I could hear my mother singing to me, her voice was filling the air as I stood in the middle of the tall grass. The sun was high above me, having me see my red curls flowing in the wind across my freckled nose and my dark green eyes as I looked down to see I was wearing a white cotton dress. I was a child again, 9 years old and standing in the middle of a field as my mother's voice was filling the air above me and below me, almost as if the voice was surrounded me all over the place in the middle of the field.
As I went down to the river to pray
Studying about them good ol' ways
And who shall wear the starry crown?
Good Lord, show me the way.
A grenade went off in one part of the field, having me see the explosion and the soil flying in the air around the area.
O sisters let's go down
let's go down, come on down
O sisters let's go down
Down to the River to pray
Another grenade went off as I started to walk amongst the grass, the sound still being sung by my mother as I looked ahead at something shining in the distance. It was tinted gold around something shining so bright it was white. Was it heaven? Am I dead? It felt no pain, nothing but peace in my body as more grenades went off around me as I walked, yet I was not touched and not even broken or dirty from all of the explosions. It was silly, this kind of dream that I was having. It felt like a dream, yet I felt as though I was still alive and walking myself. The only thing that was shooting in this whole thing was my mother's voice. How I missed it so, and her arms around me to hold me within the nightmares and the fears of this world.
O brothers, let's go down
Let's go down, come on down
O brothers, let's do down
Down to the River to pray.
I passed the grass some more, ending at what looked like a cliff, looking down into pure darkness that was no longer in light and peace. I looked down at the cliff, having me then close my eyes and open up my arms. Something inside of me wanted to hum so quick to see what was at the bottom, but the other part of me wanted to stay in the light and be safe. As one more grenade went off behind me, I leaned forward me and I fell into the darkness. I no longer heard my mother singing as I fell into darkness.
I opened my eyes slowly, having me blink a few times before I noticed where I was: a hospital. I wasn't on the line anymore, which meant that I must have gotten hurt. I saw see that I was alone as well, not with other patients in a row of beds. I was cut off with curtains on three sides and one side was the brick wall behind me. I could hear the other noises of the hospital, patients getting medicine and doctors giving out orders. It was still odd that I was alone.
That could be bad, real bad, since they only isolate wounded soldiers if it was severe, or they were contagious for some reason. Was I contagious? What was going on? My head felt heavy, even against a pillow and being under blankets. I had no understanding on what was happening to me, and of what really did happen. All I knew was that I was in a bed, away from other people and I was alive.
Alive.
There was a nightstand next to my bed, having me see water there in a glass and also a stop watch, along with a journal and my saint's pendant. There was a chair next to that, having me think someone was sitting there, watching over me. Was it Doc that did that? Oh God, where was he? Was he beyond angry with me? Was he concerned? I just wanted to see him and make sure he was okay without me. What an idiot. I was a completely big idiot for doing that to him and the other men. I had to be the martyr for our men, all for one precious bag.
I tried to breathe, but my rib was on fire. I squinted in pain, moving my left arm from where it was on my side on top of the blankets. An IV was in it, having me see the veins of scars and scrapes on my freckles skin and having me squint at the sight. What did happen to me? I tried to remember, but all I could recall was me flying into the air with such a force that I was flung into a tree, then hitting the ground like a rag doll. It was the grenade that did it, having me loose my conscience for who knows how long. I could feel something wrong with my rib, having me wish I could lift the blanket to see what it was. But I had no strength left in my body from what happened.
"Gingembre." I heard near me, almost a breathless tone as I looked to see who it was. Eugene Roe, in all his glory and in his dirty uniform, was near the opening of my sectioned off area of the hospital room. He looked like he haven't slept in days, bags under his eyes and they were both bloodshot. I tried to smile, but it hurt working my cheeks up to move as he walked in carefully, sitting in the chair and watching me with his dark eyes. I stared back, hoping to ask him something, anything, that would get a conversation going between us.
"Am I dead?" I asked in a croak, having me see then two singular tears roll down his cheeks as if I turned on a faucet. That broke my heart, since I have never seen him cry. Not once. He was too strong for that, at least for me. He shook his head, his face still on the burns of tears as he took my hand gently in his, having me feel they were cold and calloused. I watched him as he finally spoke up again.
"You're alive. By the Good Grace of God, you're okay." He said to me, having me smile from my spot. Just hearing his voice, although it was broken, was enough for me to get through what was happening with me.
"I'm so sorry." I started, my voice was still wheezy and out of place from not talking for awhile, "I didn't mean to make you cry—"
"Quit it." He said to me, having me go into silence as he talked, "I was worried that you were dead, Marley. Don't you ever scare me like that again, ever. You get me?" I nodded my head, seeing him smile again with his glossy eyes and I took in a deep breath. The breathing sucked since the ribs were still on fire, having me grunt in pain and Doc shot up from the chair, carefully moving my arm and lowering the blanket for me to see what was happening. I saw my whole waist covered in gauze and bandages, a tainted red was there and I looked in horror.
"Doc." I said in a broken tone, not liking what I was seeing.
"You hit that tree, your rib fractured from the impact." He explained it, having me watch him as he examined my bounded waist. I noticed that I was wearing a tank top with my brassiere and some shorts underneath, boxers from what it looked like.
"You also took some splinters to the face, getting a few scrapes here and there on your face and neck." Doc went on, having me reach up to touch the light scabs on my face under my fingertips. "Bull came and got you, carried you back to me at camp and we got you here in the hospital." Doc went on, lowering the blanket back on my body and rubbing his eyes. I watched him as he looked like he went through hell and back.
"You need to sleep." I told him grabbing his hand in my own and squeezing it like a death grip.
"I'm fine." He replied, having me scoff at him and shake my head.
"You're not fine. You look like you're about to collapse on me and pass out. Go sleep, I'm not going anywhere. I can have another doctor dress me—"
"No one else is going to help you but me," Doc countered with me, having me see the seriousness in his eyes. He wasn't going to let anyone else help me out, except for him. I nodded my head, knowing that it was one thing to argue with him, but to never cross him. He gave me a short nod before checking my IV.
"How's Easy?" I asked him, seeing him look at my vitals before back at me.
"We're moving over to the town of Foy. From what I heard, Winters and Nixon are trying to figure out a new replacement for Lieutenant Dike." Doc explained, sitting down with me and telling me all that I missed. Lipton has been trying to help out with the leadership that was going on. The rest of the men were just trying to get over the cold, though it was getting more bitter by the day and night. Luz took over taking care of Archer, teaching him how to sit and stay on command such, though Doc commented that Luz would use his John Wayne voice to do it. It made me smile, knowing that the boys were okay really.
But my heart dropped when I heard about how Julian didn't make it. After me trying to save Julian and make the bonehead move, he was still dead. I could have saved him, it then felt like he death was going to haunt me forever. I started crying then, covering my face with my hand and trying to contain the sobs that were heard in my room. Doc held my hand the whole time, it was all I needed from him. I could even feel him sneak a kiss on my hand as I sobbed in my hospital bed.
"It's okay, Marley." He said to me over and over as I cried out my pain in both my body and in my heart. All that I was feeling, ever since landing in Normandy, was coming out of me now. I needed to have peace and rest, for the first time in months.
It was time to recover.
I woke up again in the dead of night, having me blink twice before I could hear voices outside my area. I tried to figure it out, since it was hard at first for me to understand who was talking. But then it was clear as I came to, having me lay in my bed and hear the conversation.
"I'm telling you, Private. She doesn't want to see you right now. Not after the stunt you pulled on her." Doc said in a threatening tone, having me hold my breath. Was he talking to who I was thinking it was?
"You think I'm proud of what I said to her, Doc? It's killin' me, knowing that I did that to her and then seeing her almost being blown to bits in front of me." It was Joe, and he didn't sound too pleased where he was. I missed his voice, just hearing it and nothing more.
"And you don't think it was killin' her too?" Doc countered, having me hear nothing from Joe as he went on with his rant against him, "You tore her up good, and she hasn't been the same since you two spat at each other. Right now she needs to rest, and you'll ruin it if you go in there." I felt bad for Joe since Doc was tearing into him for wanting to see me. Doc was trying to protect me, make sure I was no longer broken with a severed heart. He saw what happened with Joe and I, and he didn't want that again.
"I just want to see if she's okay, and I want to talk to her for just a minute." Joe said, having me hear the shuffle of feet.
"No way in hell, Liebgott. You have a lot of nerve showing your face in here. Go back to camp and be with the men, I'm not letting anyone see her right now. She needs to sleep." Doc said back in a low threatening tone, having me also flinch from my spot on the bed. I never heard him use that tone before, not even with Winters. He was personally trying to make sure I was safe from Liebgott. I heard nothing from Joe, but a long shaky sigh from him. He must have been torn up with the situation.
"Please, Roe." he pleaded in a broken tone, having me wish I could see him then and there. Something about hearing him so broken made me broken as well. I then heard Doc sigh, making me wonder if he was rubbing the back of his neck in frustration.
"Not tonight, Joe. Maybe in a day or two, okay? But not tonight, she needs to sleep." Doc compromised with him, having me close my eyes again since sleep was coming over me once more. If there was one thing now that was certain about this whole damn situation: Joe still cared for me.
That brought me peace when I slept once more.
"How are you feeling?" Winters asked me aloud as I was sitting in my bed, still in pain from the ribs that were still healing. It's been at least five days now since I've been at the hospital, having me wonder if I would ever come back to the line again with the boys. Winters came by as a visit, since he was swamped the Bastogne and Foy battles that were happening. I was slowly getting better though, much better as the days went on.
"Fine, sir. Ready to get back on the line." I replied back, seeing him smile at me and nod his head as he sat in Doc's chair, who was watching us with his crossed arms.
"I'm glad to hear, but I don't think you should rush this recovery any time soon. And I don't think that'll be a problem with Doc watching you as your personal Doctor." Winters explained.
"No, sir." Doc said behind him as I grinned at Doc. I was not going anywhere anytime soon then with Doc watching over me, the protective brother that he was.
"I just want to make sure you are taken care of here. And once you're ready to come back to combat, we'll bring you back with us. Unless you want to head home because of something like this." Winters suggested, having me shake my head immediately from hearing the thought of me going home. It would be the safer option, but I couldn't leave the men. Not after all we've been through and endured together. I loved these men too much to just leave them now.
"No, sir. I want to be here with Easy." I explained to him as he watched me with his careful light eyes, "If I go home, then I feel like I'll be haunted by not being here to help you men. I want to help as much as I can." Winters nodded his head, seeing where I was coming from. I then looked past him at Doc, who showed me a small smile at me that he was fine with what I told him as well.
"Okay then. You'll come back to Easy when I get the green light from Doc, no one else. You understand me?" he asked me, having me nod my head at him. At least I was back on the good graces of Major Winters now, since he was more concerned about me and my well-being than the stupid move I pulled. He must have known not to press it more with me, since I still too stubborn to go back with what I believed.
I was good and gold with Winters.
I was up another night at the hospital in my bed again. It was quiet then, most of the patients were all asleep, if not all of them. Another couple of days came and went, and Doc informed me that we were done with Foy and were moving on with the next town we were heading. By the time I was healing, he reassured me that I was going to meet up with the men there in no time. It made waiting for me more painful and more stressful since I wanted to leave now and see him all again.
That night I couldn't sleep, having me sit up and looking at the medical journal that Doc was keeping, having me read up on what I was missing on the field. Muck was killed, having me worry about Malarky since they were close, and other injuries happened. It made me sad, since I couldn't be there to help out with the injuries and wounds. There was an attack on Easy in the forest, leaving both Joe Toye and Guarnene to loose their legs and to head home from the war. That pained me, but being able to see them again.
I heard something shift from the opening of my area in the hospital, having me look over and be shocked in my bed. Joe was standing there in the entrance, looking so awake there watching me. I said nothing, but everything inside of me wanted to run over and hug him. I was still bedridden though, having me not move at all from my bed. He as there, right in front of me and giving me the same stare that he has given me plenty of times before. What was I going to tell him, since I couldn't do anything since Doc told me never to move at all from my spot. There was no more feeling of hate to him, only happiness that he was there right in front of me. Even from where I was, he didn't seem angry with my anymore. Just sad, sad and happy I was alive.
"Hi, Joe." I said first, having me break the silence first between us. He stayed at the entrance at first, not moving for a second until he took one step in and was now fully in my room.
"Hello Marley." He replied. His voice was softer and more gentle with me than before when we spoke together. He carefully then walked over to the chair that was next to me, sitting in it slowly and facing me completely. His own face looked worn out from the war, not being able to shave for awhile and his eyes were more distant than before. He must have been through hell since I saw him last in Bastogne. I had to think of a way to apologize to him, how was I going to do this?
"Joe," I started, saying it carefully, "I want to tell you that I'm—"
"Don't." he interrupted me, having me look at him in shock as he was giving me his intense, serious stare. Was he about to pick a fight with me, now? I was about to ask when he went on.
"Don't apologize for something that I did, Marley. I was the one who made the stupid move to insult you when it wasn't my place. I am the one who should be sorry, beyond sorry then." He explained to me in such a bold and broken tone that it made me want to cry just hearing it come from him.
"Joe, we are both to blame here. We're two very stubborn people who refuse to be wrong when it comes to an argument." I explained to him, seeing him watch me carefully as I said this, though a smile broke out on my face from thinking of the two of us being at each other's necks. But then, a wave of sadness came over me like a hurricane. I as so sad about what happened between us, having me feel horrid our relationship was almost broken completely because of one argument. I took in a shaky breath, not wanting to look like an idiot anymore in front of him, though Joe was looking at me with a concerned look on his face and in his eyes.
"Can we just...forget about it, please?" I asked him in almost a pleading tone, having me almost want to break down in tears from the mere thought of us still harboring those ill feelings to one another. I hated that thought, it sicken me. Joe saw me from his spot, scooting closer quickly and grabbing my hand close to his within a moment.
"Sure! Sure thing, Marley. We don't have to think about that anymore." He said in a rushed tone, trying to help me out in the whole situation. He reached up to take away the tears from my damaged cheeks. Just his fingers on my cheeks made me feel joy again.
"No more of these, okay?" He asked me in his cocky tone, having me smile and nod my head at him. I then pulled him into a hug, feeling hug me gently as I leaned my head on his shoulder. His fingers against my neck and on my back as gently as he could touch me, having me think he was worried I as a porcelain doll now.
"I'm glad you're here." I murmured into his shoulder.
"I was just worried about ya, you know? I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat nothin' at all. The rest of the guys too. Man, are they worried about ya. And Doc, man was he a pain since he wouldn't let me get anywhere near you." Joe replied back to me, having me smile against his jacket.
"Good thing he didn't murder you." I commented to him, hearing him chuckle.
"He almost did, Swear to God. I have never seen Eugene Roe that livid before." Joe explained in a chuckle. We were both laughing in such a place in the hospital that it made no sense. I felt him pull me away to see me face to face, a smirk was back on his lips and his eyes were back to being warm and filled with life. He kissed me then, having me miss those kisses we would have beyond words as we kissed there in the small room. I closed my eyes within that moment, clutching onto his jacket for dear life with my healing hands, as if this was all but a horrid dream and I was still asleep in my bed.
"You know what?" Joe asked me as we pulled away from each other, having me watch him carefully and smile at him.
"What?" I asked him in wonder and curiosity. He looked at me, up and down, having me feel as though I was under his radar and the heat in my cheeks then was showing immensely.
"I had this dream, back in Foye when we were staying under the trees in the foxholes, that you and me were in Frisco together." He explained, having me smile and watch him as he kept talking, "You were in a nice dress, a beautiful one really, and we were just….walking on the bridge." I grinned at him from ear to ear. It was good to not only kiss him again, but to hear his voice and to talk with him about simpler things. I leaned in, resting my own forehead against his and we both closed out eyes. This moment between us was good, and it was what we needed since we were apart for so long. I was almost killed and that must of wrecked him hard.
"We'll go back to San Francisco, Joe." I said to him, "We have a promise remember? I'm not backing out on it, are you?" It was a promise I was intending on keeping with him no matter what the coast and how it was going to play out. Since I almost got myself killed, it was now up to me to make sure I wouldn't have another death scare. I could feel Joe sneak in a kiss on my lips before he answered me softly.
"Never in a million years."
