I wake up with a rare feeling, something I haven't felt in so long; giddiness…after all today is my birthday. I stand and smile at the freshly pressed combat pants and a batman shirt, taking a quick shower and changing before I check myself out in the mirror, quickly brushing back my curls in my vanity then bouncing down stairs.
When I get into the kitchen the boys are already sat, stuffing their faces and I see a small plate in the middle of the table, with a small pile of multicolored envelopes. I sit down as a plate of syrup drowned pancakes and a mountain of sausage and bacon; two warm hands tenderly take my shoulders as a light kiss grazes my cheek "Happy birthday Mattiline."
Normally id have cracked her nose for that but hey, it is my birthday and Evelyn's cool so I let it pass.
The boys all share a look as they eat and I tuck into my breakfast. Before we've done I open up the cards in the center of the table, each had ten bucks in, and I was more than happy with it. I hear the beeping of the school bus before I stand and grab my tattered bag "Thanks guys, I'll see you later."
I wave to them as Jack and I run to the yellow bus. He pushes me on and I kick him lightly, sharing a laugh before a pair of arms waves dramatically in the air "Mattie!"
I shake my head as he leaves to join his friends at the back of the bus and I take a seat beside the bubbly blonde and smile "hey Barbie."
She quickly hands me a perfectly wrapped little gift and shrugs "Happy Birthday! Mrs. Evelyn said we should wait until later but if I do I might burst! Open it!"
Wow if this girl had any self-control I think she'd implode so with a roll my eyes I open the small package and mutter aloud "fuck…"
It's a small yellow and green braided bracelet with two beads near the center, one of a daisy and the other of a knife. I feel my lips twitch up without permission, it's a friendship bracelet. I look at those big green eyes of hers and she rises her wrist to revel a matching bracelet "made it myself, you like it right? If not we can go to mall tomorrow and totally pick someth…"
"No! No, it's cool. I like it. Thanks Daisy." I watch her face beam brightly as I tie the damned thing around my wrist and I don't miss the snarl from Zach who's sitting near the front.
Fucking asshole!
My first day back and I haven't punched anyone; I think that's a fucking result. During break I make my way to my locker, my bags about to rip with all these damn books, but as I shove them in a pair of hands squeeze my sides, making me jump and I turn, punching Jack in the arm as he laughs "you're an ass!"
"You love me really." He jokes and I roll my eyes with a smile on my lips as I shut my locker "yeah, you wish."
It's only then that I notice the blonde haired boy standing beside Jack; his eyes are hazel colored, olive skin, slightly taller than Jack and a fat lip with a matching eye that couldn't have been more than a few days old "Hey Hunter, who'd you piss off?"
He laughs and I notice Jack stiffen as Hunter shrugs "turns out our boys got a temper, who knew someone so pretty could hit so hard."
Jack shoves him then, just as Daisy shows up and takes my arm "hey guys, Mattie we have Art."
"Whatever, see you later." I walk off with Daisy and I don't see the glare Jack sends Hunter, who just shrugs and laughs it off.
I've met Hunter a few times; he's come around the house once or twice. He's the drummer in the Spares, Jack's little band. Jack had told me that he's cool when he isn't being a dick, Daisy told me about how he was this big ladies' man, but he gave her the creeps, hence the quick getaway. I wonder why Jack fucked him up?
When Daisy and I get into art I feel a pair of daggers at my back and turn to see Tombs with his bitch face "what crawled up his ass?"
Daisy looks back, flicking back her blonde locks as she answers timidly "he's mad about what happened with Loren, their cousins."
I scoff aloud with a shake of my head "Knew there was a reason I didn't like him."
I knew Zach had been giving Daisy a hard time about hanging out with me, that he'd pretty much brushed her off and Hannah was happy about that, she never liked the guy and neither did I.
The period before last I sit in the court yard behind the math block, I barely speak English so why the fuck would I attempt French. I'm nuzzling into this big ass rain coat I took from Angel's room and I'm actually doing my homework but only because shop is my best class. A shadow blocks my light and I look up to see Hunter staring down at me "well hey there trouble."
I just nod lightly, expecting to find Jack by his side but the lead guitarist is nowhere to be seen when the blonde takes a seat beside me "so a little bird tells me it's your birthday."
I don't look up from the question sheet as I nod "that's right."
My pencil stops moving when he pulls out a small tube of white powder, loading a bump onto his fist, smiling as he holds it up for me "happy birthday."
He's smirking at me and I get the urge to head-butt him and run, I get why Daisy takes him for creepy "Sorry man, only drugs I do are caffeine and nicotine."
He laughs then before shrugging and sniffing the coke himself, I watch as his hazel orbs brighten with the rush "you know I took the test your about to take in Bio, could hook you up."
He leans into me and I lean back "I don't cheat; I fail all on my own."
"Was just trying to help." He smirks with raised hands of peace at my defensive tone.
He's getting closer and I'm about to snap his jaw when someone halls him to his feet, pinning the guy to the wall and growls "what the fuck do you think you're doing?"
"Whow man relax I was just being friendly." I stand then with a surprised gasp at the sight before me, my dad roughing up one of Jack's friends.
I don't bother helping Hunter as I groan "are you fucking kidding me?"
I quickly shove all my shit in my bag and storm off, I hear Hunter hit the floor then a pair of feet quickly follow "Mattie-cakes, honey wait... I was just…"
"Just what Nick, what the fuck do you want from me?" I scream as I spin back to glare at him and his face is all angels again, the sad way it used to be when he'd have to leave to go trucking for weeks at a time.
He reaches out and takes my hands in his as he begs "I want you to come away with me; we can start over… be a family again."
A part of me is screaming to run into his arms, that small part of me that still believes in unicorns and fairy's, so innocent, so naive, so not me. I shake out of his grip and back off with a snarl "you got no right to offer me that. You think just because you sobered up long enough to remember your own name you get a do over? What about me Nick? Huh, were the fucks my do over? Can I undo the beating's, not just from my precious father, but from every fucker who bank rolled my ass? What about the bastard who crawled into my bed last year and took what wasn't his to take, the one whose house I burned down? Can I undo that? Do I get my virginity back?..."
The horror on his face makes me realize I'm actually crying, why did I tell him all that? Because I want to hurt him, why should he get to repent while I'm the victim? I sniffle with a bitter laugh as I back up "yeah, I didn't think so."
The class bell echo's loud as I sprint away from him, round the front and away from praying eyes. I wanted to hurt him, let him know he can't just pretend like nothing happened… that I can't pretend.
I end up actually going to shop, I need to take my mind of this shit with my dad and focus on something better than that piece of shit. So I work my little butt off because I'm getting A's in this class for a change.
When the bell rings Jack's waiting for me outside my class with an unlit bud hanging out his mouth and a nervous fidget "you ok, Cracker Jack?"
He smiles with a nod before pushing himself off the wall "I'm good…um, let's get your girl and get out of here yeah?"
"Sounds like a plan to me." I smile in the coat hanging off me as we walk down the halls, Daisy waiting for us with Angel who's already parked up out front.
I'm not too sure where we're going, I had thought we were headed back home until Angel took a right when he should have gone left. Daisy looks damned giddy so I know she's in on this little detour. After another minute or two we pull up outside Playtime Bowl and I cock a brow at the trio "this is where we're going?"
"Shut up and get inside, Tinkerbelle, before we all freeze to death." Angel groans because yeah I took his best coat and he's wearing a crappy jacket.
When we walk I see Bobby first, then Lily and Hannah, and lastly I see Evelyn, all smiling over at me from the reserved section of the ally, a long table filled with party hats and poppers, theirs a few balloons scattered around and at the end of the table is a small mountain of presents. I freeze into place for a long second because this can't be for me, can it?
We bowl for an hour, Jerry showing me how to grip the ball to get the perfect swing, I get two strikes with that swing. Daisy officially sucks at bowling, like seriously sucks! Lilly's doing better than her, but it's Bobby that wins the game. We head over to actually start eating, but then the lights turn blue, making the section seem darker as a waitress emerges from the kitchen with a candle little cookie cake and suddenly to my horror everyone breaks into song "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Mattiline… Happy birthday to you…"
Everyone starts taking at once, telling me to make a wish and I lean over, blowing out the candles quickly as then erupt with clapping "Now presents! Presents, presents…"
I take the perfectly wrapped one from the side and don't get a chance to read the label "that ones from me and mommy!"
I smile down to the rug-rat in her party hat and open it to find a Nickelback album "well fuck me…"
"Daisy said you like them." The elder blonde woman offers a prideful smile as Lily giggles at my cussing "thanks Hannah, midget."
I ruffle the kid's hair before moving onto the next, ripped it open to find a beautiful brown leather satchel backpack. I look up and see Jeremiah shrug "you needed a new one, that thing you're carrying around is just wrong!"
Angel hands me the next one, a pair of snowflake covered skates and smiles "we need to get your ass back on that ice girl."
"Why not, just another thing I'll beat you at." I joke, making everyone laugh as I go to the next parcel.
As I rip it open I see Evelyn's smile widen, my brow frowns as I look at it, a chalk green and jet black varsity sweater with two embroidered M's on the right side. I remember watching her sow this, never even dreamed it would be for me, that she'd take the time… I throw it over my shoulders, it's soft and warm. I smile over to the woman who took me in with a firm nod and she winks at me.
The next one is a mix of two presents, a plush princess crowned teddy bear and a pair of spiked knuckle dusters. I laugh with a shake of my head and raise them in one hand "Bobby."
His answer is to tilt his beer up with his cocky ass smile "Happy birthday princess."
I reach for the last gift, it's small and I open it carefully, not sure if I could break what's inside. When I finally unwrap it I open a small cardboard box and my jaw all but crashes into the floor. I look up and see Jack standing off into the small crowd with a light blush on his cheek and without even thinking I jump over and wrap my arms and legs around him, catching him off guard and thankful he doesn't drop me "you are my fucking hero! A legend! I seriously love you!"
The others laugh as my feet touch the floor, embracement flooding me as I realize what I just did, what the hell's wrong with me?
Jack beams a hundred watt's at me with a shrug "I know." And I punch him hard in the arm with the hand nod holding my Nickelback concert tickets.
From there we eat crap that'll make us twice as fat, the Richardson girls having to take off to see their dad, Bobby forces me to dance with him, Jerry taking a bunch of pictures, Angel slipping me a beer, Jack eating all my cookie cake and Evelyn dancing, twirling, sitting on the side lines with this little smile on her face.
I think I can honestly say this is the best birthday I've had in a seriously long time and it scares the living shit out of me, because I realize the truth, I care about these people and for a girl like me that's the riskiest move to make, but strangely enough I'm ok with it. I care, and that's ok.
When we get home everyone's pretty wiped and head on up to bed, all except Angel who scampered off to his girl's house. I notice Evelyn watching me as I head to my room, we're the only two on the landing and I turn to her "what? I got frosting on my face?"
She laughs with a shake of her head "No dear, I'm just happy you had a nice birthday."
"Me to, thanks for making it happen." I lean back onto my door
The white haired woman smiles at me before opening her own door "your very welcome Mattie, now don't forget to brush your teeth, that that sugar will have you in dentures. Goodnight sweetheart."
I can't help but laugh "I won't. Goodnight Ma"
I don't realize what I just said, not even when I've brushed my teeth and change for bed. I don't even notice when I crawl into my soft, welcoming bed, kissing the jeweled snowflake around my neck and smiling to the picture of my mother on my night stand.
That's not the only thing I don't notice though, I forgot to lock my bedroom window after my nightly smoke, so as I fall away I don't notice the window open, the big ass feet climb through. I do notice the heavy chemical smell and the dip in my bed as my eyes shoot open and a chloroformed rag mutters my screams. I fight; struggle to get free from familiar green orbs as the lights start to go out. I feel him stroke my hair shakily as I pass out and he whispers in my ear "its ok, it's all going to be ok Mattie-cakes, Daddy's here… Daddy's here."
The last thing that crosses my mind before my body finally gives in is this… did I really call Evelyn, Ma?
