Disclaimer: I do not own any Ghost in the Shell. That is proudly owned by Shirow Masamune. This goes for both the original and Stand Alone Complex. I also do not own any of the characters or references that get sucked in. In this chapter, they belong to the Wachowski Brothers and Richard M. Sherman and Robert B. Sherman. However, I do own this piece of drivel.

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The Secret Diary of Motoko

Chapter 1:

(Don't ask me why I number my chapters, it's an internal cross-indexing thing I do to alleviate the boredom)

If you are reading this, I'm already hacking your mind. Be warned that I might not absorb criminals of cybercrimes, but you have 2nanoseconds to get out of..oh wait…too late.

Entry 1:
Spent all day hacking the core of Yazuka to learn that I was actually hacking a dummy server system designed by some dipwad that went by the name "Mouse."

Entry 2:
Took a mini Tachikoma for a test drive today, rode it like a horse. Made it appear to all witnesses like the Laughing Man was behind the hi-jinx. Good on it's feet (if you want to call them that), but it doesn't corner well. I'll stick to the automobile.

Entry 3:
Batou went on and on and on and on about his classic car, so I tuned him out. Met a cutie in cyber chat, we have an iInterlude planned tonight, that should be fun. Blinked in and Batou was ranting about some problem between his wife and her mother, so I balanced my budget, did an auto-tune on my ports, and still had time to install, play 2 rounds, and uninstall some archaic game called "Pong." When he finally realized I was not listening, I told him I was zoning. He huffed, but went on with his world.

Entry 4:
Made friends with a Tachikoma, they like WacDonald's fries apparently (I didn't know Tachs were even capable of eating). Now it follows me everywhere. It comes in handy when on the job, not so handy when it's trying to squeeze into my sleep cube with me.

Entry 5:
Made Batou do a vertical drop in a manned Tach today. Ha ha. He hates heights, that'll teach him to say something about my taste in clothes. I did a halo-less halo jump, wicked cool (I heard someone on the CyberNet say that yesterday, I like it).

Entry 6:
Have deleted the word "wicked" from my vocabulary. Someone else liked it, downloaded it as a virus, and turned the entire city of Tokyo into a post-modern Massachusetts. If I ever again hear the word wicked…aaarg!

Entry 7:
Tried to program my brain to like WacDonalds fries. Since Ko (my nick for Tachikoma) has been following me everywhere, and it eats them, I thought I'd try. Apparently it's as hard to like them as it is to quit thinking about that word…you know…wicked…dammit to hell!

Entry 8:
Yellow Submarine, Yellow Submarine. There's got to be something more annoying than wicked…Shit!

Entry 9:
Found it. It was in an old archive of an amusement park ride in America. All I can think is… "It's a small world afterall…." Ad nauseam. And to think they used to make children listen to this crap!

Entry 10:
Something actually happened at Section 9 today. Besides that stupid song rubbing off on Chief Aramaki, who actually remembered it from his childhood (poor child), the Laughing Man showed up. He apparently had enough of the Wicked virus, so he put a fix virus out and disguised it by making people attack a statue in Shinjuku. However, we decided to let him get away this time since he ultimately made the world a better place.

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A/N: If you absolutely hate this and must express that hatred, please be aware that others read these reviews, so don't use a lot of fowl (he he) language. No Flickers, or a Florida Cormorant, or a Foolish Guillemot for that matter. Only fowl that don't start with the letter F please. There are plenty of those to choose from.

Feel free to use those F-words in your fics (I do), but the reviews are NOT rated. You're a writer for crying-out-loud, be creative. Describe the horror of my story using words that aren't in the Slang English Dictionary. It'll be a good exercise for you, and enjoyable for everyone else to read.

If you do like it, seeing your review will be a NICE change from all the creative not-so-positive reviews I'm sure I'll receive. Bless you, your sense of humor is as strange as mine, and you understand my pain.

This fic is being used to vent my frustration as I deal with some programming issues at work. It'll show up whenever I have a choice of killing someone, destroying a computer system, or writing this fic. It is NOT tied to any of my other works that I have posted on this site and will not be updated on a regular schedule. However, you do get a double-dose tonight because I'm still mad. -TK