Author's Note: Back to Donnie POV and a little lighter on the angst. Well, sort of :0)


Chapter Six

We don't speak as we climb out onto the fire escape and start the journey back to the lair. He lets me lead the way, maybe because he thinks I'll sneak off if I were out of his line of sight. As it is, I can feel his eyes burrowing into the back of my head with every leap and dash across the rooftops. I don't care. It doesn't matter. I'm sure I'll have plenty to answer to when we get home, but it doesn't matter. I can't stop grinning. The cold morning air that would normally slow me down only invigorates me. I run and leap from roof top to roof top, only slowing down when I realize Raphael is struggling to keep up.

She kissed you in front of him. She kissed you and didn't care that someone was watching.

My grin widens at the thought of April's lips and other parts of her. Raph lets out a huff as he lands on the roof beside me and I try to adapt a more contrite expression. It isn't easy and judging by his glare it isn't working.

"You seem pretty pleased with yourself," he mutters, pausing to arch his back and rub some feeling into his bare arms.

They're the first words he's said to me since leaving April's apartment and they're not quite as harmful as I expect; sarcastic and unhelpful, but not technically harmful. We're halfway back to the lair and even with the rising sun the temperature is clinging stubbornly to the cold of the night. I can see my breath on the air and try to narrow down the list of possible responses in my mind. I can't remember a time in recent memory where I was this well rested and my mind is working in over time. I drum my fingers along the edge of the heating vent beside me, eager to work on something, to build something, or to use my hands for something less…wholesome. The thought makes my grin return.

"So what if I am?" I reply with a shrug.

I pull my staff from its holster and twirl it between my fingers. I love the hallow sound it makes as it passes through the air. It's familiar and comforting and a muscle memory that stretches back a decade. Raph paces the ledge of the building, looking down at the waking city below. He doesn't respond and my calm starts to falter.

Why isn't he yelling at you? Why isn't he telling you how stupid you are for liking April? How you're just getting your hopes up. How she's going to hurt you.

I stop moving the bo and lean against it to watch him. "Why didn't you tell everyone I was at April's?" I ask, not certain I want to hear the answer.

He shrugs and punches and kicks at an invisible foe. He sighs when I refuse to look away and let him off the hook. "I thought you'd be back before anyone noticed," he mutters, punching with increased venom. "You made it pretty clear you don't need my opinion or my help."

My grin is gone and that all too-familiar pang of guilt starts to wind its way up from my toes. "Then…then why did you come to April's this morning?"

He leaps down from the ledge and stalks over. I put a foot back to widen my stance in case he intends to hit me. I might have approximately a foot of height over my brother but he packs a punch and I don't look forward to be on the receiving end of it. He does strike me. With both hands he pushes my shoulders. His heart is not in it and it barely causes me to sway.

"Because you wouldn't answer your phone, you idiot," he says, pushing me again. "Because you…you've been…you know how you've been and I thought something bad happened! I thought you were hurt or…or worse," he pushes me again and this time I stumble.

I don't know what to say. I didn't think my words from before would have any effect on my brother. I raise one hand to the strap across my chest and cling to it. He stops short of pushing me again and I think he might punch me instead so I flinch when he turns towards me. Hurt flashes in his eyes and he takes a step back. I stare at him and struggle to find anything to say that won't make this worse. He closes the gap between us and before I can put up my hands to defend myself he wraps me in a hug that makes my bones creak.

"Don't ever…don't ever," he says and his voice catches in his throat.

He pushes me away and runs his arm under his nose. He rolls his shoulders and tries to play off the sniffle as a result of the cold, morning air.

See what happens when you're selfish? You hurt people.

"I…I'm sorry," I say, feeling panic start to settle in my chest.

He didn't think I was going to get hurt, he thought I was going to hurt myself and that realization makes any lingering warmth or happiness I held onto from the night before melt away leaving me hallow and cold.

They all must think that. They think there's something wrong with you.

"I should have checked in," I say. The need to defend myself fills the empty space in my chest and I can't let his unspoken fear linger between us. "I know I…sometimes I get a bit, obsessive and…and I forget to sleep and I might not…sometimes I mean, technically it's probably anxiety but I wouldn't…I've never. I'm not going to hurt myself, Raph."

He rolls his shoulders and moves his head from side to side, instantly uncomfortable. "Yeah…I know," he says with another sniff and a crack of his knuckles.

He is less than convincing. I'm not sure how I should feel, but I settle on anger and it warms my blood and makes me far more brazen than I normally would be with my volatile brother.

"No, no you don't," I say, rising to my full height. "You thought I was going to hurt myself," I insist. I won't let him pull away from my gaze and this time I'm the one pushing him. "You think I'm weak. You always have."

"Now, wait a minute…" he starts to defend himself, but I charge on.

"No, you listen to me for once," I say with a heavy shake of my head and more than a little manic pace to my words. "You think I'm weak, that I'm wrong, you all do, but I'm not. I might not be as good a fighter, but that doesn't mean I can't take care of myself. That doesn't mean I can't make my own decisions and that doesn't mean you get to push me around and say horrible things about April because you think I don't know any better," he doesn't say anything so I plow forward. "Do you honestly think I don't know that it probably won't work out? I know, Raphael. I know we're different, that I'm different, that she'll grow up and leave, that I can't expect her to…to be attracted to a freak. I know that, but you're my brother. You're supposed to take my side."

He lets me finish my rant. Patience isn't usually one of his virtues and I'm certain I'm in for a heck of a fight. Instead he wraps me in another hug and I'm left standing dumbfounded with my arms hanging lank at my sides.

"I don't think you're weak," he says and the sincerity behind his words takes me by surprise. "None of us do and I am on your side, Don. That's why I said those things about April. Cause I'm on your side and I don't want to see you get hurt," he pushes me away again with a punch to my shoulder, trying to hide any real emotion behind a slightly lecherous snigger. "And from where I was standing it didn't seem like she had any problem being attracted to ya."

My face burns red in an instant and I find a new found interest in my hands to avoid the growing smirk on my brother's face. "I well, I mean, that's not precisely, I mean…"

He laughs again and throws an arm around my shoulders, making me lean forward to his height. "What do you think Splinter'll say about you sleeping in her bed?"

"You…you wouldn't?" I say and I must look terrified because he laughs again and releases my shoulders.

"How about we keep the whole thing between the two of us and we'll just say you owe me?" he suggests and I nod quickly in agreement.

I'm not entirely sure that things are whole between us. I don't know if I believe what he said, but I appreciate that he said it.

"Dudes!"

Mikey's voice echoes out across the early morning air like a siren and I can assume Leonardo is hissing at him to be quiet. I only catch a quick glance of my two brothers leaping across the rooftops before they drop down beside Raph and I. Mikey grabs hold of my shoulders with a grip that makes me wince and will probably leave a bruise. His eyes are wide and frantic and guilt rears its ugly head again because it's my fault that look is on his face.

"Are you ok? Are you hurt?" he asks, still trying to catch his breath from his run across the rooftops.

"Yes, I'm all right, Mikey," I say quickly. "I'm all right."

I don't register that he hit me until my head snaps back and the sudden burst of pain travels from my jaw to settle on the side of my head.

You deserved that.

I taste blood, hot and metallic in my mouth, but I'm stopped short of spitting on the ground when Michelangelo wraps me in a hug that doesn't seem to be ending any time soon.

"Answer your damn phone," he says, holding on tighter. "We thought you were dead in a gutter somewhere, man. If you wanted to go outside I would of come with, ya. Don't take off on your own like that."

"I know, I'm sorry. I'll never do it again, I promise," I say, trying to find a way to squiggle free from his crushing hug. "Kinda need to breathe, Mikey."

He lets go but stays put at my side, shooting me side long glances of mistrust. I'll make it up to him somehow.

"Where were you?" Leonardo asks.

He's keeping his distance, perched on the edge of the roof, eyes narrowed beneath his mask. It's his disappointed look and I shrink under the weight of it. He did learn it from Master Splinter after all. I guess I could tell him the truth. I suppose I owe him that. I can leave out crucial details of course. Those details are, for the moment, on a need to know basis and Leo doesn't need to know.

"It doesn't matter, Leo," Raph says before I have a chance to speak. I slowly roll my head to stare at him, shocked. "He's not hurt. It was all just a bad night. Let's go back to the lair and forget about it. He's sorry and it won't happen again. Right, Donnie?"

I nod, too stunned to form anything close to words.

Leo isn't going to back down that easily. He has turned his disappointed look in Raphael's direction. Honestly, I don't know why he bothers. It has never worked on our brother in the past I don't know why he thinks it will this morning. Raphael rolls his shoulders back and offers a glare of confrontation in response.

Great. They don't need help starting a fight and you're just egging them on.

"You got a problem with that, Leo?" he asks.

Leonardo hops down from his perch. He only takes a few steps forward, but it's enough for Raph to square his shoulders and widen his stance in preparation for a fight. "I'd like to know why you feel the need to lie for him," he says, pointing at me. "You lied last night when you said he was in his room and you lied this morning when you said you didn't know where he was. You knew the whole time and I'd like to know why you thought it had to be kept a secret," he says, before he turns his stare on me. "Where were you Donatello?"

Raphael lied…for me.

The novelty of that isn't lost on me and I think I owe him an apology later. It is almost impossible to keep anything a secret in the lair, to have anything that is my own. Regardless of what Raph's motives might have been, his lying for me led to what happened last night. None of that would have transpired if he ratted me out and my brothers followed me to April's and dragged me back to the lair.

"He was at April's, ya idiot. Where else would he be?" Raph says with a roll of his eyes and an annoyed sigh.

So much for our little secret. Judas.

"All night?" Mikey asks. His eyes widen in assumed realization and a low chuckle starts in his chest and rolls out over the rooftop into a fit of giggles. "Dude, you slept over at April's?"

A blush, terrible and unrelenting burns across my face and their teasing smirks and knowing chuckles make my hands shake. "It's not…not like that," I say. I stumble over the words and sound everything but convincing. "Nothing happened. We just slept."

"You slept with April?" Mikey says around another fit of giggles.

"Not like that," I say again, scowling because I'm uncomfortable and he knew what I meant and is just giving me a hard time for the fun of it.

You deserve it anyway.

"We should get back to the lair," Leo says, never one to feel safe out in the open during daylight hours.

I'm just grateful he isn't glaring and accusing anymore. There is a ghost of smile on his face and even as he tries to be the somber and mature leader he can't help but get his dig in as well.

"Did you at least sleep on the floor?"

My wide eyes and renewed blush is enough to set off another round of teasing laughter and smirks. Mikey throws his arm around my shoulders. He apparently has already forgotten his anger with me and his freckles crinkle together when he grins.

"You sly, dog," he chuckles with a wiggle of his eye ridges. "You'll have to fill me in on the details," he whispers when Leo gives a signal to move out.

That's not a conversation I am ready to have and honestly I don't think Mikey is either. I take off after Leo, grateful for the distraction of movement. We run and leap together, taking extra care to keep out of sight now that the city is awake and people move around only a few floors below our feet. Mikey and Raphael follow behind me and as we move it's almost as if the last few days never happened, like it was all some weird, horrible dream with a surprise happy ending.

Run. Jump. Roll. Run.

In the brisk morning air with my muscles working and the cold moving in and out of my lungs I allow myself a moment to be happy. I can feel a smile start to grow across my face and I don't even mind how it makes my jaw hurt where Mikey hit me. My mind wanders back to April's warm bedroom and her mouth and her…everything else. She kissed me. She asked me to stay and she didn't hide what happened from Raphael. Maybe things could work out. Maybe everything will be all right. My brothers can tease me all they like and I'm certain they will. They can't take last night away from me. Nobody can take that.

We drop down into an alleyway. I keep a look out while Mikey pries open the manhole cover. He disappears into the darkness with Raphael following close behind. I step to the edge and Leo puts a hand on my arm to stop me. I suppose I should have known it wouldn't have been this easy. That he would let me off the hook with just some teasing. Leo loves a lecture and I'm sure I'm in for a doozey.

"Are you all right?" he asks and any hint of a smile he might have worn before is gone and barely a memory.

I nod. "Yes," I say quietly and I mean it. "I really am sorry. I didn't want to make you guys worry. You don't have to. I'm all right."

"You know Sensei is going to have questions," he says.

I lose some of my calm. If talking to Mikey about what happened is an unappealing proposition talking to Master Splinter about it makes me feel sick inside. I nod and bite my lower lip. Leo gives a knowing nod.

"I'm not telling you to lie to him," he says, keeping his voice quiet so our brothers down in the sewer don't overhear. "But, he probably doesn't need to know all the details."

"Y-yeah," I reply with a jerky nod. "Thanks, Leo."

His smile returns and I feel like I just walked into a trap. "Of course you're not a very good liar so he'll probably get it out of you," he says before jumping down into the sewer.

He's right you know.

I let out a sigh that is half way to a groan and slip into the sewer after my brothers, dreading the conversation that awaits me when we reach the lair.