Summary: It was easy to let go when she believed she would never have to face the world again. It wasn't so easy when she felt the pressures of the kingdom to protect, the sister to care for, and the feelings she felt surfacing despite her attempts to squash them down like fresh snow under heavy boots. This is a story about the other side that Elsa was forced to hide. [ElsaxOFC] [KristoffxAnna]
Author's Note: I am very sorry for taking such a long time to update. But all the kind reviews have motivated me. The ball is coming up very soon, and it should be exciting!
Chapter Seven: The Last Day
Panic washed over her at once. She had awoken gently, feeling refreshed. She'd prepared for the day with a happy attitude. Uncharacteristically, she had even hummed brightly throughout washing her face and dressing herself. But now, seeing her serious-faced guard holding a familiar piece of paper in her doorframe, Elsa was overcome with fear.
"By the icy wind, I will arrive within a day. Be not afraid."
The cryptic message gave her no clues. Who would send these? Why should she heed a strangers warning not to be afraid? If he wanted her to be calm when he arrived, he could have at very least given a reason, a more specific time, a name! Anything to help her figure out what he wanted and why. But all she had were two very unclear messages that chilled her to the bone with fear. She shivered uncontrollably in her room as the guard questioned her.
"What should we do, your majesty? Do you want to cancel the ball? Should we lock the gates?"
"No!" she shouted immediately, rubbing her hands over her arms in her nervous habit. "I mean, no," she corrected her tone. "We are not going to cancel anything, and we are certainly not going to close the gates. We will continue as scheduled. Guests will be arriving, and the staff has already been preparing for this. The plans will remain unchanged." She turned at this point, and paced towards the window.
"I fear for your safety, your majesty. And the safety of Princess Anna."
Elsa was thinking the same thing. The biggest concern was for Anna. She had already risked her life once, and it would not happen again.
"You will ensure that no harm comes to my sister. I want every guard alert and on task for the next forty-eight hours. Have them stationed everywhere. Make them work in strict shifts so that no corner of the kingdom is unprotected at any time."
"Yes, your majesty."
"Whoever this is, and whatever he wants, I will not let it compromise the order or safety of Arendelle. I do not want the kingdom in panic, but I also will not hesitate to fire any guard that is not focusing his attention on his duties. Am I clear?"
"Absolutely, my queen."
"Good. You may go, now."
Elsa waited for the door to close before she would even glance at the note again. She let herself fall onto her bed. She sat and wrung her hands nervously. Just last night she had felt so much comfort and security, and now it seemed to be crumbling away just as easily as it had come. She had been foolish to let herself ignore the problem. She should have been putting more attention on it, and now there was no time. There was a day before some stranger would supposedly show up with no explanation or reason. And what could she do about it? There was nothing to do but wait, now, despite the fact that she had no idea what she was waiting for. Her father would never have let this happen. In fact, no respectable leader would have ignored a very serious problem like this. She had let herself get so wrapped up in other things. Things like Natalia…
There was a knock at the door. Elsa held her breath.
"Elsa?" Anna's cheerful voice rang out. "Are you still in there?"
She let the breath go and tried to stand again. She hadn't realized how much she was shaking. One hand braced itself against the bed frame, and ice spiraled out from her fingertips. She wanted to open the door with a smile and tell Anna she was fine. But she couldn't. Giving up, she sank back down into the comfort of her sheets and shook her head.
"Elsa?" Anna repeated, still standing outside the room. "It's getting kind of late for you to still be sleeping. Natalia, Leo, and Kristoff are downstairs. We're going to play some games in the yard. So, if you want to join us, you know where to go."
Anna waited patiently for a response. She respected and supported her sister through everything. Elsa felt ashamed that she had not told her about the mysterious messages. What if she told her now? She might get angry, or at very least hurt by Elsa's secrecy. Or she would somehow think the best course of action would to be anything but cautious. Anna had a way of charging head on into situations that required careful consideration. It pained Elsa to know Anna was being everything a great sister should be while she was keeping secrets and ignoring her. She didn't notice more ice creeping up the walls.
"Oookay," Anna said at last. "I hope you're in there, at least. It would be kind of awkward if I was just talking to an empty room. But, um, I'll catch up with you later!"
Elsa listened to her sister's footsteps fade away down the hall. Her thoughts were completely consumed with how much she was failing at being both a sister and a queen. Her two main roles in life and she couldn't even handle one of them. Elsa reluctantly gave into her body's screaming demands to lie down. She sobbed into her pillow pathetically. It felt as though someone had buried her under mountains of snow; every part of her felt crushed and tight and uncomfortable. She could barely breathe.
"Get up," she thought. "You have to get up. You have to do something. But what? What can you do? Nothing. You cannot do a single thing. You're worthless. You could have done something before. Couldn't you have? No. Probably not. There's nothing you can do. There has to be something. Get up and warn people. Get up and instruct your guards. Get up and face the problem. The problem you made. This is all your fault. Get up and fix it."
Her thoughts ran over each other in this way in a seemingly endless loop. As much as her brain told her to get up, the rest of her refused to move. Every attempt made was shot down by the heavy feeling surrounding her.
"Why can't you?"
The question was clear, but she had no answer. She felt so horrible that the only thing she could do for the moment was lie down and try to pull her pieces back together. The problem was that only made her feel worse about herself, and prevented anything from happening. She had these thoughts all the time. This feeling was nothing new. This time, however, it felt like there was no solution. Helplessly, Elsa gripped her pillow and tried to remember how to breathe.
o o o
Natalia didn't ask right away. She didn't want to make it seem as though her thoughts were completely consumed by Elsa, despite the fact that they were. The group was in the open space of the garden where a string was strung between two posts. Anna held a small paddle, which she pointed at the guests.
"So, it's sort of like this. You want to keep the shuttle in the air, but you also want to get it on the ground on the other side. So we hit it back and forth." She demonstrated the game to Leo and Natalia with Kristoff, who stood on the other side of the string. Anna tapped the shuttle with her paddle and Kristoff did the same, effortlessly. Anna missed on the third try and the cork landed by her feet.
"That's a point for me," Kristoff said.
"I see." Leo nodded. He stood beside Anna, holding a paddle of his own. "It shouldn't be too hard. Let's give it a shot."
Anna nodded happily.
"Yeah! And it works out well because there are four of us. We can play two against two. If Elsa were here, she'd probably have to be the referee again, and then we'd take turns and that wouldn't be much fun for one of us-,"
"Where is Elsa?" Natalia finally asked. She felt it appropriate now that Anna had brought her up, and it was helpful to stop the princess from rambling.
"I looked everywhere. She wasn't in her study, or the library, or the place they keep the sweets, or on the roof. So I knocked on her door, but she still didn't answer."
"You checked the roof before you checked her bedroom?"
"Well, I had my arms full of sweets, and they were supposed to be for the ball tomorrow, so I sort of had to make a quick exit out the window because I didn't want to get caught- Err. Not that I was doing anything wrong! I was going to share them. The sweets, I mean. But since they were for tomorrow, I thought I should put them back."
"You didn't put them back, did you?" Kristoff guessed.
"I can neither confirm nor deny-,"
Kristoff paddled the shuttle into Anna's face. It was gentle, of course, but enough to shut Anna up again. Leo and Kristoff laughed, but Natalia wanted to find out more.
"So, she wasn't in her room then?"
"I don't think so," Anna replied, starting to play the game. "But sometimes she just needs some alone time."
Kristoff sniggered.
"What? What's so funny?" Anna retorted. She missed the hit again and gasped.
"You are, sweetheart. Come on, pick it up and try again. It's one to nothing."
"We won't let them beat us, Anna," Leo said with a grin. "Right?"
"Right!" Anna threw the shuttle into the air and swung. The boys couldn't hold back their laughter when Anna realized she had completely missed her mark again. Natalia glanced up at the castle and wondered what Elsa was up to.
o o o
Elsa's initial panic subsided some time later. It had taken her awhile to calm herself and start to think rationally again. She had been going about this the wrong way. Of course there was nothing she could do to prevent whoever it was from coming to Arendelle. She had worried about something that she could not control. The mysterious visitor was coming and that was that. However, she could do her own research. So Elsa now found herself in the library with her second cup of hot chocolate and a stack of seemingly unhelpful books.
She had started with all of the maps she could find. Specifically, she was looking for maps of wind currents. Nothing considered 'icy' came up in those searches, though she understood that this could mean the visitor was coming from the north. Though, she was not quite sure how much more north of Arendelle someone could possibly be.
Then she moved on to historic texts. There were detailed accounts of every clash among kingdoms since the beginning of time, it seemed, and some of them had been fought in very cold places. But still, much of what she had read did not seem to help. It was after skimming through the ninth 500-page book that she began to think that maybe this research was just as pointless as all of those forgotten battles. She was getting nowhere, which was not due to her own incompetence but to the fact that she had almost nothing to go by. No wonder why no one had given her any more information. She was told that several people had even tried to determine where the parchment had come from. But it could have been from anywhere, they claimed. It had no other marks or signatures.
As she was flipping through a dictionary to find synonyms for 'seek' just for the hell of it, she heard giggling in the hallway. The door swung open and little Olaf wandered in, looking as cheerful as ever. He waved a stick arm in the air when he spotted the Snow Queen.
"Hi Elsa!" Though small, his happy voice seemed to feel the large library. He jogged over and scrambled up onto her lap. He sat himself down on top of her and Elsa couldn't help but giggle. His attitude was pretty infectious.
"Hello, Olaf. How are you?"
"Oh I'm doing great. Sven and I went into the town today and found a group of girls playing hopscotch. They let us play, too. I did alright, but Sven was terrible."
"I think it would be a lot harder to play with four feet."
"Mhm. One of the girls gave him a carrot instead. That made him happy."
"Well, that was very sweet of them. Did you thank them?"
"Of course!"
"I'm only making sure. Sometimes you can be forgetful." Elsa smiled and kissed his head, then finally placed down the large dictionary. Olaf noticed the light sigh she let out as she gave up on the unhelpful research.
"What are you doing? Important stuffy-royalty-stuff?"
"No, just a small personal project. It isn't really going anywhere though."
Olaf could sense she was sort of distressed. He turned to face her and patted her hand gently.
"Why don't you tell me what's bothering you?"
Elsa contemplated it for a moment. Olaf looked so sincere and willing to listen that she gave in.
"We're going to have a visitor tomorrow."
Olaf grinned.
"I know that! Lots of people are showing up to come to the ball, right?"
"That's right. But there is someone coming that I don't know about. They sent me two strange letters with hardly anything written on them. There was no name on them, or any real information. It isn't likely that it was someone we invited, either, since we received replies from everyone. So now I'm worried. I have no idea who could be showing up."
"How bad could it be? They told you they were coming. If they wanted to sneak up on you, they wouldn't have told you anything."
"That's…actually very true."
Elsa almost felt silly. Should she really be listening to Olaf? What he said made sense, at least. The snowman smiled.
"Yeah! You can't spend your time worrying about one person. You're going to have a whole castle full of people. One more won't make much of a difference. And then all of those people will sail away and you won't have to see them. You might not even see some of them ever again!"
The last part pained Elsa slightly. There were one or two people she definitely wanted to see again. Then again, maybe things would just work out for the best.
"Let's hope you're right, Olaf. The last thing I need is a disaster tomorrow."
Olaf shrugged.
"The last time there was a disaster, you made me."
She wrapped her arms around her friend and gave him a warm hug. If he had ears, he would have been grinning from one to the other. Elsa returned the smile gently.
"And I do not regret that moment at all."
o o o
It wasn't much later that everyone was in the dining hall. The evening meal had just come to a close when Anna asked for dessert. She had filled much of the time talking about how excited she was for tomorrow's event. The emphasis on how many people would be attending reminded Elsa that she wasn't quite prepared to face the day. The older sister rose to her feet.
"I really am full. I can't have another bite. But please enjoy the rest of your meal."
Anna had her mouth full of cake.
"Oh! M'kay!" She tried to swallow quickly. Being extra nice to Elsa was good when she was in one of her moods, as Anna figured she had been all day. "I'll see you in the morning."
"I'll probably see you first, considering how late you sleep in."
"Hey!" Anna giggled. "Don't be mean."
Natalia stood as well.
"Actually, Elsa, would you mind taking a short walk to the courtyard with me?"
Elsa thought briefly that she wouldn't mind taking a long walk with the Fire Princess, and that it didn't really matter where.
Teasingly, Anna let out a quiet,
"Oooooh!"
With some confidence, Elsa ignored her childish sister.
"Something on your mind, Natalia?"
"There is always something…or someone on my mind." Natalia replied in her soothing voice. "But actually, I have something I really want to show you."
Leo started choking on his cake. He coughed and took a sip of milk, trying not to draw attention to himself. Anna figured the subtle-or-not-so-subtle flirting in the room was thick enough to get caught in his throat.
Elsa was about to say something else when she felt Natalia's warm hand slip into her own. Their fingers laced together naturally. She lead the Queen out of the room and, as she had said, to the courtyard.
"Alright," Elsa said, still holding the princess's hand. "I don't see anything unusual out here. What is it you want to show me?"
"Be patient," Natalia answered. She brought Elsa over to a bench and had her sit down as she stood in front of her. She took a few steps backwards.
"It has been a really great week," she started. "When my brother and I first decided to come here, I had no idea Anna was going to be so friendly and you were going to be so, well, so absolutely astonishing. I have never met someone so talented and beautiful."
Elsa couldn't hide the gentle blush that crept onto her cheeks.
"I haven't made much use of my own talent for years. Not for anything very impressive, at least. But I have made something in your honor."
"Oh my," Elsa spoke softly. "You didn't have to do anything for me."
"I know that. I am doing this because you have inspired me, Elsa."
The queen thought she had never heard more flattering words in her life.
"What did you make?" she asked.
Natalia couldn't hide the joy in her eyes. Elsa recognized a brilliant sparkle in them as the princess took a deep breath and spread out her arms. She spun around, moving her palms a certain way as she did so. Flames burst to life around her feet and spiraled upward, surrounding her. Elsa watched, impressed and slightly worried at the same time. The fire danced around the princess and began to mold against her body. It folded to her curves perfectly and flared out around her legs. It twisted, flattened, and crackled. Finally, Natalia stopped moving. She stood before Elsa in a gorgeous red dress completely made from the flames. From just below her shoulders to the ground, the fire had become a flowing gown with a feather-like train. It seemed solid but somehow still in motion at the same time. In every way, design and fit, it complimented Natalia and her fire-like personality.
"It's my gown for the ball. I think it's great that you design your own clothes. I wanted to do the same."
Elsa was nearly speechless. She had already stood and walked closer to get a better look.
"Natalia, this is- I cannot even find the words for it. It's incredible."
Natalia smiled and stepped closer, though she realized then that Elsa looked scared.
"Oh, don't worry. I don't think it's hot. It feels cool to me."
Elsa gingerly raised a hand. Conscious of what (and who) she was about to touch, she chose a spot an inch above Natalia's hip. Her hand rested there comfortably.
"It's warm," she said, surprise evident in her voice. "But you're right. It isn't hot."
Natalia placed her hands on both of Elsa's hips and drew her closer.
"When I touch you, it doesn't feel cold. Just less than warm."
"I'm a little shocked your dress isn't melting mine," Elsa commented. When she saw that familiar glint pass over the other girl's gaze, she added, "Don't get any ideas."
"Ideas? I don't have any ideas." She made sure to lift her eyes and keep them focused on Elsa's face. That wasn't too difficult, either. She found she could focus on a variety of things. Her nose, her cheeks, her lips.
"You don't?" Elsa asked. Natalia shook her head slowly, then replied,
"Well, maybe just one." She glanced at her lips again. She leaned in slowly and began to tilt her head. Elsa watched, a sudden tenseness filling her.
"This is it," she thought. "She's going to kiss you."
The thought sent her backwards. She stumbled and Natalia let her go easily. Elsa's heart was racing.
"Oh," Natalia said, a little awkwardly.
"I'm sorry," Elsa apologized right away. "I really am. I just- I couldn't- I can't."
"Why not?" Natalia pleaded. "Just last night we-,"
"I know." Elsa held up her hands. "I know what we did and it was great. But this is different."
"How?" Her voice sounded more desperate than she wanted it to. "You've already admitted how you feel. You admitted it to me and to yourself. You aren't alone, remember?"
Elsa swallowed, trying to get rid of the lump in her throat. So much of her was ready for this. She craved the love and affection that Natalia was willing to show her. She wanted to know what it was like to melt into a kiss with her and to feel her against her body again and again. And yet, her reserved side just kept winning. It kept pulling her back into that fear. Others wouldn't approve because she was a queen, Natalia was a princess, and they had their duties to uphold as leaders. How could she be a real queen when she spent her time chasing hopeless fantasies? Or indulging in this - whatever it was! A relationship? An affair? It was only in passing, after all. Natalia would be sailing away soon and be gone forever. Yes. That was the main reason Elsa turned her down that night. She knew she would not be able to let go after a real, honest kiss.
"You're going to be leaving. You're going back to Kohbara to be the princess of your kingdom, and I am staying here to be the queen of my own. How could we ever make this work? I mean, let's just say this is…more than a flirtation. We could court each other through letters, which isn't unusual, but then what? You can't be married off to me. And so I think that maybe we're just doing this for the more pleasurable aspects of courting. The, um, physical parts. And if that's so then I think I've become too emotionally involved…"
She felt Natalia wrap her arms around her fully. She was pulled into a hug so warm and so comforting that her eyes closed and she reciprocated immediately.
"Elsa, that is not how I feel about you. I am not doing this just to have something out of it. I am doing this because I care about you. When I look at you, my heart suddenly takes up all of the space in my chest. It makes my lungs so small that I feel like I cannot breathe. But you are even more than your beauty. You are elegant, intelligent, and brilliant."
Natalia pulled away so she could look into the queen's eyes with all of her sincerity.
"I would suffer through a life without ever getting to kiss you if that would show you how much I care."
Elsa glanced downward. The corner of her lip turned upward slightly.
"I don't think I would want that. So far, I have really liked when you've kissed me."
"And I want to do it again. Only if you are comfortable. No matter where I am, Arendelle or Kohbara or somewhere in between, I will always care about you. I want to show you that."
"I should believe you," Elsa admitted. "I want to. I am just afraid."
"I think you're thinking too much," Natalia said. "Your head is heated and jumbled. Just listen to your calm heart."
"My heart is barely calm," the queen retorted. "It's beating like crazy."
"But what is it telling you?"
Elsa looked into the dark eyes of the woman in front of her.
"I think it's telling me to stop listening to my head.
Natalia smiled and leaned in slowly.
At the same time, Gerda had been rounding the corner into the courtyard to head into town. She had run out of light pink thread at the worst of times. Princess Anna's dress had somehow been torn (she suspected the young princess herself was involved) and needed a quick repair. So, though it was late, she hoped she could make it to a shop and mend the dress in no time. She had not expected to see the queen herself pressed up intimately against the visiting Princess Natalia in the middle of the courtyard. She was so surprised, in fact, that she nearly dropped her basket as she loudly said,
"Oh my!"
The mood was shattered. Elsa, when her head caught up to what was happening, blushed furiously and stepped away quick from the princess. Natalia felt herself deflate. There went her chances at getting to kiss the most beautiful woman she had ever been that close to. Well, at least it had not been Leo that caught them.
"I am so sorry- I didn't mean to interrupt. It's just, well, you are in the open courtyard." Gerda quickly shuffled by. "Please, carry on! I was never here. I promise I didn't see anything."
"Of course you did not," Natalia muttered. "Nothing happened."
Elsa covered her face in her hands, completely embarrassed.
"She's right. What are we doing? We are out here where anyone could walk by or see! And now Gerda saw- well she saw-," Elsa made a sort of gesture with her fingers pressed together, "us! We can't just be out here acting that way."
"You are right. I apologize, Elsa. I should have thought more carefully. Why don't we just forget about this little incident and head inside?" Natalia suggested.
"Yes," Elsa sighed a breath of relief. At least Natalia understood. "I'd like to go to my bed now."
Elsa realized what came out of her mouth. When she saw the other girl's face, she added quickly,
"I meant to bed! Me! Myself. Just me to my own bed. I didn't mean to imply- oh my, this is getting awkward again."
"My thoughts exactly."
Elsa tried to brush her humiliation to the side.
"Thank you again, Natalia. For showing me your dress. It really is beautiful." She began heading for the door. When another thought came to her head, she paused and looked back. "I will be jealous of every person that gets to kiss your hand and dance with you tomorrow night."
"And I'll be wishing it was you every time."
Elsa could not hide the smile that came across her face. Bidding her friend another goodnight, she left Natalia in the empty courtyard. The princess looked up at the stars. With a shake of her head and a wave of her arms, the fire dress vanished as nothing more than some small smoke in the air that drifted off with the wind.
O O O
