Hey guys, so sorry about the long wait but I've just moved house and haven't had a chance to breathe! So anyway, big, big thanks to all my amazing reviews as always you guys rock.

I hope you enjoy.

Jj X x

Thanksgiving, its thanksgiving… the first without her. It's like a huge fucking hole in my gut, like that scene from 'Death Becomes Her' were the redhead ends up in the pool after the blonde shoots her… yeah, I'm starting to get how much that sucked.

"Yo, Mattie, good sleep?" Angel's leaning against the bathroom door as I spit out Bobby's special sensitive spearmint toothpaste and glare at my brother, using my toothbrush to point at him "fuck you, piece of shit."

He just laughs and wonders off as I slam the door for my shower. This morning the fuckward saw Jack in my bed and decided the best wakeup call was a fucking squirt gun. Asshole!

The second I leave the bathroom, wearing my ratty Nickelback t-shirt and pink sweats, rubbing my damp, darkens curls dry as Sofia knocks into me "…you know your brothers an asshole, I mean how do you all not smother him in his sleep I'll never know. In fact their all assholes, but Bobby, ah I hate that man."

She looks pretty pissed and I smile with a shrug "yeah, but he's our asshole… you staying for dinner?"

"No." she says, storming off angrily into Angel's room.

I first met Sofia when she was pushing heavyweight and even then she was a fighter, beat the shit out of her so called friend for putting the moves on her man, my dim-witted brother. Then when Angel the brace face giant grabbed her she started beating the shit out of him to, busts his lip then snapped the wire on his lower brace and broke his nose with a clean head-butt.

Safe to say she had my respect from the off.

"Why are you always messing with everyone Bobby?" I smile over at him, towel still rubbing into my hair as I pass by the living room and into the kitchen, laid back on the sofa with his trademark shit eating grin, Angel aint happy and Jerry just looks damn amused as Bobby shouts through to me "like you'd want me any other way princess."

I just roll my eyes at him and toss the wet towel into the washing machine. Turning I smile at the sight of Jack slaving away in the kitchen, I remember how he had helped Ma out when we were younger, how she taught him what the hell 'basting' was and I'm still not sure about what that is.

It's hard to think this lean strip of tattooed muscle that's wearing the red floral oven mitts once hospitalized a guy. I still remember his face as just kept hitting Hunter, I froze, the next thing I knew I was watching long fingers and bleeding knuckles grip my hand and cup my cheek, those big blue eyes looked at me, into me, as I traced those wounds "Jackie, what did you do?"

"You know a photo lasts longer, you need to learn to control yourself Mattie; people are going to start talking." I realize as he jokes that I was so lost in that memory I'd been staring at him.

Straightening up I strut over, smiling as jump onto the counter top brushing and pushing into him as I pass "in your dreams Jackie, besides you couldn't handle me."

He laughs that big laugh I'm not ashamed to say I missed, before I reach for a cookie and he slaps it away from me "don't even think about it, in fact why don't you start on the salad…"

"I don't cook. That's why I live with Daisy." I smile with a tilt of my head, looking into those big blue eyes of his.

He doesn't say another word, just holds out the handle of a knife for me and tilts his head, silently telling me to get to work. So with a roll of my eyes I jump of the counter and taking the blade I snarl "you're lucky I love you or I'd have made you a lot less pretty years ago."

"You think I'm pretty?" he fakes surprise, making me throw a carrot at him. He's smiling those pearly whites at me all innocent and cocky because he got his way, damn that smile.

Half way through me washing my hands after playing chief I hear a fight breaking out in the living room and Bobby giving out some commentary wrestling shit when I shout as I wash my hands "kick his ass, Jerry!"

I race past Jack to watch my two brothers fight and when Jerry wins I laugh and throw the cloth in my hands in Angel's face "soldier boy getting his ass whooped by a skinny ass papa bear…fucking pussy."

Everyone laughs besides Angel, who fails to throw the cloth back at me. How the fuck he got into the navy with that shitty ass aim I'll never know.

As I turn around Jack is coming out to set the table, handing me the mash potatoes to help as Bobby calls "Jack! Hey Jack I got to ask you a question, it's important."

I raise my brow at Bobby, wondering where the hell he's taking this but I can guess "…Dinner almost ready?"

"Almost." Jack doesn't look at him, focusing on the table lay out, trying to make it exactly the way Ma had.

I come out with the salad I slaved over just as my eldest brother and his fat ass sit in his usual spec on the table, all these years and that still his spot "hmm, so…you come out of the closet yet."

"Don't you think it's time for a new joke?" Jack looks pretty pissed, some days this shit doesn't bother him, some days he just takes it, today aint one of those days.

"Don't start that shit Bobby." I half glare while setting the salad.

Bobby throws a look over to me and says "I'm just trying to help him princess."

"Jack, it's all over the talk shows, you have to admit who you are as a person inside. If you're homosexual you think I care? I love you man your my brother!" to anyone who doesn't know him you'd think Bobby was being genuine, but we all know him better than that.

"Bobby, I guarantee that I'm banging way more chicks than you are." Jack sticks out his tongue, showing off the shiny piece of metal that I've never wondered about how it would feel to kiss… or anything naughty thoughts because it's Jack for fucks sake. Yeah, and that knot that became a noose in my stomach at his sentence, the idea of all those groupie diseased whores touching him, fucking him, doesn't make me want to kill those bitches, kill that fucker…it doesn't kill me…why would it?

"And their ok with you being gay?" Bobby just laughs in his face as Sofia wave's goodbye to me before kissing Angel.

The look on Jack's face makes me think how if it was anyone but Bobby they'd be nursing a snapped jaw by now. Jerry shares a look with me before taking his seat "Why do you even let him bother you?"

Jack looks him dead in the eyes and answers through ground teeth "Because I'm not gay, Jerry."

"That sounded pretty gay. If you aint gay, then how come you've got that big thick meat tenderiser in your tongue then?" everyone starts laughing and I probably would as well if Jack didn't look so upset.

They seem to get it when he slams down his own cloth, abandoning the perfect table setting and marches into the kitchen "Jack, Jack…come on I'm only kid-Ow."

The 'ow' that interrupted him is from me slapping his grease coated head and growling "Nice work Bobby!"

Run into the kitchen but Jerry takes my arm "Let him calm down Mattie." I look over at Bobby, all guilt ridden and shit "Jack! Come on man I was only kidding that tongue ring is very masculine. Come on, man, let's eat. Bring out that bird…I'll let you wear my jacket."

And without a word I break out of my brother's grip and head into the kitchen, finding Jack all teary eyed and with his tongue ring in hand "Jackie…"

"Just go sit down Mattie." He turns his back to me and am I fuck going to sit down and leave him out here.

So instead I lean up and run a hand over those broad shoulders, the other tracing the soft layer of skin on his hip were his shirt had risen "Jackie, Baby look at me… hey!"

I use the small grip I have on his hip to spin him around to face me, I catch him just as a tear falls and slowly wipe it away, cupping his cheek hard and making him look me in the eyes "don't listen to Bobby's bullshit he just gets off on ragging on people. Especially you, but that's because you're his favourite and guys are fucking stupid about feelings and shit."

"Because your such an expert?" he half smiles, and I punch him in the chest lightly.

"Growing up with you fuckers, what do you expect? And by the way if you don't put that tongue ring back in then you're going to lose half your fan base. Including me, because seriously… that shit is freakily hot!" we laugh together and I suddenly find his arms tight around me, those long ass fingers brushing up and down my spine, leaning down to kiss the dip of my nose before resting his chin on my head, my hand still tucked into the warmth between his shirt and flesh.

"Thanks Mattie." I smile into his shirt, knowing I'll smell like him for the rest of the day now… what? That's not weird? Jack smells nice… how the fuck does he always smell so good?

Gathering together I take my usual seat beside Angel as we join hands and Bobby says grace "Jesus Christ, our Lord and Saviour, thank you for this day. Thank you for this food we're about to receive and thank you for bringing us together. Amen."

"Amen." we all mutter before sitting to eat the mouth-watering meal before us.

"Pass me the salad, man… Close your mouth, Angel. You think you a cow or something?" At that I look at Jerry, Angel quickly stopping all that slurping and lapping his lips.

Ma would have said that.

I look over at her chair, because it'll always be her chair and for a second it's like I can see her kind eyes, feel her warmth, smell her too sweet perfume…

"Mattie, my strong, brave girl." My mouth goes dry as I think back to the words she had once said from that seat, just to me, our little moment from the week after my dad's funeral, she wore this red cardigan with a grey flower…I hated that cardigan "you have no idea how proud I am of you honey, it's ok to not be ok you know… I just want you to be happy baby, and some times that means you have to sad or angry, even afraid for a little while, but you will be happy again. I promise."

I watch her seat and realize my knuckles have whitened with how fucking tight I'm holding my knife and fork. I think is the quietest we've ever been and I'm really starting to hate the stillness of it.

I can feel someone staring at me, lifting my head I find it to be Bobby, so much sadness in those eyes and I wonder for a second if mine look like that. With a lick of his lips Bobby is on his feet, finger stirring the ice in his tumbler of whisky "To hell with this, man. Let's go get a pickup game. l wanna see some quick sticks and some tight passing."

"It's too cold, man. I ain't come all the way back out here to go play no hockey." Angel groans in the bitchy way he does, not Jerry though, he looks kind of relived and Jack, he's just doesn't care at this point… he just looks at moms chair, missing her.

It's just not right without her.

"Come on, ladies, let's show these guys some fucking skills!" Bobby cheers us on when I get up and round the table; I'm not playing Hockey in sweatpants.

The game was probably one of the few good idea's Bobby's ever had, we kick some ass, Bobby smashed up Jerry's phone and we got to have fun, because a grown man getting his ass beat by a five foot two white chic is always fun according to my brothers… and the guys friends.

Afterwards the boys head home, Jack wanted to call the band up, Angel wanted to go fuck Sofia (nothing new there) and Jerry went home to his family. So it's me and Bobby out here in the cold still, he offered to walk me to Daisy's house, we haven't had much time together since he got home after all.

"So, how you been doing Princess, Billy treating you good?" I smile up at him, taking a long needed drag of my cigarette "you worry too much as always and you know Billy, boy's always been my backup Bobby. What about you?"

He looks kind of insulted and groan's "Back up? Please, backup my ass; I'd lay that boy into the ground so hard he'd never get up… I'm doing good, got a few jobs lined up. So who exactly was that prick at Ma's funeral, David, Don?"

It's a fair question, after all he did get rid of the creep "Dan, yeah, him and Daisy had this off again on again shit for like a year."

"Really, Daisy with that loser? Talk about lowering your standards." He seems like of pissed and I'm not entirely sure why, but he knows Daisy, knows she deserves better than some lowlife at the bottom of the barrel, fuck I hate that guy.

With another drag I nod in agreement, tightening my coat slightly to fight back the chill "I know right, he treated her like a fucking dog, sat on his ass all day doing shit and made her do everything for him, laundry, cooking, cleaning… fucker was always there making her cry, cheating, making her feel like shit. Every time she took him back I could have killed her, but it's her life right."

"Bullshit! You just let her be with that sack of dicks? You're supposed to be her best friend." I don't know where the fuck that came from but I glare at him.

"I didn't let her do shit! You think I wanted her with that prick? Fuck no, but what the hell was I supposed to do, I beat him up, knocked him down, warned her off, aside from beating some sense into her I did the whole nine fucking yards so don't you dare come at me with that shit Bobby!" I scream at him, watching as his face goes from raging to regretful, a common feature he seen to have.

His hand reaches out for me, grabbing the back of my head and pulling me close "I'm sorry Mattie; I didn't mean to snap at you little sister. Still my princess?"

He actually pouts, joking, but still how am I supposed to stay mad at that "like anyone else will have your stinking ass."

"Fuck you my ass smells like roses" he laughs and I shake my head "Yeah, to dung beetles."

When we get to Daisy's it's the same as it was when I first stepped foot in it all those years ago, give or take a few trophies. Hannah smiles when she finds us on her doorstep "Well come on in out of the cold you two, before you catch your death."

"Daisy, Mattie's here." She shouts up stairs as I make myself at home, finding Lily doing her homework on the dining table "Hey Mattie."

"Hey kid, you seriously doing that shit during the holidays?" she smiles up at me as I lean in closer to her, looking at the work like I actually understand a fucking word of it.

"Yeah, it'll be worth it though when I get in Harvard." A bright smile cracks right across my face because yeah, she's just like her sister… but a lot less annoying.

"Mattie." I turn and find my best friend at the bottom of the stairs in a blue and yellow dress, good because if she ever wears black again she'll be losing a limb.

"Hey Barbie, miss me?" she smiles at me before racing over to give me a tight hug.

"Do I miss feeding you and you stealing the remote? Obviously" she giggles that Daisy giggle and in truth I missed her to. Hey that's what you get after living with a bag of crazy, infected!

"Daisy." Her green eyes look startled almost as she turns to my brother, who if I didn't know him any better would say he looks almost nervous.

Daisy's doing that thing where she curls her toe into the floor and I raise a brow because what the fuck? "Hello Bobby, what are you doing here? Not that it isn't nice to see you, it is. Not that I've thought about seeing you I just…"

Bobby just gives her this half smile, genuine and all that shit "It's good to see you to D."

'D'? Since when the fuck did he start calling her 'D'?

It's quiet and I tap Daisy's arm, ripping her attention from my brother but he's still looking at her… "I just wanted to stop by, make sure you didn't do anything stupid after Dan came crawling. You good?"

"Please Mattie give me some credit, I am so over that moron. You were right; I'm way too good for him." She smiles that hundred watt smile at me.

"I'm sorry could you say that again? I don't think Europe quite heard you." Everyone laughs at that point; I even heard a laugh from Hannah in the kitchen.

With a roll of her eyes she submits "You. Mattiline Mercer. Were. Right… ouch!"

She quickly goes and nurses hear head from the mild tap and I smirk triumphantly "That's for not already knowing I'm always right and actually letting that thing stick it's dick in you."

"Ew that's just gross. The penis looks like a plucked cockerel, how is that even remotely attractive." Lily groans, she came out on her Christmas last year, I say came out she was drunk and came in while we we're watching the Grinch, dragging some redhead behind her and screamed "guys, this is Allison, my girlfriend. Yeah, I'm gay."

I think she thought it would be a big deal, but Daisy and I didn't even bat an eye from the screen as Daisy waved aimlessly at the girl "nice to meet you Allison. You guys staying to watch the movie because if so go get more popcorn."

With a smile I handed the empty bowl to the two lesbians "and some beers would be awesome. For us not you, you've had enough."

They seemed pretty shocked, it didn't last, Allison joined the dick lover's parade and Lily's started dating a cheerleader named Baily; she's pretty hot and make's Lily happy so it's all cool, plus the mini-brainiac bagged a fucking cheerleader, I'm kind of proud.

"Yeah, the guy wasn't exactly prince charming." Bobby seemed too slipped back into his asshole persona.

I watch my best friend turn to him and snarl, actually snarl "I stopped waiting for prince charming to get off his lazy backside a long time ago."

"And started shacking up with frogs? Nice upgrade." you'd need a hacksaw to cut the sudden tension. What the fuck?

"Anyway we should go. Lily, take this and rent Face/Off, take notes." I hand the girl a blade, similar to the one I gave Daisy on graduation, small, ridged, effective.

"Later Hannah, brat…" I look Daisy in the eye for a long second before pulling her into a quick embrace, she swallows hard, eyes wide and Bobby's looking at the red worn carpet like it's the most interesting thing since the moon landing, already half way out the door.

"Mattie…" her voice is shaky, but I squeeze her hand, letting her know its all ok.

Bobby and I walk silently down the street and the moment, the very fucking moment we're out of sight from the Richard's house I punch my brother square in the kidney "shit, Mattie what the… AH!"

Then again in the same spot "are you fucking kidding me? Do you think I'm blind?"

"What the fuck's wrong with you? What are you talking about?" he's wincing all of this as I shake my head in pure fucking rage.

I know my brother.

I know my best friend.

I know… I fucking know them to damn well "When did you fuck Daisy?"

He's silent, deadly silent and the second his mouth opens to speak I punch him again "Bastard!" and storm off into the snow, the cold be dammed.

How the fuck did I not see this?

How the fuck did this happen?

WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?