Author's Note: As promised this chapter is told from April's POV. Her voice doesn't come as easily to me as Donatello so please be kind :0)
Donnie POV will be back in the next chapter with some more brother moments.
Chapter Five
April
It's morning. At least I think it is. When I open my eyes the room is full of the soft gray light of autumn, when the sun is up but barely slips past the gray, cloud-cover. I curl my toes into the sheets wrapped around my feet and stop short of stretching my arms above my head when my sleep-addled brain remembers that I'm not alone. I've never shared a bed with someone before. Not in this way. It is slightly disorienting to wake up alongside someone else, like when you spend the night at a hotel or camping. Waking up, is the same, but the little things are off.
I'm curled up at his side and my head rests in the crook beneath his arm and the top of his plastron. His skin is cool to the touch, even with the blankets wrapped around us and my own body heat pressed against him. He snores softly with his head tilted back and the sight of the slight gap between his teeth makes me smile. I don't want to wake him. He seems so peaceful, so far away from that haunted look that plagued his eyes and made his shoulders slump the night before. Guilt squiggles and slides around in my stomach. That look was my doing, maybe not entirely, but I had a part in it and it makes me feel sick inside.
I slip out from under his arm and roll away, careful to keep from disturbing him. I tuck the blankets back up around his shoulders and he lets out a sleepy yawn. I think he might wake, but instead he rolls over onto his side and pulls the blankets with him. I feel a smile tug at the corner of my mouth and can't help but wonder what it would be like to always wake with him at my side. I'm getting ahead of myself and the silly girl thoughts make my face burn with an unstoppable blush. It's embarrassing even without anyone else around to see it. I have ninja training from a grand master. I should have better control over my own emotions.
I tiptoe across the room, glad the bedroom door is already ajar. I slide through the narrow opening and walk quietly to the kitchen. Donnie will want coffee when he wakes and it's the least I can do. The sky outside the kitchen window is gray and foreboding, threatening rain with each passing second. It's the perfect kind of day to stay inside and curl up on the couch with snacks and a bad movie. I have never wanted to do something more in my life. I hum quietly and fill the reservoir, leaning forward to watch it start to percolate and drip into the pot below. I wonder if I should attempt to make breakfast.
"Well, isn't that sweet. Making breakfast in bed?"
The sudden, sarcastic voice makes me jump. I at least have the wherewithal not to screech like a frightened barn owl. My hand instinctively goes to my back where I normally keep my tessen. I come back with nothing from the waistband of my striped pajama pants. At least this time I don't really need it. Raphael is sitting in the window seat across the living room. An infuriating, smug smile is on his face and I wish I did have my tessen. I shoot him a glare instead and hurry down the hallway to make sure he didn't wake up Donatello. I peek inside, happy to see him still curled up in a ball and sleeping. I close the door as quietly as I am able and stalk back to the living room intent on giving his brother a piece of my mind.
"So you're adding breaking and entering your friend's homes to your list of talents?" I hiss. I inspect the window behind him to make sure he didn't kick it open to gain entry. Raph isn't always the most gentle.
"Is that what we are, April? Friends?" he asks and I notice for the first time that he has a sai loose from its holster and is twirling the tip against the pad of one of his fingers.
I take a step back. "Yes," I say, unable to hide my surprise. Raphael and I might not be the closest out of his brothers, but I never doubted that we were friends and I never expected he doubted it either. "Do we have a problem?" I ask, putting a hand on my hip. Per usual my anger outweighs any other emotion I might consider.
He slides the weapon back into his belt and rises from the window seat with a lazy slide of his body. "I don't know, do we?" he asks and the smug expression is back and I ball my hand in a fist to keep from slapping it off his face.
"If you have something to say, Raph…"
"Where's my brother?" he asks, not waiting for me to finish and the interruption only fans the flames of my growing anger.
"He's sleeping," I say with a sneer. "So keep your voice down. He needs to rest."
Anger is always lingering just beneath the surface of Raphael, peering around his eyes and resting in the tensed muscles in his shoulders. Anything can set him off and apparently today I am that anything. He curls back his lip and rests his hands on the hilts of his weapons. I hope it's just a reflex and he doesn't actually intend to stab me.
"Oh, so now you're concerned?" he asks with a laugh that is so bitter it even leaves a bad taste in my mouth. "You string him along for years, only call on him when you need something and now, suddenly you're concerned?"
The accusations hit close to home and even if they have a ring of truth to them I will not let Raphael see that he's unnerved me. "You don't know what you're talking about," I say with a hiss between clenched teeth. "It's none of your business…"
"He's my brother," he interrupts me again and I'm one step closer to punching him in the face. "Of course it's my business."
I tighten my hand into a fist, noticing that Donatello's mask is still wrapped around my wrist. Raphael sees it too and a smirk settles on my face when I see the discomfort it causes him. It's petty and childish, but he has ruined my idea for a perfect afternoon and I have little pity or concern for his feelings in the moment.
"Well, he's my…"
"He's your what, April?" he snaps, interrupting me for a third time. "What exactly is he to you?"
The question hits me like a slap and I sway, suddenly unsteady on my feet. If he hadn't interrupted me I don't know what I would have said, or what I can say now. Donatello is my friend, my best friend, maybe something more, maybe something much more. I don't know and I don't want to have this conversation with Raphael. It isn't meant for him. It's private and it belongs to Donnie and I and I don't like it being dragged out into the gray light of day. He takes my silence for a win and leans forward with narrowed eyes and tensed shoulders; ready to pounce.
"Do you even know what he put himself through the last couple days?" he asks. "What he keeps putting himself through?"
"He hasn't been sleeping," I say, desperate to prove Raphael wrong and to stop the growing guilt in my chest from appearing all over my face.
Raph lets out a snort from the back of his throat and the sound of it makes me cringe. "For over three days, April. He didn't sleep for over three days. He locked himself up in his lab and didn't sleep for three days," he says and the shift from anger to concern on his face fills me with dread. "You string him along and use him and then you think, what? A little sleep over and coffee will make everything better? You don't know the first thing about him because the only thing you care about is what you can use him for."
I slap him. The sound echoes up to the high ceilings and settles heavy on the silence that follows. I half expect him to hit me back. I've seen him throw fits over far less. My whole body is trembling and I have to ball my hand into a fist to keep from hitting him again. I would never win against Raphael if he fought back, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't go down without a fight.
"You have no right," I say. The words come out as a growl and I barely recognize my own voice. I'm on the verge of losing control and I hate it. "You have no right. He is my friend…my best friend and what happens between us is none of your business."
"He loves you," he says, not even acknowledging that I struck him.
I feel cold and empty and wish with every part of me that I was back in bed under the covers and curled up alongside Donnie.
"You don't get to say that," I insist and the threat of tears is very real and imminent. I will not cry in front of Raphael, I will not give him the satisfaction. "You don't get to say that. You can't take that from us, you don't…that's not yours to say…"
I turn away and struggle to take in a breath. I hope for one that will steady me, but at this point any oxygen will be a help. The trembling in my limbs will not subside and it only adds to my shame and guilt cocktail that wreaks havoc on my ability to stay calm. I will not cry in front of Raphael. I will not. I flinch when his hand settles on my shoulder and curse his ninja stealth skills. I try to pull free but he tightens his grip.
"I have to look out for him," he says and the words are so filled with empathy I look to make sure it is still Raphael standing behind me. "He has dark turns sometimes," he adds, not bringing attention to how my eyes water. "He always has and we have to watch out for him until things sort out. He's my brother and I'm not going to sit back and let someone hurt him. I'm not going to let him go down that path."
The tears leave my eyes and I meet his gaze with determination. I won't be bullied and I won't let his current idea of my intentions stand. It is not all right that anyone, especially one of the brothers think that I would ever hurt Donatello. That I would use him and cast him aside whenever something better shows up. That I would willing cause any darkness to settle on his thoughts.
"I would never hurt him," I say. My confidence returns and my limbs stop trembling. "And maybe he has dark turns, but he's stronger than that. He's stronger than you give him credit for," I say and shake free from his grip on my shoulder. "And you're not the only one looking out for him. Not anymore."
He stares at me with slightly rounded eyes and a flat expression. Raphael struck speechless is a thing of pure beauty. There are no smart remarks, no sarcastic or biting quips. He stands and stares and I can see the struggle to form a comeback fight across his eyes.
"Raphael? What are you doing here?"
The sleepy question from the doorway makes me turn. Donatello stands on the edge of the room, looking between his brother and I with concern. He has put on his belt and pads, but still looks oddly undressed without his mask. Raph has lost the deer in the headlights look and settles back on annoyed, verging on angry.
"What am I doing here?" he asks with a jab of his finger in his brother's direction. "What are you doing here? You didn't come home last night. You wouldn't answer your T-Phone. We all thought something horrible happened. Mikey is out of his mind, even Master Splinter is out looking for you."
Donnie's shoulders slump and shame practically radiates off him. "I…I'm sorry. I didn't have my phone on. You knew I was here. Why didn't you just tell them?"
"We have to go back to the lair," Raph says, ignoring Donnie's question. "Come on."
I watch Donnie nod and reach his hands up to take hold of the strap across his chest. It's something he does when he's nervous and I've seen it a hundred times. I don't want him to be nervous or feel ashamed about staying the night. He is always thinking of others before himself and I won't stand by and let Raphael make him feel guilty. I walk over to him and take hold of his face between my hands. His eyes widen and I'm afraid he is about to say something to stop me so I silence him with a kiss that could never be confused for the embrace of just a friend. When I pull away he's grinning and the green of his face is dark with a blush.
"You can't go without your mask," I say. I stand on my tip toes and he leans down so I can tie it around his head. "Everything will be all right," I whisper, taking hold of his hand to keep him from moving.
He nods and gives my hand a squeeze. I don't know if it's a lie. I don't know if it's a promise I can keep, but it seems enough for now and happiness settles on his face. It's my favorite look on him. He leans down and kisses me. It's gentle and warm and very much him. He does it despite his brother glowering in the background and it makes me think that we might be able to make this work. Despite everything stacked against us. If we work together there isn't anything we can't figure out. Why would this be any different?
