Author's Notes: April POV this time around. Back at the lair for some Raph and April fighting. I feel like they're both too stubborn for their own good.

A little shorter than most of the chapters, but Donnie will be back next chapter with a little more content.


Chapter 28

April

The television was on; if for nothing else than to distract from the awkward silence in the room. Master Splinter had Leo and Mikey carried Donatello into the lab the instant we returned to the lair. He was still unconscious, the head wound not as startling as the jagged crack across his plastron. Mikey assured me they could fix it, that this wasn't the first time and probably wouldn't be the last one of them cracked their shell. They wouldn't let me help. No matter how much I insisted. So now I'm sitting on the sofa next to Raphael, attempting to clean up his shallow cuts while the television blares in the background. Part of me wishes Casey hadn't gone home after the fight. At least if he was here the two of them could ignore me together.

"Ow, watch it," Raph mutters, pulling his arm away.

"Stop being a baby," I snap, grabbing hold of his arm to continue my work. "I'm almost done."

He huffs and scowls, but stays mercifully silent as I set to work cleaning out the worst cut along his collarbone. It's deep and precise and he hisses when I disinfect it. It's his own fault. Every single bruise and cut is his own fault. He should have stuck to the plan instead of running off on his own. Donnie is unconscious and bleeding in the other room and that is Raph's fault as well. I'm exhausted and it grinds my patience and rational thought down to nothing. I grit my teeth and press down harder than I should. He pulls back immediately and turns his scowl in my direction.

"What is your problem?" he declares and I resist the urge to punch him in the face. If Raphael wants a fight I'll give him a fight.

"You're my problem," I reply and he almost looks surprised. "What were you thinking? You could have gotten killed! You almost got Donnie killed! And for what? Some ridiculous quest for revenge?"

"I wouldn't expect you to understand," he says and his voice is low and more than a little dangerous. I don't care. I'm not afraid of Raphael.

"You're right. I don't understand. I don't understand why you did the one thing he asked you not to. Unless…"

"Shut up," he says, cutting me off and I see red.

"Excuse me?" I growl, ready to give him a real piece of my mind.

He takes hold of my head and turns my face towards the television, stunning me into silence. "Boss lady," he hisses.

It's a news conference, the hasty kind with too bright lights and glowering, awkward police officers looming in the background. Amelia Zhao stands behind a row of microphones, somehow looking both incredibly put together and disheveled all at once. I don't like to throw around the word hate lightly. It's an ugly word that only makes the user uglier by proximity, but I hate Amelia Zhao. I hate everything about her. Raph's hand closes over the top of mine and I understand. I understand why he did it. It wasn't smart and it wasn't right, but I understand. She hurt our family. She has to pay.

"This was a cowardly, unforgivable act of violence," she says, leaning towards the microphones. "My business partner is in critical condition and the damage to our warehouse is irrevocable. This was not an accident, but a planned and well-orchestrated attack on my business and the good work we do. Those responsible will be held accountable. We will not rest until they are brought to justice and pay for what they have done here today."

She leans back and walks away from the microphones without another word, despite the hollered questions of the gathered media representatives. The picture switches back to a well-quaffed news reporter and I feel Raphael's hand lift from my own. The couch groans as he sits back.

"So…the blond guy is still alive," he muses around a painful looking swallow. "I thought for sure Sensei…" he doesn't finish his sentence, he doesn't have to. I have my suspicions of what would happen to someone who hurt one of Master Splinter's sons in front of him.

"You don't think they can find us, do you?" I ask and his noncommittal shrug does very little to calm my nerves.

"Nah," he finally mutters. "Donnie'll…"

He doesn't finish, instead letting out a snort of air through his nose. He was going to say that Donnie would update the security system; that the lair wouldn't be found on his watch. I always knew they depend on him for a lot, but the extent of that dependence never really occurred to me. The security system is just the tip of the iceberg. The lights, the hot water and probably every other mechanical or electric appliance in the lair was kept running by Donnie. He made the sewer a comfortable place to live for his family and without him there wouldn't be anyone else to pick up the slack.

"He's going to be fine," I say, as much for my own benefit as Raphael's.

His hand balls into a fist where it rests atop his leg. He stares straight forward and I wonder if he heard me. The cut along his collar bone is bleeding again and I feel bad for having pressed on it. I'm about to offer to finish cleaning it when his voice stops me.

"We can't let them get away with this," he says, closing his hand tighter when it starts to shake. "That woman, she…she's not right. She'll hunt us down."

He turns to look at me and the intensity in his eyes frightens me.

"I know you think what I did was reckless and stupid, but you weren't there, April. You didn't see her eyes. You didn't hear what she said she'd do," he stops with a sharp intake of breath. "She can't get away with it, what she did, what she plans to do. I have to make the hard choices so my brothers won't have to."

I lean back and shake my head. "We can work together…" I start to insist but he cuts me off with sharp, cruel words.

"I meant what I said before. Protecting him…them…it's my job. This isn't your fight."

It hurts. I'd be lying if I said it didn't. I thought we were friends, no, more than that, I thought we were family. A great need to defend myself rises in my chest and his intense look doesn't frighten me anymore. It makes me angry. He doesn't think I'm good enough for his brother. He thinks I'm petty and aloof and only using him until something better comes along. I shouldn't let his opinion unhinge me so completely, but I do and it does. I think of him, of all of them, as brothers and his words sting with nothing short of betrayal.

"Do…do you really think so little of me? Do you think I'm not good enough for him?" I ask, using all of my training to keep my voice from waiver. I don't want to show him anymore weakness.

The intensity is gone in the space of a blink and his green eyes flicker downward, brimming with shame. "That's not…this has nothing to do with what I think."

"It has everything to do with that," I snap, my anger biting and undeniably present behind the words.

He shakes his head and hits his fist against his kneepad. "No, April. It doesn't," he sighs and forces himself to meet my gaze. "Where exactly do you see all of this going?"

I grind my teeth and make a fist of my own. "That's not…"

"No, that's everything," he says and there's pain lurking behind his usual mask of anger. He sighs and pushes up from the couch to pace. "Sure, everything is all fine now, but what about in a couple years? Or a couple months even? He can never have a normal life, April and if you…if you're with him neither can you."

I stand and try to catch hold of his arm as he passes by but he pulls away from my grasp. "In case you haven't noticed Raph, my life isn't exactly normal anyway."

"And you don't want it to be?" he demands, turning on me. "You don't want to go to college or get a job or have…have a family? You're a person April, he's not and the more you lead him on, the more hope you give him that things can change the harder it's going to be when they don't."

I stumble backwards as if his words struck me. My heart is hammering out an uneven rhythm in my chest and I fight back the urge to flee. I want to run from his accusations. I want to go hide in Donnie's lab and listen to him excitedly explain his newest project, but I can't, because he's hurt and unconscious and who knows what else. I lift a hand to my mouth to stifle an embarrassingly pained noise that stumbles out of my mouth before I can stop it. It isn't fair. Raph heard it and he stops pacing long enough to shake his head before stepping forward once more.

"He wants all of that, you know. You'll never get him to admit it, but he hates it down here. He's fooling himself with you and it's going to break him when you leave. I don't…I don't blame you, April. I know you think I'm being an asshole, but…but I can't keep my mouth shut on this. I have to protect him, because he won't do it himself."

"Protect him," I murmur, shaking my head. "From what? From being happy? From having something beyond all of this?" I ask, waving my hand at the lair in general. "You keep saying all of these…these horrible things and claim it's to protect him, well, despite what you may think, Raphael I'm not going anywhere. I'm not something you need to protect him from," I say, doing my best to keep from screaming at him. "And any relationship has the possibility to end. So you shouldn't try to be happy because it might not last forever? If you want to live your life like that, be my guest, but do not put your emotional baggage on us."

He has stopped pacing and the shocked expression on his face is almost enough to quiet my anger.

"Uh, guys?"

I flinch at the sound of Mikey's voice and instantly feel an embarrassed blush race across every inch of my exposed skin. He's lingering at the top of the stairs in front of the lab with his hands gripped in front of him. He looks worried and I wonder how much of our fight he overheard. Raphael gets his wits about him first, clearing his throat and rolling his shoulders as he cracks his neck from one side to the other.

"What is it, Mikey?" he asks, softening his tone before adding. "Everything okay?"

He nods and rings his hands together. "Yeah, it…for now. We filled the breaks and Sensei cleaned his wrist," he says, reaching up to rub the back of his neck. He sounds tired and I can understand why. "He's awake if you want to say goodnight. Master Splinter and Leo are going to move him to his room soon."

He's awake. He's awake and he's going to be fine. Everything is going to be all right. I don't care about my stupid fight with Raph. It doesn't matter. It's not what's important right now. Donnie is awake and he's going to be all right. He has to be all right. Raphael's hand settles on my shoulder and he gently pushes me forward.

"Come on," he says and I can't decipher his tone. It's flat and emotionless, but at least it isn't angry. "He'll want to see you."

I try to catch his eye, but Michelangelo has already grabbed my hand and hurries me up the steps. He pushes the lab door open with a cringe-worthy squeal and ushers me inside. The air in the lab is heavy with the distinct odor of resin and it takes me a moment to realize that is what they probably used to mend his shell. Donatello is on the lab table, a thin pillow propped under his head and fresh white bandages wrapped around his right arm and torso.

I inch up to the table. Even though Mikey said he's awake I don't want to risk disturbing him if he fell asleep in the in-between. His eyes flutter open when I'm close enough to touch him. Pain, and probably the knock to his head, has made his eyes glassy and I rest a gentle hand on his left arm; afraid to touch anywhere else for fear of hurting him more.

"H-hey, April," he says, his strained voice trailing off into a cough that makes him wince.

"Shh, it's all right," I say. "Don't try to talk. We can talk later. You need to rest."

He nods and swallows around another cough. "You…all right?" he asks, ignoring my request.

"Yes, I'm all right," I reply, taking hold of his hand.

"And…and Raph?" he croaks. His eyes flutter shut, but his grip tightens on my hand.

"I'm right here, Buddy," Raph says, stepping up beside me. "Everyone is all right, so stop worrying and get some sleep."

He rests a hand on Donnie's arm. "We're gonna put you in your bed, all right?"

He nods and mumbles something incoherent before letting out a stream of giggles.

"He's on a lot of pain meds," Leo explains, standing by Donnie's feet.

I lean over and kiss Donnie between the eyes. The skin where his mask usually sits is soft and cool beneath my touch. "Sweet dreams," I whisper. "I'll be here in the morning. I promise," I say, giving his hand a squeeze before stepping back to let his brothers move him to his room.

Master Splinter stands beside me and his hand rests on my shoulder. Everything is going to be all right. It has to be.