So many things happened over the next months that it was easy to put that nonsense with Beth from his head, or so Rick told repeatedly himself. Carl was assigned Judith's morning care and Carl would take the baby to Beth afterwards. Rick claimed it was for bonding, and he was proud to see how wonderful Carl was with his baby sister, but the real reason was Rick wanted the young woman nowhere near his cell, nowhere near him.
Secretly, deep in his heart, it hurt that she no longer met his eyes, and her smile, when he caught a glimpse of it, was always directed at other people. The warmth she'd added to his life was normally only missed in the dark of the night, when his duties weren't distracting him, but nighttime misery had been his companion for so long that it was easy to ignore in the light of day. There was always so much for him to do, and if she crept in his mind while tending the garden, he was good at shoving her away.
Beth was still Judith's mother, or mama, as Judith shouted at every opportunity, but their interactions with the baby were always separate, silent handoffs, eyes cast in other directions. Sometimes the baby seemed to sense her "parents" separateness, and clung to one while the other tried to take her. When with Rick, Judith constantly asked about her mama, and sometimes it drove Rick nuts. Carl stepped up more and more, often keeping his baby sister for hours in the afternoon, and Beth had started weapons training with any one who would teach her.
Rick saw her with Daryl more than he was comfortable with, but he knew Daryl was a no nonsense teacher who'd teach Beth right, so he ignored the tugs of jealousy that he felt whenever he watched the pair of them, especially when Daryl got close to her slim frame to adjust her grip or stance. She also worked with her sister a lot, Maggie was teaching Beth hand to hand combat, and Rick could see muscles forming in Beth's arms, and a new strength in her walk.
When the walkers began massing at the fence, each day bringing more of the dead than the day before, Rick often saw Beth along the fence line, stabbing walker skulls with her little knife. Sometimes they worked silently, side by side, the groans of walkers and slashing of skulls the only sound between them. It was the one and only time he allowed himself to stand close to her, for protection, he told himself. And if on occasion, their eyes met, and his heart beat harder, he didn't admit it to himself.
If it hurt, the loss of their closeness, neither let it show in front of the others, so Rick was surprised when Hershel asked him to take a stroll one night after dinner.
"Beth's really been learning a lot of new skills. I'm glad because she'll need them in this world," Hershel told him as they walked along the fence line. Everyone had worked hard clearing walkers that day, so only a few wailed as they saw the men.
Rick nodded, "I'm glad she's learning, too."
"You know, when I started dating my second wife, I was 15 years older than her and her father threatened to kill me. Actually tried once, but my wife got between my chest and his shotgun."
Rick glanced curiously at Hershel, "I bet."
"Yeah, but I loved her. I was going to have her no matter what. If it took a bullet through the chest, so be it."
Rick nodded, "Love will do that to a man."
"Or it can make a man stupid."
Rick nodded again and they walked in silence for a while.
"My Beth is the kindest soul I've ever come across. Kindness is often mistaken for weakness, and in this world, a soul like hers is needed more than ever," Hershel said, and stopped walking.
Rick backed up to him, wondering where the older man was going with this speech. Beth was the one subject he really didn't want to discuss, but Hershel obviously had some point he was trying to make.
"The man who wins Beth's love will have the world and needs to be willing to take a bullet in the chest, if necessary," in the moonlight, Hershel's eyes stared hard at Rick.
"I'm not after your daughter, Hershel."
"I know. I know you're an honorable man and you stepped back, both because of her age and because of your respect for me. And I appreciate that."
Rick just nodded. His mind briefly flashed to that morning in his cell, and the remembered taste of Beth tickled his senses before he squashed the thought.
"But she's obviously already in this, and due to her feelings, I'm going to tell you that you have my blessing."
Shocked, Rick cocked his head, "It's not like that, Hershel, I promise you."
"Maybe it is or maybe it isn't. But you heard what I had to say," Hershel turned back to the prison and Rick followed at a short distance, his ears ringing with Hershel's words.
Doesn't matter, he thought, I'm still an old man, she's still an innocent. Doesn't matter.
As they walked back into the crowded dining area, Rick saw Beth stand, pick up a laughing Judith, and settle the little girl on a slender hip. She looked expectantly between Rick and her father. Damn, Rick thought, she told him to talk to me. He held the heat of her eyes for a moment, and let his blue gaze become a glare.
I don't want you, and I'm sorry, he lied with his eyes, and then turned to Carl, "Be sure to bring your baby sister to me in a bit."
