Delphine sits next to the bed in one of DYAD's med-labs , she'd insisted on that much - keeping Cosima here - with her. The seizure had passed, all there is to do now is wait. She looks at Cosima, pale, a nasal cannula providing her lungs with extra oxygen - an attempt to compensate for the effects of the polyps. Cosima had not been getting enough oxygen. It was so stupid, so foolish to get high with her, to take helium... Delphine berates herself inwardly.
She worries about Cosima slipping into a coma, brain damage from oxygen deprivation, hallucinations - all of it. What will she be like when she comes to? Confused? Disoriented? Cosima stirs slightly, but does not wake, she watches her breathing - uneven, but continuing. It's only been two hours since the seizure, Ethan Duncan had left, looking rather shaken at seeing one of his clones so ill. Delphine wonders if that will be helpful, make him more inclined to help. She assumes he's working elsewhere, doing something productive with his sequences. A few hours ago and she had been bent on examining the sequences with him, seeing what literally made Cosima, looking for ways to devise a treatment. Now? All she can think of is Cosima, and how she needs to hold on, just a little bit longer.
For the next hour she shoos out nurses and technicians, this is her her patient. Cosima is stable, she does not need help with her. Not as long as Cosima keeps breathing.
The CT scan results are delivered by a nervous looking technician who hands her the file, and leaves as quickly as he can.
After the medical staff dissipate, Scott waits around, not wanting to go back to the lab until he's reassured that Cosima is okay.
"I didn't know it was so bad." Scott runs his hands through his hair, "She seemed okay, other than the coughing thing. And I figured she was just smoking too much... I mean you know she smokes pot, right?"
"Yes, Scott, I know that." Delphine answers, "She's good at hiding it, you have to watch her."
"Yeah. I guess. I'm going to go home then I'll be back tomorrow." Scott leaves, looking shaken.
"That is a good idea, goodnight Scott." It's early to be calling it a day, but there's no sense hanging around here when Duncan has already gone back to wherever Rachel is making him stay, likely under guard. She finally has the nerve to look at the CT scan results, how far has it spread? She plugs the USB key into her laptop, and hesitates a moment before opening the file. The results leave her shaking, and needing to sit down. The polyps have spread... Kidneys, epithelial tissue... Cosima will die unless they do something soon. Tears burn her eyes, the back of her throat - she chokes them back. Not now, not here. Her mind spins to solutions - Kira, Duncan, bone marrow, stem cells, gene therapy...
"Hey." Cosima greets her groggily.
"Hi." Delphine smiles back at her, unable to help herself, she moves closer to Cosima, fingers stroking the skin on Cosima's hands.
Cosima takes a moment to take stock of her current situation, the gurney, the cannula and oxygen tank, "How am I doing?"
"Not well." Delphine answers honestly, interlacing her fingers with Cosima's.
"What were you looking at?"
"Your CT scan results. The polyps have spread." Delphine's voice catches, she holds back tears and finishes as professionally as she can, "Your kidneys, epithelial tissues..."
"Okay. Not so good. So when do we get to go home?" Cosima must know, she must know how sick she is, she must be able to feel it.
Delphine shakes her head, "You'll stay here now. If you have another seizure - this is the safest place to be. You need to be on oxygen now. There will be a doctor on staff - in range at all times." Would they be needing one? Would it even be wise to try to resuscitate Cosima if she needed to? Is it time to contact Cosima's parents? Everything in her life has become so intertwined, work, Cosima, everything that matters is all tied up together.
"And you?"
"I'm staying too." Delphine decides, "Well, I will need to run home to get us some clothes - but I'll be back, I'll be gone less than an hour. We'll transfer you to the lab when we get back. It's nicer in there."
"You can go, it's fine." Cosima yawns, "I'll still be here when you get back."
"Cosima..." She cannot stop her voice from breaking.
"Hey, hey we're okay. And I'm really sexy with nose tubes... hey Delphine, cannula-lingus!" Cosima grins stupidly, amused at her own pun.
Delphine's brow furrows for a moment as her brain tries to work out the joke, though she ends up crying instead of laughing, "T'es folle..."
"Wow... you miss it that much?" Cosima teases, though her voice is weaker than it usually is.
"Yes." Delphine answers, she misses Cosima's taste certainly, but sex is far less important than keeping Cosima alive, with her.
"What would you do to me if you could?" Cosima looks at her, leaning back as if a cannula was not inserted into her nostrils, as if they were anywhere else.
"Save you." Delphine answers distractedly, pulling a chair up next to the gurney so she can sit down. She's missing the point of whatever game Cosima is trying to play, it is not the time.
"What else?"
"Cosima..." This was not happening, she was not going to play this game.
"What if we met earlier?"
"Earlier? Cosima, I lived in France, you would have never passed the DELFI." Delphine shakes her head.
"The Del-what?" Cosima perks up, the similarity to her own name having caught her attention.
"It's a test non-francophones must take to study at French universities. International language proficiency test." She explains as simply as she can.
Cosima giggles, "Well, say I was better at French and did pass... what would have young Delphine have thought of me?"
"How old?" Delphine plays along, "As little girls?" She laughs at the thought of seeing a child Cosima. She's seen a photo, a small Cosima beaming from in between her parents.
"Nineteen or twenty... Old enough, university? Semester or year abroad? Remember?" Cosima raises her eyebrows.
That would have given them much more time, "Not sure what I would have thought about the dreadlocks. Or what you would have thought about my boyfriend." Delphine ponders through the scenario silently, it would have been something very different.
"This was pre-dreadlocks, think more dyed weird colours, might have been really short for a while there. As for the boyfriend - I'd steal you away. Easy." Cosima laughs slightly, and she coughs for a few moments, but the oxygen seems to help. Her lungs settle again. Breath returns to Delphine's own lungs when they do.
"I was ...young." Delphine hints gently, fingers stroking over Cosima's hands, her knuckles.
"No difference," Cosima misses the cue, "I'd seduce you with the crazy science, we were both in biology after all. You could have been my study-buddy. It would still be you, you know? Though I wouldn't have known I was a clone... and neither would you."
"You'd make me show you around, make Philippe very jealous." Delphine returns to filling in details for this strange fantasy of Cosima's.
"Yeah. But you'd love it. Then I'd probably get you high." Cosima smirks, "Or take you back to my dorm to drink wine and eat chocolate after a long day of labs and readings."
"I'd go..." Delphine cannot imagine a time when she wouldn't have been drawn to Cosima. "We'd talk about everything - immunology, genetics, microbiology..." Delphine lets herself trail off, it would have been a lot less lonely having Cosima around then, but...
"So studying would turn into kissing." Cosima grins, "And then I'd undress you and fuck you for hours - Philippe would not have been able to compete. Not with the kind of stamina I had then..." Cosima finishes off wistfully.
"He was my TA." Delphine confesses, wincing slightly. Her pattern; older men - more advanced in her field than she was, least Philippe had only been a few years older - but enough that he could theoretically engage with her on a higher level - when he wanted to, which had been rarely.
"Okay, so I might fail a course." Cosima tilts her head, "Or I'd report him... it's kind of inappropriate."
"We hadn't been together long - you probably could have stolen me away, only... you might want to wait a few months." Delphine nods smiling. Why not tell Cosima this? She'd told her after all.
"Only ...wait? Why?" Cosima's attention caught finally, her hand trapped, fingers interlaced with Cosima's own.
"Until after he ...decided I was too old to be a tease?" Delphine chooses her words carefully. Cosima's eyebrows raise slightly, in...surprise Delphine supposes.
"I don't care. It wouldn't have bothered me either way." Cosima shakes her head, "Though if it was just a semester I was there I might have not wanted to wait to have you myself, obvs. Wait... is that actually what he told you?"
"Yes." Delphine answers simply.
"Well that's stupid." Cosima hesitates, "Did you love him?"
"I liked him, very much." Delphine stops wanting to make things clearer, "Mais c'est toi que je t'aime."
"Yup. I'd have stolen you away. Easy. Only one change in plan - we'd have definitely been sober for the sex part." Cosima smiles, and tries to stop herself from laughing.
"No getting me drunk to have your way with me?" Delphine jokes back.
"Nope. I wouldn't need to. And never for a first time." Cosima yawns, "Are you going to get me take-out and clothes?"
"If you want." Delphine releases her hand and hops to her feet, "Or I could stay, and send someone else?"
"No, it's fine. Go on, I'll read or something."
Delphine eyes Cosima with concern, she lets it stay unsaid - the fear that Cosima will die in her absence if she goes anywhere.
Cosima reassures her, "I'm not going to die in the next hour. Just go. Get clothes and food. Not like I'm going anywhere."
She leaves the room reluctantly, Cosima waving her on with her hands. She swears she's never moved so fast in her life. The minutes it takes the subway to arrive in the station are painful, she glances at the time on her phone more than she wants to admit.
Delphine rushes home, calling for take-out to be delivered to DYAD - she'll pick it up on her way back to Cosima. She packs two bags, a larger one for Cosima - and a smaller one for herself. Throwing her clothes in haphazardly, there's no time to really plan things. She tries to choose clothes for Cosima that look comfortable, things that Cosima could sleep in if she has to.
On her way back to the lab, she calls Cosima's phone. It rings endlessly before going to voicemail. A happy Cosima telling her who she's reached and to leave a message. She panics for several minutes before remembering that the phone was left in their lab. Cosima doesn't have it with her.
She rushes up the steps to DYAD, shows her badge and scans it and half-runs back to the med lab where she left Cosima. When she arrives, breathless and panting, Cosima is looking at her stunned.
"I'm supposed to be the one struggling for breath Delphine. Just breathe. I'm still fine."
Delphine shakes her head, "You're not fine Cosima." She drops their bags on the end of the gurney, at Cosima's feet.
"I know, I'm dying." Cosima gestures, shrugging, "Did you even get food?"
"I'm transferring you... and all this," Delphine pauses to gesture to all the equipment, "Back to our lab. Now."
"Okay. So what about the food?"
It doesn't take long to flag down a technician to help Delphine move the gurney and the oxygen tank, Cosima argues against keeping the heart-rate monitor, claiming the beeping annoys her and Delphine acquiesces.
Delphine runs to get the food while Cosima checks her phone from the gurney. She stands up to slip their bags out of sight.
She returns, containers of take-out from a greek restaurant she favours, in hand. "Do you like Greek food? I can order something else if you don't want souvlaki." She places the large paper bag near the couch.
"No sounds good. It's not just my stuff you packed... this is yours." Cosima holds out a shirt from one of the bags.
"Yes. I'll be staying too." Delphine glances at the couch, happier than ever that Cosima asked for it. Had she suspected this would happen? Or was it simply intended for sex?
"Delphine, just go home. It'll be more comfortable in your own bed. Or I'll give you the keycard for the hotel- it's a bit closer." Cosima shakes her head.
"No. I'm staying with you. I told you, je t'aime." Delphine can picture the sheer panic and total lack of sleep she'd get staying away from Cosima. At least here, if something happened, she would be a few metres away - maybe manage to stabilize her again. The results suggest Cosima has days, maybe two weeks left at most... She has to find something, and soon.
"Okay. It's your call. The couch is fairly comfy." Cosima nods, when she gets to her feet she pushes away Delphine's hands - intent on reaching the couch on her own, pulling her oxygen tank along with her.
In the end they eat, Delphine not bothering to store the leftovers - it doesn't really matter, not now. She runs them to a garbage outside the lab before returning, taking a moment at the door to slow her breath from her rushed pace before re-entering the lab.
Cosima sits on the couch, eyes closed and breathing as deeply as her lungs will allow.
"Delphine?" She asks finally.
"Yes?" She turns back to Cosima, she looks almost normal, if she could ignore the cannula tubes.
"If I ask you to do something kind of weird... will you do it?"
"Yes." She answers without hesitation, returning to the couch to sit beside her Cosima.
"I want you to take off your clothes." Cosima looks at her hopefully, "I just want to look, I don't really have the energy to follow through here."
Her hands are already on her shirt, pulling it off before reaching behind her to release the clasp of her bra and let it fall to the floor. She watches Cosima eyes, drifting lower, a hand coming up to trace the skin on her back, leisurely touch her as if she has time to spare. Cosima stares intently, watching her nipples harden, her body shiver slightly. Time. There's not enough time... Her mind isn't clear enough to permit arousal - if Cosima thinks that is going to happen right now she's kidding herself.
"Pants too." Cosima whispers, fingers ghosting lightly down her stomach.
"Cosima..." She sighs, reaching for the clasp of her pants, standing up and removing them in one fluid motion, bending to remove her socks before returning to sit on the couch. It's not really warm enough in here for this, she feels cold, exposed. Though it's late enough that they probably will not be disturbed. She finds herself crossing and uncrossing her legs, unsure of what exactly Cosima wants to see. When she meets her eyes, Cosima is simply looking at her. Eyes roaming her body, always returning to meet her own. She takes off her glasses and places them to the side, they're easily close enough that she does not need them.
"Closer." Cosima demands, adjusting so that she can lean into her, Delphine's arms automatically coming up to hold her, pressing kisses to Cosima's cheeks, her chin, her nose... she doesn't dare kiss her mouth. Nothing that could compromise Cosima's ability to take in oxygen. She sighs into Cosima's body, who leans up into her for a kiss that she is not going to receive. Cosima hovers, close enough that she can feel her breath, but Delphine pulls away to kiss her elsewhere, lips trailing a path down Cosima's neck to her collar bone.
"This is a little weird." Delphine admits, her voice a low whisper. She knows all to well, that somewhere security is watching this, watching them. They'll use this against you, a voice in the back of her head reminds her. There is no more Aldous - unethical but wanting to preserve the lives of his clones, his experiments. There is only Rachel... Delphine tries to push these thoughts away, returns her attentions to Cosima.
It's a strange image, holding a fully clothed Cosima like this against her bare skin. Cosima, who simply leans into her warmth and says nothing. She's rarely this quiet, never this still - it's all very strange.
"Kiss me." The words are soft, almost a sigh.
So she does, very gently, their lips barely brushing. Delphine can feel the cannula, and it frightens her, she begins to shake. From fear? From cold? She's not even sure. Delphine finds herself wondering if this kiss is the last.
"Shit, you're getting cold. Just get dressed again, it's fine." Cosima pushes her away gently.
"No - what did you want from me?" Delphine reaches instead for the blanket, wrapping it around both of them, huddling them in warmth as best she can with Cosima's attachment to her oxygen tank.
"I just wanted to look at you." Cosima gives her a tired smile, and a kiss on the cheek, arms going around her body, clinging limply around her shoulders.
In the end, she helps Cosima back to the gurney, positioning it for sleep, and sits stroking her face, her hands until her eyes close. Delphine throws on pyjamas, and curls on the couch, checking on Cosima sporadically until exhaustion finally claims her as well.
