Epilogue
The flowers fell to the dusty earth, scorched dry from the sun. Taylor put his hand back into his jacket, staring down at the ground, drifting into thought.
It had been ten years since he was last at this spot. Much has changed since then. He had gone to live with Cale on a salvage station, theTau-14, where he slowly adjusted to the peculiarities of space, and drowned himself in tedious work. A stranger had shown up one day when he was twenty years old, bringing with him chaos and taking with him Cale. Taylor was left behind with Tek, who died not long later. Alone, he waited with dim hope once again for Cale to return. A year later, he did. With him he brought a new home world, and Cale had transformed from Taylor's best friend to a figurehead for humanity. Taylor followed Cale and his wife to the new planet, and the happiness he had felt at Cale's return faded as they saw less and less of one another. Cale made sure, at least, that Taylor was well provided-for; he set Taylor up with a job at an agency, set up to help reunite the stranded fragments of humanity with one another. It was odd at first, settling into an office job: to wear a uniform, to work with people. As he slowly opened up to the experience of a community; as he helped people, and shared in the joy of families and friends brought back together; he began to believe that things could be better. He slowly began to smile again. He wanted to believe that there was a way to be free again.
Yet sometimes, he would be struck down by images that flashed through his mind, snippets of feelings that would swell up from nowhere, nauseating and horrifying him. More than once, he would find himself caught in the grip of some fragment replaying in his head. Living alone with only a cat for company, he found the easiest way to escape the flow of memories that tugged at his mind was to just drink himself to sleep. That was probably one of the reasons he found himself back here, Dover and Cody at his side, staring down at her grave.
Taylor glanced to his side. Dover stood staring at the ground, hands in his pockets, lost in thought. He had aged, and a faint beard was climbing up the sides of his face, but he was still much the same as he had been ten years ago – still cocky, still full of life. He and Taylor had split up ten years ago, Dover taking Cody to live on a Drifter Colony before moving to New Earth. Taylor and Dover got together sometimes to talk about how things were going, which is how Taylor came to learn that Dover was now married, and had a young daughter named Kaela. Taylor imagined she was just like her father – a firecracker, and a handful. Everything had worked out so well for Dover and his new family. Everything seemed so perfect. Unlike Taylor, Dover never seemed to think about how things were. He had no reason to.
Cody stood silently at Dover's side, hands in the pocket of an oversized sweatshirt, one blue eye and one green eye staring down at the grave. His platinum hair was hidden under a hood, a small braid on the side of his face falling down onto his shoulder. He slouched into his clothing as if he might disappear into them. Cody had grown up into a very quiet young teenager, who rarely spoke to anyone aside from Dover. He showed little interest in anything but music, and spent most of his time playing an antique acoustic guitar that Dover had scrounged up for him. Taylor was struck by how fast Cody seemed to have grown. He could only wonder what Cody was thinking as he stared down at the grave of a mother he had never really known. In his heart, Taylor regretted the distance he had kept from Cody since the boy was born. There were too many painful memories; too many feelings that came sweeping back every time he looked in Cody's eyes. There wasn't a day that went by that he didn't will himself to forget the circumstances surrounding Cody's birth; the things he did to keep Cody alive. Maybe one day, he thought faintly, he wouldn't be bound to those memories anymore. Sensing Taylor's gaze, Cody glanced up at Taylor, and Taylor looked away.
"Can we go now?" Cody muttered, toeing the ground.
Dover glared down at Cody in consternation. "Shh, Cody. This is very important to your uncle, so just cool it for a little bit, okay?"
"He's not my uncle," he mumbled. "This is stupid. Ow!" Cody rubbed the back of his head where Dover had tapped his palm.
"It's okay, Dover. I appreciate you guys coming," Taylor sighed, tearing his eyes away from the grave to glance off behind him. There was nothing left of the place he had once known; just the skeletal remains of a windmill, and some ruins. Nostalgia was mixed with a confused pain.
Dover thumped his hand on Taylor's shoulder. "Hey, it's no problem. You ready to go home?" Taylor nodded slowly, and they turned away, Cody leading the way. Taylor and Dover strode next to one another, Taylor staring off towards the horizon line. "So? Did you find what you were looking for?" Dover asked, cutting into Taylor's thoughts.
Taylor glanced at Dover, and felt himself smile. "Maybe."
Author's Note: What to say... when I started working on this, I was about Tai's age at the beginning of the story, and I didn't have any intentions beyond a short story revision. I couldn't have expected that this would have turned into something of an epic that would weave into my life and draw out for almost six years. My writing and these characters have aged as I have, and I feel like the story grew darker as I grew older... which accounts for much of the delay, since eventually I went back to the oldest material and tried to make it sync up with the even darker vision, and more distinct style, that I developed as I matured. If you've been reading this as I've been uploading it, then I highly advise going back. This is the version as I intended it to be, though I imagine even in twenty years, I still won't be satisfied with it. The ending of this got dragged out over so many years because it was so difficult to end. After all, there really is no ending. This is a story about losing innocence, losing freedom, loosing spirit... and as much as I see people writing these fairy-tale endings where a character goes through horrible things and comes out alright, there are just things that you lose forever. The rest you have to fight to get back. Through friends, through hopes, through dreams. Tai continues to live beyond the meager ending I could have written for this story. He continues to fight for a life that is his, for an ending he chooses. I think a lot of people go through this.
To those who have been following this whole time, thank you for sticking out this ride with me. For those who are new, thank you for giving this a chance. I stand beside Tai in hoping that one day there will be something beyond a "maybe".
