Next Chapter. Enjoy!
Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble,
and he saved them from their distress.
He sent forth his word and healed them;
he rescued them from the grave.
- Psalm 107:19-20
The room stills instantly. The TV turns itself off with a bright snap, the furniture drops to the floor and Merlin gapes wordlessly for a long moment before gasping, "Gwaine? Is that really you?"
Arthur rolls his eyes. "Sure. It's not to much to believe that Gwaine is real. Arthur? No, never. But Gwaine? Oh, yes it's perfectly acceptable for him to come back from the dead."
Merlin doesn't respond. His entire being remains fixated on Gwaine as the knight slowly approaches and kneels at the bedside.
"Yeah, Merlin. It's me. Been a while huh?"
Merlin laughs wildly. "A while? Where's the fire and brimstone? What could possibly require the King to return Now! after all these years!" Tears run unnoticed down his cheeks as he turns towards Arthur. "Is he real too?"
Gwaine snorts. "The Princess? As much as we don't want him to be, yes." He locks eyes with Merlin and nods slowly and emphatically. "Arthur's real too Merlin."
"But, but-" Viciously he turns again pinning Arthur with a fearful stare. "What was the last thing you said to me before I woke up in the hospital? Tell me!"
Arthur shakes his head. "I hadn't met you in this life before the hospital. The first I knew of your whereabouts was the afternoon after you were admitted."
"You're not lying to me?"
Arthur's first reaction is to swear that he'd never lie to him. The ill-advised wording of that response, truthful as it may be, strikes him before he can get the words out and instead he murmurs, "I'm not. I swear on Excalibar, I'm not."
Merlin nods fretfully. Muttering to himself he seems to take no further notice of his two friends until Arthur once again asks, "But why Gwaine and not me?"
Merlin raises his head and shrugs. "I never saw Gwaine. Never in fifteen thousand years."
Arthur's head snaps around. The hints line up in his brain. "You've never been real. Not since you died." - "It's only been ten years this time. Last time it was five and before that 20." - "I was no more crazy than anyone else then" - "Never in fifteen thousand years."
Slowly he reaches for Merlin's hand and then pauses seeking out Merlin's eyes for permission. Merlin doesn't say a word but his eyes are locked on Arthur's and he doesn't protest as Arthur slips the cold fingers into his own and squeezes them for reassurance.
"Merlin?"
The warlock tilts his head.
"You didn't wake up like the rest of us did you?"
Merlin frowns slightly and then shakes his head.
Arthur's voice hitches in his throat at the unwelcome, unimaginable conclusion. "You never left. You've been here. All this time. All those centuries."
Gwaine turns from one to the other and back looking for an explanation. Neither speaks. Warlock and King lock eyes reading each other back and forth.
I was waiting for you.
I searched everywhere.
Do you forgive me?
For everything.
Merlin's fingers tighten weakly around Arthur's own.
I'm not letting go again.
You won't have to.
I don't believe you.
You will.
Arthur's almost given up on a reply when Merlin whispers back, "No. I never really left. Not really."
OoO
The whole day has been a whirl of surprise and so much joy and laughter that his heart aches with it all. Arthur is alive. Arthur is here. Arthur is here and alive and doesn't hate him and doesn't want him to die and, and. And Gwaine. Gwaine is here too. And so are the others; Percival and Elyan and Lancelot and Guinevere. Uther too. That's not so good. He wonders if Morgana and Morded, Nimue perhaps or Morgouse, are they back too? He pushes the worry out of his thoughts. If they are he'll deal with them later. Right now he needs to get better. Arthur had said so. Had he mentioned that Arthur wants him here? Arthur wants him here, not as a tool but as a friend. He'd sworn that he would do anything for Arthur and all Arthur asked of him was to get better. How is that possible?
Arthur has returned. His thoughts run around in giddy circles as he watches his two friends swiftly pack and stow their duffle bags full of clothing, medical supplies, and Gwaine's equipment in the SUV Gwaine had rented for the purpose of this trip. One of those bags is his. It's mostly empty for now. Gwaine had gone out and bought jeans and a long sleeved t-shirt upon Arthur's request but he's wearing those now. The only items his bag are the hospital nightdress and a burn phone that he's not entirely sure he knows how to use. In the ten years since he'd last changed his identity he'd been mostly cloistered away from the world. He's more familiar than he ever wanted to be with the most up to date practices in psychiatric treatment but beyond that everything is a bit of mystery, mostly familiar yet none to strange and new at the same time. He wonders when and why everything had started speeding up. He used to be able to retreat into isolation for fifty years and return to find the same villages and occupants going about life the way their ancestors had done since times unknown.
He peers out from beneath his hoody at the grimy hotel they'd occupied for the last day and night while Merlin regain enough of his strength to pull off normal. Apparently Gwaine and Arthur had dragged him into the place declaring that their companion had gone and drunken himself into oblivion. That wouldn't have worked so well a second time. When he'd asked where they were headed Arthur had told him that it depended on the phone call he was about to make. To Uther. He hadn't been able to ask again after the call as Arthur had hung up extremely irritated and in no mood to elucidate things. Gwaine had shrugged sympathetically and told him it was the Princess' show.
Speaking of Princesses. Merlin sighs in almost frantic relief as Arthur and Gwaine emerge from the lobby, throw the last sack in the back and then hop in. Upon Merlin's insistence Gwaine had taken the wheel so that Arthur could sit in the back with him. Leaning his head upon his liege's arm Merlin closes his eyes in preparation for another nap.
"Not yet Merlin."
Arthur elbows him. It's gentle enough for Merlin to consider ignoring it save for the fact that every time Arthur's arm moves it jolts Merlin's head.
"What do you want Arthur? I'm tired!"
Arthur chuckles darkly. "Well that's your own fault. I've got a few more questions."
Merlin buries his head in his hood to avoid meeting Arthur's eyes. What he'd done had seemed so reasonable at the time and he'd never imagined Arthur would disapprove. After all, Arthur had told him he'd be waiting right? But apparently hallucination Arthur and real Arthur had very different ideas about what is ok and what is not. And real Arthur is very much angry at Merlin for trying what he had and very much relieved that it hadn't worked. That had led to a series of very painful questions for the both of them. But in the end it boils down to, what Arthur wants, Merlin will not refuse.
"What?"
Arthur drapes an arm around his shoulders and allows Merlin to rest against him again. "I read your file from Ashwood."
Merlin stiffens and then nods. Of course he would have. Arthur, it seems, would have done anything to get Merlin back, something Merlin doesn't quite understand but none the less can do nothing about.
"It said you were picked up as a five year old from the doorstep of one Uther Pendragon… my father."
Merlin relaxes. This is a much better conversation than what he'd done to his arms and why.
"I saw the name Pendragon and knew I had to investigate. I thought a kid would be in less trouble for breaking and entering than the twenty something I was at the time. But I didn't recognize anything. Uther was too young. I was going to come back after I was taken away but I-"
"Yes?"
Merlin bows his head. How is it that all conversations circle back to the one he doesn't want to have? "I started hallucinating again. It comes and goes. Sometimes I go years without one. I think becoming a child was a bad idea. To much emotion. They slipped out."
"Thank you for telling me."
Arthur buries his fingers in Merlin's hair, stroking the younger boy's head and shoulders until Merlin drifts off to sleep, a small smile of contentment just visible in the quirk of his lips. Gwaine looks back in the mirror and Arthur smiles at him. Everything's really going to be ok.
OoO
"I can't pretend to know how you feel/ But know that I'm here/ know that I'm real/ Say what you want/ or don't talk at all/ I'm not going to let you fall"
Merlin spends the most of the trip from Liverpool to Bristol sleeping or incredulously absorbing every detail of the two people who'd reentered his life so long after he'd given up all hope. Occasionally Arthur asks him questions. Mostly he just takes every opportunity to reassure Merlin. I'm here. I'm real. I'm not going anywhere without you. Later, years and years later when the hurts have faded and everything's perfect again they may tease each other; about Merlin's neediness; about Arthur's tenderness, but both know that for now such banter will have to wait. As much as Merlin is almost childlike in his refusal to leave Arthur's side, his need is echoed in Arthur's refusal to let Gwaine take Merlin back to Leeds where he would be both hidden from Uther and under the care of someone who knows a lot more about hiding from the law than an all star high school business wiz. And as much as Arthur is almost unrecognizable as the same person in his tenderness towards his long lost friend, his softness is equaled by the gentle skill with which Merlin alludes to his attempted suicide, hallucinations and other hurts so as to not bring Arthur's guilt and anger to the forefront.
"Lean on me/ when you're not strong/ and I'll be your friend/ I'll help you carry on/ for it won't be long/ till I'm going to need/ somebody to lean on"
Gwaine is in there too. When Arthur leaves them waiting in the car, Gwaine is there to hold Merlin in place and promise that Arthur will come back. When Merlin's clingyness finally sends Arthur over the edge of patience Gwaine is there to take the heat and remind Arthur not to let loose in front of Merlin.
"Hold on to me as we go/ as we roll down this unfamiliar road/ and though this wave is stringing us along/ just know you're not alone/ I'm going to make this place your home"
At one point, after Gwaine's radio station again switches midsong to a sappy pop song, Arthur asks the question both knights have been dying to ask for the past two days. "What's with your magic?"
Merlin, despite knowing Arthur knows, and despite knowing that Arthur had already forgiven him, proceeds to freak out, trembling uncontrollably as he shoves Arthur away for the first time since he'd first laid eyes on him again. Arthur simply watches him with concern until it becomes clear that Merlin isn't going to calm down on his own and then guides Merlin through remembering how to breath. For a while after that Merlin can't look at either of them for the embarrassment but eventually they get their answer. "I can't control it very well. My magic, I mean. It's, it's very touchy around electronics. Or vica verca. I'm not really sure. But it has something to do with the batteries and the circuits. Magic can be used to power them just as well as electricity can. So if I'm not concentrating things like that tend to happen around me. Sorry Gwaine"
Gwaine shrugs. "No problem mate. Who wouldn't want to be able to find any song they wanted just by thinking about it? Do have a question for you though. Is the lovely arrangement today purely at random?" He grins wickedly. "Or have your emotions played a significant part?"
Merlin's expression of horrified amusement is admission enough and leaves Gwaine on a high for over an hour all because he'd been able to make Merlin smile like that; like he used to in Camelot when he drug Gwaine back from the tavern at some ungodly hour of the morning laughing at Gwaine's wildly drunken storytelling; like nothing had changed and everything was going to be ok.
"When life leaves you high and dry/ I'll be at your door tonight/ If you need help, If you need help/ I'll shut down the city lights/ I'll lie, cheat, I'll beg and bribe/ to make you well, to make you well"
On account of driving first up to Leeds to drop the rental off (Gwaine had simply 'borrowed it' and left cash in payment so as to be untraceable) and to let Gwaine give his boss notice that he would be gone for longer than he'd planned before heading south, it is approaching dusk by the time they pull into Bristol. Merlin is almost dead asleep. Gwaine has checked them in and brought in nearly all of their luggage before Arthur can wake Merlin enough for him to drag his way inside and collapse on the nearest bed.
And if Arthur falls asleep on the pullout couch listening to alarm clock/radio play lullabies he doesn't mind in the slightest.
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