Disclaimer: Do I really need to say this again? Viz owns Death Note (the lucky bastards…).

TWISTS OF FATE

Chapter II: Confessions

Matsuda had the company of many while he worked on the Kira case, yet he often felt alone. All the others were steadfast in their convictions: Kira is a criminal, Kira is a murderer, Kira is evil, Kira must be stopped, Kira, Kira, Kira. Matsuda was the only officer who viewed this rhetoric with skepticism. At times, he even considered that maybe Kira really was just, and maybe he really was needed.

But Matsuda couldn't reveal his true thoughts. If he did, everything he struggled and labored for would be gone instantly, like sand being blown into the wind. Matsuda had already spoken out once about Kira to the others, and what he received for it were looks of contempt (all save for Chief Yagami). Matsuda knew what his partners were thinking when he expressed his doubts: "Christ, I knew Matsuda was an idiot, but still…"

Matsuda figured the only reason he was allowed to remain after that fiasco was that the investigation team had come to expect such foolishness from him. Perhaps they personally liked him, and if they did then that was understandable; Matsuda was the naïve member of the group, and he injected optimism into an otherwise negative atmosphere. But did they see him as an equal, as a teammate that they could rely on? No. Matsuda knew, with a heavy heart, that he was only kept around for amusement, and possibly out of pity.

Am I just a worthless dog that no one has the heart to kick out? Matsuda asked himself sadly many times.

Matsuda strived for respect for a very, very long time. He would have been satisfied with anything: a proud smile, a pat on the back, even a simple, "Good job." But it never came, not from anyone, not even from Chief Yagami, whom Matsuda wanted to impress the most. Matsuda had come to love his commander as a son would love a father, and continued to love him for his courage and tenacity. In an era where samurai were extinct, Chief Yagami existed as a relic of the past, a noble but humble man ready to lay his life on the line should he must.

It was Chief Yagami who had comforted Matsuda after his confession, who had assured him that his rationale was not immoral, and that the ways of Kira were very persuasive. Matsuda could not have been more grateful, and tried to show it by proving himself worthy to Chief Yagami. However, he never did; instead, Chief Yagami frequently gave Matsuda sad smiles the latter would screw up, which was quite often. And every time Matsuda saw that sad smile, he could feel his heart clench and his self-esteem drop to new, lower levels. It was the expression that Matsuda feared the worst, the one that said, "I appreciate all you have done, but you are a goddamn worthless fool."

As time went on, the death toll for the criminals rose, as did Matsuda's faith in the almighty Kira. However, with each passing day it became harder and harder for Matsuda to hide his secret beliefs. He became increasingly neurotic and paranoid, sure that everyone was noticing how odd he behaved and that they all suspected him. To remedy this, he acted even more moronically that he truly was, just to keep them all of balance. But this did not erase his stress and worries, both of which nagged and pulled at his heart. Eventually, he began to believe that he would become unable to live with the lie anymore, and that he would reveal his treacherous praise for Lord Kira.

That day came. It was an ordinary day for the team, and Matsuda had been assigned to look through all of the files for any clues. Some time into his research, Matsuda suddenly was unable to breathe, and it felt like someone had gripped his heart tightly and painfully. Panicked, Matsuda bolted from his vacant room, and then half-ran, half-staggered across the hallway looking for someone, anyone who could help him.

Without knowing where he was in his delirious state, Matsuda barged out though a door, and found himself on the roof of a building. A figure stood far away from him at the edge, his back to Matsuda, staring at the city below. Matsuda knew who the figure was even before he turned around; it was Light, somewhat annoyed, yet somewhat concerned that Matsuda's sudden entrance meant bad news for himself.

Matsuda could not help himself even if he wanted to. Sure, Light was brilliant, and someone that Matsuda admired, but he wouldn't willingly expose his guilt to him, nor to anyone else. Yet his head was now pounding, and he could taste the vomit that threatened to projectile from his mouth. He had no choice.

Light looked more than a little surprised as Matsuda hurried over to him with pure desperation written on his face. Matsuda also happened to trip, but this didn't stop him. Instead, he crawled the rest of the way, and then gripped Light's leg, grabbed an anchor in his world teeming with madness and uncertainty.

"God! Oh goddamnit!" Matsuda sobbed. "What do I do, Light?! What the fuck do I do?!"

Matsuda buried his face in Light's leg as he babbled, and could not see the young detective's reaction as a result. This was just as well, for Light's reaction was not an encouraging one: shock, confusion, panic and a little bit of disgust all rolled into one. Light may have been a genius, but he had no clue on how to comfort Matsuda…or even if he wanted to.

"Um, Matsuda." Light said weakly. "Why don't we just calm down for a bit, huh? We could, uh, sit down over there and talk for awhile. Maybe we could go speak with L…"

As Light mentally raced through methods of calming down the hysterical detective, Matsuda could feel his heart tighten even more. An idea of how to stop his suffering popped into his head, but he quickly shoved it aside. He could not, he would not resort to that! It would ruin him!

Matsuda's heart was clutched so tightly that it felt ready to explode. The sweat was pouring off of him like water over a waterfall. He felt dizzy, light headed, nauseous, and delirious all at once. The pain was unbearable.

Fuck it. Matsuda thought to himself, surprisingly clear.

"Oh fuck it! Fuck it!" Matsuda screamed in desperation, his eyes shut tightly. "I admit it! I fucking admit it!"

"I am a follower of Kira!"

Matsuda clung to Light's leg for awhile, not wanting to let go of the only thing still keeping him in the realm of sanity. But it was all done now: he had poured out all his secrets and deceits out into the open, and he knew that there would be no escape from the inevitable consequences. Feeling more vulnerable than he ever had before, Matsuda lifted his head to meet Light's gaze, sure that he would receive a stare of disappointment and of betrayal.

Instead, Matsuda found himself looking at a man not scorned, but merely curious. It was a cold, cool stare; Matsuda did not know precisely what to make of it, but cynically believed that Light was pondering the best way to exile the traitor.

What Matsuda did not know was that, in all actuality, Light was really studying him for any signs of a trap. Light would not have been surprised if this was all a ruse pulled by L. Ryuzaki was ruthless after all, and did not care for the consequences of his actions so long as they produced results. He would stoop to any level to catch Kira, no matter who was hurt in the process. Matsuda, an idiot whom L thought lowly of, was no exception.

Light briefly lifted his eyes, and scanned the rooftop. No one was present; he could see no cameras, nor video recorders, nor anything that could tape his movements.

Ryuuk Light mentally beckoned.

A hideous cackle was uttered, and the amoral Shinigami floated himself through the ground, behind Matsuda, and facing Light. His expression was the same as it normally was: a shark grin of delight, and eyes that showed no disposition.

There ain't nothin' here, Light. Ryuuk told him, immensely interested in this unexpected turn of events. He's clean too. No wires or nothin'.

Light ignored Ryuuk's gleaming eyes, and turned his attention back to Matsuda. The confessor's face was a mask of sweat, twisted by suspenseful lack of knowing. It screamed for an answer; for a definite "yes" or "no". Anything, any answer would do so long as Matsuda knew of his fate!

Light studied him again, this time thoroughly checking him for any and all signs of possible deceit. This act proved to be exceedingly simple for Light, for Matsuda was a simpleton, and he was unable to hide his emotion from anyone, least of all Light. The ruler known as Kira was also an expert when it came to reading expressions, for such a thing was required when one was a detective. With little effort, Light came to realize that Matsuda really was sincere, and that he kneeled completely exposed and awaiting judgment.

The moment of truth arrived. The coals in Light's pupils grew aflame, and an aura of red almost manifested itself around his body. His devil eyes locked onto Matsuda's innocent ones, Light revealed himself.

"Matsuda." he said tonelessly. "I am the Lord Kira."

Matsuda stared at him shocked, Light stared at him patiently, and it suddenly all made sense to Matsuda. This really was destiny; Light was Kira, Kira was God, and God had proven his love for man by purging the world of evil. L was then logically the Dark God, chosen by fate to represent the wickedness of all creatures, and to counter Light's shining brilliance with his nefarious resistance. And Matsuda…he could help! He could tilt the battle in favor of Kira, and he could help his God win it! He could save humanity!

Matsuda thought back on life, and on all the failures and humiliations therein. This was his chance to redeem himself, and his opportunity to ascend into Nirvana. Lady Destiny had surely chosen him, and had finally given a purpose to his sham of a life.

To serve the higher power, to aid mankind, to become significant in a world vast and wide… Matsuda's dreams had finally come true.

The sun began to set, and darkness enveloped the God and his kneeling disciple.

Like all whom Light recruited, Matsuda quickly and willingly became a pawn in the war between Kira and L.

Subsequent to the dual unmasking, Light instructed Matsuda to meet him the next night, late in the hours, in the woods outside the city's perimeters. Matsuda obeyed, and attended his summoning. There, Light told Matsuda all he needed to know: how he was able to claim the lives of the guilty, how he protected his secret identity, and what his ultimate goal for the human race was. He confirmed that, yes, L was an insolent heretic, and that all who opposed Kira also opposed decency and goodwill towards men. Light even brought along his Death Note, and encouraged Matsuda to hold the scared object. It was after Matsuda's hysteria caused by seeing Ryuuk that Light explained that the Shinigami was merely a harmless spectator, and nothing more.

After the introductions were made, Light gave Matsuda his mission.

"I'm afraid I have no use for you right now." he had told a disappointed Matsuda. However, the eager follower soon perked up when his God said next, "But rest assured, you will eventually contribute to the building of my kingdom."

Thus, the plan was put into effect. Matsuda was to act as Light's last resort, and as the trump card of Kira should he need it. Until then, Matsuda would continue to fulfill his role as a detective: he would continue to "hunt" Kira, and he would continue to act exactly as everyone would expect him to act. Matsuda would also not speak to Light regarding their divine mission unless his God commanded it. The disciple was to keep silent, watch with a careful eye, and protect Kira to his very last breath.

Matsuda obeyed piously, and remained quiet for the years to come. He did not say anything when it was "proven" that Light couldn't have been Kira. He did not utter a word when another Kira began executing the condemned. He did not react with glee while Rem murdered L, an assassination all due to the dexterity of Lord Kira. He even kept his lips sealed following the inclusions of Near, the SPK, Mello, Takada, and Mikami. He only watched, and did so patiently while granted the promise that, after his God had won the holy war, he would ascend to the right hand side of Kira, and together they would establish their rule.

Matsuda was ready to spring into action at any moment. All he needed was the a word, a sign, a confirmation to proceed with his interjection.

Matsuda's involvement finally occurred during the showdown between Light and Near, and it literally determined the fate of the world.