Chapter 2: The Interview?

I sit upon a rather comfortable red-padded chair across from the evil woman. The hearth is ablaze, crackling and sparkling. It find it interesting that the flames are green rather than orange.

As we sit with our tea, I take in my surroundings. For an evil castle, this room is actually quite pleasant. There are some thick books that line very large bookcases, shelves that house all sorts of creatures kept inside vials, a table that with a map upon it, and a globe. This woman seems to be very intelligent and calculating.

"What are those books about?" I inquire, taking a sip of my tea. I cringe at its bitter taste.

Maleficent cocks her head to the side and very eloquently explains, "Bitch please! Those are my thingies!"

"What?"

"You know, man! Those things you open and close! They're mine! All mine! And NOT yours!"

"..."

"Yeah! I'm bad! You ain't got nothin' on Maleficent!" She gets up and starts dancing erratically, waving her staff in the air. "You will quake with fear when I ..."

"What the fuck you saying, bitch?"

She pauses and shakes her head. "My bad! I must have got carried away." She clears her throat and sits back upon her chair. "Anyway," she begins regaining her composure, "those books contain all the spells, rituals and philosphies of the forces of evil."

I nod politely. "What is the most important thing you've learned from your studies?"

"I believe it was ... that I'm the most powerful being in the world."

"You got that from your books?"

"No."

"What the hell, man?"

"I''m a woman, damnit!" she says raising her staff high overhead. "You will remember that I'm a woman!"

"Yes, sir."

"You worthless fool! Care to repeat that?"

"No. Anyway," I respond and sigh heavily."So were you born evil? Have you known good?"

She places her tea upon the table next to her. She thinks about this for a moment, stroking her evil chin with contemplation. "Yes I have, though it sort of crept up on me. I knew I was always a different fairy "

"You're a fairy?"

"Yes." She looks warily at me. "Anyway, I was appalled by goodness. It made me sick. The only thing I could do to make me happy was to make others unhappy. Seeing people in fear and in pain and in suffering because of me is something so ... gratifying."

"Why?"

"Because I feel powerful! Unstoppable!"

"Interesting," I respond. I begin to wonder if causing pain and suffering are the only things that make her happy. "Does this conversation make you happy?"

"Of course not," she remarks. "I'll kill you in a minute or so. But I do love making time for others to get to know me. Me! The Mistress of All Evil! You know, before I vanquish them."

"Good to hear," I respond trying to put her malevolence aside. "So, are you saying that ..."

"Not at all."

I fall silent. We begin to stare at each other. She blinks blankly, and then smiles. Then frowns. I do the same thing. She bares her teeth. I grimace. She raises a brow. I raise a brow. She cocks her head to the side. I follow. I imagine we both look like idiots.

"So," I begin at a loss. "What ... do ..."

"I most certainly do."

"Yes ... you do ... what?" I ask strained.

Her frightening yellow eyes narrow. "I think you've asked enough questions for a night." The orb on her staff is glowing a bright green. "I believe I'll destroy you now."

"What?"

"Ten seconds!" she bellows, raising her luminescent staff overhead.

I don't wait around to be struck by a curse. I hurry out the room and make my way through the castle. I run out to the courtyard, across the narrow pathways, over the abyss, and I'm nearly at the front gate. Then a green light flashes before me and I see Maleficent materializing.

"Too-bad-YOU! ... WILL DIIIIEEEE!"

Damn, I think. I really shouldn't have asked so many questions.

Just before I admit defeat, I hear something stir behind me. They quickly brush past me and circle Maleficent. The figure stops beside the Mistress and taps her on the shoulder. Maleficent turns and stares down at her. Suddenly I realize who it is and I can't help myself from calling out, "Spatterson? Is that you?"