Author's note: I do not own………….ARG! I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT. HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY THIS?

Chapter four;

I woke up early in the morning. HOLY CRAP, it's only three in the morning. But I couldn't sleep. I turned on one side and sighed. This is not hleping. I turned on the other side. I closed my eyes and wished for sleep to find me before I have to face another day at hell…I mean school. But I couldn't sleep. So, I got up from bed and went to the bathroom.

After I turned on the lights, I put on my nightgown and looked at the mirror. My eyes had dark circles around them as if I haven't slept in two weeks. But I wasn't tired. Whatever. I don't have time for this. I turned the lights back off and jumped on the bed closing my eyes.

I could hear my video-game, Guitar Hero from here. They were playing 'In Bloom' by Nirvana and I was surprised. So that's what woke me up. They were playing it too loud!

After a few hours of turning and trying hard to fall asleep, I got up. This is not working. I turned light of my bedroom back on again and sat on the couch. I grabbed my journal. This book has records of my favorite songs, my poems, my songs and lyrics, my feelings and everything that another person can never know about me.

There was a knock on my door.

"Desy? May I come in?" I heard a voice asked. It was Rose. I wished it was Jasper. He always knows what to do. And right now I needed him more than ever.

"Yeah," I told her. I closed my journal and looked at my beautiful Aunt. She smiled one of her rare warm smiles and sat next to me.

"Can't sleep huh?" she asked. I nodded. "Me too."

At that we both kind of laughed.

"Anything on your busy head?" she asked. Her blond hair was shining right now, like literally. It was so beautiful that I felt like an ugly toad.

"I'm kind of nervous about this whole change, you know. Life is going to be different soon and I don't know if I'll make a good vegetarian vampire. If I….slip…I don't know if I'm ever going to live knowing I've drained the life out of people." There I said it. My fear, my shame. I thought Rose would just laugh and tell me that I worry too much but instead she wrapped around her cold arms around me and sighed.

"I know what that feels like but you know what? We're all going to help you with this. We love you and we won't let anything happen to you." She promised me. And instantly I felt better but not sleepy.

"Anything else you want to talk about?" she asked touching and messing with my hair and sniffing it now and then. God, it's like they're all addicted to the way I smell. When I hug them, they just smell my hair. Especially Esme, Carlisle and my mom. It's so strange.

"Yeah, would you please go out with this guy called Jared so he'd stop asking me to ask you out for him? It's driving me insane!"

Rosalie almost died out of laughter, if that's possible. But it'd be a really good way to die. Death out of laughter. Weird.

After Rose left my room and jumped on my bed and waited for the sun to rise so I could go to school. And after a few hours, the sun rose and I got up to take a shower and get ready for school.

School is getting worse. I remembered the first day at school when no one noticed me and now everyone knows me. Especially the girls. But they don't like me because of who I am or what I do. They just like to ask me questions about what type of girls Edward likes and what types of men does Bella like? Does Rosalie have a boyfriend? Can Emmett date me? All these questions. There was this girl in my English class, Brittany Goldman. On the first day of school, she was glaring and throwing me dirty looks but today she was smiling at me and telling me how much she loved my messenger bag. Total fake. She asked me about Edward a lot until I asked the teacher to sign me a pass to the nurse.

When the bell ran to announce it was time for lunch, I got out of the nurse's office and sat on a random table. Soon a lot of people came including my parents and Rose with Emmett. I wasn't hungry but today was Edward's turn so we both got our lunches and sat together to eat. I peaked at Brittany Goldman who was winking at me and pointing at Edward. He smirked evilly at me.

"What is going on?" he asked as if he can't read Goldman's twisted thoughts.

"I can't believe I'm saying this but I wish you could read my mind right now and know how much I hate these fakers. Especially that annoying little brat who thinks she's your future wife."

Edward burst out laughing. He knows how mad I get when people hit on him. Sometimes I wish I could just tattoo 'I'M MARRIED! STAY AWAY' sign on his forehead. I'm so mad right now. Where's Jasper when you need him?

After I ate lunch with my family, it was time for another class with that stupid teacher and stupid guy Warren. I groaned and got out of the cafeteria, muttering how much I hate school and Warren, and my English teacher.

"Remember, the project is due tomorrow." The teacher warned us as if we're all going to be able to finish it.

We all sat on our regular seats with our partners and started on the project. Sonnet 18 huh? Well that was my father's favorite and he thought me a lot about it. 'Shall I Compare Thee to A Summer's Day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate…' it's so beautifully written and so well thought that it just takes your breath away. You could fell Shakespeare's love to his beloved one in every verse of that Sonnet. That guy is a genius.

"Hey War, hi Dess." Jared sat next to me and flashed his teeth. I tried so hard not to laugh, staring at the green spinach stuck in his teeth. Don't laugh. Don't laugh.

"So, what are you guys working on?" he asked.

"Sonnet 18." Warren said coldly. He was in a bitter mood today. Jared put one hand on Warren's shoulder as if to calm him down. I felt it was too deep and concealed so much secret that wasn't meant for me to know so I looked down at my paper and kept quiet. What is wrong with Warren? Why is he always quiet and negative? What caused him to act this way?

"War, you guys didn't even start the thing. Speaking of work, did you ask Rose about…?" Jared looked at me again. I started laughing.

After he met my gaze, his eyes just dropped like a cute puppy that was denied a dog treat. That only made me laugh harder.

"Dude, I was not making fun of you. But there's something stuck in your teeth and Rose can't go out with you. She's dating Emmett, for a long time. Reeeeaaaly long time." I'm talking more than fifty years here.

"So how are things between you and Max?" I asked Jared. She was his new English lab partner but they had a thing for each other, which ruined the project.

"Okay, we went to the skateboard park yesterday and it was really fun."

I smiled to let him know how happy I am for him. But the smile didn't feel right so I shut my lips and let my bad mood wash over me. I wanted nothing more than this day to end so I could go home and sleep.

The bell rang, announcing it was time to go home. I collected my papers and shoved them inside my bag and got out of class and head to my locker. The hallway was a little crowded, everyone rushing to the door so they could go home. I opened my locker and took my sweater and Geometry book out. Ugh, I totally forgot, I'm supposed to meet Warren at five today so we could go to Port Angeles library.

Wow, there's something to look forward to I mutter sarcastically to myself.

"Dess, wait." I heard someone say. I turned around to face Jared who was running to get to my locker. I waited patiently.

"Hey." he said as if he doesn't know where to begin.

"Hi. Anything wrong?" I asked.

He took a deep breath as if he's going to start pushing a mountain down the well. I wondered what is making him act like this.

"Listen, I know you really don't like War, but he's really nice once you get to know him."

I raised my eyebrows.

"Dude," I snapped, "he's the one who's glaring at me like I killed his cat or something."

Jared smiled sadly at me and shook his head.

"I'm not here to argue with this, I just want you guys to be friends. This whole i-hate-war-and-i-hate-dess is not working for me."

This only got me madder.

"Well sorry it isn't working out for you, buddy." I said unemotionally. "Forgive me if I killed that guy when we come back from the library. I'm only making the world a better place by cleaning up the waste."

Jared cracked up. His action made me want to coke him. He saw my Evil Glare and quieted down, his face changing into serious.

"I know he's been a bit weird, but there's so much going on his life right now that he can't handle it. His mother committed suicide and his father has never even paid attention to him. He's this depressed guy who lives in La Push. Please don't judge War. It's what everyone would do if they're going through the same things he's been through."

I froze, like I can't even breathe.

So that's what's going on?

"This is real life buddy. Not everything is flowers and bunnies and rainbows." Warren's words rang in my head fresh in my mind. I shrugged and felt Goosebumps rising in my arms.

"Oh." I said.

"So please go easy on him, he's just my best friend and I don't want him to get hurt than he already is."

I felt a new wave of appreciation for Jared. No wonder girl's (who can't get the Cullens) just throw themselves at him. He's just sensitive, protective and really nice.

"Well I gotta scram. I'm avoiding Max. She wants me to give her a ride to her Ex-boyfriend's house. If she asks you where I am, tell her I'm with the other guys."

I almost laughed. I felt bad for him though. Why would she ask him to give her a ride to her ex's house? Even I can't trust her to go there and return without something happening.

I found father in his car with Bells in the car when I reached the school's parking lot. He was listening to that stupid classical music again and I saw Rose's face stiffen as she got closer to the car. I jumped into the car and tried to touch the radio but dad grabbed my hand and yanked me back. I frowned.

"Hey, that's so not fair! I hate this old guy."

"He's name is Debussy and he's a really talented person." My father defended his favorite composer. I rolled my eyes and buckled my seatbelt. I closed my eyes when dad started the car to the highway.

When we got home I did the first thing I wanted to do. I called Jasper. He wasn't picking up his phone. So I dialed Alice. She picked up at the first ring.

"Hi Desy, how are you?" she asked.

"It's Dess but I'm good. How is the thingy going?" I asked.

She laughed lightly but I felt as if it's a forced laugh.

"We didn't start yet. We're in this hotel and I still need time to find my niece. But I have a feeling it won't take too long."

I talked to Alice for almost an hour sitting gin my bedroom and her telling me everything about the place where she's at. She described in detail what the hotel looked like, the places she's been to, her niece (in her vision) and she asked about me in return. I left out the Warren and Jared part and told her everything.

"So what else is new?" she asked me. "Oh wait, yesterday, what happened? You didn't sleep, did you?"

"I guess I had too much to think."

"Dess, I don't think so. You could sleep for thirteen hours and still complain for not getting enough sleep. But last night you only slept for four hours and you didn't feel sleepy at all."

I still didn't know where she was heading.

"Dess, this is it. The Transformation."

Oh.

OH. The Transformation. The one with me turning into a vampire.

"Alice?" I asked in a small voice. "When am I going to start drinking blood? Do you see it?"

I waited nervously until Alice sees her vision. I felt my heartbeat speed up. Drinking blood is not something I'm looking forward to. I don't want to be a dependent parasite. I love vampirism and everything about it except the drinking blood.

"Sweetheart, you're going to start that after I come back home. But there are so many flickers, I don't even know if they're real anymore."

I tensed a little bit.

"What do you mean, flickers?"

Alice took a deep breath.

"I can't see you, darling. There're some things I can see but there too many holes. I could see you becoming a vampire but I don't know when or where or how. It is like eating. I see you eating it but I don't know where you ate, why you ate, what you used to eat, how you ate, all these are missing. It's really complicated."

It sort of made sense to me but I asked her anyway.

"So you see me becoming a vampire but you don't know when, why, where or how?"

"Exactly. Oh darling, are you scared?" she asked.

"No, it's just the blood I'm not looking forward to."

Alice laughed and I laughed with her, knowing everything will be alright. I just have to hold on. But to what?

"Hello sweetheart. The manager just arranged a new room for us. I think you'll like it. It has great view." I heard Jasper's voice and took it as my cue to go. I said goodbye and hanged up the phone. God I've spent an hour and a half with Alice.

I ran to my back and ran downstairs. It was time to leave to Port Angeles Library with that Warren. I took a deep breath and stepped outside.

It snowed here today. Everything was white and everything was covered in the beautiful blanket. God I loved it. Walking on the snow just made me want to sleep on it and never ever get up. It's so beautiful, so clear. I wish it wasn't so cold though. My best friend Sam had fun throwing snowballs on my face. He was so excited too. Its January baby, anything is possible. New Year, new beginning...

PS: I wonder how you say 'snow' in other languages.

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