Hey all, ok so this took me a ridiculous about of time to perfect but hey it's here and I do so hope you all enjoy.

And just an FYI for everyone Jack is NOT going to die in this! Ever! :)

JJ X x

It's snowing again, that light kind of snow that never quite sets; I wonder how long it'll last "Mattie?"

I look over from the window and see Daisy standing there, she's wearing black again and I fight the urge to scream at her as I realize I'm stood in my underwear holding two outfits and groan "what the fuck am I supposed to wear?"

She doesn't even blink in closing the door and walking over to me, taking the hangers off me with a sigh "Well definitely not these! Hang on…"

She walks over to the wardrobe where Camille had hung every suitable black outfit I owned and stifle's through while I take a seat on the bed "so… is he coming? It's just that Jerry said he wasn't sure."

"He'll be here." I answer with a halfhearted glare. I as well as the others have called all the numbers we have for Bobby, he always has a couple of cells on hand, he hasn't returned our messages but he'll come, he always comes when we need him.

And we need him now more than ever.

She turns to me with this slinky black bodycon dress Angel bought me for my birthday a few years back "this is perfect, Evelyn always loved this dress on you."

"Yeah she did, thanks Barbie…" I smile over at her before taking the dress, 'oh sweetie, look at you… all grown up. You look beautiful Mattiline.'

I feel her move closer to me and before anything else can cross my mind she's right there, arms wrapped tight around me and I smile into the tight embrace, careful not to wrinkle the dress as I return the hug "you know I've always got your back, I've got you Mattie."

I let out a breath and hold her so tight I'm sure I must be hurting her, before I pull away with an actual smile and pushing back her golden hair from her freckle dusted face, her moss green eyes shiny with unshed tears before squeezing the hand that still wore the same bracelet as my own, that she had made so long ago now "ditto…"

When I actually leave me room my hair is up for once in a high perfect bun and head down stairs everyone is already waiting, all but the girls who spent the night at Camille's parents, Mom wouldn't want them to suffer through this like the rest of us poor fuckers. Daisy had left to go ride with the rest of the Richards clan, Camille fixing Jerry's tie before he looks at me; really looks at me before he lets out a strained sigh "you ready?"

We both know he doesn't mean ready to leave, but ready to face it all, face the sympathy and having to say goodbye for the final time "No, but let's do it anyway."

So with my head held high the door opens and we're met with a sea of people, parting like we're fucking celebrities or some shit and there's Jack, standing at the end of the street near our ride, his hand reached out to grab mine in a vice like grip before we all climbed into the car.

It was quiet. So quiet the wind was all but screaming, it had stopped snowing and Jack never once let go of my hand.

When we got the cemetery there was even more people than had turned up at the house and waves of them still to come. They all passed us by with the same crap, I remember hearing it before but in truth I'm not even listening to it, because it's all the same bullshit "Mattie look…"

Hannah, Daisy's mom is the one to lightly point behind me and I smile at the sight of my big brother amongst the crowd. I turn to Jerry and Jack and whistle "Boys!"

We walk over to him all calm and collected, but the truth is we're all a little excited. I haven't seen Bobby in almost two years, last time I saw him he was beating the shit out of some asshole who'd slipped something into my drink, he'd held my hair back as he forced me to puke it out, cursing from A to Z, then carried me home, he and Daisy tucked me into bed like you would a child then *poof* he vanished again in the way Bobby does.

He hugs us all with a tight lipped smile, a look of pure determined rage on his face. I can see Jack is relieved to have him here and Jerry's just happy he showed, but as his arms wrap around me he kisses the side of my face and I whisper with a dry sob "Welcome home, Bobby."

The service starts and I can't take my eyes off the wooden box, because no matter how nice you tried to make it that's all it was, a fucking box with a body in, her body. Just a body because the thing that made her Evelyn was gone… she's gone.

It's only when Jerry gets up that I manage to look away, noticing Angel's seat beside Bobby was still empty "Evelyn was in this city for a long time. She saw a lot that was terrible, but she stayed hopeful. She still believed that things were getting better, sometimes despite all evidence. And that's a hard thing to do, stay hopeful; even when you can't find a reason. She's want all of you today to laugh, not cry, which is a hard thing to do"

As he steps down I stand from my seat, hearing the light sobs around me, Jerry squeezes my shoulder as he passes by. Standing at the podium I realize how many people are here and take a long breath "Ma she, I… I'm not like my brothers, I knew my real parents, my real mom, her name was Rose and she was amazing, she loved me so much and she died. Then Evelyn… she came out of nowhere, I'd never met anyone like her before or since. She gave me a home, a family. She chose to love me, because that's who she was, she loved everyone and everything; she never judged or hurt anyone. We were all better for knowing her, for having her love us and we're all a lot less now that she's gone."

I feel the catch in my throat but refuse to shed a tear as my gaze turns from my brothers to the box before me "and I know with all my heart that if Rose could have picked anyone else on this shithole of a planet to be my mom she'd have picked you ma, she'd have picked you."

I can feel my lip quiver and get down because I'll be dammed before I cry in front of a fuck load of strangers. Walking down I don't go back to my seat instead just crash between Jerry and Bobby as Jack heads up for his turn, his goodbye.

"Cracker Jack…" Bobby says with a half-smile and I bump him with my shoulder lightly, smiling myself.

I look over at Jack he seems about ready to break "I never bothered looking for my real parents; because Evelyn was enough. You go from foster house to foster house. Those people are just watching. Just looking for an extra few bucks and didn't give a damn about you. You were hardly given anything to eat. You learn to take what you can get. When Evelyn took me in, it was no different for me; until she caught me with my pockets all full. And she tried to explain to me what it meant to be adopted, and what it meant to have a family, what it meant to have a last name..." he started crying half way through and I stood before Bobby did, not giving a single fuck about anything besides the fact that Jack is crying.

The second I reach him he starts blubbering, looking at me with those big blue eyes like there wasn't another single person here "And she would say: "Jackie... there's no reason to steal your own toothbrush anymore." 'Cause I would, I would, I would take it, and I would put it in my sock drawer..."

"I got you Baby, Cracker Jack, I'm right here" I whisper and pull him to me as Bobby rounds us, a hand on the back of Jack's neck "Sit down Jackie, Mattie will take care of you."

And I do, I pull him away and take a seat into with him still clinging onto me and I let him, because my Jackie needs me.

"You know ma wasn't big on goodbyes so thank you all for coming, god bless you." with Bobby's words it seems like that's it, we stand then only to watch them lower her into the ground. Jack's still crying, Jerry barely holding it together and Bobby looked at the casket with a heartache I'd never seen on his face before.

Afterwards we all head back to Jerry's. I get a lift back in the Spares rickety black tour bus; I didn't want to leave Jack. I hugged Kyle, the drummer and Ashley the basest (aka Hunter's replacement) quickly as we rode on, the second we get out everyone scatters, but Jack and I stay together. I look at him with a small smile as he takes a pre-rolled cigarette from his pocket and he looks at me watching him for a moment of comfortable silence.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~FOUR~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BROTHERS~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Been a long time since anybody seen that face around here." Green grumbles when he sees his old friend drive past him.

"Must've gotten off for good behavior." Fowler shrugs, thinking the guy looked like trouble, which Green confirmed with a single look and two words "Not likely. That's Bobby Mercer; heavyweight champion fuck-up of the family and that's a well-defended title; would've made his daddy proud, if he had ever had one. I used to know him a little, played hockey with the boy. Got thrown out of sixty-odd games before the league had finally had enough of him; they called him the Michigan Mauler."

Green looks over at the man he once knew with a mournful fondness as he walked over to his baby brother and sister, watching Mattie lean into him before Jack walks across the street, just giving them a moment "Who's the kid's?"

"Oh, that's Jack. He's the second youngest; first-class fuck-up, third-class rock star. The girl's names Mattiline, Mattie, baby of the bunch, meaner than most thugs doing hard time, likes getting her hands dirty. Carjacking last I heard." He watches her for along moment, that little girl he watched head-butt a traffic cop for giving her friends mom a ticket and getting in her face… she hadn't changed much.

Fowler looks over at the pair and finds it hard to believe "they don't look like trouble."

"Their Mercer's, don't let them fool you." Green says in a stern voice, watching them because he knew the Mercer's wouldn't let him take the lead, he just knew.

Outside the car and up the road Jack was lighting up as Bobby looks at his little sister "how you holding up princess?"

She laughed at the nickname as he cups her cheek "I'm doing what I do. I knew you'd show, Jerry and Daisy weren't sure but I knew."

He smiles that big brother smile down at her because she's still so damn small before walking off with a wink over to Jack "Hey. You all right? …You sure? You know l love you, man. Come on, let's go see Jerry."

The two walk back to their sister as she snatches the bud from the singer and lead guitarist's lips while the bird nosed cop snarls towards Jeremiah who was playfully teasing his moms work friends "What do we got over here? Another model citizen, I'm sure."

"No, actually Jeremiah's all right. You know, he was a rising star in the union for a while. Man found a cause." Green smiles, thinking about how Jerry actually got away from the life he once followed his siblings blindly into.

Jerry smirks at the sight of his siblings and asks his eldest brother "How you doing, baby?"

"Cool." The hug is quick and familiar; Jerry missed Bobby "Nice house, man. Not bad at all."

He looked at Jack as he took back the cigarette from Mattie and pulled him into a hug, laughing together "What's up, kiddo? Come on, man. Give me a hug, man."

Looking at the siblings Fowler frowned "We got one MIA. I thought you said there were five."

"Angel? Pretty boy. Ex-hustler. Soldier. Guess he's a no-show today." Green knew Angel enough to know that he was probably too scared to face it, that boy was good at running from his troubles when he couldn't beat them down.

"Do you remember when l built that tree house and you burned the shit down? Boy, l wanted to kick your ass, man." Jerry laughed to Bobby, Mattie and Jack sharing a look because it was before their time, back when they we're unwanted and alone.

Bobby just laughed with a shrug, he did what he did and he still thought it was some funny shit "Don't worry, your house is brick. I ain't gonna burn it down."

"Well, now, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. No smoking in my house, so you're gonna have to put that out. Sorry." Jack looked kind of annoyed as Jerry smacked the flame of the bud cold then smiled as he fixed his scarf, still taking care of his little brother.

As the pigs climb out of their car Fowler asks "I don't get it. If this woman's such a goddamn saint, how did she end up raising four total fuck-ups?"

"Ms. Evelyn cycled hundreds of kids out of the foster-care system and into permanent homes. And in thirty years, she only came across five lost causes. Five delinquents so far gone, she couldn't find anyone to take them in. So she did. Trust me, Fowler, these kids are congressmen compared to what they would've been." And he believed that, Green knew that at least most of the Mercer kids would be dead, in prison or worse if it weren't for their mother.

Their poor, loving, fantastic mother….

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~FOUR~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BROTHERS~~~~~~~~~~~~

When we get into the warm of the house, I don't know where my brothers went as I turn to take off my coat. That is until I see them out back talking to the girls, Jack hadn't seen Daniela since she was almost two and Amilia was just a few weeks old, Bobby had never met his youngest niece.

"You look beautiful." I turn on my heels only to be met with the sad stare of my boss and friend, who looked the same except for a few extra tattoos.

I punch him in the arm with a smile "yeah well don't get used to it. Thanks for coming Billy."

"Your mom was good people, Mad. I'm sorry for what happened and I want you to know that if you need anything, anything at all you let me know ok?" he looks so genuine it almost hurts and I nod "sure thing."

I look over and see Camille talking to Jerry, she looks pretty pissed and I know what it's about, she knew about her husband's past and Bobby's rep, that boy always did have a way to pull you into the craziest shit. Then I see Jack and Bobby walking in with some cops, not any cop, but Leon Green, I smile with a shake of my head as he comes over with his little bitch not far behind "Mattie."

I hug the man and Billy's eyes widen tenfold, after all he knows pigs when they squeal and to see me hug one was probably a sight he'd never dreamed of "Green, been a long time."

"That it has, I'm sorry about your mom." He says and I want more than anything to kidney punch the next person who says that to me today, but instead I slap on a bitter smile and shrug "you didn't shoot her…"

However whatever smile I had dies the second I look over his shoulder and through gridding teeth I speak "Excuse me."

Without even thinking I march over to my best friend who is talking to a skinny ass, tall fuck-tard known as Dan "what the fucking hell are you doing here?"

I asked him that, I did…when he was on the floor because I pushed him the second I was within good reach "I'm trying to talk to my girlfriend you freaking nut-job."

I go to grab him then but like so many times before firm, strong arms lock around my waste, taking my heels off the floor as he pulls me back. I only fight him for a second until he breathes both warning and tender in my ear "this is mom's funeral!"

I watch then as Dan goes to stand but is pinned to the floor by the heavy boot on his neck, crushing his windpipe and Daisy gasps in surprise while Bobby asks, not even looking at Dan but instead at the frail little blonde "Daisy, do you want anything to do with this pathetic, worthless, sack of shit?"

Their looking at each other, like seriously looking with a lack of blinking and I was about to yell at her, but her back straightens and chin rises without taking her eyes off my brother "no, I seriously don't."

A small smile creeps onto Bobby's lips and Dan gulps in all the air he can find when the boot leaves his throat. Bobby reaches down to grab the loser by the scruff of his neck and all but growls in his ear "you heard the lady. Come near her again and I'll kill you. Now get out, who the fuck crashes a wake? Fucking pathetic!"

I've never seen Dan run so fast and I smile, leaning back into the chest and arms that hadn't released me, my hands resting over Jacks as he laughs into my hair "what is wrong with you girls? Why do you always fall for total losers?" he groans in pain because yeah I just elbowed him in the ribs.

We miss the slight nod Bobby sends Daisy and I'm too busy laughing at Jack's pain to see the blush creep up her cheeks before walking over to the kitchen "fuck this shit I need a drink."

Later that night, after the sun had set and people had fucked off we drive to mom's house, my bag already packed and sat in my red Cadillac out in Jerry's front yard.

"Nice to be home." I hear Bobby mutter as he and jack get out of his car "So, shit, Bobby, what've you been up to?"

"I'm a freaking college professor, Jack. What do you think I've been doing?" we all laugh at that, because that would be a sight, no, he'd told me earlier how he'd been doing some bar slash protection work at a strip joint out in Florida for the last few months.

"I doubt that." Jack scoffs at the same time I laugh "yeah right and I'm a virgin."

"Same old Bobby." Jerry mutters with a shake of his head.

While Jerry puts his key in the door Bobby looks to his little brother and smiles wickedly "What about you? You still sucking a little cock left and right, or what?"

"Fucker." Jack grumbles with a bite of his lip.

It took me years to find out what all the gay shit was about, turns out Bobby caught Jack making out with a guy at a party Jack shouldn't have been at, it was spin the bottle but Bobby never let him live it down. I remember when I got Jack drunk enough to finally tell I shrugged and slurred in my own drunkenness "I'd pay to see that, that'd be hot."

"Y'all ain't right leaving me out here in the cold like this." The lights of the porch flickered to life and revealed our missing brother sat like some creeper in the dark.

"Yo, little brother, you asshole!" Bobby yelled as we all head over to get a look at him.

"You ought to be ashamed!" Jerry scorned him.

He looked ashamed as I smack him on the head, first to get a hug "the fuck where you?"

"I missed my plane." I mumble's into the hug before we pull back.

Jerry gets the next hug "Get over here."

"You missed our mother's funeral too, jarhead." I can see Bobby resists the urge to hit him and hugs him instead.

I fumble with my Key to open the front door as he hugs Jack last "Haven't seen you in forever."

"Yeah, l know." Angel smiles.

"Did you get your teeth whitened?" I laugh at that as the door swings open.

It's obvious he did because he takes the defensive instantly "Man, shut up, Jackie-poo."

It's the awkward silence that kills me, this house has never had that before, I half expect mom to bounce in from the kitchen and tell us how late we are and lecture us for drinking and driving.

What I wouldn't give for one more fucking lecture.

"I'm gonna get me something to eat. All y'all hungry?" Angel breaks the silence with a hard swallow and heads for the kitchen as I kick off my heels and hang my coat.

Bobby just shakes his head while Jerry heads into the living room, we follow Bobby's lead and head upstairs as he says "No, I'm gonna get some sleep. Jack, Mattie you take your old rooms, all right? Angel, take yours. I'm gonna sleep in Mom's room."

When I get into my room my heart almost stops, it's only been six months since I was here last and you wouldn't know it because everything was in its place, like always. Well it's your room sweetie; I never know when any of you are going to stop by these days, best to keep it ready for you.

I walk over to the vanity mirror, all photos of us growing up slotted into the frame and there on the chair is my green and black 'Mercer' letterman, every year she'd taken it out so that it would still fit me despite my surprising rack. Picking it up I realize the faint smell of hazelnut and orchids, bringing it to my nose I take a sharp breath, it smells like her. So slipping it on I take a seat on the bed after pulling a picture from the mirror of just the two of us from her birthday… she looked so happy, so was always so fucking happy and then the floodgates cracked and with a painful tug on my hair it falls down my shoulders and I sob, silently.

I want my mom.

After almost ten minutes of crying my makeup clean off and peeling out of my tights I walk barefoot into the hall, smiling when I see Bobby sat on the floor by Jack's bed. I walk in wordlessly and drop down on my belly beside Jack, his sticking feet in my face as he rolls a fresh cigarette and smiles down at Bobby "Too weird in Mom's room?"

"Oh, man. Way too weird. It's crazy. I mean, everything's exactly the same; she didn't change nothing in this house." It's been a long time since Bobby's been home.

I smile at that, smelling the Tabaco in the air "what did you expect? You know mom was always the sentimental type, she still has all yours and Jerry's shit in the attic for fucks sake."

I watch the back of his head shake and wonder when he started using motor oil on his fucking head? I can feel light, worn fingertips brushing over the ink on my left leg, a sweet revolver wrapped in a rosary and ribbon with the phrase 'Forgive Me Father, For I Have Sinned' on it, it feels nice.

"Look at y'all." I look up and wonder where Jerry had come from, because he's suddenly standing in the door way with a shit eating grin on his face.

"What?" Bobby bites.

With a shake of his head Jerry keeps on smiling "Nothing. I'm just happy to see you, man. Happy to see my family, that's all."

"I'm happy to see you too, Jerry." He doesn't sound too happy but I know Bobby, he's got that whole thinking thing happening and that never good.

"I guess I'll stop by the grocery store and grab a turkey or something. Have a Thanksgiving dinner. Let's at least act like we're a real family. Mom would like that." I sit up then with a nod, smiling slightly at Jerry, because mom would like that, then turning around so my backs against the wall and my legs dangling over Jacks lap.

My eyes close for a second as I say in a sad tone I hadn't meant "don't forget the extra parsnips; ma always got me extra parsnips."

With my eyes closed I don't see the mournful look of my brothers, but Bobby pats my foot lightly while Jacks squeezes my thigh with his big ass hand to comfort me.

"Where you think you going?" my eyes snap open and I lean forward slightly to see Angel coming out of his room with that ugly hat thing on his head.

"It's a little heavy in there. I'm gonna just go outside and get me a little air." Suddenly Jerry and Bobby are laughing, because they know Angel is going straight out after his girl.

Bobby just looks at him, still laughing "You're full of shit, man. You can smell that ass from down the street, huh?"

Angel takes the defensive; playing all innocent "What are you talking about?"

"What do you mean; what? Come on, what, man." Jerry gives him that look mom used to when we were about to do something stupid.

Bobby has always had this thing about keeping his mouth shut "You know exactly what we're talking about with La Vida Loca."

"Ain't nobody going to get no La Vida Loca nothing." Bobby had never liked Sophie, she and Angel fucked each other around too much for his liking.

"She got a boyfriend." Jerry shrugs, almost trying to talk Angel out of it.

"She got a boyfriend. She's got hard dick in her right now. She's screaming somebody else's name, and the last thing she's doing is thinking about your black ass. Leave it alone, man." Half way through Bobby's bitching, Jack's head fell back in total fucking hilarity and I snatched the cigarette from his hand with a grin "oh, please like that ever stopped them before."

Three out of my four brothers laugh with me as Angel gets all mad and promises "I can't even believe y'all coming at me with this crazy junk, man. I'm standing here telling y'all both right now, I'm not going to see that girl, and I'm not!"

Bullshit!

Not three hours later you could hear them crashing through the house and up to Angel's room. Bobby hadn't even bothered trying to sleep in mom's room and crashed on the couch with a blanket instead. I can't sleep, not just for Angel screwing the former fat chick across the hall, but I just can't.

Turns out I'm not the only one because my door opens, I stopped locking it a long time ago, and standing there is Jack, nothing but a pair of farmer johns on and I can see every ripped muscle of his chest and the tousled mess of his hair as those big blue eyes say "I can't sleep…"

I don't hesitate to throw back the covers, revealing the old tattered shirt and black panties I'm using to try and get some fucking sleep. He crawls in beside me, snaking an arm around my neck to play with my hair as our legs tangle together. To anyone else this would look strange but it's not like we hadn't shared a bed before, after everything that happened with dad I rarely slept, until it got easier to sleep without someone beside me, then all that shit with Hunter gave me nightmares for a while and they did the same thing again, every Mercer taking turns soothing me to sleep.

Reminding me I wasn't alone, I was safe.

My fingers end up tracing from his happy trail to the small tattoo on his collarbone, a Capricorn sign to match the Gemini one I have in the exact same place, we got them together when I turned sixteen, his treat. I said I would if he went first and when he came out he had my star sign right there and smiled "I honor of the lady."

I smacked him for calling me a lady but figured it wasn't the worst thing to get, so I guess I kind of copied "Mattie, do you think it was quick?"

The street light in pouring in and I nuzzle into his bare, warm chest "I don't know Jackie. But you can't let yourself think about that sort of shit, mom's gone, she loved us, but she's gone. We have to learn to live without her and look after each other."

I feel him nod and bite back a sob. My eyes close as he turns his chest right into my fucking face, the hand not buried in my hair flinging across my hips as he firmly kisses my brow "I love you Mattie."

I feel an ache in my chest as he says that, I don't know why but with a small smile and a kiss of his chest "I love you to Jackie."

My eyes close and sleep ultimately pulls me in but as I drift off in Jack safe arms I hear a small voice giggle 'all my babies are finally home, together…'