Rating: K
Summary: While the 10th Doctor talks to Rose about the superiority of the Time Lords, Rose realises they aren't so superior after all.
Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who.
Author's Note: The idea of this is based off a scene in Da Kath & Kim Code. If you've seen it, you'll know what I'm talking about.
You Apes
"You know," remarked the Doctor, "this body, despite all its advantages, has a real problem with dandruff." As if to prove this, he took one of his hands off the tree branch and scratched his head.
"That's typical of you," said Rose from her position on the branch next to him. "Here we are, hiding in a tree from an evil dictator trying to take over the world, and you're worried about how your hair looks."
"No I'm not!" exclaimed the Doctor. "It's hygiene Rose. When you travel all around time and space, you don't want to be picking up diseases and/or introducing them to different periods. Us Time Lords are careful about these things, unlike you apes."
"Sure Doctor, whatever you say," said Rose. "And I suppose your protests towards wearing the traditional furry jumper of this planet had nothing to do with the fact that it makes you look fat."
"It does not!" cried the Doctor, but quickly changed his answer to, "I mean, us Time Lords don't feel the cold like you apes. We don't require warm clothing, therefore I felt I didn't need to wear it. However, I finally gave in." There was silence for a few moments, then Rose spoke.
"Um, I don't mean to be a bother, but I'm getting hungry," she said.
"Of course you are," said the Doctor, rolling his eyes. "You apes need your regular feeding, unlike us Time Lords, who can go for days on end without food."
"So can we!" argued Rose. "There were some kids in the Australian bush who survived 8 days without food! Besides, you always eat at the same time as me."
"That's just so you don't feel lonely," said the Doctor. He then reached into his pocket and pulled out an apple. He gave it a quick rub against his jumper, then threw it over to Rose, who had to release one arm from her branch in order to catch it.
"Enjoy," he said. "And now, I will join you with a snack of my own." He once again reached in, this time pulling out a banana.
"How are you gonna peel that?" asked Rose.
"Quite easily actually," replied the Doctor. He carefully wrapped his legs around the branch beneath him and started peeling the banana. Once it was done, he wrapped one arm back around the branch above him and started eating.
"Shee, ush Time Lordsh have a greater shenshe of balanshe than you apesh," explained the Doctor as he ate. He then felt his scalp itching up again, so he took the hand he held his banana in, unwound a few fingers and began scratching. Rose looked at him for a moment, her eyes slowly widening as realisation dawned upon her. Then slowly, carefully, she reached into the pocket of her jeans and pulled out her phone. Before the Doctor knew what was happening, she had taken a picture of him. Once it was done, she burst out laughing.
"What?" asked the Doctor, looking at her.
"Oh man, that couldn't have been more perfect!" exclaimed Rose.
"What? What is it? What?" continued the Doctor. Rose calmed herself down and turned her mobile to face the Doctor, keeping her fingers over the screen.
"Behold, Doctor," she said. "The Great Time Lord, in all his superiority to the apes." As she revealed the screen, the Doctor's mouth fell open, bits of chewed banana falling out of his mouth.
He never teased Rose about being an ape again.
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