Ok guys so I am so, so sorry about the wait but I've just moved house and I wanted this to be prefect! Please let me know what you think. Too much? Not enough?
BTW who would be interested if I did another vid for this?
I love you all.
JJ X x
I sat quietly at the end next to Jerry in the fancy office. It had been a rough night, the drive over wasn't much better mind. We were all pretty tense about the meeting with the lawyer, hell I didn't even know Ma had one, but that was her, always thinking ahead. I noticed he had white orchids on his desk, mom's favourite and I couldn't help how it made me smile "Gentlemen, Mam, I am truly sorry about your mother. Although I only met Evelyn the one time...she made quite an impression. I know it's difficult to deal with mundane financial matters while your heart still grieves for a loved one."
"How much do we get?" I almost got up to beat on Jack as Bobby's hand connected hard with the boys head.
We all glare at him in utter annoyance, our brothers whisper scolding him and if had been another day I would have joined in, but I knew why Jack was acting like a prick, why he didn't sit next to me on the drive over and last night had slept cramped facing Bobby's feet in his own bed rather than curled up all comfy next to me.
Freddie.
The lawyer dude looks pretty upset, but anyone who's met mom knew the shithole of life was worse off without her. He'd laid the papers out when we first arrived, saying how the house was handed over to us along everything she owned to be split equally, like she handed given us enough as it was "This is the contents of your mother's safety-deposit box. I'll leave you to look through it."
As the old guy left we all leaned into the box, Bobby handing out two sets of papers to Jack and Jerimiah as the younger man mumbles "Birth certificate - the adoption papers."
I watched Jerry beam almost too brightly "Henry Ford Hospital. So I am from Detroit… my mom was sixteen?!"
"Lansing, Michigan." But my gaze fell to Jacks small smile as I looked over at his papers, wondering where he came from.
But it was Angel and Bobby who caught my eye as the soldier asked "I got any papers in there?
"No." Bobby shook his head, disappointed and Angel asked again, I didn't bother asking.
I watched Jack reach for something in the box "Whoa, 1969…Mom went to Woodstock."
"You didn't know Mom was a hippie?" Bobby laughed at him as I nodded "I did. I've seen her record collection."
They laughed with me, even Jack until Bobby sighed, pulling out a wad of hundreds "Oh, here we go."
We all stood almost in sync as Angel groaned, picking something up that looked like a ring "I ain't got no papers in there, man?"
"There's some paper right there." Bobby just counted it all out handed us each a tidy sum, except Jack who was not fucking pleased "What about me?"
Digging out a silver charm bracelet Bobby threw it to Jack "That'll look good on you."
"Whatever, man. You're fucking with me." Jack knew Bobby was pissed at him, he was mad because Jack was ragging on me about Freddie and was he fuck going to give him money for that.
"Quit crying. Come on, I got something to show y'all." As they all walked out I strolled over to hack, with his stupid Bobby like hair and say "go half with you for the bracelet?"
He looks at the money in my hand, $400 and shakes his head "Nah…"
"Jack come on, I haven't done anything wrong so why are you being such a damn bitch?" he just chuckles without any emotion and walks off with the papers and Jacket in hand.
The thing is I knew Jack wasn't happy about Freddie, the second I'd seen him stood there my heart all but stopped, we hadn't spoken since that night the night he proposed and I went bat-shit about it.
When he asked if we could talk and I just smiled, Jack went on and acted like a fucking child, stormed off up to his room, banging around and all that shit. I didn't think much of it as I grabbed my coat, didn't feel those big baby blues glaring into the back of our heads as we walked down the street, I knew Jack hated the guy but get a fucking grip.
"So, I heard about your mom…" I raised a hand to stop him and laughed "Dude if you say you're sorry I'm going to punch you, heard that shit way too much lately."
He laughed and it made me smile, been so long since I heard him laugh "what are you doing here Fred's?"
It was my little nickname for him but as his face fell I knew it still had the same effect as always "I wanted to see you. Make sure you're not doing something stupid."
The fact he hadn't asked if I was ok made me realize why I'd loved him in the first place, he never coddled me, knew I could hold my own. "I'm always doing something stupid, that's the Mercer way."
"Yeah, the guys look good." All the joy of seeing him died with that one sentence.
Rolling my eyes I growled "Don't even start with that shit Freddie."
He knew what I was talking about instantly because he got all mad and shit "Me? I'm sorry did you not see your so called brother refusing to let me see you like some jealous boyfriend?"
"Jack is just trying to protect me!" I knew he was, Jack never wanted me hurt and he knew this shit would happen, it always does with us.
"No, no I didn't come here for this… I didn't come here to fight with you Mattie." His tone softened and I felt my body slump in exhaustion.
We stood in silence for a few minutes before he laughed sadly "you know a part of me came here to make sure your handling your shit ok, but another part of me just wanted to win you back… we were never going to work were we?"
"We could have." I felt like a little girl almost, arms wrapped tight around me to fight off the cold.
Taking a step closer to me I looked into those puppy dog eyes as he smiled sadly, brushing back a loose curl "Mattie I love you, I properly always will and I know you love me… I know that, just not as much as him, the sick thing is I knew it was hopeless the moment I first saw you two together, but I clung on anyway."
I open my mouth to scream at him, to tell him he's wrong and kick him in the nuts but I couldn't, not when he was looking at me all tender and warm, we'd never talked about Jack in anything other than screeching and slamming doors "I thought I loved you more than anyone, until I saw the way he looks at you. And the thing is I did come here thinking we could pick up where we left off, that you'd fly into my arms but that's not how this goes right?"
"Freddie I've told you Jack and I aint like that… he's Jack!" I all but scream because I hate this, I hated how it was all making me feel.
His lip twitched and I already knew what he was going to say "Yeah, he's your Jack. And you're his. You can deny it all you want, even to yourself but at some point you're going to realize it's there and no matter how long I wait you'll never choose me, not even if we had got married… you'd never have been mine."
"That's bullshit!" I pushed hard at his ripped chest with my small hands, and the quiver in my bones was from the cold, that's all, I mean it was fucking snowing for god's sake.
"Then why are you crying?" I reached up and realized for the first time that my cheeks were damp and eyes stung.
I stood motionless, unsure of what to say as he kissed my brow in a way that was familiar but not as comforting "you'll always be the one that got away… Goodbye Mattiline."
Then like a memory of a dream he was gone and it didn't hurt as much as it should have. If you're in love with someone it should hurt more right… it should destroy you, but I didn't feel destroyed… but fuck did it hurt.
Jack had barely said to words to me when I got home, even when I locked myself up in my room but Angel had held me as I cried, one of the few times I had and I hated it, hated feeling so weak, but mostly I hated that Jack seemed to hate me and I didn't know why.
I skipped the tour of Jerry's 'Dream' and headed out, I'd already seen the place and heard all about my big brothers plans, he was going to break the family curse and make something of himself, I was pretty damn proud to say the least. I got Daisy to pick me up from the Law Firm, but before I had a chance to get out I saw Bobby, leaning against her sun bright yellow Chevy and called "Hey, seriously?"
Daisy straightened in panic and Bobby looked ready to bolt until I laughed "you fools are way too easy..."
They laughed but knew I was only half joking, I give my brothers a hug before sliding into Daisy's car, all but Jack that is and I see Angel smack him in the head and start yelling, what shocked me was Bobby kissing my best friend all the cheek like a fucking school boy.
We drove around for about an hour until we parked to get some food "so you're like seriously into my brother. How did I not see that shit?"
"Please I've been crushing on Bobby since the first flash of that dimpled smile but hey, like you'd notice with your head up your ass." She smiled at me and it wasn't weird like it had been over the past few days.
I'd punished her enough, I knew that creaming and throwing things would have been kinder, blocking her out would kill her… but I wasn't about to lose my best friend over this shit.
"Um, oh and Freddie stopped by." I said it like you'd tell someone is was meant to rain, like it didn't even matter.
She was like a fish; mouth agape before having a full fucking freak out "What? Are you seriously just mentioning this now? What did he say? Are you back together? Talk to me woman!"
"Relax Barbie… Jesus, he heard about Ma, wanted to check in… said he thought about winning me back but, yeah, he brought up all this shit with Jack again, who isn't talking to me, and that was it." I said half of it with a bite of my cheese burger.
She just gave me this look, like she knows something I'm not saying and nods "I'm not surprised."
"Excuse you?" I glare because what the holy fuck was that?
She rolls her eyes in her very Daisy way "Come on Mattie, we all know the score, you and Jack against the world… it's been that way ever since... Look don't go crazy on me ok, I'm totally on your side you know that, but Freddie isn't exactly wrong."
I shake my head at her and growl, swallowing my food; I know she was going to say ever since 'Hunter' "why is everyone on me about this shit?"
She turned to be with a flick of her blonde locks and groans "Sweetie I'm not saying you and Jack are having some secret love affair like Freddie was, which by the way was so out of line, I'm just saying you guys have something, this crazy kindred bond thing going on."
Before I have the chance to say anything back to her the whistle of my phone chimes.
Drinks at Johnny's in ten – B
So with a mouth full of fries I groaned "drop me off at Johnny's before I beat your skinny little ass."
"Sure thing sweetie, and thank you." She smiled over at me happily; yeah I so should beat her up.
As I walked into the Bar I instantly saw the merry band of misfits waiting for me, Angel handing me a small tumbler of whisky wordlessly as Bobby smiled "Your attention, please. I wanna make a toast. To Evelyn Mercer; the greatest mother five degenerate bastards ever had… Johnny, pour me and my brothers another round… And a warm milk for my sister here."
I laughed and watched them downing the burning liquid with a touch of joy as Jack smiled "Man, I will drink you under the table."
"We're not talking about sperm, Jack, this is whiskey." We laughed then, because yeah Bobby's an asshole but he's fucking funny.
An hour later and we all sat around the table, two beers and half a bottle of Jack later, I was slotted comfortably between Angel and Bobby, my tight cameo jeans not giving me much comfort as I sport the shirt Jack had worn on thanksgiving, it still smelled of him "Jack drinks Jack, Jack drinks Jack"
"That's your brother." Jerry just smiled at Bobby, as the blue eyed boy continued "…Jack drinks Jack."
"Jack licks ass crack and ball sack." The eldest of us was still pretty pissed about the face Jack had yet to really speak to me that day; he was too busy being a bitch.
"Jack doesn't lick ass crack and ball sack! Jack likes boobs. Jack got's fans… Jack's got lots of fans." I felt my heart drop at the idea of him fucking all those nameless faceless whores who just wanted to do the lead guitarist.
I felt Angel's stare on me before he turned to the drunkest of us with a sneer "Will you shut up, man?"
Angel had been there the night the Spears left for their first tour, the night Jack left home, had found me sobbing in the guy's room and clinging to his comforter, we hadn't been apart for forever and not knowing when I'd see him next terrified me. Angel didn't rag on me or say something comforting like Jerry, or stupid like Bobby, just held me until I fell asleep and I woke up back in my bed, alone and grateful.
"Come Jackie slow it down." I reached for his drink but he pulled back like I'd burned him, gaining a glare from the rest of the table.
"What the fucks your problem Jack? Mattie aint done shit!" Bobby knew how much Jack hated Freddie, we all did, but this petty bullshit was starting to get in his last nerve.
"Forget it Bobby." Jerry warned, knowing that Bobby would just probably make it worse
"It's cool Jerry, after all it's not our fault he's a possessive pussy!" I growled at the drunk over my beer, because I was sick of being treated like shit for fuck all.
"Here we go…" Angel groaned but before Jack could get another word in edge ways Johnny come on over.
"Hey, that's real goddamn bad stuff about your mom, fellas. Freaking gangs; worms! Someone ought to step on them." I've known Johnny a long time, since I was fifteen and Ma had to come get me because I was sneaking booze out the back, he had me work off the cost, no cops… so yeah he's not a bad guy.
It was quiet for a long moment until what we all knew would happen, happened "Which gang, Johnny G?"
Jerry grumbled into his drink "Oh, shit. Here we go. I knew it."
Johnny stood before us like the answer to our prayers, after all someone took our mother away and someone had to pay "think I heard something. The neighbourhood's really upset about this."
"Same old Bobby. Mama always said, 'As bright as Bobby is, he just does not like to think.' Ain't no good gonna come from this. Let the police do their damn job." Jerry wasn't happy, and in truth I didn't want him involved he was making a good life for him and his family, he didn't need to be a part of what we had to do.
"Stop with the police. Half the cops in this town are crooked. You think the other half give two shits about another liquor-store holdup?" Bobby was right, and I knew it from experience "they never caught Rose's killer, what makes you think for a fucking second they're going to bother with some old woman's?"
I could see the pity in my brother's eyes as he tried so hard to reason with us "I'm telling you, man, Green's on our side on this one."
Angel was never the sentimental type, but he loved ma, he loves us and he spoke the truth "Come on, man. - Green? She's the only woman that ever gave a damn, man. The least we can do is go bang on a few doors and see what happens. We owe her that much."
"And then some." I mumbled more to myself than anyone.
Bobby's hand griped his glass and the other my knee as he groaned "Why are you acting like such a bitch, Jerry?
Jerry shook his head and did what he does best, just kept fucking trying "Okay. So, what, y'all just gonna shoot up the whole town because y'all mad?"
"Why not?" Angel shrugged.
"Come on, man! The people who did this, their probably from the same shitty-ass streets we're from. Mom would've been the first to forgive them. Y'all know that." I fought the urge to remind him that just because he got out doesn't mean the rest of us are that lucky and to punch him.
"We can't all be saints, Jerry." Bobby bites sarcastically and Jack copies "Yeah, we can't all be saints, Jerry."
With a long chug of my beer I snarled "Besides, she aint here to forgive, is she… and those fuckers should have known better."
"All right. All right. Cool." I could feel the anger and disappointment coming off his as he stood. Not wanting part in our shit.
"Bye, Jerry." Jack chuckled in his drunken haze.
Shrugging on his jacket Jerry scolds us like Ma would have "Don't call me when y'all get shot up. This is Detroit, in case y'all forgot."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. We love you to big brother." I shouted after him with a smile. It's better that he wasn't there.
"Johnny. Come tell us what's going on, man." We all leaned into the table as Johnny came in like the all mighty himself with all the answers "You wanna know what I heard? Witness saw some of the Creepers gang shoot up the store, they hang out at the warehouse on fifth, answer to some kid named Skrill or some shit."
"Thanks Johnny." He shook Bobby's hand with a knowing nod, we'd take care of business and he knew that.
Downing his drink Bobby stood "Let's go girls."
"What about Cracker Jack?" Angel asked, after all the dude was wasted.
Jack groaned and tried to stand straight "Fuck you, I'm fine..uh." but fell down into his seat.
Rolling my eyes I toss my keys over to Angel "head back to Ma's and get me my burner, she's under the driver's side, and ammo's taped under the dash. Meet us out front in half hour."
They both nod before walking off through the crowd and I pick manage to carry Jack to the men's room despite his protesting. I leaned him against the far wall between the dryer and the sink as I use my shirt as a rag (no paper towels, typical) and wetting the thing, brushing it over his face while waiting on the coffee Johnny was sending in to us.
The fact that I was stood in my red lace push up didn't really faze me, even when some loser whistled at me and Jack growled, pushing himself off the wall "the fuck you looking at? Don't look at her fucking piece of…"
"Jackie! Chill!" I pushed him back into the wall as the guy ran for his life like a little pussy.
He's looking down at me with those big baby blues and the rage is radiating off him in waves when suddenly I'm the one pinned to the wall, his hands as well as the sink and dryer blocking me in "Why Mattie? Do you know how much I hate you? Always letting that fucker back in, Every. Fucking. Time. Why?!"
I wasn't scared, I could feel all the blood rushing around at a hundred miles an hour but I wasn't scared, it was Jack, Jack would never hurt me, but a half sob softened all that rage looking down at me "You hate me Jack?"
"Oh, Baby… no, no I just… FUCK!" he punched the wall beside my head but I didn't flinch, somehow he seemed to get closer, his chest pushing mine back so I could feel the cold of the tile wall.
His leanness fell as he buried his face into my cheek under his drunken haze, nuzzling down into my neck "do you have any idea what it's like? Having Freddie come into our home and knowing how you let him touch you, kiss you, let him get his dick inside you and make you moan, scream… I bet you'd beg so pretty Mattie."
My heart was smashing hammers against my chest because FUCK! He's nipped and kissed and licked at my neck, those huge hands gripping the curve of my hips and lightly grinding me into him as he bit down hard on my pulse point and I knew it'd bruise "Jackie…"
He raised his head to look at me I could see the buzz begin to fade, the slicked back hair back to its sexy mess as my hands somehow found their way there. Those baby blue's darkened, blown back with want as he scanned over my breast before looking my dead in the eye, leaning in so I could feel his breath on my suddenly parched lips "would you beg for me baby?"
I closed the distance without a second thought, crashing my lips onto his as his tongue pride my lips open and deepened to kiss. It was harsh and tough as my hands pulled at his hair and clawed at his neck. Jack's hand leaving fingertip bruises on my hips as they lifted me into the air so I could wrap my legs around his waist, one hand now firmly on my ass as the other palmed my laced breast.
It was just a few sort hours ago I'd denied this could ever even happen, it was never meant to… but fuck I wanted it, always had, Jack. All I'd ever wanted was Jack.
The kiss ended only because the door shut as quickly as it opened, Johnny turning on his heels but leaving the small pitcher of coffee. The moment Jack looked at me I knew he didn't really need it anymore…
We stayed like that for a second, I watched his kiss bruised lips and messy hair and knew it was me, I did that. But I could see the fear and regret as sobriety kicked in "Mattie…"
I silenced him with a teeth clashing kiss, I needed a second to think but as I pulled back and looked into those baby blues I laughed "holy fuck-balls, they were right."
He seemed confused for a long second but before he could ask I rocked into him ever so slightly, making him groan with a giggle. A knock sounded through the dirty old men's room "Um guys, sorry to interrupt but Bobby just pulled up outside."
There was brief moment of panic as Jack dropped me to my feet, handing me my disregarded shirt before downing the bitter coffee and readjusting his lower half. With a look in the mirror I smoothed down my kiss crazed hair and didn't really give a shit that the corner damped shirt was inside-out.
I looked at Jack, was about to fix his hair when I grabbed his hand "Don't…"
"Cigarette?" he asks, sheepishly pulling out the back from his jeans and I take one.
"Mattie I, this, what…shit I…" I knew this was fucked up, I was freaking out so I have no idea how he must have felt as I lit the bud and walked up to him, "for the record I've never begged."
Something seems to snap in him as he swallows down all that fear and anxiety, pulling me to him with one arm so we're flush against the other and asked in that sweet voice I could never say no to, but this time was different darker "not even for me?"
Fingering the hem of his waist line as I stood on my tiptoes and answered against his lips, well more confessed really and it was more to me than him "Jackie I've been begging for you since I was thirteen."
I watched the corner of his lip twitch before it leans down to claim mine, this time tender, but just as needy. However we we're interrupted yet again.
"Yo, what the fuck's taking so… HOLY SHIT!"
