Split Hairs

Chapter 23 Obstacle Mine Field

By: Major144

Disclaimer: I do not own Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo. This is a story just for fun.

The gates opened and everybody was greeted by a huge obstacle course. The first resembled a large sandy field. Missouri faced the two groups

"The rules are simple. Your teams must pass through the three challenges I've set up and defeat the guardians in each area." Said Missouri.

"Team Bobobo must chose eight people to participate against Major Minor's team." Said Ender.

"Well that's easy I'll obviously choose myself. Then lets...see my best shields...I mean friends Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler. Then Softon, Hatenko, Over, Torpedo Girl, and Gasser." Said Bobobo.

"But what about me! I want to play to!" Wined Parallel Bobobo, who was dressed as a girl.

"I know you do honey, but I need someone to defend the the family while I'm away." Said Bobobo.

"Ok I'll do my best. Go get them!" Cheered Parallel Bobobo as he and the others were lead to a large sports stand seat by Ender.

The two teams gather up to get ready.

"Hey Torpedo Girl there's something I want to ask you." Said Gasser.

"What's that?" Asked Torpedo Girl.

"Well I was wondering, why do you have a male human form and why dose Missouri have a female human form?" Asked Gasser.

"Well...you see weapons...have to have a human form of the opposite sex to keep their power and personality in check. Female weapons need a male human form for masculinity, while male weapons need a female human form for finesse." Explained Torpedo Girl.

"Well that actually makes sense in a weird way." Said Gasser.

"Ok enough talk, your first challenge is to make it across the field that is full of traps. There are also two of my troops here, so you have to beat them. Let the obstacle course challenge begin." Said Missouri.

Bothe teams studied the field not sure how to proceed. Both groups then got into a huddle to decide on a plan.

"This is simple troops. We need to send the most expendable...I mean bravest solider out there to see what kind of traps were dealing with. I can't go because I'm the team captain and Mesopotamian Guy can't go because his second in command, so were leaving it up to the rest of you to vote on who to send." Said Major Minor.

The reaming team members looked at one another and then everybody looked at Sad Sack, who was looking at the ground depressed. Some sixth sense told Sad Sack that every member of his team was looking at him. He looked up and saw his teammates closing in on him.

"Congratulations Sad Sack. You've been voted to investigate what kind of traps are on the field. Now go do us proud!" Said Major Minor as the other started to push Sad Sack towards the field.

"But...I didn't get a chance to vote!" Protested Sad Sack as he tried to get away.

"To bad majority rules." Said Super Rabbit as he kicked Sad Sack onto the field.

"Man those guys are jerks." Said Jelly Jiggler as he watched Major Minor's team kick Sad Sack onto the field. "I'm sure glad I have good friends." He said as he faced his team mates.

Everybody except for Gasser and Softon was staring at Jelly Jiggler with cruel intent. The jelly man didn't like how they were looking at him and took a nervous step back.

"Congratulations Jelly your going to go investigate the field." Said Bobobo.

"Why me?!" Cried Jelly Jiggler.

"Because your the most annoying and expendable one on the team. It's either the field or I can practice my moves on you." Said Over as he slashed his scissors through the air.

Jelly Jiggler gulped and walked onto the field. Gasser was annoyed that his friend was always being bullied and decided to trick Don Patch into going onto the field.

"You can do it Jelly Jiggler! Your the best! Only the main characters can do what your doing!" Cheered Gasser.

"Thanks Gasser!" Said Jelly Jiggler as he blushed a little.

Don Patch looked incredibly annoyed. A vain was throbbing on his forehead.

"Oh no you don't you jelly brained loser! I'm the main character and if anyone is going onto a field full of dangerous traps it's going to be me!" Shouted Don Patch as ran onto the field pushing past Jelly Jiggler and Sad Sack.

"You can do it boss show them what your made of!" Cheered Hatenko.

"Sucker!" Snickered Gasser.

Don Patch had only gone a few yards onto the field, before he stepped onto a land mine and was blown into the air with a loud explosion! Don Patch flew threw the air covered in scorch marks and landed on the ground hard.

"Boss!" Cried Hatenko.

Don Patch pulled himself up to his feet. Before he could do anything else a giant metal fly swatter shot out of the ground and slammed on top of Don Patch! Don Patch sprung up like an accordion with stars spinning around his head as he staggered around. Don Patch then walked into an invisible wall and fell on his rear. He angrily jumped and started to follow the wall with his hands, until he fell into a hole and became lost from sight. Everybody stared at the hole wondering what happened to Don Patch.

"Um...nice kitty. Good...kitty! I'm...not a cat toy!" Called Don Patch's voice followed by the roar of a tiger. "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

Everybody watched as Don Patch came scrambling out of the hole with scars all over his body. Don Patch madly raced back to the beginning of the field and collapsed. Bobobo dressed as a nurse ran over to Don Patch carrying a defibrillator.

"Clear!" Shouted Bobobo as he shocked Don Patch and made him regain consciousness.

"Thank you for...the Kentucky...Fried...Chicken...Colonel." Mutter Don Patch.

"Boss your alive!" Cheered Hatenko.

"Man I'm glad that wasn't us." Said Jelly Jiggler.

"Thank goodness for idiots with big egos." Said Sad Sack.

At that moment two figures popped out of the ground behind Jelly Jiggler and Sad Sack. One figure resembled a giant mole with an army helmet and sunglasses, while the other resembled a mine with his makeup in an army camouflage pattern. The two new figures kicked Jelly Jiggler and Sad Sack into the field, where a giant robotic dragon head popped out of the ground and set them on fire! Both Jelly Jiggler and Sad Sack screamed as they battered at the flames as they ran. A bunch of boxing gloves on springs sprung up and attacked the two of them knocking them to the ground. Jelly Jiggler ended up accidentally hitting a land mine that exploding sending both flying through the air and landing back at the start of the field.

"You jerks! Who are you?" Demanded Gasser as he addressed the two new figures.

"I am Major Mole and this is my associate Major Mime. Were the guardians of this obstacle." Said the giant mole.

"So your the punks we have to beat. No problem." Said Bobobo as he cracked his knuckles.

"You fools have to reach the center of the field to get to us. Super Fist of the Mole Molehill command!" Said Major Mole as he tapped his foot.

A molehill the size of a house appeared in the center of the field. Major Mole and Major Mime dived into the ground and disappeared.

"Ha! The enemy has given us a location. We can find and defeat them now. Second in Command Mesopotamian Guy do you have any suggestions as to how we can reach that molehill." Said Major Minor.

"We I've figured out its to dangerous to go through the field on foot. We need some kind of armored vehicle to get through." Said Mesopotamian Guy.

Major Minor scratched his chin in thought as he looked at his teammates, his eyes falling on Otto. An idea popped into his head as he grinned evilly.

"Why are you looking at me?" Asked Otto.

"It's time we gave you a tune up. Auto Shop." Said Major Minor as he snapped his fingers and an auto shop fell from the sky and landed near them. "Otto, you have been selected to become are armored vehicle."

"It's because I have a car for a head isn't it." Said Otto.

"Yes." Said Major Minor as Indus Guy and Yellow River grabbed Otto's arms and dragged him into the auto shop followed by Mesopotamian Guy and Major Minor.

Team Bobobo listen to the sounds of power tools and screaming coming from the auto shop.

"They make a good point, we need a car to to get through the mine field." Said Bobobo.

"I got it covered." Said Softon as he pointed at the pink swirly ice cream car behind him.

"Great now we just need to sup it up." Said Bobobo as he pulled out some tools from his afro.

The team went to work putting armor on the car. They even installed a couple of treadmills inside, so that the team could give it their own personal energy boost. Soon there car was ready. The team loaded up into the car. Model stood outside the auto shop and scoffed at Team Bobobo's car.

"Ug! How very unfashionable! Well it seems like we got you beat in both power and fashion. Presenting Super Otto Military Mobile." Said Model as the doors to the auto shop flew open and a large blue armored car drove out.

It was Otto's head now the size of a regular car, with Mesopotamian Guy in the drivers seat, Major Minor in the front passengers seat and Indus Guy and Yellow River in the backseat.

"Oh yeah I'm a mean machine!" Exclaimed Otto.

"Face it Bobobo were the ones who are going to win this round!" Declared Major Minor.

"Don't you bet on it helmet head!" Shouted Bobobo.

The cars groomed their engines as Model stepped forward waving a starting flag. Both cars took off towards the molehill. They were next to each other neck to neck with Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler running on the treadmill to provide power for the Bobobo Team's car as Softon drove. Explosions and various other items flew past the cars, but nothing harmed them. It was then Major Minor started to play dirty.

"Indus Guy and Yellow River I order you to strike the tires on Bobobo's car with your sword!" Ordered Major Minor.

Both villains unbuckled and crawled onto the roof of the car with swords drawn. Yellow River raised his sword, but Hatenko saw him. Hatenko stuck his upper body out the window and blocked it with his key.

"You will not prevent my Boss's victory!" Declared Hatenko as he shoved Yellow River back nearly knocking him off of the roof.

Indus River tried to strike at Hatenko, but Gasser hit him with a fart ball knocking him back. Both villains crawled into the car as Major Minor yelled at them.

Inside Team Bobobo's car Over decided to pitch in and make the car go faster. He stood behind Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler giving them a threatening glare.

"You better run faster or I'll slice and dice you!" Declared Over.

This made Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler scream and run faster making the car speed up and pass Major Minor's car. Major Minor slammed his fist down on the dashboard.

"No I refuse to lose this race!" He shouted as he unbuckled his seatbelt, pulled out a rocket launcher and stood up.

Major Minor fired several rockets at Bobobo's car.

"In coming!" Shouted Gasser.

"I got this! Everybody hold on!" Shouted Softon as he spun the wheel.

The car spun around in a zig zag pattern avoiding all the rockets.

"Gasser it's your time to shine! Show them what your made of!" Declared Bobobo as he handed Gasser a jar.

Gasser nodded as he knew what to do. Gasser opened the jar and put a fart in it and closed it. He then leaned out the window and hurled the jar at Major Minor. The jar bounced off of Major Minor's face and landed in the car breaking and releasing it's contents. The car was filled with yellow gas making everyone scream and cough. Mesopotamian Guy lost control and ended up driving the car onto a mine making it exploded and sending them flying through the air back to the beginning of the field with a crash. Otto returned to his normal self as he and the rest of his team laid in a heap,

"Nice one Gasser. Now it's time to deal with the guardians. We need your help to beat them." Said Bobobo.

"Ok." Said Gasser as they arrived at the molehill and got out of the car.

Gasser saw a small hole in the side of molehill and placed his rear against it.

"Super Fist of the Backwind Open a Window!" Shouted Gasser as he released his gas.

The top of the molehill exploded with yellow gas as Major Mole and Major Mime came out looking pale. Bobobo charged at them.

"Time to end this! Super Fist of the Nose Hair surfs up!" Shouted Bobobo as he rode a surfboard and unleashed his nose hairs striking the two guardians and sending them flying through the air to land on the ground with a thud.

Both guardians were knocked unconscious. Ender and Missouri walked onto the field.

"Congratulations you won the first challenge." Said Ender.

"Don't get to cocky there are still two challenges left." Said Missouri.

"Bring it on!" Declared Bobobo.

"This is far from over Bobobo. My team and I will win the next challenge just you wait and see." Said Major Minor as he and his team staggered to their feet for the next challenge.

To be continued.