Chapter 17
There's many things Aomine enjoys about not being able to hear—but this has always been one of them, laying down in the grass beneath a tree as Nigou runs around and climbs over his body, watching the orange leaves over his head swish in tune with the wind, and not having to worry about anyone or anything else around him. It's like being in his own world with the sound of only his thoughts and the prickly feel of grass beneath his body. And it's what he needs right now, to isolate himself and clear his mind.
Nigou makes sure that he doesn't fall asleep. Every time Aomine shuts his eyes and begins drifting off, Nigou will run over to him and flatten his tongue against his cheek. Aomine gets irritated the first few times, but he figures he can't be mad at a dog who's only excited to finally be able to run around and play.
Like Kise. How can he be or stay mad at him when he knows how much music means to him? Kise is finally getting signed to a label, and it's exciting—he wants to see and experience the new things that come with the music industry. That's understandable. Or, that's what Aomine keeps telling himself.
The thing is, Aomine wants to be understanding. Lack of communication isn't a problem he only has with Kise, it's a problem he has with everyone. And it wasn't until Kise that it started bothering him. Before, he wouldn't even do so much as batting an eyelash at the thought of losing someone over something as trivial as communication. If a person can't figure out a way to deal with his inability to hear, then so be it, he wasn't going to go out of his way to communicate with someone. But with Kise it's different. Kise is doing everything to make things work, and Aomine will do the same.
Aomine closes his eyes and expects Nigou to start licking his face, but the seconds grow long and Nigou doesn't bother him. He takes advantage of the feat for a few more seconds before opening his eyes to make sure Nigou hasn't run off somewhere far, and when he does, Kise is hovering above him, his hair falling over his face and Nigou in his arms. Kise smiles his thousand watt smile, and Aomine starts to feel stupidly in love.
"Fucking finally, I've been waiting for about an hour," Aomine says, relieved and excited to finally see Kise after all these weeks.
Kise seems to glow even under the shade of the tree, and Aomine notices he looks flushed and pink all over, like he'd been running. Kise sits down next to Aomine and sets Nigou down between them.
I was rushing, Kise confirms, and tucks a strand of hair behind his ear before scratching Nigou beneath his chin. Nigou's tail starts wagging fast enough to hit a fly, and Aomine has to prop himself up on his forearms in order to keep from getting hit in the face. A soft breeze tickles Aomine's skin, and he watches the way Kise's hair blows around.
"You look nice," Aomine says, and Kise looks up at Aomine through his thick lashes and smiles. "Not that you… didn't look nice before you left." He then feels the need to clarify, and he internally curses himself for how stupid he probably sounds.
It's odd, how Kise can fray his nerves down to dust. He trips over his words and says things that cause him deep embarrassment when he goes home and thinks about it.
They don't speak much for the first ten minutes of their reunion, instead they take turns scratching beneath Nigou's ear and exchanging glances that are borderline intimate. He knows Kise has a lot to say, Aomine can see it in the twinkle of his eyes and the soft curve of his smile, like he's excited to tell Aomine whatever it is that's on his mind. It's a surprise Kise has been able to last so long without saying a mere word.
You're stomach is growling, Kise finally says, then gently pokes Aomine's belly.
I haven't eaten yet, Aomine says after swatting Kise's hand away.
They decide to head back to Aomine's apartment, since there's leftovers in the fridge and Aomine has already had Nigou for majority of the day. It's only a matter of time before Kuroko starts sending Aomine texts questioning the whereabouts of his dog.
Kise holds Nigou on the way back, though Aomine keeps the end of the leash wrapped around his hand, so they're sort of connected.
No one is home when Aomine and Kise arrive, and Aomine is internally grateful. The apartment is still, like it's been empty all day, and Aomine wonders if it's as quiet as it looks. Kise puts Nigou down then makes his way into the kitchen where he sits on the countertop. Aomine follows and goes to heat up some of the ramen Kagami made for dinner the prior night. They don't even bother sitting down at the table, instead they lean against the counter and occasionally against each other as they eat. When Kise is done, he kisses Aomine on the cheek and thanks him for the food, and Aomine scoffs in response.
"I didn't make it, Kagami did," Aomine says, then adds in, "But don't think that makes him the better cook, I've gotten better. I can make you a meal without burning down the kitchen now."
Kise laughs and rolls his eyes. I'm glad. I'm not so good at cooking myself.
Aomine takes their bowls and places them in the sink, too lazy to wash them out. "You're not good at much other than singing, honestly," he says lightheartedly and turns to face Kise with a lopsided grin.
I'll make you eat your words, you know. I bet there are hundreds of things I could beat you at.
And basketball isn't one of them, Aomine says. I kicked your ass the last time we played.
Just you wait and see. Kise points a finger, the competitiveness narrow in his eyes.
Aomine laughs, finding this side of Kise to be amusing and rather pleasant. Other than Kagami, there aren't many people who'll challenge Aomine this way.
I think I'm better than you at kissing too, Aomine adds in.
Says who? Kise deadpans. Maybe in your dreams, I'm the better kisser without a doubt.
Prove it. Aomine moves closer to Kise, feeling playful and mildly affectionate. Though all of that quickly dissipates when he notices Kise's reluctance, the way he glances out of the corner of his eye before leaning forward to close the distance. The change of mood is so sudden it takes Aomine off guard, like watching a movie go from good to bad in just two seconds.
Aomine moves out of the way, dodging what he's been yearning the past few weeks. "What was that about?" He asks.
Kise looks confused. What?
"If you don't want to kiss me, then just tell me. I wasn't trying to pressure you or anything."
It's not like that, I always want to. Kise frowns. It's just… there's a lot of things on my mind right now.
"Like what?"
Kise opens his mouth like he's going to say something aloud, then turns his gaze elsewhere again. It's always a punch in the gut seeing Kise stop himself from verbally speaking his mind, because Aomine knows he's hindering Kise in that way.
What does he sound like when he's like this? Does his voice shake? Does he choke on his words? Or does he speak sternly and clearly without a single doubt in his tone?
Aomine watches his lips carefully, hoping that he can somehow pick up on these small details by staring. Sometimes it takes all he has not to reach out and touch Kise's lips, feel the curve of his mouth and map it out. Definitely in moments like these when all he can do is look and imagine the sounds that fall past those lips.
It's not until Kise starts moving his hands that Aomine snaps out of his reverie and realizes he'd been staring. Either Kise doesn't notice or he's gotten used to it.
What was that phone call about the other night? Kise asks.
Some part of Aomine hoped they wouldn't talk about this so soon. Even though he promised Momoi that he'd talk to Kise as soon as possible about everything that's been bothering him, seeing Kise for the first time in weeks sort of made all those things seem irrelevant. Because there's no reason to worry about such things when they have each other now.
And then reality hits.
I was drunk, Aomine says simply, as though that much wasn't obvious. And when I'm drunk I do and say things I wouldn't ordinarily say.
So, if you weren't drunk, you would've never told me how you were feeling? Kise doesn't look pleased with this fact.
I don't know, Aomine says honestly. But does that really matter?
Yes, it does. Because it sucks knowing you have to be drunk in order to tell me what's really on your mind. You can't just keep things pent up like that. Relationships don't work that way, Kise says.
Aomine narrows his eyes, confused. Sure, he could have went about everything a different way, but what matters is he did tell Kise how he truly felt. And instead of going from there, what Aomine deems as progress on his behalf, Kise is taking ten steps back and looking at the picture as a whole. When he told Momoi he'd talk to Kise, this isn't what he had in mind.
He isn't sure if Kise is upset or not, but the look on his face certainly isn't the bright bubbly one it was only a few minutes ago. This guy… His mercurial temperament comes in waves, it's hard to keep up with him at times.
Aomine glances off to the side and takes a small step back, hoping that creating space will help steer his mind on the right track. It's hard to think properly when Kise is within arm's reach.
"Relationships don't work that way? I'm pretty sure not contacting your boyfriend for weeks at a time and making him worry isn't how relationships are supposed to work either," Aomine quips, confusion gradually turning into irritation. Kise's eyes widen a fraction, his lips parting like they usually do when he's stopping himself from speaking.
What makes Kise think he can scold Aomine about these sort of things, anyways? Aomine isn't sure how relationships are supposed to work, but he sure as hell knows that he's not the only one at fault. Aomine takes a deep breath, figuring since they're on the subject, it's probably best that he does exactly what Kise wants. Speak his mind.
"Look, what I did the other night was stupid and careless, but everything was true. Ever since we started hanging out, I've been feeling really shitty and self-conscious about not being able to hear you. You don't contact me for days and I start getting ideas… like What if he finds someone that can hear and appreciate his music? or What if he realizes I'm only hindering him?," Aomine says. "And I didn't want to tell you because… It seemed like a selfish thing to do."
Kise's expression softens and his lips press into a straight line. There's something about his expression that's remorseful, as though he's feeling sorry for Aomine, and it's that same expression that Aomine has been dreading seeing on Kise's face.
"Don't…" Aomine starts, only to have Kise cut him off by waving his hands around.
No, Kise says, suddenly stern. I don't care about any of that. I love you, and all that you are. I've never once pitied you for not being able to hear, so don't you start pitying yourself. You don't need to hear me to know that I love you.
Suddenly all the doubt filling Aomine dissipates, like a snap.
"You're right." Aomine admits aloud, running a hand through his hair as he momentarily shuts his eyes. "Just… don't think this means I want you to begin treating me different." He can tell his voice is losing its stability, lowering with each word. "Keep talking and laughing and singing and all that stupid shit, because even if I can't hear it—even if I wish I could hear it, I like seeing it."
Kise manages to catch and hold Aomine's gaze. "I won't," he says so Aomine can read his lips.
Aomine realizes then that falling for Kise is an endless drop.
"Good, and Kise?" Aomine hesitates, preparing himself to say something he doesn't usually say so freely. "I'm… uh… sorry." The apology probably sounds just as half-assed and awkward as it feels coming from his lips. But it's not half-assed, his words are truly genuine, even if it hurts his ego to admit it.
Kise laughs, a smile growing on his lips, then reaches up to tuck a strand of hair behind his ear. He nods a few times, silently accepting Aomine's apology. And I'm sorry as well.
They both stand silently for a few seconds, Aomine wondering what Kise is thinking as Kise stares at the ground. The conversation didn't turn out how he'd expected, but he supposes it didn't end so bad. He finally got what he needed to get off his chest, and Kise seems to understand. As well as vice versa. At least, he hopes.
We have a lot to work on, don't we? Kise finally says, bringing his gaze back up to Aomine.
Aomine shrugs, because yeah, they do. Being with Kise isn't easy, he determined that at the beginning of their relationship, but it's all worth it.
The worst part about the day was it didn't seem long enough. They laid in Aomine's bed, holding each other until their eyes forced themselves closed. Which seemed like a good idea at the time, but is now something Aomine is regretting as he struggles to rush and get ready for work.
Hours feel like seconds when he's with Kise, but seconds feel like hours when he's not. Aomine has learned that time is merciless and frugal.
As Kise brushes his teeth, Aomine approaches him from behind and rests his chin on his shoulder. Kise freezes, toothpaste dabbing the corner of his lips. His skin is scattered with fading marks, probably from being pressed into the mattress and tossed around the prior night. It's a look that suits him.
Get ready for work, Kise signs, then goes back to brushing his teeth.
Slowly coming to the realization that Kise doesn't have a toothbrush of his own in Aomine's apartment, Aomine narrows his eyes. "That is so disgusting," he says, realizing that the blue toothbrush in Kise's grip is his own.
Kise leans down and spits. Shut up, we've made out. It's practically the same thing.
"How is that the same thing?" Aomine pulls away and flicks the back of Kise's ear.
Kise turns around and loosely wraps his arms around Aomine's waist, pulling him closer with a smile so sweet Aomine can't help smiling back. He pecks Aomine's lips multiple times before letting him go and shoving him out of the bathroom.
"I need to piss," Aomine protests, though that doesn't stop Kise from shutting the door against his back.
Before making their way out the front door, Kise assures Aomine that their plans for the next day are still intact, and then they split their ways.
Momoi looks up from the table she's cleaning the moment Aomine steps into work, and she raises a brow. Aomine makes his way past her without even saying hello, because she has this way of knowing things, and the last thing he needs is Momoi interrogating him about the prior night.
He hopes that she can sense he doesn't want to talk about it. But it's not like hoping has done him much good the past few days.
You look like you got laid, a paper that Momoi slips into his back pocket reads, and Aomine rolls his eyes and crumbles it in response.
"That's none of your business. Shouldn't you be working," Aomine looks over his shoulder to glare at Momoi, who seems to be amused. "Shoo, people are probably wondering where their waitress is."
Momoi points a finger in Aomine direction, silently declaring that they'll continue the conversation later. Just his luck.
