Another week went by on the ship, and more and more lessons were coming and going in the dead of night, having me teach the boys more and more words and even the numbers for Sign Language. I could see them practicing back and forth with one another, even if it was during meals, I could see them quiz each other on fingerspelling, having me feel the sense of accomplishment running under my skin. They were getting it, learning from me and taking it ten fold. Even after the moment with Liebgott, He was improving with his temper, though I could tell there were times where he wanted to slug somebody for looking at him wrong or saying the wrong word. I could tell he as trying for me, for my sake since I would see him glare at people or a certain soldier, but take a deep breath and let it roll off his shoulder. And it must have helped that he would see me looking at him, waiting for his action and he realized that I was looking to him to see how he was going to handle himself. He avoided Guarene for the remainder of the trip on the sea, which made me more happy and less agitated with him.

Doc and I were still doing medical research, how we were going to pack our packs with medicine and wrappings. Most of our days here filled with what we would have to bring into the field, and then meeting with the Company with Sobel and Winters, going over plans and tactics as we were going into the field of combat. I wanted to listen as much as possible since I was still reeling over the fact that I too would be going into the field. It felt more like a nightmare than a dream to me, a bad nightmare that I was slowly having panic over as the days were going by. But who was I to voice this to the others, who knew what they were getting themselves into. It made me feel more like a coward, not being good enough for the teams. That's when the inner demons started coming to play with my mind: the constant nagging thought that I would not make it as both a nurse and a soldier for the Company. It made me sick to my stomach, sick to the point of not being able to eat.

"Red, you alright there?" Luz asked me, having him see him look at my food and eat nothing. It was an early evening, and we were mere days away from landing in England. The boys were talking about meaningless things, something that I was used to, but my mind was in another place now. It was in a place of mere fear and despair as I looked up at Luz. He looked concerned, seeing how I had no color back on my face.

"Marley?" Doc asked me on my left, shoving me gently with his shoulder as I looked over at him. He never knew about the fears that I had though I was the closest to him in the Company. I had no heart to tell him, it would make it his now burden as well. I got up from my spot and ran my fingers in my hair.

"I need to go lay down for a bit," I replied, moving away from the group, around the table and out of the mess hall. As I passed them I saw Joe watch me carefully, having me see out of the corner of my eye him look more concerned than ever, almost as if I broke his heart. Would he care? Why was I questioning that?

"Marley." Joe said to me, calling out to me, but I wasn't going to answer him. I could hear the others were calling out to me, wondering what was going on, but they didn't follow. I went on out of the mess hall and down a corridor before leaning against the hallway wall. Breathing in and out of my nose, I was trying to clear my mind of what was haunting me: war. More specifically: me dying in the war or someone dying because of me. It never occurred to me that this burden of being a nurse was so huge, it never felt so huge before. Not until I signed for war, and now it was hitting me like a ton of bricks. Why now? Why in this moment when things were going okay in my mind and heart? I tried to hide the tears that were escaping down my cheeks, but I sniffed and looked up, I had to think.

I had to find a place to hide.

The ship had a small cathedral that was made by some of the other soldiers on the ship. It was a larger room with smaller pews and a alter there, along with candles and one stained glass window. They must of made it for the soldiers before we boarded, but I sat in the second row in the pew, my legs up on the pew in front of me and my hands resting on my elevated knees. I stared ahead at the stained glass window that was propped up, the window illustration was of Saint Mary and the glow around her. It was beautiful, but I still felt no calming peace over me

Something about being in a sanctuary, away from other people and other noises, was always something I loved about it. Just hiding in the sacred place, feeling the cool wind from the small space and breathing in the scent of wax and old leather from the bible, it was all soothing to my mind and soul. Perhaps this is what God had in mind: Find a place of rest and of peace, lend me your heavy burdens and fears. I could feel myself leaning against the pews with my eyes closed now, trying to find that place again when I was a small child. I would sneak into the church when I wasn't doing anything else, and I would just sit. Stories wanted me of people sitting in the pews and finding God there, and thy feel Him change they're live then. Would he do the same for me now?

"Marley?" I looked up and over, hearing my name and seeing that it was another nurse whom apparently followed me: Georgia. She was the oldest nurse on the ship, and one of the oldest people as well: mid 60's and had a heart of pure gold. I was still shocked that she was coming with us to England, but I realized why once we were on the ship: she was promoted to the Head Nurse in one of the England hospitals. She also worked WWI, like Bethany, and she seemed a though she too has seen death, but lived one. A woman from Mississippi, her Southern charm made me feel like I was at home again.

"You ran out from dinner as if you have seen a ghost." She explained, sitting next to me and have me look over at her. She had an aged face, though it was still beautiful. Her eyes were still a crystal blue, her gray hair in a nurse's bun, but she had her own flare to it. There was a certain radiance of light around her as she spoke some more to me "What's bothering you child?"

"Just the thought of war." I mumbled out, fiddling with my fingers as I looked ahead at me at the alter that was there right in front of us. It was a haunting thought, though it never occurred to why it was going into my mind now than it did before. I heard nothing from her at first, though she must have been reading my face to see what was really going on.

"My first time being an army nurse was 30 years ago." She explained, having me look over at her as she was staring with her aging eyes at the stained glass window of Saint Mary, "I too was new to the thought of saving lives, and haunting by it. There was a constant nag that was tearing at my soul, thinking that I would be responsible for the men that were fighting. I have seen deaths back and forth, men leaving this world for Heaven. Those moments shook me like a leaf, that I would have to see that every day." She knew what I was thinking. She lived it, and I was about it.

"Darling," She cooed me, having me see her now look at me with her kind eyes, "We nurses are just as important at those men in there, though at times we don't get the credit. And that also means that we are also as breakable and fragile as they are when it comes to war and death. But the Good Lord only give us enough that we can handle, nothing more or less. If He didn't want you to be a nurse in the army, then He would have blessed you with other gifts and other ways of serving."

"Gifts." I said in almost a scoffing tone, thinking it was too good to be true to think that I had a gift, "What gift would I have to give to these men here?"

"Well for one thing, I see that you have a divine gift of love and compassion to those you meet." She explained, having me feel as though I was speechless when she said this to me in such a boldness it felt like she was preaching to me, "I see how those men in your company turn to you and accept you. It takes an a lot of boldness and a compassionate heart to have a company of men to be behind you as a woman. They don't see you as another nurse whom bandages them up with a pretty face, they see you as a member of their family." She paused, having me look from her back to the alter and wonder if what she was saying was true. Did they see me in such a light? Once I met the they were never cross or rude to me, nor did they betray me in any matter.

"And you are far beyond stubborn." I looked back at her, seeing her grin at me as she patted my knee in comfort, "My goodness me, child. I have never met anyone who was willing to fight hard against a Captain for something they want. I suspect you don't mind having a death wish after all." I grinned for the first time that day from hearing her sass at me.

"Don't ever doubt the reason you're in a place at a time, dear. That is up to God and where He wants you to be. And apparently you're here in the army, and that's where He wants you to serve." She reminded me, having me nod my head at her once before we both looked back at alter once more. She reminded me of the fact that God still had a plan for me.

"Do you ever want to stop, being an army nurse?" I asked her out of the blue, having her think to herself for a brief second.

"There were times where I questioned myself why I was still in uniform with blood stained hands. But that's when I am reminded that there are those in the battlefields that are looking to someone to heal them and save them from death, and if not me, then who?" The question rang in my mind, having me wonder the same thing. If God wanted me here, it was to save people. Was it the specific people in my company? But if I didn't sign the papers for the army, who would be sitting here in my position now? I would be back home, still wondering about my life and where it was going to go.

We both heard someone behind us, having us both look to see that it was Doc and Joe, standing in the archway of the sanctuary. Joe looked a bit hesitant as I stared at him, and Doc's look was more serious. Doc's eyes were on me the whole time and he looked still rather sad about seeing me in this state. Georgia smiled, looking back at me and tapping my knee again, showing me the kindness of her smile. She reminded me of my grandmother, wisdom beyond her years.

"I'll leave you to it dear." She said to me, her voice was soft and soothing in the mock sanctuary. I nodded my head at her, watching her with my eyes as she got up and left the area. Once she was out of the sanctuary, I could hear Doc whisper to Joe that he wanted to talk to me alone for a moment or two. I wonder why they were there. Wait, I knew why. They wanted to see what was wrong with me. I saw Doc walk over to me, his hands in his pockets and the hesitant look on his face. It was his reading face, the face he would use to read and understand people. Joe was back at the archway, not moving a bit but looking behind him every once in awhile. He was probably giving us time alone as friends in a sacred place. Leaning against the archway with his body and his own hands in his jacket pockets, he watched carefully and for some reason, made me feel safe.

But instead of going to sit next to me in the pew, Doc went to the pew behind me, sitting directly behind me and leaning into me. I was confused at first to what he was doing, but then I felt him wrap his arms around me from behind, his arms around my neck loosely and he was holding me close. This was not the same Doc that I knew and grew close to, but then again there was more to him than I knew. He must have heard the conversation I had with Georgia, that or he read it in my eyes at the mess hall. I said nothing, though I wanted to thank him for the hug I received. I just closed my eyes, feeling his head against my own and having me hum in my own pew. Eugene Roe was growing on me as a friend and a newly adopted brother in my life, he read what was having em feel joy and pain, and I was doing the same for them. It was as if we were two sides of the same coin, both part of one entity but with two different sides.

"Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace;

Where there is hatred, let me sow love;

Where there is injury, pardon;

Where there is discord, harmony;

Where there is error, truth;

Where there is doubt, faith;

Where there is despair, hope;

Where there is darkness, light;

And where there is sadness, joy."

He murmured to both me and God. I smiled, knowing that he too was religious and he prayed as well as I. It was soothing to hear it from him, since the Prayer was honest and true, a great prayer that I heard once or twice in my life. it was a reminder of whom I was with God and how He viewed me. I was glad I'm not the only one who needed to hear it. Eugene must of thought I was an instrument of peace, someone who brought peace into the world of chaos. He knew more about me than I ever knew about myself, and I had to give into the fact that I had to rely on him along with the others in Easy Company to find out more about myself. I had to give into the fact that my self-doubt will melt away with these men, whom I could consider my brothers. I craned my head over my shoulder, the shoulder that was not occupied by Doc's chin. Joe was watching us with careful and soft eyes, almost on the brink of tears as Doc and I was having a moment. He too felt my pain, I could see it in his eyes. I gave him a small smile, then looking forward once more, placing my hands on Doc's arms that were around my neck resting on my collarbone.

"O Divine Master, Grant that I may not so much seek

To be consoled as to console;

To be understood as to understand;

To be loved as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive;

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;

And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life."


The sound of rushing feet running over to the medical tent that was set up in our new home in Aldbourne, England. Doc and I were going over new protocols and other rundowns with some of the English doctors and nurses for the day. Since we landed in England, I was slowly getting better with the notion of being a combat nurse. The pains in my chest and head were getting numb, no longer sharp and true. I had Doc there, along with the rest of the Company. But they were in more intense training with both weapons and fist fighting, having me worry about them at the mere mercy of Sobel.

Joe and I got to hang out more and more as the days went by. We learned a lot from each other, having me see him more as a true friend than before. He was till cocky, sometimes a big brash and out there, but he was also gentle and kind none the less. He asked me a lot of my life, and I did the same with him. Other than Doc, Joe was a close friend of mine now in the company and it made it even harder for me to try and see something beyond friendship with him. If only I met him outside the war, outside being a soldier and having a huge burden on my shoulders. I would of fell for him even harder then, and it made me think if he would too. Would he fall for me as well, if we just met at a bar somewhere and only talked about the simpler things?

I only hoped.

I looked up from my area near the front of the cabin, seeing the door bing pushed it with a bit of force as I got on my combat training jacket. I was on my way to see Winters for the day for training when I looked up to see it was Malarky, Toye and a couple other men from our Company. They all looked flustered, as if they were told the worst news in the world. It made me worried, ruffling out the collar of my jacket and walking over to them in concern.

"What is it?" I asked them aloud, seeing them all look at each other before Malarky answering in a grave tone.

"We think we're going to loose Winters."

That was the worst news.