The Secret Life of Severus Snape

Chapter Five

David sat quietly at the Leaving Feast with his classmates, together and yet with a very visible divide between all of them. The intensive lessons he'd endured with the Headmaster had paid off with David's ability to exist as a student, yet operate on an entirely different level as Professor Dumbledore's eyes and ears around the school. With all the secrets David held close to his chest, he found himself almost perpetually scowling, which scared people away from him even more, not that he noticed half the time.

He'd tried everything he could to apologise to Lily for what he'd said down near the lake, but she ignored his pleas for the rest of his fifth year, and so David had given up in the end. It was all the more galling to realise he'd probably pushed Lily into James Potter's arms. It certainly seemed that way, as Potter paraded his prize in front of him regularly. To add to his perpetually foul mood, Potter had saved David's life in his sixth year. Thinking about it made David narrow his eyes and scowl at the pair of them passing by, but it was an incident he wanted to forget as soon as possible. He'd been sworn to secrecy about Lupin's unfortunate aversion to the full moon by the Headmaster. The only plus side of the Headmaster's intervention down at the lake and following Potter pulling him back from the snapping jaws of a ravenous werewolf, was that Severus was left pretty much to his own devices. People shied away from him in the corridors, convinced that whatever grudge David had on Black and Potter in particular would rub off on the other students.

The only person who seemed to gravitate to him was Lucius Malfoy and his circle of friends, who went out of their way to cultivate David as someone, 'made of the right stuff,' whatever that meant. At his coming of age in January, Lucius Malfoy had held a party for him at his family home and gifted David with a very fine set of dress robes. It was there he'd first met Lord Voldemort and been encouraged to join their group once his schooling was complete.

Albus Dumbledore's only reaction when David had passed on this information had been to clap his hands cheerfully and assure David he'd done far better than he, the Headmaster, could have hoped for. Now, sitting waiting for the feast to finish and his final escape home to Harrogate, David wondered just what had been accomplished by everyone around him by making him into someone useful. He now understood why his mum had felt he needed to hide his true self, but it didn't make any of it any easier, and the fact that he couldn't say anything just added to David's sense of isolation.

It was, however, the ultimate realisation that the Headmaster had in David, the perfect spy, someone who could be counted on to do whatever was needed to achieve his nebulous goals. David looked around the Great Hall, taking in the scenes around him for the last time, the Hufflepuff banners proudly unfurled. He didn't know if he'd ever want to come back, but that was a false wish, and David knew it. Professor Dumbledore had arranged for David to begin an apprenticeship with one of his many colleagues in the area of Potions from September. David was looking forward to it, even though he was under no illusions that it would place him forever in the Headmaster's debt, and everything that such an obligation entailed. It was the thought of ingratiating himself into Lucius Malfoy's good graces for an unspecified period of time that gave David cause to think that running away, far, far away would be infinitely more sensible.

Unfortunately, this was merely another pipe dream, and though Lord Voldemort had encouraged and flattered David with promises of untold knowledge and the ability to seek support from the brotherhood against anyone who dared taunt him any further, it was the lack of concrete information that worried David. He'd promised to think about Voldemort's offer, all the while as Dumbledore pushed him to be his eyes and ears in a far more dangerous environment than the Slytherin common room.

The one constant throughout his schooling had been Jane, even when David had thought he might like Lily Evans more. They'd grown closer as the years passed, and their friendship had changed almost without either of them realising it during the last Christmas holidays. Jane had made David very aware of just what she thought of him, and David hesitantly told Jane he felt the same way too. He just hoped he didn't cock it up with Jane as he had with Lily. He didn't think he would, but they had lots of things to talk about once David sloughed off the loathsome 'Snape' personality and face he'd been forced to assume ever since his first year. David never wanted to set foot in the terrace in Spinner's End ever again after tomorrow evening.

"Oh, David, I always knew you were different, but I just couldn't put my finger on what it was you were hiding from me."

"I had to keep quiet about it all, Jane. If they'd found out at school, Mum and Dad would have been in danger. You would have too, and I wouldn't have ever been able to forgive myself if something happened to you because of me. Then there's the Statute of Secrecy, and I literally couldn't tell you for so long, but I applied to the Ministry of Magic to get permission to tell you everything."

"So, this statute, that's why you never ever talked about school or anything like that. I thought you were trying to brush me off for the longest time."

"I would never do that, but it's all so complicated, and I've been working with Professor Dumbledore against a faction who want to control who has access to magic, who is worthy is probably the best way to put it. It's nasty work, and I wish I'd never heard of any of them. They're all batty, but this group that I've been investigating are just pure evil. I need you to know I would never be doing this if I didn't think it wasn't worthwhile keeping an eye on them. The things they brag about though... "

David shook his head as if trying to clear the mental image of the Death Eaters' version of a fun-filled Saturday night. They'd scarred him permanently with a loathsome tattoo and then made sure David understood that the only escape from their organisation was by death. He wasn't sure just how much he could keep from Jane. If they were going to make a go of the novelty of going out together, then David felt he had to try and protect Jane from the things he'd had to see and do as part of his cover.

"What exactly does a wizard do after school? It's not like you could really be satisfied working in the butcher's I suppose."

David ceased his maudlin thoughts, laughed and swung his arm around her shoulders as they sat close together looking towards the spring outside town, enjoying their picnic lunch.

"No, nothing like that. I've got an apprenticeship to do Potions. It's a bit like chemistry and gardening all in one I suppose. I start in September, about the time you'll be heading off to university actually. It seems like we're always saying goodbye to one another."

"I know. I really don't like it, David. Why can't you come to uni with me, that way we could eventually get a flat and see what happens from there."

"I can't think of anything more I'd prefer to do, but I can't. Mum was right when she said I had to be trained with my gift, and as much as I'd like to leave it all behind, I can't. Too many people are relying on me to do everything I can to undermine this group of thugs. There is only one way out for me, and that's not something I want to even think about. We're going to have to be careful, Jane. I can't do without you. I love you too much to try and live without you."

"I love you too, David, but if we do stay together, you have to trust me with everything; no more secrets. My heart can't take the thought that you'd lie to me or have another life I can't be part of."

"I don't want you to have to see what I have to do. I don't want to do what I have to do, but I will never not trust you or keep things about us from you. That other person - that Snape - he isn't me, but the lines, they're blurred."

"And Lily?" Jane asked hesitantly.

"I... I... she hates me. I hurt her, you see, and now she hates me. I had to do it, but she is no threat to you, to us. Snape loved her, loves her still, I think, but David loves you, Jane. He... I always have. I've had to try and separate both personalities, but if I ever slip up, then you'll just have to make sure I know who I am to you."

"Always, David, you can always rely on me to argue sense into you," Jane said softly as she moved to kiss David rather thoroughly.

END OF PART ONE

Author Notes: This was written for Sunnythirty3 for the recent 2012-13 SSHG Exchange, but could not be completed in time to post. The first part is complete and the second in the process of being written. If you're looking for hawt sexxors, then this isn't the story for you. There is some swearing, along with the judicious use and misuse of canon.

Many thanks to the fabulous team of Scattered Logic and Magically25 who have helped me get the story to the stage it is at currently. Without their input, I doubt this would be half as good. I am truly very, very lucky to have had their continuing help. Any remaining mistakes (yes, my comma fetish) are mine alone.