Author's Note: A little break from the norm with this chapter. Each brother gets a section. I tried to make each one have their own individual voice as best I could. This chapter is also a touch heavy on the angst. I might have to write a fluffy one shot just to brighten the mood. :0)


Chapter Fourteen

Donatello

The lights in my lab should never be this bright. I don't know why Master Splinter has all of them on. It seems like a waste of energy. Not that we pay for it. Where do you send an electric bill when you don't have an address? That's not the point. This amount of light is too much, it's wasteful. We all have to do our part to live green.

You're hilarious.

Whoever is sitting beside me doesn't think so, because there's a gentle 'shush,' in my ear and a cold, wet cloth pressed to my forehead when I try to laugh. I don't know why they're doing that. I'm cold enough already. What I could really use is a nice, warm, flat rock in the sunshine, maybe in the middle of a nice pond.

Wait…what?

I blink back the glaring light and try to make my vision snap to focus using sheer force of will alone. I don't like not knowing what's going on and I won't deduce anything with my eyes closed. The light is so bright I can't see anything beyond a couple feet. There is red hair and pale skin and the scent of wildflowers. The gentle voice beside me is April.

Of course it is. Who else would it be?

I'm lying down. I don't remember that happening but it must have. I'm on a table in my lab with the world's thinnest pillow under my head and April at my side. Other people shouldn't be in my lab unsupervised. They don't know where things go. They'll mess up my system. April takes the cloth from my forehead and my skin is instantly ablaze. I must make a noise because she's hushing me again and I think she's crying.

Nice going. You made her cry.

The angry thud from the bathroom is back, its tenor ringing throughout my aching head. This time it has brought a friend. It's not as deep and resonant as the original, but it's just as angry and equally unrelenting. I cringe and this time I feel the tiny moan move past my lips.

"Shh, it's all right," April says.

I don't know why she is whispering when she's already so far away.

"Master Splinter is going to take the stitches out. It'll hurt less after. Everything is going to be all right."

We'll figure it out.

You're not figuring anything out. You're lying here like a whimpering baby while April cries and Raph and Leo yell at each other.

When did Leo get here?

April's face comes into focus and she reapplies the cold cloth to my head. The chill travels through my entire body and I can feel a tremble start in my toes and work its way up to my shoulders. I need to move. I need to do something. I can't be still.

"Whoa, whoa, easy, Don," Raphael exclaims and he's pushing me back against the table before I can convince my feet to swing to the floor.

Raphael telling you to take it easy. That's hysterical.

I say as much with a chuckle that is more like a cough, only to be pushed back down again for my efforts. I don't know why his hand is so heavy. Hands shouldn't be that heavy, it isn't natural. I blink and squirm with very little success. There's a flash of blue nearby and soon another cold and heavy hand is on my opposite shoulder. They're trying to keep me still. I can't be still. I have to fix this. Why don't they understand that?

"Donnie, hey, I need you to focus here."

I'll give you focus.

"Donatello, look at me."

He's always so bossy. No wonder Raph wants to punch him most of the time.

"Donatello."

"Wh-what?" I demand.

At least I think I do. I don't entirely recognize that raspy voice as my own. They have me by the shoulders, neither one of them exerting much force to keep me pinned. Leo has his stern leader face on and I'm too tired to even consider arguing with whatever he has to say.

"I need you to stop moving, all right? Can you do that?"

Be still.

"I need…I need to…do something," I reply.

It's not an argument, just a statement of fact. I have to do something. I have to fix this. It's what I do.

"I know, I know you do and you can, just not right now. Right now you have to lie still so we can get these stitches out of your hand. After that you can move. I promise."

I nod in agreement. It seems like a fair enough deal. Raph looks worried. He probably thinks Leo won't stay true to his word. He will. I'm pretty sure he will.

"Good, excellent," Leo says and his hand squeezes my shoulder. "I'm going to tie your wrist to the table, all right? It might hurt but we have to make sure you don't move when Sensei takes out the stitches. Do you understand?"

Why is he talking to you like you're an idiot? Of course you understand. They're the ones who never understand.

"Y-yeah, I understand," I reply around a cough. "Make sure…make sure he wears gloves," I insist because they don't understand. They never understand. "Don't touch…don't touch the wound."

"He will and we won't," Leo says and I believe him.

Why would he lie? What would he have to gain? I hear the tightened pull of leather before I feel the strap close in around my wrist. The underside must be made of razor blades because it feels as though the belt might cut straight through to the bone. I told them I would be still, but it isn't a promise I can keep. There are strong hands on my shoulders and my legs. I shouldn't be able to shake loose from their grip. It's too strong and I'm too tired. But pain is a funny thing and it gives me strength in that moment of sheer panic and the blinding desire to get away from the cause of my agony.

I don't know how long I thrash and try to escape. It could have been a few seconds or maybe a few days. The blades must have fallen out because the stabbing in my wrist subsides to the more familiar constant throb from my hand and the weight on my legs lessens somewhat. None of my captors leave entirely, but at least now I can draw a breath and wiggle my stiff joints.

"M'sorry," I mumble, although I don't know exactly why I'm apologizing or who I'm apologizing to. It just feels like something that needs to be said.

"It is all right, my son. This will all be over soon," Master Splinter says and I want to believe him more than I have ever wanted to believe anyone in my entire life.

I don't know when my father entered the room, but I'm glad he's here. Maybe he was always there. I don't have time to ponder. He's going to cut out the stitches in my thumb. It's going to hurt…a lot. I promised I would be still. It's not a promise I can keep. My brothers are on me again and this time I give them more of a fight. I don't want to. I want to be still. I want to be stoic and composed like Sensei wishes I was. I can't be still. It hurts.

Michelangelo

He's screaming again. No matter how hard I press my hands to my ears I can still hear him screaming. They're supposed to be helping him. Master Splinter said he was going to help him. If they're helping him why is he screaming like that? That's not what help sounds like. That's what pain sounds like. I've heard it enough in my life to know it when I hear it.

They waited for Leo to get back before they started. Nobody said it but they didn't want to depend on me to help. I've done enough already. I told Donnie not to trust me with the stitches. I told him I would just mess it up. He wouldn't listen. They never listen to me. He didn't listen and I messed everything up. He didn't listen and now he's screaming like someone is cutting his hand off and it's my fault. I messed it up. I told him I would.

I press my hands against my head and close my eyes tight until they start to water at the edges. He's going to be fine. Master Splinter will know what to do and Leo is back. They'll clean up the mess and Donnie will be just fine. He has to be. We're a team and he was finally starting to get somewhere with April. He has to be all right. I need him to be all right. We're a team.

The screaming has stopped and I slowly peel my hands away from my ears, taking my time in case it's just a brief pause in the horrible noise. The silence isn't much better. My head is ringing and my palms are covered in sweat. I wipe them on my bedspread and swing my feet to the ground, straining to hear anything beside the dull thud of my heart and the constant tick of the clock over my bed. Nothing.

I should go check on him. If it was me Donnie would go check on me. He'd fix me. He'd fix any of us. He wouldn't be hiding in his room with his hands pressed to his ears and the covers over his head. I walk on legs that kinda tremble. The hallway outside my bedroom is dark and deserted. Everyone else is helping. Everyone else is trying to clean up this mess. I can see the thin beam of light shining out from the lab door. If I stay out of its view this might not be real. I grip the edge of the metal door and peer inside. No one will notice me. They're busy.

He's not screaming anymore. He's not moving either. I take in a sharp breath, letting it out just as quickly when I see his chest rise and fall. He's all right. He's not…the bad thing. He's just sleeping. He's sleeping and he'll wake up soon and Master Splinter has got this. I shouldn't have doubted him. He'd never let anything bad happen to us. He's standing by the head of the table, blocking Donnie's hand from view. That's fine. I already saw it. I don't need to see it again; all black and oozing and clutched in pain.

April looks up and her eyes are red-rimmed and still full of tears. She spots me and I start to lose it. I hate seeing other people cry. Especially my family and April is family. I can feel the tremble in my jaw and the burning, push behind my eyes. She crosses the distance between us to hug me. It's warm and more than a little desperate. She can hug me as hard as she likes. I understand. I'd grip her just as tight if I wasn't afraid of breaking her ribs.

"Is…is he better?" I ask, proud that I manage to keep my voice from shaking.

"Everything will be all right," April replies, her voice muffled by my shoulder.

I don't know if she says it to answer my question or if she just has to say it out loud to believe it herself. I don't care. I'm glad she says it and I'm going to believe her. I have to believe her, because everyone has to be all right. Donnie has to be all right. I need him to be all right.

Leonardo

My hands threaten to tremble with each passing second. I can't let them. I won't let them. I need to be strong for my brothers. I need to be steady. Falling to pieces won't help anything. The stitches are out. That was the hard part. Holding him down while he screamed and kicked and begged for Sensei to stop; that was the hard part. Now Donnie can rest and when he wakes up he'll fix this. He'll figure this out. I glance around the lab. I don't know why I bother. I don't know what half this stuff is, let alone how any of it can help my brother.

Raph is still standing by Donnie's feet. He's silent for once; his face ashen and his eyes down-turned. He won't stay silent for long. There's a shift, almost a smell in the air, like electricity. The muscles in his shoulders tense and his hands curl into fists atop the table. His eyes narrow and I follow his gaze to Donnie's right hand, still held down by a leather strap. The wound is open and weeping now, even after Master Splinter cleaned it. The skin of his hand and half-way up his forearm is black and cracks at the slightest movement. The hard part isn't over. Not by a long shot.

"What do we do now?" Raph asks and there's anger and resentment behind the question.

He'll pick a target for that anger soon enough. It might as well be me.

"We wait," I say, not surprised when his nostrils flair in response. "Let him rest."

"We wait?" he parrots my own words back to me and I square my shoulders, ready for an argument. "In case you haven't noticed, Leo whatever was in that container or on it is eating away at his hand. Who knows what else it's doing to him and it's only getting worse. Do you expect us to just sit back and watch it happen?"

Michelangelo makes a pained noise in his throat and I let my eyes flicker over to him for a split second. He's watching, with April still pulled close to his side. They're both watching, waiting for me to respond. Waiting for me to come up with a better plan; any plan. I don't have one. I don't have anything. Master Splinter's hand closes around my shoulder and I sway from the unexpected weight of it.

"That is enough, Raphael," he says quietly.

"But, Sensei…"

"I said that is enough," he says again, stopping my brother short of further argument. "Your brother needs to rest. We will keep watch over him and when he wakes we will decide what to do next."

Raph looks as though he might punch the table, but thinks better of it and holds his shaking fist firmly at his side. The electricity is back in the air and I wouldn't be surprised if he finds another route to an argument, to confrontation. He wants something he can yell at, something he can hit. I understand. No one likes feeling helpless and that's exactly what all of us are. We're going at this blindly and the lack of any real plan is only proof of that. We need Donnie's help.

"Hai, Sensei," he mutters, turning away from the table with a heaving breath and coiled shoulders.

Mikey steps out of the way to let him pass, steering April along with him. No one follows him out of the lab. He won't go far.

"Leonardo."

Master Splinter's hand is still on my shoulder and when he says my name I understand what he wants from me. I don't want to go after my brother. I'm too tired for a fight, but he shouldn't be alone right now. He won't welcome my company. I'm sure he'll try to blame me for what happened. I don't want to hear it, but Sensei wants me to go after him. I have to be strong. I have to be steady. No one likes feeling helpless.

Raphael

Sit around and do nothing. That's the great plan from our fearless leader. Wait for something worse to happen. Wait for his whole arm to turn black or for the fever to cook his brain. Wait until it's too late and there's no turning back. I can't do that. I won't do that. I'm supposed to protect them. How can I protect someone from this? My fist connects with the practice dummy and the whole metal frame shakes down to its bolts. I hit it again and again. I hit it until I lose count and an ache starts to settle on my arms and still I hit it again.

"Raphael."

It's Leo. Of course it's Leo. I'm sure he has some lecture about calm and patience all ready to go and the thought of his words only makes me punch harder. I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear him. I'm in the red place. It's all I can do to keep breath going in and out of my lungs. I don't have time for lectures. I don't need lectures. There isn't anything he can say to make this better.

"Raphael."

"Shut it, Leo," I growl. "I don't wanna hear it."

There's a twitch at the corner of his eye. He doesn't try to hide it and I don't know what to do with it right out in the open like that. He's supposed to hide it. I stop mid-swing, the practice dummy creaks and groans as it settles back to center. Leo's shoulders slump and he sits on the steps a few feet from me. He doesn't lecture. He doesn't give me his disappointed look. He sits and stares at the beam of light creeping out from around the door to Donnie's lab.

"I don't…I don't know what to do," he says with a sigh.

He keeps staring straight ahead, his mouth set in a firm line. The red leaves my vision, but I still can't get my breaths to even out. I sit beside him and curl my hands into fists. I drill my fingers into the palms of my hands until it hurts; the pain distracting my thoughts for a few glorious seconds. It doesn't last, just like the anger didn't last and I'm left with the uneasy quiet and the ringing in my ears from my brother's screams.

"We can't…we can't just sit here and do nothing," I insist, digging my heel into the concrete of the steps. "If it was one of us…"

"He'd already have fixed it," Leo stops me short and the firm line of his jaw wavers. "He would know what to do."

I push to my feet and start pacing in a sharp, angry closed circuit. "If we can't fix this ourselves then…then we have to find someone who can," I say.

Leo looks doubtful. "What are you talking about?"

"Those Purple Dragon losers were transporting this stuff. I say we go make them tell us where they got it," I insist, rolling my shoulders in anticipation of a fight.

"The Kraang…" he starts to reply and I can sense the doubt starting to form behind the words. I can't listen to that. I have to do something.

"Then we find one of them and make them talk. They brought the mutagen here. They'll know how to fix this. We can make them fix this," I say. I wince at the desperation in my voice and my shoulders drop. "They…they need to pay."

He's going to lecture me. He's going to tell me I'm being impulsive, ridiculous, and desperate. All of that might be true, but I don't need to hear it. I turn towards him, the red place is waiting and I can feel it reaching up from the pit of my stomach. It makes my hands shake and every muscle in my body tense. Leonardo hasn't moved from his place on the steps. He hasn't moved but everything about him is different.

"They will," he says and he's with me.

He understands. He knows we have to do something; the only something we can do. We'll make them pay for hurting our brother.