barefoot around the grass-covered ground, not minding the mud that stained their skins.

Sasuke's eyes remained at Sakura. Indeed, his charge was unlike other girls her age. She had emphasized that from the first time they'd met. Most girls at his previous school had always flocked around him and tried to get his attention. The same was the case in Sakura's school, with only a few exceptions. And she belonged to those few.

Sakura wasn't too conscious in dressing-up, she preferred staying in the home gym than shopping for new clothes, and she didn't mind how she would look around him or any members of the opposite sex. If it weren't for her addiction on those distorted voodoo dolls she labeled as 'cute' stuffed animals, Sasuke would've concluded her to be gay.

Add that Suigetsu to the equation. How could Sakura permit suitors? High school wasn't the time for those. Sasuke may not have been paying attention to dating when he was in high school, but he had learned its consequences through observation.

Girls only end up in distress. They thoroughly believe in making their own fairytales to life, only to be crushed in the end. They cry over it with their friends at lunch or during a boring lecture. And they would never be the same person they once had been.

On the other hand, those bastard guys just move on to their next target, starting another relationship in an instant, as if the previous one was trash. Those kinds of men make Sasuke sick. No, they weren't men at all, they were still boys, fooling around with another person's feelings and performing the worst joke of all.

Call him a bastard himself, but Sasuke preferred to ignore people as early as now and avoid complex relationships, rather than to ignore them after a bond was broken and end up in a more complex one.

That was the reason why he stayed away from the female population. That and his goal. The pursuit of one person was the only thing that mattered to him ever since childhood. Everything else was distraction.

He was giving Sakura a favor by keeping that Suigetsu away from her. That rich guy could be one of those high school jerks and could play with her feelings. Sasuke was doing it for the sake of his work, of course. Protecting his charge from those people was included in his duties.

It definitely is.

Sakura was still running after Naruto when she slipped and fell forward onto the grass, making Sasuke stand from the bench in reflex.

Naruto turned back and ran to her. "Sakura-chan!"

Sasuke was about to do the same when she raised a straight arm in the air and sat up, laughing.

"I'm okay!"

Naruto stopped before her and extended a hand, helping her on her feet. "That scared the hell out of me! Look, you've got a bump on your forehead!"

"I fell on my hands."

"Oops! Guess that's natural!"

"What did you say?!"

Then Naruto dashed off again, with an angry Sakura on his trail.

Sasuke sat back on the bench. Idiot.

Was it such a huge task to watch where you were going? Somehow, everything she did these days just aggravated him. From her fear of spiders, her guts to spar with him, defying the survival instinct, to as simple as giving him a smile. Everything about her was just plain annoying.

It definitely is.

Despite her annoying title, Sasuke preferred seeing this side of Sakura. Just laughing with her hearts content, no trace of fear on her face, and just being who she was. Carefree. This Sakura was less aggravating, but that didn't make her any less annoying.

Like him, Sakura was also exposed to violence at such a young age. Like him, she might have matured early. But unlike him, she set the child in her free. That child-like characteristic would always put her in danger. Innocence was her weakness.

Now, Sasuke had to guard her from her own weakness as well. Yes, he had to. Not because he wanted to, but he had to. Maybe he was getting so into his role. He was developing a bodyguard instinct. The instinct to protect.

That's definitely it.

Naruto and Sakura approached the patio with grins on their faces.

"Teme! Give yourself a break and have some fun! You're missing one-half of your life!" Naruto sat on the other side of the bench, while Sakura sat in between them, keeping her distance from Sasuke so as not to get him wet.

"Hn."

"Fine, do whatever you want! It's your life anyway! Just suggesting some ways to make it more colorful."

Sakura wringed her hair with both hands. "Naruto's right, loosen up sometimes. Enjoy the simple things, because they tend to be the most precious ones."

"Hn."

"Hey teme! Don't talk to Sakura-chan that way!... I'm hungry, who wants some snack?! Let me guess, you want tomatoes, right teme?"

Sakura raised her brows and sneered. "You eat raw tomatoes?"

"Hn." So what?

"He does, Sakura-chan! That's his personal favorite! Ha! Looks like you're freaked out with that idea!"

"I am… I hate that food. I don't know… it just reminds me of… blood."

Naruto roared in laughter, drowning the sound of the still falling rain. "Then, it kinda makes teme here a vampire! Let's wait 'till the sun shows up! We might see him sparkle! Like a fairy!"

Another guffaw escaped Naruto, accompanied with Sakura's giggle.

Dobe.

Naruto wiped a tear off his eye. "Kidding aside, so ramen for me and tomatoes for the teme. How about you, Sakura-chan?"

"No thanks. We just had lunch about two hours ago. You really have a strong appetite, Naruto. Do you have a demon in your stomach or something?"

"Neh… that's very unlikely Sakura-chan. You watch too much movies. But I did have worms in here when I was a kid. Though I hadn't been aware of them until after they came out of my a–"

"I don't care where they'd come out of!"

"Hn."

"See? Even Sasuke thinks the same."


Different aromas of food lingered in the air. A thousand chatters filled the room. The can of orange juice was cold against her palm. But what was holding Sakura's attention, was the table right next to theirs.

The ex-temporary and Naruto were having lunch at the school cafeteria. Because they were also humans, they had been having their meals with Sakura and her friends during lunch hours. They had stopped bringing their own sandwiches and decided to eat in the cafeteria instead. The one who came up with that idea?

Naruto.

From how it looked like, Naruto just wanted to enjoy all the attention from the females. Sakura considered Naruto a good friend, even the closest one she could have for a brother, but there were certain times when his competitive attitude could be a millimeter away from arrogance. And those times could be irritating.

Like now, for instance: Naruto was getting all the spotlight by talking with the girls around the table and telling heroic stories of him. All their eyes were directed at Sasuke, though. Well, not all, but almost.

There had always been some kind of competition between those two. Naruto was very vocal about it. All the time. Sasuke, however, appeared to ignore the blonde. But the next thing you knew, he was participating in Naruto's challenges. Although when it came to social aspect, he just let Naruto own the stage.

Sasuke sat there; silent, busy with the mashed potato, having no care about anything else in the world.

Or does he?

What if he also enjoyed the attention? Sure, he kept quiet, but those girls were pretty. It wasn't impossible if one of them had charmed the Uchiha Sasuke.

Sakura sighed. Who was she compared to them? She didn't fix her hair the way they did, she never tried to put on make-up during a regular day, and she had a huge forehead. Sasuke would never like her.

Oh, shoot. Where did that thought come from?

A hand obstructed Sakura's vision and snapped its fingers, making her turn to the person beside her. Right there, was a person with a knowing look and with an unusual hushed voice.

"I smell something fishy, forehead. You like your bodyguard, don't you?"

Air filled Sakura's lungs. "What?! No!"

"Riiight. That explains why you've been staring at him for like, forever!"

"I'm not. I'm observing… how many minutes it would take to finish that mashed potato? Yeah, it's for an experiment."

Ino raised a brow. "Uh-huh, where's your timer then?"

"What?"

"A timer. Don't tell me you've been counting inside your head."

"I… am. I am."

"C'mon forehead, who are you kidding? You've stopped complaining about him 'stealing' Kakashi-san's place, you've stopped emphasizing how you loathed every fiber of his being, and you aren't giving him dirty looks anymore. Instead, you're staring at him like a love sick puppy, drooling over some hot stuff. It's official forehead, you like Sasuke."

"I don't like him. I'm just… less angry with him, since he turned out to be different from what I thought he would be."

Ino leaned in closer; interested blue eyes foreshadowed an interrogation. "Different how?"

Sakura glanced at the two other occupants of their table – Hinata and Tenten were in a conversation of their own – then at the table next to theirs: still busy.

"Well… that he wasn't doing his job just for the sake of money. When we were being chased before, I'd thought that he would abandon me, but then he proved me wrong. He had come back for me. He might be short-tempered at times, but he's responsible. He cared about being a bodyguard, about watching out for people, and about saving lives."

He cared about me.

Ino's gaze softened. "Sakura, tell me. You've fallen for him, haven't you?"

"I told you Ino, that's not it."

"If you're thinking of how I'd feel, then don't. What I have was a simple crush. I just admire his looks, nothing more than that. It's the first time I've seen you talk about a guy like this. I think you're in love, Sakura."

Sakura's cheeks gained heat. "Don't be silly, Ino. It was nothing. You're jumping into conclusions."

Ino turned back to her lunch and waved a hand in the air. "Believe what you want, forehead." Then she tapped her own cheeks. "Actions speak louder than words."

Sakura looked away while rolling her eyes, only for them to land on one particular red head. Karin sashayed past their table and glanced at her. For a moment, Sakura prepared herself for more insults, but Karin continued on and ignored her.

That was another weird thing. Ever since the episode with Suigetsu in the library, Karin seldom talked to her anymore. She only did so whenever their parents were around, but other than that, Karin just pretended she wasn't there.

Sakura couldn't figure out if that was a good thing or not, but Karin's bullying was the least thing she wanted at the moment.

Karin stopped at the bodyguards' table, took the seat beside Sasuke and leaned towards him to whisper on his ear. All the while, a smirk was plastered on her face as she stared at Sakura. Sasuke didn't give any reaction other than the furrowing of his brows. He didn't move away or tell her to back off.

He's just trying to be polite and didn't want to make a scene… Right?

With the image of Sasuke and Karin still in mind, Sakura averted her gaze and focused on finishing her own lunch.

I'm not affected by it. Why would I be?

It's nothing.


A row of rectangular shooting targets hung from the ceiling. Each contained a white background and a black circle with reducing white rings to the center. Each was mocking her.

"Are you ready, Sakura-chan?" Shizune spoke beside her, holding a clipboard and a pen.

Sakura could only nod, before putting on the overhead earmuffs.

This was it: the last phase of the therapy. She would, again, be exposed to an actual gunshot. Her dad was watching from the sound-proofed observation room behind her, a window glass separating them. Tsunade was there as well, just in case something would go wrong… in case everything went wrong.

Shizune had asked for Sasuke's assistance, since neither of them knew how to handle a gun. So now, he stood on one of the shooting booths, a pistol in hand.

Shizune patted her shoulder. "Remember, there's no danger around. No one here would hurt you."

Another nod from Sakura.

Then Shizune looked at the bodyguard. "You may proceed."

Sasuke turned his back to them, loaded the gun and pointed it at the target.

BANG!

Sakura held her breath, expecting for the barrage of worry and uncertainty. Then Sasuke looked over his shoulder, and the only sign of panic was the thumping in her chest as she met those two dark eyes.

Shizune moved in front of her, serious. "How are you feeling?"

How was she feeling? She wondered about that, too. She wasn't calm; that was for sure. But she wasn't as anxious as before either. It was a mix of both. How would you rate average again?...

"I'm good."

Shizune sighed and allowed a smile. "You've reacted differently, Sakura-chan. I'm so proud of you."

Sakura returned the smile and whirled behind for her dad, who was also looking at her and wearing the same expression together with Tsunade. After a long time, Sakura was finally sharing an achievement with her dad.

"Do you think you could go on?" Shizune asked.

With confidence this time, Sakura nodded. "Of course!"

In the next exercise, the earmuffs were removed. And after Sasuke fired the gun…

Nothing.

She had jolted a little and she guessed that was normal. But other than that? Sakura was fine. Nothing could harm her at this moment. A gunshot doesn't always mean a loss of life. She was beginning to associate it with preserving life instead… saving it.

"Since you're giving positive responses, how about we move up to a whole new level?"

Something about Shizune's careful tone made Sakura perceive she wasn't going to like this idea.

Shizune continued. "Are you up to the challenge of shooting a gun? It may seem too much, but that way, you can have a different perspective of how a gunshot works. You could experience it from the source. Do you think you can do it?"

Since her dad was watching and she also wanted to test how far she had conquered her phobia, Sakura agreed.

During the trainings with her Kakashi-sensei, Sakura had never been introduced to the proper way of handling a gun. For one, she had always avoided guns and refused to even touch them.

There were a couple of handguns on the desk before her. Check. She had the earplugs and overhead earmuffs on. Check. She wore the safety goggles. Check. And a 'trainer' with the same safety gears was with her. Check.

She figured it out. Her reflexes were delayed. The nervousness just hit her now, while she stood directly in line with the target and Sasuke situated right behind her. Yes, he was the 'trainer'.

Sakura cleared her throat. "O-kay… I'll have to pick a gun first, right?"

Sasuke extended an arm and grasped one of the handguns in front. "Use this. It's a 22 caliber. Suitable for starters."

Sakura took the cold metal from his hand with care, avoiding contact with his hand. "Thanks."

"Point it downrange."

"What?" Sakura turned to him, and she cursed herself for doing so, because his face was only inches from hers. She wanted to look away, but her body wouldn't follow her mind's message. Her eyes were glued at his, until one of his brows twitched.

"Point it towards the ground."

She spun her head to its original direction, so fast, that her neck could've snapped. She did as he instructed. "Oh, right."

"Keep that in mind. Always point a gun in a safe direction, which is downward. Keep your finger off the trigger. Even if the safety is on, you have to be cautious. You can only touch the trigger once you have a clear target."

"'Kay, got it." He's really good at firearms AND bossing people around.

"Now, hold the gun with your right hand alone, and point it towards the target."

This is kinda heavy with just one hand. Now what?

"Make sure you're gripping it tightly. Imagine you're suspended on top of a building. That's the only thing you're clinging to."

Sakura gripped the handle so tight, that her knuckles started turning white.

"Good. Now, cup the other hand over your right to keep it steady." Sasuke stepped forward beside her and pointed at the side of the gun, where both her thumbs were at. "Keep your thumbs away from the slide. This pops sharply backwards when the gun's fired."

Sakura nodded. Wow. I didn't know there are so many rules. It looks easy enough when he does it.

"Position your feet shoulder-width apart. Put your left foot forward. Bend your knees slightly. Your right hand should be straight, while the other was bent in an obtuse angle. That's the firing posture."

It's like I'm in the army.

Sasuke pointed at the little protruding metals on top of the gun. "These are the front and rear sights. In aiming a gun, these two should be aligned, along with the target. Aim by looking with your right eye and closing the other."

Oh… So that's what those bumps are for. Sakura closed her left eye and tried to align the sights with the target, while Sasuke stepped behind her once again.

"Uh… There, it's set."

"Focus on the front sight. It's the most accurate way of shooting…"

Sakura froze. His words turned into a blur. All the senses in her body shut down. All, but her right ear; where his throaty voice created a melody, where his breath fanned the skin therein.

"…of the target. Now, you're ready to load the gun."

Huh? What's he saying? Dammit!

"Point it downrange, then pull back the slide."

"The what?"

"The top barrel."

"Oh…" Sakura managed to pull the slide with a click, albeit with difficulty, before pointing the gun back at the black circle.

"Time the firing with your breathing." His mouth was near her ear again, making her shiver involuntarily. Sasuke had lowered his head to her height, trying to look through the sights as well.

Why does he have to be so close?

"The best time to shoot is upon exhaling, right before you take another breath. Practice that."

I swear he could talk forever when it came to stuff like these. "Okay." Sakura practiced the breathing exercise over and over again.

"Get ready to fire." Sasuke pointed at the rear side of the gun. "This is the safety lever. It's the switch that prevents the trigger from moving. I'll turn it off now."

What Sakura was about to do sank into her consciousness. She was about to fire a gun! Oh, God…

"Remember, grip it tight. Or you'll throw off your aim."

She was gripping it all right, to the point where her hands shook, but then so were her knees. What if something went wrong? What if this would result in another panic attack?

Sasuke must have noticed her anxiety, because he stretched his arms in front and put his hands over hers to steady the gun.

The skin contact distracted Sakura's thoughts. An electricity-like sensation covered her hands. And all the nerve endings there activated. His grip tightened, compressing her fingers onto the gun handle.

"You create your fear. You can destroy it." Came Sasuke's voice behind her ear.

Was he… encouraging me?

"Focus on the front sight. Not on the target. The top of the sight should touch the bottom of the circle."

Sakura tried to ignore his hands and make sense of his words. It wasn't easy.

Focus Sakura. Inhale, exhale, then shoot. Inhale. Exhale. Then shoot. Inhale… Exhale…

BANG!

Bull's-eye

Sakura was a statue, and so was Sasuke. A day passed by, before she realized she had already done it.

"I did it." She whispered.

Sasuke let go of her and stepped back. "Hn. Not bad."

Slowly, she placed the gun on the desk and turned around to face him. Sakura couldn't contain her joy any longer and beamed.

"I did it!"

Shizune ran towards her and hugged her in delight. "Congratulations! You've overcome your fear, Sakura-chan!"

"Thank you, Shizune-san." Sakura glanced at the window glass, and her moment of happiness plummeted.

Her dad wasn't watching. He was immersed in a conversation with Tsunade, and they were laughing together. It wasn't long before Kizashi looked at them and met her eyes. Turquoise eyes widened with realization, and then he rushed out of the observation room, followed by Tsunade.

Once he arrived at the range, Kizashi grasped her shoulders. "Honey, you've fired a gun?"

Sakura nodded and forced a smile.

Then her dad held her close in an embrace. "I'm so happy for you. That might've been difficult on your part."

How would you know? You hadn't been paying attention.


Sakura rolled on bed. Why did sleep have to be so elusive these days?

She needed to sleep – to escape from this living nightmare called life, even just for hours. She wanted to forget how she had almost everything she desired and not have them at the same time.

Her dad really had a habit of disappointing her.

Sakura scoffed. That's old news.

And she never learned the lesson. To have strong hopes also meant a great chance of self-destruction. Every failed expectation was an explosion, and the debris of hopes piled up to a collection of downfall souvenirs.

She had a lot of those souvenirs, but Sakura always end up trying to make a new hope out of them; only for it to be shattered again and again, creating smaller pieces from the chunks.

Sakura unconsciously gripped her pendant.

At times like those?

…like now

She just needed to stay strong.

Sakura glanced at the alarm clock on her bed side.

10:55 PM. Only five minutes away before Sasuke's shift ends.

After the way she had treated him, who would've thought he was the most willing person to be with her in times of trouble? Given that he was a bodyguard, and it was part of his job, Sasuke offered more than just protection. He offered company… maybe even a friend.

He could tolerate all her craziness, he lectured her whenever she did a 'wrong' thing, and he was just there during her critical moments, giving support. His presence alone was an assurance that she was free from harm.

It's just bodyguard nature.

The episode at the firing range was an example. As soon as those onyx eyes came into view, the fear dissipated with the gun powder into the air duct.

His eyes just reminded her of Sakumo-san, or her Kakashi-sensei. They just happened to have the same eyes. She was just relating Sasuke to her previous protectors.

Yeah, that's probably it.

Then Ino's knowing smile popped in mind. 'I think you're in love, Sakura.'

No, she didn't have any other feelings for Sasuke. She just wanted to be friends with him, the same friendship with Naruto.

She liked his reliability. She didn't like-like him.

No, I don't.

But Sakura was aware that underneath those piles of affirmation, three capital and bold letters had joined together, forming the word 'LIE'.