A/N: Happy 2014, guys! Thank you so much to CygneRouge for translating the French dialogue in this chapter! Thank you as well to all of you who have favorited, followed and reviewed Her Hero! This chapter is for you guys! Enjoy!
Chapter 8: Red
No.
No. This is wrong. This can't happen. Not now.
Hermione stared at the plastic test tube in her hand, its two red lines enforcing the truth to her. She pulled out another and did the same procedure and waited for another agonizing ten minutes.
Two red lines.
No!
She pulled out her wand and did the same spell she used earlier that day. After two long seconds, pinkish white sparks danced across her abdomen. She pulled up the toilet seat cover and emptied the contents of her stomach. She wiped her mouth on the long sleeve of her shirt and flushed away her breakfast. Then on the cold, hard tile of her bathroom, she cried.
Hermione knocked on the familiar screen door of her second home, the Burrow. Knowing she could go inside without having been invited, she waited for someone to open the door just to prolong the conversation that she knew would change everything. She looked down and put her hand over her abdomen. She couldn't do this. Not yet. She wasn't brave enough to tell him yet.
What if he got mad? What if he blamed her? What if he rejected her? What if he left her?
Then she saw the glinting golden band on the middle finger of her left hand. He had given her that. He had told her that this was his promise. His promise that he would never ever leave her, that he would take care of her and that he loved her. She smiled and found her courage. He would never leave her. He would take care of her. He would love her.
Ginny opened the door. The initial surprise was quickly replaced by concern as she saw Hermione's red puffy eyes.
"Hermione, what happened? Are you alright?" Ginny asked, pulling Hermione inside.
"I'm fine, Ginny. It's nothing. Is Ron here?" Hermione asked, not meeting her friend's inquisitive eyes.
At first Ginny didn't answer but then the young, redhead's eyes burned with anger.
"He better not be the one that made you cry again," Ginny said menacingly. "Did he? Did he make you cry again, Hermione? I swear I am going to hex him so bad—"
"No, he didn't make me cry, Ginny." Two red lines did. Hermione smiled at Ginny reassuringly. "Is he here?"
"Yeah, he's outside by the shed, cleaning his broom." Ginny still looked suspicious but thankfully didn't question Hermione.
"I'll just go by and say hi," Hermione said and quickly went out the door before her friend could question her again.
She took her time getting there, deliberately slowing her pace into one that would definitely shame a turtle. She was still debating on how best to say it but before she knew it she had reached the side of the shed. She could hear Ron talking to his broomstick, telling it how beautiful it was and how that they would win the Quidditch World Cup together. Hermione smiled at that. Ron always talked to his broom when he thought he was alone, he said that talking to his broom was another way for him to show how much he love it, albeit in an odd way. Hermione found this habit of his both charming and childish. She snuck a peek at him and couldn't help but feel her worries lessened. The way he lovingly talked and took extra care of his broom told Hermione that he would be a great father. She couldn't help but love him more. Ron must have sensed her because he looked up at her and a tinge of red colored his cheeks.
"'Mione! I didn't know you were coming." He gently set down his broom and walked over to her. He engulfed her in a big hug and kissed her in the lips.
"Hi, Ron." Hermione smiled. "I, um, I have something to tell you."
Beep Beep Beep
"Sure. What is it?" Ron said.
Beep Beep Beep
Tears were threatening to fall but she held them back.
"Ron, something happened," she started.
Beep Beep Beep
Ron looked worriedly at her. "What is it, 'Mione?"
Her vision started to blur and bit by bit everything was fading away.
"Ron, I—"
Beep Beep Beep
"What?!"
Beep Beep Beep
"I'm sorry—" her vision was getting hazy. The fields were gone, the sky, everything was being replaced by a white blank.
Beep Beep Beep
"Mummy, Mummy, wake up!" Someone was shaking her.
"Ron? Please understand," she pleaded.
Beep Beep Beep
"Mummy!"
Hermione opened her eyes. She blinked her eyes to clear her blurry vision. She saw Sophie over her, tears streaming down her little face. Hermione sat up and cupped her little girl's face.
"What's wrong, Sophie? Why are you crying?" She wiped away Sophie's tears with her thumb and pulled Sophie on her lap. She cradled her daughter making shushing sounds to soothe the still crying child. After a while, Hermione pulled away and looked at Sophie. "Why were you crying, Sweetheart?"
Sophie sniffled and looked up at Hermione. "Because you cry, Mummy." She paused, and then added, "Then you said sorry to daddy."
Hermione touched her cheek and felt the remnants of the tears her daughter said, explaining the blurry vision she had when she had first opened her eyes.
"I'm sorry I made you cry, Sophie. I'm truly, very sorry." She hugged her daughter.
Dammit! She had promised herself she would never let Sophie see her cry. She had dreamt of it before, especially during the first year in her new life. That memory replayed itself over and over again, even in her dreams, and every time it did, tears would stream down her face. But that was in the past. She was over it now. She had been able to think about it without shedding a single tear and she would not start now! It was all stupid Nott's fault. His and his other snakes. They gave a good and loud reminder: you can't run away from your past. She had hoped that she could. She had done everything she could. But you can't run away from your past.
She looked down at Sophie, her daughter, her life. She may not be able to run away from it but she sure as hell would not let them hurt Sophie.
"Mummy? Do you miss daddy?" Sophie's voice broke her through her thoughts. Sophie was fiddling with the necklace she had received from her birthday. Then as if sensing her looking, Sophie looked up at Hermione. Two sets of brown eyes met. Hermione looked down at her daughter and saw the heartbreaking mix of confusion and sadness in her little girl's eyes. Sophie's tear-filled eyes searched Hermione's face, as if by simply looking at her Sophie would find the answers to her questions. Answers Hermione never wanted Sophie to know. Answers that would break her innocent little heart. Ignorance was truly bliss.
"Yes, Sweetheart, I do," she said. She had promised herself that she would not lie to her daughter, unless necessary. Hermione hugged her tight.
"Don't be sad, Mummy. I'm here!" Sophie cheerfully said after a while and pulled out of her mum's embrace and had a toothy smile on her face when she looked up at Hermione. "Sebastian's here too!"
Sophie called out to Sebastian, then as expected, a golden, barking blur jump up at them. Sophie squealed with delight and hugged the little dog to her chest. Hermione sighed. Yes, Sophie was here and she was all Hermione needed. And a very cute Sebastian.
Hermione petted Sebastian, who licked her palm, and then she turned to Sophie. "Come on, Sophie. We have to get ready for Auntie Emily, and Adrien."
Sophie jumped out from the bed. "Oui, Mummy!"
Anton and his friend went down from the stands and headed toward the exit of the Quidditch Stadium.
"Tu es sûr que tu ne veux pas aller prendre un verre avec nous ?" (Are you sure you don't want to go grab a drink with us?) his friend asked. "Histoire d'oublier un peu la défaite de notre équipe?" (Something to take out the sting off the loss of the home team?)"
" J'aimerais bien mais je ne peux pas (Sounds really good but I can't)," Anton said. "Emily et les enfants m'attendent chez Hermione. Ils voudront que je leur raconte tout le match. (Emily and the kids are waiting for me at Hermione's place. They would want to hear all about the match.)"
His friend shook his head but smiled. "Je ne voudrais pas priver les garçons des histoires de Quidditch qu'ils aiment tant. (I wouldn't want to deprive the boys from their much anticipated Quidditch Stories.)"
" Même la fille d'Hermione, Sophie, aime les entendre. C'est vraiment dommage que leurs mères ne les laissent pas regarder, (Even Hermione's little girl, Sophie, likes hearing them. It's just a damn shame their mothers won't let them watch,)" Anton replied, remembering the blatant refusal of both women to let the children watch the greatest sport in the world.
His friend tutted. "Ces enfants ne savent pas ce qu'ils manquent. Enfin, salue Emily et Hermione de ma part, d'accord ? (Those kids don't know what their missing. Anyway, give Emily and Hermione my best, alright?")
Anton stood back as his friend apparated to wherever bar his friend was coaxing him to. He prepared himself to apparate when he heard a voice shouting behind him. He turned around and saw a man running toward him.
"Hey," the man said breathlessly. He bent over, trying to catch his breath. Anton waited before answering his greeting.
"Hello," he said, noticing the British lilt of the man.
"Hi," the man said a bit hesitantly.
"Yes?" Anton asked when the British man did not continue.
"I, uh," the man said, whilst rubbing the back of his neck. "I was wondering… I, uhm, heard you say my friend's name, Hermione."
"Yes, I did. Do you know her?" Anton asked.
"Yes, I, uhm, I'm her friend," the man said then cleared his throat. "I'm a friend. Do you know where she is?"
"Yes, I do." Anton answered.
"Could you, maybe, take me to her?" the man requested.
Anton hesitated but decided that the man did not look to mean any harm, despite his tall height and build.
"Yes, I will. I was to apparate there now," Anton said. The British man looked relieved and scared at the same time, why he did not know, but the man merely nodded his head. Anton took this as a sign and placed a hand the British man's shoulder.
"Before we go, what is your name, Monsieur?" Anton asked.
"Ron. My name's Ron Weasley."
Hermione peaked into her living room and found the trio exactly as she left them. Sophie and Adrien seated in the middle of the living room floor, eyes glued to the telly, and Sebastian chewing mercilessly on his rubber toy.
"Sophie, Adrien, time to wash up for dinner," she said as she picked up the remote and turned off the small picture box.
The two complained but was swayed by the aroma of the food that filled the room. They chased each other out of the room and headed for the bathroom, while Hermione headed for the dining room, leaving an unaffected and still chewing Sebastian.
Emily wasn't only amazing with pastries but she was also a star with main dishes. The scent that hit Hermione's nose made her mouth water. Hermione eyed the Roast Beef with Emily's homemade sauce and the children's favorite fried chicken with mushroom soup on the side. Hermione smiled and went to get the plates from the hanging cabinets.
"Em, dinner smells so good," Hermione said to Emily who was washing her hands in the sink.
"Of course, honey, they're made with love," Emily said, putting a hand over her heart. "Besides, I made them."
Hermione laughed and went out to get the table ready when she heard a knock on the door. Emily emerged from the kitchen through the swinging door dividing the kitchen and dining room.
"I got it," Emily said. Hermione heard the two kids running for the door. Adrien calling, "Daddy! Daddy!" and Sophie calling, "Uncle Anton! Uncle Anton!" Hermione heard the front door open and heard Anton's voice greeting Emily and the two children. She heard him introduce someone and Sophie squealed something about hair color. Hermione finished her table setting and went out into the hall to greet their guest. She stopped dead in her tracks. There standing in her doorway was her worst nightmare. The blue eyes that she used to love to gaze upon, the voice that used to bring her comfort and warmth, the unmistakable red hair that she used to think of as a beacon home.
Ron.
As if sensing his name pass through her mind, he looked up and their eyes locked. Shocked and scared brown eyes met blue surprised ones.
"No." She heard herself whisper.
The past finally caught up with them was Hermione's last thought before the ground came rushing forward.
"What?!" Ron screamed, disbelief written all over his face.
She was expecting this but she didn't expect the pang of pain that accompanied it.
"I'm sorry, Ron, but I–I checked myself with a spell, twice, and I used muggle pregnancy tests as well," she explained. "Please, Ron, calm down."
"No, 'Mione! How can I calm down? How can you be calm? You're pregnant!" Ron screamed, pacing furiously. "No. I can't do this. I can't be a father. I can't. I can't! What about my Quidditch Career, 'Mione? I just got in the Cannons as Keeper! I can't be a father!"
Disbelief filled Hermione followed immediately by rage.
"You, Ron? You? What about me? I'm about to become a mother! I have a baby inside of me! What about my career as a Healer, Ron? You don't think I'm as scared of this as you are?" Hermione screamed back. She took a deep, calming breath. She knew from experience that it would be useless to scream your point across to him; it would only lead to an immature screaming match. "Please, Ron, calm down. Try to understand."
"No! Hermione, I can't! I can't be a father!" Ron looked at Hermione straight in the eye. "Abort the baby."
Hermione's eyes widened.
Abort the baby. Abort the baby. Abort the baby.
"Abort the baby?" she whispered. "Ron, you… you can't be serious."
"I am, Hermione. We both can't be parents. I have Quidditch and you have being a Healer. We can't have a baby—," Ron explained.
"You're going the kill the baby, Ron!" Hermione exploded. "You want to kill an innocent, little baby just because you can't sacrifice for her?! You want to murder a baby who hasn't done anything wrong!"
"But, 'Mione, we can't—"
"I can! You won't! I'm not going to murder our child, Ron! This is ours! Why can't you sacrifice—"
"I've sacrificed my whole life! For our cause and for Harry. I was always known as The Sidekick, Harry Potter's bestfriend and Hermione Granger's boyfriend. Now I finally have the chance to make a name for myself. I will not sacrifice anymore! This is my time. I am finally doing what I love, Hermione. I don't want to sacrifice it anymore."
Hermione stared at him with wide, tear filled eyes.
"What about me, Ron? Don't you love me?" Hermione whispered.
"Of course I love you—" Ron answered quickly.
"You're asking me to murder an innocent child. Our child. We fought our whole lives to stop a murderer from killing innocent people. You're throwing away everything that you sacrificed because what you're asking me to do is the same thing, Ron," Hermione said. She went toward him and cupped his face with her hands. She looked him straight in the eye. She saw fear and panic swirling in his blue orbs, but her voice remained firm. "I'm keeping our baby, Ron. I know you're not ready but so am I. I know you're scared and I'm scared too. But I'll be there. With you. I need you, Ron. I need you to be with me too."
His eyes searched her face and after what seemed like forever, he closed his eyes. He removed her hands from his face. "I'm sorry, Hermione. I… I can't."
Hermione's heart stopped. Everything around her just stopped. The blowing wind halted, the swaying branches froze, the rotation of the world paused.
I'm sorry.
Hermione felt pain piercing and coursing in her chest. Like a growing crack on a fragile piece of glass, piercing its way through its fine and beautiful surface.
I can't.
Then she felt the all too familiar break of her heart. The final crack sending the glass shattering into tiny shards, impossible to piece together, impossible to heal.
"What?" She heard herself whisper in a voice so small she thought it came from someone else.
Ron's eyes were downcast, looking everywhere but her. "I'm sorry."
Hermione covered her mouth but she couldn't help the sob that escaped her lips. Ron looked up at her and when he took one step toward her she took a step back.
He was leaving her. He was leaving her all alone to raise their child. He chose his career over her, over them.
He doesn't love me. He doesn't love me. He doesn't love me.
"You don't love me," Hermione whispered.
"No! I love you, Hermione, I do. I… I just can't do this. It's too soon, I… I can't," Ron said.
I can't. I can't. I can't.
These two words kept playing inside Hermione's head and along with it came waves and waves of pain coursing through her. She felt herself go weak. She felt faint; her vision was starting to haze but the rage that took hold of her fought it down.
"You can't? Or you won't? You're choosing Quidditch over us, Ronald? Your choosing your that bloody sport over your own child?" Hermione said sharply.
Ron winced but didn't answer.
But his silence was the answer that rang loud and clear through Hermione. Her gaze fell to the ring on her finger. His ring. His promise.
What promise? A bitter voice rang through her head.
He wouldn't take care of her anymore. He wouldn't be there for her anymore. He wouldn't love her anymore. He had given up on her.
This brought Hermione to her knees. The rage overpowered by pain.
Ron rushed to her and kneeled at her side. "Hermione? Hermione? "
She turned her head to face him. "You didn't choose me."
He stood up and returned to his previous spot, creating space between them. "I'm sorry. Please understand."
Of course she understood. She was scared about losing her dream too and she had no idea how to become a parent, but that didn't mean she wasn't willing to make sacrifices. She would always put the people she loved first. Even if their child wasn't born yet she loved her, with all her heart. But he didn't. He didn't love Hermione as much as she did him. And not their child.
This was it. This was him and her. No more we, no more us. As much as the pain inside of her consumed her entire being, she knew her decision would not change, not even her love for him.
She looked up at him, his head bowed down and shuffling his feet.
She wanted to smile. She wanted to go over to him, hug him and ease his discomfort. She wanted so much to go to him. To have him hug her and tell her that he loved her, that he would always be there for her and that everything would be ok. She wanted to so bad but she couldn't.
It hurt to see him. It hurt to hear him. It hurt to be near him. It hurt. It hurt so bad.
With shaking hands, she took the ring of her finger. She looked at the small, golden band in her hand. Not once had she taken off the ring he gave her, and now staring at her empty, trembling left hand, she felt as if a huge void had opened up inside her, making her feel cold and incomplete.
Tears were still spilling down her cheeks as she stood up and went to the chair he had once vacated while cleaning his broom. She looked at the ring once more and ran her finger over it before putting it down. She turned her back to him. She couldn't bear to look at him as she said the final words between them.
"Goodbye, Ron."
Slowly and painfully, Hermione took one small step forward, and then placed the other foot forward. As she walked slowly away from him, she felt like she was that little mermaid from the story she had read once. Every step that she took, she felt like she was walking on glass, filling her with pain. The farther she walked, the more the pain grew. With each step she took her hope shattered more and more. She had hoped that any second now, she would hear Ron call her then she would hear his loud steps approach her and he would hug her from behind, telling her not to go, telling her that he loved her. But there was no voice that called her name. There were no loud steps that made its way toward her. There was no hug, no voice that told her to stay, no one that told her 'I love you'.
She walked farther and farther from him until finally she ran. She ran past the Burrow, past the fields and still she ran. Thinking that if she ran fast enough, she could out run the pain, thinking that the farther she got the pain would be farther away. Finally, her body couldn't handle anymore and she collapsed on her hands and knees, panting heavily. She hugged herself and thought about how ironic what she was doing was. Because instead of outrunning the pain, she only made it worse and instead of furthering herself from the pain, it only grew with the distance she tried to put between them.
There in the open field, a good eternity of running away from Ron, she cried. She curled herself up in a ball and cried. She cried until her eyes ran dry, until the sun finally set and the stars dotted the velvet night sky. She looked around her and saw nothing but the open field.
This was it.
This was how she would face her new life.
Alone.
No, a voice within her head said. Not alone.
Hermione placed a hand on her stomach. No, not alone.
Hermione felt something damp on her face and she heard voices all around her. She felt a dull ache throbbing in her head. She tried to open her eyes but they felt like led, so instead she tried to focus her ears on her surroundings.
"Is mummy ok? Why is she sleeping?" She immediately recognized Sophie's sweet but confused voice.
"Mummy must have felt dizzy that's all," came Emily's motherly tone. She felt relaxed knowing that Sophie wasn't alone, especially with her in this tired state. Merlin, she felt like she had been run over by the Hogwarts Express and Hippogriffs twice over! She tried recalling what she had done to get her in such a state but the more she tried to think the more painful the throbbing headache got. So, she resigned herself back to listening to the voices around her. She recognized Adrien and Anton's voices.
"Papa, qui est-ce? (Papa, who is that man?)" She heard Adrien ask. He must have been referring to the owner of the other male voice she had heard.
"C'est— (This is—)" Anton began.
"C'est l'ami de Papa, Adrien, (That is Papa's friend, Adrien,)" Emily answered sharply. Hermione heard the unusual harshness in Emily's voice. Emily never spoke harshly to the children; she would be firm but never harsh.
"Pourquoi l'ami de Papa, il a les cheveux comme Sophie? (Why is papa's friend have hair like Sophie's hair?)" Adrien asked again.
"Oui, Tata Emily, pourquoi ses cheveux sont roux comme les miens? (Yes, Auntie Emily, why is his hair red like me?)" Sophie questioned as well.
Red? Why would that man have red hair? And, from what the children had said, in the same shade as Sophie's?
Suddenly, flashes of pictures and sounds flashed through Hermione's mind. The knock on the door. The children running. Anton's voice introducing someone. Red hair and blue eyes.
Ron
This one name made Hermione's eyes shot open and made her sit up straight. The action made a shot of pain go through her head and she cradled it in her hands, squeezing her eyes hard.
"Hermione? Are you ok?" Emily's voice said. Hermione felt two hands squeezing her arms.
"Yeah," Hermione breathed, trying hard to concentrate on the spell she often used to heal severe headaches. By the fourth try, she finally felt the effects of the spell and she could painlessly open her eyes and move her head. Her brown eyes first met Emily's familiar face, behind her Hermione saw two figures; one was standing up and slightly obscuring her view of the other one seated in an armchair. Hermione recognized the figure standing to be Anton. She focused her gaze on the one seated in her armchair, and prayed to Merlin, to God, and to all higher beings to let her be wrong on who she thought was seated there.
Please let me be wrong. I'll do anything, just please let me be wrong.
She stood up from the couch, ignoring Emily's protests, and walked over to the seated form.
Please let it not be him. Please let it not be him. Anyone but him.
Unfortunately, Merlin, God and all higher beings hadn't heard her, because seated there, slumped forward, elbows on his knees, red hair disheveled and blue eyes confused, was the man she longed and detested to see. Seated there was Ronald Bilius Weasley.
Hermione felt lightheaded once more; a torrent of emotions battling inside her. Shock, anger, confusion and sadness were dominating her but she couldn't deny the joy that lingered amongst them. Joy at seeing her past lover once more.
Ron stood up, looking everywhere but Hermione. He took a big breath before he met her eyes.
"Hermione," Ron whispered.
Hermione was torn. She was torn between hugging him and hexing his freckled butt back to London.
"What are you doing here?" Hermione asked, her voice sounding weak and vulnerable.
Sophie chose this moment to run to her and hug Hermione from behind. "Mummy! Are you ok, Mummy? Why did you sleep?"
Ron's gaze fell on the little girl and then went back to Hermione, the unspoken question swimming in his blue eyes.
"Who is he, Mummy? His hair is like my hair, Mummy!" Sophie whispered in that childish way that meant everyone in the room had heard her.
Hermione closed her eyes and took a shaky breath. Hermione had gone through this scenario in her head a million times before. But that didn't mean she was and ever would have been prepared for when the scenario became reality.
She knelt down in front of her daughter and held on to Sophie's little hands.
"Sophie, sweetheart,…this man…he is…is…," Hermione trailed off, not certain she could finish her sentence.
Sensing her friend's distress, Emily walked over and turned Sophie to face her.
"Sophie, cet homme, c'est ton papa, (Sophie, that man is your daddy)," Emily said softly.
Hermione held back a sob. She wanted to tell her daughter that he wasn't her daddy and that her daddy was gone. She wanted to tell Ron that she wasn't his daughter and to tell him to go away and stay away from her daughter. But no words escaped her lips. No matter how much she wanted to, she couldn't. Sophie deserved to know and have a father, even if Ron didn't deserve her as a daughter.
Sophie turned around and stared at the man before her, confusion furrowing her brows. Sophie turned back to Hermione. "Mummy, is he Daddy?"
Unable to answer her daughter's question, Hermione hugged Sophie, pressing her daughter close to her chest, wanting to shield her from anything and anyone who could cause her pain. Hermione wanted to protect Sophie from the truth that would change her life. Sophie pulled away from Hermione. She turned to Ron and walked up to him.
"Are you my daddy?" Sophie asked, looking up at his blue eyes.
Ron swallowed. He nodded his head.
A heartbreaking smile broke on Sophie's face as she wrapped her little arms around Ron's legs.
"Daddy!"
A/N:The spell Hermione used to check her pregnancy, I got that amazing idea from another Dramione fanfiction: Interludes by dormiensa ( ?sid=420&textsize=0&chapter=13) check it out, you will fall in love.
I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! This was a bit hard for me to write because of the pregnancy scene between Ron and Hermione. Please tell me what you think! Was is over-the-top? Overly dramatic? Was Hermione OOC? Not mad enough? What about Ron? Not shouting enough? Please let me know how I did! REVIEW!
