Chapter 13: Comparisons
Kaiba sighed in relief as he entered his shower, instantly feeling better as the water washed over him. It made him feel human all over again and he moaned in pleasure at the simple feeling of existing as himself. He hadn't realized how much he had missed it until he had the quiet moment alone, but it was truly a relief to be back to normal.
Although it wasn't true that that things were one hundred percent back to normal. He still felt a little off balance and then there was the whole Yami thing to consider.
Scowling, Kaiba did his best to put the matter of Yami out of his mind. It didn't pay to think of such things now, even if the shower was where he normally mulled over his problems. Not that Yami was actually a problem per se, but he was certainly complicated and it was more than Kaiba felt like thinking about at the moment.
No, instead he focused on how good the water felt as it ran over his body. How such a simple thing could bring him so much pleasure was a mystery, but he was determined not to take it for granted ever again. No, never again would Kaiba forget to value his humanity. And if he ever got his hands on Isis, she was doomed. Then again, knowing what sort of dark powers she had control of, maybe it was best to just avoid her in general. His temper was too quick to incite her wrath and that was a bad combination.
However, he didn't feel like thinking about Isis at the moment either, so he pushed her from his mind as well and tried to focus on the water instead. However, as Kaiba's fingers traversed his body, his mind was instantly transported to how good it had felt to have Yami's fingers working his body as a kitten. It was hard to forget that divine feeling and he had to hold back a sound at the memories of how good he had felt at the time. It was downright mortifying, but the memories were not so quick to leave him. It was humiliating to have to admit that it wasn't all bad as a kitten and that was largely because of Yami, which was even worse. He owed his rival a great debt, one he wasn't even sure how to start paying back and that was deeply galling.
But still, his mind kept drifting back to those wonderful massages Yami had given him as a kitten. His mind traitorously started to wonder what it would feel like on his human body and Kaiba's eyes went wide in shock at the thought. I did not just think that, Kaiba tried to tell himself, but to no avail. As he soaped himself up, his mind kept substituting Yami's touch and it made him shiver under the water. It reminded him too much of what had happened in bed when he woke up as human earlier that afternoon and it was all deeply disturbing to him. They were thoughts best left alone, but his mind wasn't nearly that kind.
No, it began to obsessively start to remember the feel of Yami's fingers against his bare skin, the feel of his lips against his, the hopeful look in those scarlet eyes. It all gave Kaiba a weird feeling in the pit of his stomach. He didn't know what to make of Yami's sudden—or not so sudden, apparently—interest in him. It didn't make any sense why Yami would feel that way toward him. After all, he had done nothing to encourage those sorts of feelings. Quite the opposite, really. And yet it seemed as if Yami did desire him. But why? It boggled Kaiba's mind. He tried to chalk it up to his rival being an idiot, but he knew that wasn't true. So why did Yami feel that way? And why did it suddenly matter to Kaiba? It's not like it had any impact on him and his life if Yami harbored feelings toward him. But for some strange reason, Kaiba couldn't write Yami off so easily and it annoyed the hell out of him. Was this a result of feeling like he owed Yami for taking care of him as a kitten? Whatever the reason, it was irritating and Kaiba scowled at his own reactions. He shouldn't have any reaction at all and yet here he was, debating the issue like it mattered.
Shaking his head as if to dislodge the thoughts, water went flying everywhere as a result. He quickly applied shampoo to his hair and once again found himself thinking about his shared showers with Yami when Kaiba was a kitten. It was hard to forget the feeling of Yami's fingers in his fur. It made his mind wonder what it would feel like to have those talented fingers run through his hair as a human. It was a starling thought and Kaiba immediately tried to distance himself from it. First of all, it was a downright absurd thought because Yami wasn't nearly tall enough to pull off such a feat when they were standing. And secondly, why would they ever shower together when they were both human? There was no purpose to it.
But the image of Yami, wet in the shower, wasn't so quick to leave him. Especially once his mind pointed out the potential under those circumstances. Against his better judgment, he tried picturing things heating up as Yami pressed close to him until their bodies were touching and began kissing him while his fingers aimlessly wandered along Kaiba's heated flesh. He felt a shocking jolt of arousal at the idea and it was enough to distract him from his thoughts. What was wrong with him, thinking such things? And why would he derive any pleasure from it? Because what you did with him felt good, his mind gleefully pointed out until he hushed it. He would never admit to such a thing. Still, he felt an unfamiliar ache building up inside of him that he didn't know how to address.
Rinsing his hair, Kaiba tried to distract himself from the problems in his mind, but it was of no use; Yami would not be so easily forgotten or dismissed. It made Kaiba growl in irritation and he forced himself to calm down since it did him no good to get worked up over it. Besides, that proved that Yami had gotten to him, which Kaiba refused to accept. But then why did the memory of the fear of rejection in Yami's eyes disturb him so much? There was no reason for it. And yet there was still that nagging feeling lingering. It was irritating, but it seemed there was no helping it.
"What is wrong with me?" Kaiba wondered out loud as he finished rinsing the last of the suds out of his hair.
Sadly, there were no easy answers. Instead, Kaiba shut off the water and toweled off, once again feeling relief at the normalcy of his oh so human actions.
Quickly blow drying his hair, Kaiba was once again reminded of his time as a kitten. Somehow it didn't feel nearly as good in his human form as it did in his kitten one to be under the heat of the dryer. It wasn't that he missed being a kitten, but his mind was still drawing all sorts of comparisons for some reason.
Finally finishing in the bathroom, Kaiba shut off the lights and got into bed. Surrounded by the darkness, Kaiba thought the night vision hadn't been so bad as a kitten, even if it did come at the cost of seeing the world in colors. Still, it wasn't worth staying as a kitten.
Shifting in bed, Kaiba couldn't quite get himself into a comfortable position. As he lay in the silence, he suddenly realized he was still instinctually listening for the calming sound of Yami's even breathing while he slept. It was yet another startling revelation and Kaiba didn't like it in the least. However, his room was too quiet without Yami there and Kaiba did his best to ignore such a stupid sentiment that didn't stop his traitorous mind from picturing Yami lying next to him in bed, fast asleep. Why was that such a…comfort to him? It didn't make any sense to Kaiba why that would put him at ease. It made it easier to sleep for some reason, but that couldn't be allowed. Forcibly pushing the mental image out of his mind, Kaiba lay in the all too quiet darkness and continued ruminating on the problem of Yami.
Now that he was in bed, his mind was transported to when he woke up as a human. He couldn't forget the feel of Yami's lips against his own, the touch of Yami's hand against his bare skin, the feeling of Yami so pliant beneath him. It once again stoked that ache inside of him and Kaiba felt his cheeks heat up in embarrassment. Why was he thinking about such humiliating thins? And it was humiliating, knowing that there was a part of him that wanted to experience more. But Kaiba didn't even know what "more" entailed. Did it mean more touching, more making out, more sexual?
Kaiba instantly shied away from the latter thought. He had never given much credence to sexuality in general, let alone his own. It had just never seemed important when compared to anything else in his life. His brother, his company, it was all more important than something trivial such as who Kaiba liked. What difference did another person make? Kaiba had never even had a crush on someone before because no one had ever captured his attention as being worthy enough and it had never been a problem before.
However, now it seemed that ignoring such things were a bad idea. Kaiba didn't like being so caught off guard and he wondered what he should do. His mind was quick to supply him with vivid remembrances of Yami's body pressed against his as they kissed and there was that annoying ache again. It also raised the question of why he had responded the way he had; without any experience, he was at a loss to explain it as anything other than instincts. So Kaiba tried picturing himself taking a more proactive role and he thought about himself kissing Yami first and willingly. He once again felt his cheeks flush in embarrassment over what he was thinking, but Kaiba persevered. However, Kaiba quickly floundered over what to do next. He could touch Yami's body, but what did that accomplish? And he could think about sex, but he failed to see how anyone could derive pleasure based on the mechanics of the male body. He just couldn't grasp it mentally, so he moved on to other thoughts. That really only left hand jobs, which was a pointless exercise that he could do himself if he were so inclined, or blow jobs. He certainly couldn't imagine himself giving one to Yami—or anyone for that matter—and he wasn't sure how having someone's mouth on him would be pleasurable. It just seemed so…awkward.
Realizing that he had just used logic to run out of further imaginings, Kaiba was completely puzzled by what Yami could want from him. There just seemed to be no point if all they were going to do was make out from time to time. Besides, what reason did he have to kiss Yami? There needed to be a purpose or else what was the point?
His mind drifted back to the sex he had dismissed outright from the start. There had to be pleasure there or else why would people be so obsessed with it? But it was so far beyond his realm of experience that he didn't know what to do. He supposed he could research it, but that seemed like a horrible idea. He could only imagine the twisted results he'd find on the internet with that specific search string. So that was out for sure. That didn't leave him with much, though. Plus, he wasn't even sure if that was what Yami was really after. It made sense on one level because Yami seemed like a very sensual creature by nature, given how he had reacted after Kaiba returned to normal. But on another, who knew what Yami really wanted? Kaiba certainly had no clue. That really left Kaiba with only two choices: ignore the issue or talk it out, which really didn't appeal to him at all. Yet Yami seemed to be expecting an answer of some sort and Kaiba had nothing to offer him in that regard.
It was all too damn confusing and Kaiba didn't know what to make of any of it. He hated not knowing and understanding things and Yami was an absolutely infuriating mystery. But was he one that Kaiba felt like solving? Kaiba wasn't so sure.
Kaiba was surprised when he yawned; he hadn't realized how tired he actually was. Writing it off as the after effects of transforming back to human, Kaiba let sleep take him with very little resistance for once.
A/N: This is a special kind of dense Kaiba, I have to say. Logic is not always the best friend…
NEXT CHAPTER:
Rolling his eyes, Kaiba questioned, "What the hell are you doing on the floor?"
The next chapter will go up on Sunday, September 14th, so please look forward to it! in the meantime, I shall look forward to hearing your thoughts on this chapter!
