A/N: There are a few lines that sort of expand? (don't know if that's really the right word) on the scene in season one about Elena telling Damon that they have something (and she says "an understanding"). It's referenced here in the story, and that part is inspired by the season 1 scene.


The next time she sees Damon, he's at the bar of the Mystic Grill with a glass in hand.

"Since when did you come here on a Tuesday afternoon?" She's quiet, unsure of how to approach him.

"Ugh. You again?" he groans.

"Hi Damon."

"Do you ever just stop? I don't know, just pause for a second and think, 'Hey, maybe I've done enough damage and I should leave people alone when it's obvious they don't want to be bothered?'"

"Not when it's worth fighting for. And what we have – what we had," she corrects, "- is worth fighting for." Damon just stares straight ahead so she goes on. "Do you mind if I…" she asks, motioning to the stool next to him. He just shrugs and sighs loudly to make his displeasure clear.

"It's a free country, I guess." It's progress, she thinks. He's not rejecting her outright after all. Maybe she's worn him down. She's done a lot of thinking and a lot of writing, and she's finally ready to face the facts. She has feelings for Damon. She was just too stubborn to admit it. She just hopes now that he's willing to listen.

"You're still mad," she says matter-of-factly.

"What gave you that idea?" He doesn't seem angry, but his comment doesn't make her any more at ease, so she doesn't move and continues to stand awkwardly at the table.

"I'm sorry." It's barely above a whisper, and he swears that if he weren't a vampire, he wouldn't be able to hear it. Damon tries not to look at her.

"No, really," she says earnestly.

"Sorry for what? Sorry for sleeping with me, or sorry that everyone found out about it?"

"Neither…sorry for being such a horrible person. That night…" she breathes, "That night was wrong for so many reasons."

"You're not helping your case."

"Let me finish, Damon," she starts softly, "At least hear me out. I feel like I've been practicing this speech forever and I always end up screwing it up before you let me finish." He frowns but doesn't say anything else. When she finally goes to sit down next to him, he doesn't object.

"I've thought about it a lot. That wasn't how it was supposed to be…our first time," she explains slowly. She's finally ready to face the facts that she has feelings for Damon. That she had them long before that fateful night. Now she just needs to tell him.

"It wasn't supposed to be all rough and violent. So…emotionless."

"It wasn't." Elena's heart almost breaks at his words, and she realizes just how much damage she has inflicted on Damon. She just hopes that her obliviousness doesn't ruin him and whatever's left of their relationship.

"We weren't supposed to be dealing with dumb curses and ancient vampires. Matt wasn't supposed to be dead and everyone wasn't supposed to be fighting Klaus without me. It wasn't supposed to happen when everything around us was falling apart."

"Why not? Maybe it was exactly how everything was supposed to happen. Nothing ever happens the way you plan it after all. You, out of all people, should know that by now."

"Because it wouldn't be about us. It would be about you mad at someone and me angry about something, and about us coming together because we needed each other at the moment."

"Is that so bad? Needing each other?"

"No," she admits honestly. "But I've needed you for quite some time now, Damon." If her admission is a surprise to him, he doesn't show it.

"Well, it happened, so now you have to face the music."

"I know, and I think I'm finally ready to. But I want to first say that I'm not Katherine," Elena starts. "I'm not psychotic and I'm not just using anyone I come into contact with to further my own agenda."

"I know you're not a murderous vampire bitch," he sighs begrudgingly. "I probably shouldn't have said that," he goes on, retracting his previous statement. She thinks he's actually being sincere and that this conversation could be heading in the right direction.

"I probably deserved it. Damon…you know I care about you so much."

"You care about me?" he asks, the words rolling off his tongue with distaste.

"More than care," Elena admits. Damon raises an eyebrow at the relative quickness of her response, but she pushes through. She doesn't want him to think that all this time he was wrong about the two of them. And she's tired of completely lying to herself. So she takes a deep breath and tries to calm her nerves.

"I think I have feelings for you, Damon," she says shakily, biting her lip. "I know I have feelings for you," she repeats, a little quieter but more resolute at the same time.

As she sits next to him in silence for lord knows how long, she begins to wonder if honesty is really the best policy. Because right now, she's feeling nauseous and sick and she certainly isn't feeling any better.


Damon stops swirling the rum in his glass and just sits there a little dumbfounded. He's kind of too stunned at her words to reply because he honestly thought that she would never admit she had any feelings for him…at least not now considering everything that's happened recently.

"I don't know when it happened, but it did and I can't just ignore it anymore. There was…is something going on between us." There's another long pause, and by now, Elena must be wondering if she's in a conversation with herself.

"Say something," she urges.

"What do you want me to say?" It comes out a little more roughly than he intends. Because he had loved her and she had basically torn him apart. He had tried so hard to forget about her…tried to tell himself that she didn't matter. He thought it had worked, but now he doesn't know what to think, let alone say.

"I don't know. Nothing, maybe…nevermind." She shakes her head nervously. "I love Stefan, though and that I know without a doubt."

"That's your big speech?" he asks in disbelief, his demeanor changing instantly. "It always revolves around Stefan, doesn't it? Why can't it be about us?"

"Because Stefan is part of this too!" she replies defensively, her tone meeting his. "No matter how much you don't want him to be, he'll always be there in the background. Stefan and I have a history and you two are brothers. He's going to be in this conversation."

"So how's it working out between you and Stefan?"

"I-I haven't talked to him," she replies, taken aback at his question.

"Convenient," Damon snorts.

"It's not like that. Damon…I'm worried about you. I want to fix things with you first."

"So now you're worried? It's not because he doesn't want anything to do with you anymore? Because he won't listen to all your desperate voicemails?"

"I want to fix things with you first," she reiterates firmly. "You're the one I'm constantly seeking out," she points out.

"Why? Why is it so important that you have to salvage us? You're the one who screwed everything up. Live with the consequences and let it be."

"I know and I can't. I mean, I don't want to. I want things to be back to normal again," she pleads.

"Normal is going back to denying everything between us. And we are so far past that now. You can't just pretend nothing happened. That's not how life works," he says spitefully.

"I'm not telling you to forget about it, Damon!" she raises her voice, "I'm telling you that I do have feelings for you and that I'd like to figure out what's going on between us. But that can't happen unless we stop with all this repetitive nonsense and actually start talking to each other again."

"So you want to go back to us being so-called friends while it's rainbows and puppies with Stefan. I'm always going to be second to him, right? Stefan will always be your number one choice."

"No-"

"Then, you want both of us to dote on you for the rest of our lives?" he cuts her off. "Just wait it out while you keep stringing us along trying to decide which one you like better?"

That's not what I'm saying at all," Elena practically yells, glaring heatedly. "I'm trying to have an open conversation with you, but you're not letting me!" She pauses a second and realizes how childish that sounds and that maybe she has been the problem the entire time. This conversation is getting a little too out of control for her liking anyway, so she retreats a little and takes a breath.

"Sorry."

"I'm used to it by now," he scoffs.

"You bring out this…this fire in me. I think-I think that's kind of why I like you, Damon. You make me feel alive and passionate. You push me when I don't want to be pushed and you tell me like it is."

"I sense a 'but' coming up."

"But Stefan…He's my first love and we've gone through so much."

"He's familiar," Damon rewords.

"No. He's sweet and caring. I trust him and he respects me –"

"You don't think I respect you? You don't trust me?"

"Of course I do, Damon. It's just…" she sighs heavily. "It's different with the both of you. There have been so many times that I want you, but I just need Stefan, and there have been just as many times when I want Stefan but I really need you." She looks away from him briefly as she continues.

"I-I get butterflies when Stefan looks at me," she says with a far-away look. "When you look at me, I just become a pool of liquid. So I know that we have…something," she admits, turning back to face him. She pauses before going on. "Something deeper than friendship and something deeper than just a bond. But I can't exactly say that it's love."

"I could," he tells her, staring into her eyes. And it's not a lie. He could tell her that he loved her all those months and years leading up to this. All those looks he gave her were for her and her alone. It was absolutely love on his part.

He just can't tell her that he feels the same way now. Not after the way she's treated him.

"I know," she says, before correcting herself. "I've known. But I don't want to lead you on or anything because I know what Stefan and I have is love. I just need to figure out what you mean to me."

There's another silence.

"Figured it out yet?" he asks fairly good-humoredly.

"No." She rolls her eyes in response. And it makes everything feel normal – right. Even if for only a moment. "But in the meantime, I never meant to do any of this to you, and I'd really like to be friends again. I'm not saying it so I can just test the waters and toy around with you and Stefan until I make a decision. I really just miss having you around. So will you forgive me, Damon?"

"No." It comes out a lot easier than he anticipated, but he had been practicing his response to this exact question for days now.

Elena's mouth parts in shock and confusion and all she manages is a quiet "Oh" as she hastily gets up to leave. "I-uh. I guess I've been wasting your time then."

But Damon's always been some sort of masochist, and his mouth starts moving before his brain can stop it.

"Elena…" he stops her. Elena turns around quickly and Damon stares into her big brown eyes. The eyes that used to unravel him so quickly and effortlessly. There's a look in her eyes that is innocent and genuine, and he can't help but see someone who really cares about him.

He gets up off his barstool to close the gap between them and when he immediately hears a change in her heartbeat, he knows she's lying to herself and everyone around her.

Because she's in love with him. He can see it in her eyes. It's the same look he had been giving her all these years. And there's something so satisfying about it. That she's finally - finally - reciprocating the same feelings.

But that still doesn't make everything okay.

"You don't deserve it. And I'm not sure you'll ever earn it." He turns his body after he sees her instantly deflate, but his brain still seems to be malfunctioning and he continues talking.

"But-," he stops her in her tracks again. She turns around questioningly. "If you can come to terms with your feelings for me, I need you to let me know. It's not fair to me or to Stefan."

"I know," she nods. She smiles a little bit as she leaves and Damon wonders if he's getting her hopes up. He shakes off the thought in the back of his mind that in reality, he just might be getting his own hopes up.


A/N2: The ending is in sight! And I can't emphasize how much I appreciate everyone's patience and anyone who's still reading. Seriously, you guys are awesome.