Chapter 2: "Cowards"
"Where are you going, Raph?"
A dismissive snort. "Out."
"Yes, I gathered as much." Slow words. Careful words. "Care to get any more specific than that?"
"Not really."
"Well, will you at least do me the courtesy of letting me know when you'll be back? And could I possibly have a polysyllabic answer this time?"
A flash of eyes, a flash of teeth. "Later."
---
The boy sat on the edge of the mats, squirming around impatiently, while trying--and failing--to hide his eagerness. But he couldn't help it. Today was the day. The day they finally got to use the bokken in sparring.
For years the wooden practice swords had sat in their privileged place in the dojo, high above the heads of four certain young turtles, and Master Splinter had given many a lecture about how they weren't toys. The lectures, of course, were to little lasting effect. And now, today, their sixth birthday, the day that they were to become men and not boys ... today Master Splinter reached up and carefully took down the bokken, just as he had every day for the last several weeks. So far, so good. But today? Today the swords weren't just for katas.
Grinning broadly, the boy stopped squirming and went reverently still. His eyes locked onto the weapons. Seconds ticked by. A seeming eternity. Meanwhile, Splinter's gaze slowly swept over the boys, and he felt his hopes drop when his father paused to look at Leonardo. Well, of course. Of course Leo would get to go first. He fought back a sigh.
At last, in a soft but authoritative voice, Sensei spoke: "Raphael. Donatello. Please rise and take your place on the mats."
The boy froze. His young brow creased in confusion for a moment at not hearing Leo's name. Then realization hit. His name! Sensei had said his name! He jumped up so quickly that he stumbled over his own feet, and this gave his brother more than enough time to beat him to the mats.
Once they were properly situated, they bowed. The boy took a bokken carefully, solemnly, from his master. Then he glanced over to his brother and, for the first time that day, his grin faltered. Suddenly he realized there was a problem.
His brother. And not any brother, but his smallest brother. The brother who stood a full three inches shorter than him. The brother who always got so sick during the bitter winter months. The brother who was always the first to fall in practice and the last to learn a new kata ...
"Begin!"
... the brother who, at the present moment, was launching himself across the dojo like a tiny green missile.
---
"Sensei's worried about you, you know. And he's already stressed enough with worrying over where Leo might--"
"Gimme a break, Donny." The first hint of real anger. "This ain't got nothing to do with Leo. Or Master Splinter."
A soft growl. A warning, unheeded. "Oh, really? Do tell."
"Yeah, really. This is about you. About how you can't stand the way I remind you that you're a crappy leader."
"That's not ... that isn't ... " A quiet sigh of surrender.
---
Jumping back, Donatello lifted his bokken and just barely managed to block Raph's first strike. He stayed on the defensive for the next few minutes, parrying, deflecting, side-stepping. But the more Don blocked, the more frustrated Raph seemed to become. Raph turned savagely aggressive, attacking with a series of fast, furious lunges.
And in mere moments, Raphael was sitting on top of Don's chest, pinning him with the bokken and hissing through gritted teeth, "Stop pullin' punches and fight me for real!"
"I am fighting you," Don protested in a voice that was, he realized with mild horror and embarrassment, bordering on a whine.
"Well, fight harder, then." Drawing back a bit, Raph swung the bokken with all his might. "C'mon, Donny, don't be such a coward!"
As his brother's bokken came down hard on his skull, Don felt his vision explode into a million indistinct colors and shadows. He heard a sharp gasp, but he was pretty sure it didn't come from him. Leo? Maybe Leo. It sounded like Leo. As his vision flickered back into hazy focus, Don saw Raphael's face directly in front of him, a slight smirk upon his brother's lips.
Then he heard a growl, and the growl definitely was from him.
Something snapped. Rage and instinct took over. Ignoring the lingering pain, Don gave the smaller turtle a hard shove, easily knocking his brother off top of him. Then Donatello held his bokken like a staff and, quickly reaching around, caught Raphael by the throat. He pulled back. Raph made a strange, soft choking sound and thrashed in protest as Don gripped the bokken with white-knuckled determination. Only when Raph went quiet and limp did Don let go.
"Raphael!"
Strong hands grabbed Don by the wrists, and all of a sudden he found himself halfway across the room. Glancing up, he saw his sensei, his father, kneeling over and gently touching Raphael. But as seconds ticked by, and his brother remained motionless on the cold concrete floor of the dojo, Donatello felt his stomach drop.
"I didn't mean to," he mumbled, to no one. "I didn't mean to hurt him."
On the opposite side of the dojo, Michelangelo burst into loud, braying sobs.
---
"See? Right there. You just givin' up is a huge part of the problem. I mean, for all his faults, at least Leo would put up a little more resistance, ya know?"
A pointed glare. "I'm not Leonardo."
"You're right." A slow, lazy, calculating smile. "You're nothin' but a lousy coward."
A sharp intake of breath. Sharp anger, running hot and dangerous. A moment suspended in time. A choice; a decision. Finally, a slow exhalation.
"Have a nice night, Raph. Try not to get into too much trouble." Nice, calm voice. A bit cold. A bit. "See you in the morning. Or whenever you manage to drag your shell back home."
---
"Hey, Barfaroni. Raph called. Again. Third time today." There was a brief, awkward pause before he continued, "Wanted to know if I'd heard from ya. I told him no. Again. For the third time today."
Leaning against the window frame in Casey's apartment, Don gave a small nod. "Thanks, Atomic Mouth."
"Look. You gotta go home sooner or later, right? Why not make it 'sooner'?"
Donatello chuckled mirthlessly. "Because I'm a coward."
"You're an idiot, is what you are." Casey sighed. It was the sigh of a man who was exasperated but desperately trying to hide it. "C'mon, Donny. You know Raph shoots off his big, fat mouth without thinkin' things through. It doesn't mean anything."
"Oh, believe me, he meant this." Don refused to tear his gaze from the window. He knew Casey was right, sort of, but he stubbornly kept his eyes trained on the traffic and pedestrians passing by several stories below. "Besides, I fought with Sensei too. I was ... " He swallowed. "Casey, I yelled at him. At Master Splinter. At my father."
Casey laughed, not unkindly. "Yeah, and it's not like any other son has yelled at his dad in the whole history o' creation. No, sirree." When Don didn't respond, Casey's voice gentled. "Splinter doesn't care, Don. He just wants his baby boy back home, safe and sound."
"I know that. I do. But how on earth do I go back and face all of them when ... when ... well, when I've gone and pulled a Leo?"
"Simple, man. You do it by knowin' that, if ya don't do it, you'll hurt people you love."
Finally Donatello turned around. He looked over and saw Casey resting his forehead against the window pane, his blue eyes soft and unfocused, his mouth set in a firm, hard line. Don stared at his friend and felt a pang of sympathy. Quickly he reviewed his available options--an inquiry as to April's whereabouts and well-being, a shoulder-chuck, or perhaps even a fraternal hug--but, just as quickly, he rejected each in turn. This was Casey Jones, and Casey Jones neither required nor allowed pity.
Instead, Don found himself promising, "I'll head back to the lair as soon as the sun sets."
"Good," said Casey with a nod, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips.
---
Author's Note: It's interesting that a few people mentioned wanting to know where Don went, because originally the last chapter was part of a longer story. But that story was--to be perfectly honest--not very good, so I ransacked it for decent material and created a one-shot from that. Of course, once I'd made it into a one-shot, I got inspiration for how to do something akin to my original idea ... except, y'know, a decent version of that idea. Thanks for the inspiration, y'all!
Unrelated note: The dojo scene is something I've had in the back of my mind for a while. I love chibi stories, including several of the ones that depict Don as the runt of the litter, but I've always liked the characterization implications of Raph being the late bloomer of the group.
