Summary: It was easy to let go when she believed she would never have to face the world again. It wasn't so easy when she felt the pressures of the kingdom to protect, the sister to care for, and the feelings she felt surfacing despite her attempts to squash them down like fresh snow under heavy boots. This is a story about the other side that Elsa was forced to hide. [ElsaxOFC] [KristoffxAnna]
Author's Note: Thank you to everyone who reads/favorites/watches/reviews. It's very much appreciated!
Chapter Four: Confessions, Part One
In his most official voice, the Captain privately announced,
"There is still no lead on the threat, Queen Elsa."
"I wouldn't call it a threat just now, Captain. There isn't sense in putting such a weighty word on something that could be nothing more than a misguided prank."
"Yes. You are right. We simply care for your safety."
"You should care for my safety. It's your duty. But until you notice any suspicious activity or any more anonymous messages, we should not be in any sort of panic."
Panic was the last thing Elsa needed. Reminding herself of this, she pushed the matter away and let the captain show himself out. There were other things that had to be dealt with. Unfortunately, these things meant that she couldn't join the group of friends on their tour of the kingdom that day. Instead, she spent hours going over important documents and studying laws. Elsa actually enjoyed the studying. It was peaceful and easy to get lost in numbers, dates, capitals, equations, locations, and other things that fed her brain. While Anna considered all of those things dreadfully boring, Elsa would bury herself in books all day long, and often did in the days of her isolation. She spent days drinking in word after word of everything from histories to fantasies.
"ELSA!"
The queen jumped, and the book in her hands froze rapidly. When she saw her orange-haired sister standing in a swimsuit in the doorframe she relaxed.
"Anna, please don't scare me like that."
"I have been standing her trying to talk to you and you didn't hear a word that I said. That is definitely a sign that you need to stop working."
"Are you really back already?" Elsa glanced at the clock. The last time she'd spoken to someone was at lunch, when Gerda brought her meal to her room. Now it was four past noon.
"Come on, we're going swimming!"
Elsa didn't try to argue. She got up, changed into a modest bathing suit, and went out to the side courtyard with her sister where Leo and Kristoff were already soaking themselves in the small pool. Natalia sat with her feet in the water. She wore an orange wrap that covered her from her shoulders to her ankles.
"Aren't you hot?" Elsa asked as she sat down beside her. "It's boiling out here."
"She's never hot," Leo answered.
"It's true," Natalia confirmed. She seemed like she was about to say something else when Anna's voice screamed,
"Look out!"
Anna was running at full speed. She leapt into the air, pulled her knees to her chest, and came splashing down into the water. Leo clapped for her when she rose up again.
"That was impressive. I think you may have emptied half of the pool on to our sisters."
"Oops!" She looked at the newly drenched girls, a hint of guilt on her face. "Um, sorry about that."
"I was going to get in the pool anyway," Elsa said calmly, some amusement in her voice. Anna was relieved to see her sister not getting upset, but wondered how Natalia would react. All eyes were on her as she stood and pulled off her wrap, letting it drop around her feet. Her body was still partially covered by a yellow swimsuit top and bottom, separated in the middle.
"It will dry," Natalia said with a shrug. She sat back down, and the three in the pool started up a conversation.
The only thing dry about Elsa at that moment was her mouth. She swallowed and pried her eyes away from the woman beside her. She stared into the pool as her cheeks burned red. There was no doubt now. Natalia was absolutely gorgeous.
"So, what have you been up to all day?"
Elsa froze, but thankfully it was only figuratively. Nervously, she looked at the princess who'd asked the question. That was a mistake, because the moment Elsa saw her shining eyes, she forgot what she had done all day. She had forgotten what a day was. It was a miracle that she was able to squeak out,
"Paperwork."
"Ah," Natalia nodded in understanding. "I'm lucky I'm the second born. If I had to do as much paperwork as you and Leo do, I'd lose it. I'd probably end up burning half of it."
Elsa willed herself to remember how to form a sentence.
"I have considered it. There's a fire place in my father's old office."
Natalia laughed, and Elsa watched as she tilted her head back slightly and closed her eyes as she did so. The queen was so flustered and unsure of what to do about it. Worrying that her blush would show, she slipped into the cool water. Why was she blushing? There was nothing to blush about! She tried to pull herself together silently. She noticed her sister sitting up suddenly, and looking towards the other end of the garden.
"Hey, there's Olaf!" Anna smiled and waved the little snowman over. He waddled towards the group.
"New friends!" he opened his arms to introduce himself. "Hi! I'm Olaf, and I like warm hugs."
"Anna has told us all about you. I'm Natalia, and this is my brother, Leo."
"Anna's such a sweetheart." He let loose one of his signature giggles. "Can I have a hug?"
"Of course you can." Natalia gave him a quick squeeze.
"Wow. You're really warm. And really pretty too."
"Why thank you, Olaf."
"I mean it. You have got to be one of the prettiest friends I have ever met. Elsa, isn't she just super pretty?"
Elsa's head snapped around. She glanced between the snowman and the princess. The naive little creature flapped his arms.
"Oh look! You're so pretty that Elsa's blushing! How cute."
"Woah!" Kristoff said suddenly. He jumped up at the same time, looking a the water. "Cold! Very, very cold!"
"Elsa, stop!" Anna shouted. "It's supposed to be refreshing, not freezing."
"I-I didn't mean to…" Elsa trailed off, very embarrassed. She had started chilling the water without even realizing it. It had been awhile since she'd had such a lack of control over her powers. Recently, it seemed she was accidentally sending out ice left and right with alarming consistency. She climbed out of the pool and started back for the palace. She was visibly shivering.
"Wait! Elsa!" Anna called. It was of no use; Elsa didn't turn around.
She scurried through the palace, leaving a trail of frosty water behind her the entire way. She didn't stop until she'd reached her bedroom and closed the door behind herself. She leaned back against the hard wood and sighed.
"What's gotten into me?" she wondered. Shaking, she found something to wear in her wardrobe and began to change. "So what if she's pretty? You've seen plenty of pretty girls. Granted, you haven't ever seen so much of a pretty girl. And why did Olaf have to say that?" she groaned inwardly. Queens were not supposed to be flustered or giddy when they saw another woman's body. And they were not supposed to start freezing the pool and giving themselves away to everyone present. Upset, Elsa curled herself up on her bed.
o o o
Anna knocked after it had gotten dark. Elsa had calmed down somewhat, but was still too ashamed to show herself to the others. She figured she could just wait it out, rejoin them tomorrow, and act as though nothing had happened. Knowing Anna, however, she suspected it wasn't going to turn out that way. She could not refuse Anna entrance.
"Come in," she said softly.
"Hey," Anna spoke gently. She sat on the side of her older sister's bed, trying to position herself in a way that she wouldn't wrinkle the sheets too much. Elsa's bed was always kept too neatly for her taste, but she respected her sister's tidiness. Most of the time. She finally settled in and looked at the woman beside her.
"Elsa, I think we need to talk about something."
"What is it?" Elsa felt her stomach turn. This was it. Anna was finally going to connect the dots and realize that not only was her sister full of magic, but she was also full of uncommon feelings for other women. And then she would feel uncomfortable and awkward around her freaky sister for the rest of their lives together.
"It's about, um, what happened today."
"Uh huh." She tried her best to stay calm. But it was hardly working. Her hands stayed close to her chest, tucked together for warmth.
"Well, I was talking to Kristoff about it. He said it first, and I tried to tell him it couldn't be true. But then I thought 'maybe it is'."
It was time to confess.
"It is," Elsa admitted.
Anna's eyes looked as though they would pop.
"It is? I told Kristoff that he was gross for even thinking about it!"
Gross? Elsa wanted to throw up. She wanted to escape and disappear forever. Her own sister thought she was disgusting.
"I can't help it!" She finally broke down. Tears poured out of her eyes. "I didn't ask for this, Anna. Don't you think I would love to be like everyone else? I've tried liking men- I really have tried. I even tried taking an interest in Leo for you, but it's impossible. Ever since I was young, I have dreamt about living happily ever after with a princess. And if that disgusts you then I don't know what to do because I can't help it!" she hid her pale face in her hands, sobbing.
"Wait, what?" Anna looked confused. "A princess? You mean you…? Oh. OH. Oh wow. This took a waaaay different turn than I thought it was going to. Woah-oh." Anna was laughing awkwardly now, scratching the back of her head.
Elsa looked up at her, a mess. She sniffled, trying in vain to hold back her tears.
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"You are really gonna laugh when I tell you this. See, Kristoff said the reason the pool got so cold all of a sudden was that you, uh. Well, you know how when normal people 'go' in a pool, it gets really warm? Well he said, since it was you, it got cold but I said 'Elsa would never do that! That's gross!' But, um. Yeah. There has clearly been a very big misunderstanding here."
Elsa burst into a new fit of sobbing, curling up into herself. Anna touched her shoulder comfortingly and drew her into a hug.
"Elsa, shh. It's alright. Kristoff was just joking. We knew that you wouldn't pee in the pool."
Elsa's crying started to slow down, but she still couldn't stop sniffling. Although speaking wasn't one of Anna's strongest abilities, she decided it might help if she offered some words of encouragement.
"And as for this whole, um, princess-loving matter. That's okay! I have a thing for a really big blonde guy and you have a thing for... people that aren't guys. That's not so new. You've always been the opposite of me. It makes sense that you're attracted to the opposite kind of person too. Doesn't it?"
Miserably, Elsa said,
"But it's not supposed to be that way, Anna."
"Says who?" Her eyebrows came together seriously. "You are smart, beautiful, kind, and gentle. And if you want to love someone who is the exact same way, then you are going to! And I know for a fact that you will be more loving towards that person than anyone else could be." Her voice became soothing and sincere."Because your love is the strongest thing I know."
The older of the sisters lifted her head and smiled. Anna gave her a genuine smile back.
"How did I manage to get stuck with the best sister in the world?" Elsa asked aloud.
"I don't know," Anna replied, a little bashful. "I've spent a lot of time just wanting to have you back in my life, so something like this isn't going to change how I feel. In fact, it's just nice to know you actually are interested in finding someone. I couldn't wrap my head around why you would want to grow old alone. It's just that all the guys I've been choosing haven't really been your type, have they?"
Elsa shook her head, the gentle smile still on her face. Anna gasped in excitement.
"Oh! Plus, if you do get married to a princess, I could have two sisters!"
Elsa managed to laugh as she wiped away her lingering tears and hugged Anna once more.
"You'd like that, wouldn't you?"
"Well, I'm just saying, it would work out pretty well for both of us."
Elsa sat back and let out a shaky breath. She dabbed at her wet eyes again.
"Then if I ever found someone, I would ask you to approve."
"I do."
"You do what?"
"Approve of her."
"Approve of who?"
"Natalia, silly!"
Elsa gasped and stammered out,
"No, no, no. That's not what I said. I never said I-,"
"Stop right there." Anna pressed a finger against her sister's lips to quiet her, then shook the finger firmly at her in a very Anna-like mannerism. "Because now that I know that you have a heart that yearns for a feminine touch, it is obvious you like Natalia. No one wanted as big an eyeful of her in her bathing suit as you did today."
Elsa, feeling a familiar blush creep up her neck, could not even deny it.
"How did you notice that?"
"I thought you were just being jealous. But, wow, now that I think about it…Elsa! You sly dog." Anna grinned wickedly and poked her in the ribs.
"You are so embarrassing." Elsa shook her head.
"You were the one checking her out."
"Anna, shush! I was not 'checking' anyone out. Queens do not do that."
Anna bounced on the bed in excitement, singing out,
"Elsa likes Natalia~!"
"Shh! Be quiet!" Elsa lunged at her sister, trying to cover her mouth with her hand.
"Elsa likes Natalia~. El-mph!"
Elsa finally managed to plant her palm over Anna's big mouth.
"You're being completely immature. Can you please just try to be grown up about this?"
Anna stuck out her tongue, making sure it was extra wet and sloppy, and pressed it against Elsa's hand. The queen recoiled backwards in disgust.
"Eww!" she groaned, swiping her hand over the bed sheet. She wasn't sure she should be so shocked that her sister was bold enough to use that move. "I guess that was a hopeless request."
Anna giggled and wiped her own chin of any drool.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. But we have to find out if she feels the same way."
"Anna, no. I strictly forbid you from mentioning anything to her, her brother, or to anyone! Even Kristoff. He cannot know about any of this."
"Why not?"
Elsa was overjoyed that her sister was so accepting, but she wondered if it was only because she was very naive to the ways of the world. Maybe she hadn't read as many books, or been told as many times by her father that men and women were created in such a way that they were meant to be together and that was that. Maybe Anna hadn't received subtle, frequent reminders that she would grow up to marry a man and there would be no princesses with long flowing hair. Or maybe she did, and that all seemed appealing to her. Elsa's shoulders drooped somewhat.
"I am expected to marry a man, Anna. That's the way things are."
"Well you were also expected to be a monster just because you have something special that they don't. But you proved them wrong. I'll keep your secret a secret, but honestly, this doesn't make you any more a monster than your magic does. In my eyes, it makes you even better."
"Why is that?" Elsa asked.
"Because it's who you are."
Elsa could feel the corners of her eyes welling with tears again. She almost told herself to hold back, but she remembered who she was with. In front of her sister, she was allowed to be who she truly was inside. Anna had gone through a lot to bring her to that realization.
"Thank you, Anna. Just to make you feel better, you have my permission to tell Kristoff. I know you'd end up accidentally telling him anyway, so you don't have to worry."
The younger girl let out a breath of relief.
"You know me so well. I probably would have taken one look at him and let it spill."
"You and Olaf really need to work on filtering what you say out loud," Elsa said as she stood. "How do you think Kristoff will react?"
"He'll feel just the same way as me. I've learned a lot about love from Kristoff. His family practically knows everything there is to know about it!"
Elsa frowned.
"The trolls? They don't approve of me at all, Anna."
Her sister's face fell.
"What do you mean? How could you know? I've tried to get you to come up and see them, and you always refuse."
Elsa was just full of hidden admissions today. Well, if she was letting the big one out, she might as well let Anna in on all of the little details.
"When I was young, dad took me to see the trolls. They told me that my heart was different. It could not be changed, and I should treat it like I did my powers. I should fear it and keep it controlled."
"But Elsa, don't you see? You found out that your powers didn't need to be concealed. You can be who you are!"
A complicated argument began to form in Elsa's mind. Anna was right, in a way. If her powers and her heart were supposed to be treated the same, then shouldn't she be free to love the way she was born to? And yet she could still hear her father's lectures. She was a queen. She would marry a man. She would produce heirs to the throne. This conflict was different, because it directly prohibited her ability to be the ruler the kingdom needed.
"You should come and talk to Kristoff's family again. Not right now, but soon. I think they could really help you understand. They helped me understand some things too."
"Like what?" Elsa asked curiously.
"Just stuff." Anna steered the conversation away immediately. "Anyway, this was good! And Elsa, if you ever need to talk- about anything- you know that I am always here for you." Anna got up then, too, and wrapped her arms around her sister. Elsa embraced her right back.
"Thank you, Anna. I promise I'll try to keep myself under control for the rest of the week. Natalia and Leo probably think I'm crazy."
"Don't worry. I think they both really like you."
"I hope so."
"Oh, I know you do." Anna teased her sister once more before opening the door. "I'll see you tomorrow." And she was gone.
Elsa wondered what had just happened. Overall, it seemed like the conversation went well. Anna had actually been excited and happy for her. That wasn't what she had expected at all. Feeling a little confident, she quietly went down the hall and knocked gently on Natalia's door. The other girl opened it and stood in the same nightgown she had worn the night before. Elsa's eyes glanced downward for only a fraction of a second, enough time for her to think once again about how beautiful Natalia was.
"Hi," the princess greeted her.
"Hi," Elsa repeated. "I just wanted to apologize for my behavior earlier."
Natalia leaned against the doorway. Her hip stuck out in an attractive way that caused Elsa to wonder if that was completely necessary. Her only complaint was that it was distracting.
"Don't worry about it. Honestly, Elsa, you're better at entertaining than you think. I've seen kings with less put-togetherness than you."
"You're just saying that."
"No. I mean it. You don't have to try and impress me. You do it naturally."
Elsa clasped her hands together. She was used to receiving compliments, and could usually brush them off easily, but something about the way Natalia spoke to her was making her heart race and her palms damp. As silly as it seemed to her, just standing by Natalia made her feel like she was melting.
"Thank you for being so understanding."
"It is no problem at all."
They locked eyes. Elsa didn't realize they'd fallen into a silence until Natalia broke it.
"Do you want to come in?"
"Oh, I shouldn't," Elsa was quick to say. "I've bothered you enough. But thank you."
"It wouldn't bother me at all. Believe me."
Elsa considered it for only a second. But with all that had happened, she knew her head wasn't clear enough. If she were to start saying or doing something embarrassing, there would be no easy way to escape. She respectfully declined and bid the princess a good night.
When Elsa had finally excused herself back to her room, Natalia found herself scrubbing her hand over her forehead in frustration. That hadn't been casual conversation. That was outright flirting. She groaned at her forwardness. Did Elsa leave because it made her uncomfortable, or had Elsa noticed at all?
Both fortunately and unfortunately for Natalia, Elsa did not notice. The struggle with her feelings was more prominent. While it was obvious that she liked Natalia, she felt as if it were a hopeless romance. And for that reason, as well as her very limited understanding of real life casual flirtation, Elsa did not recognize the compliments as a sign of Natalia's interest in her. Elsa focused solely on how those comments should not be making her feel so dizzy that she was afraid to stick around much longer. She waved the confusion aside, and figured she would put out thoughts of Natalia for the rest of the evening. Natalia silently resolved to do the same for Elsa.
Both found that to be a difficult task.
O O O
