Chapter 16
At the house
"Something happened," Chloe whispered fiercely. "Something bad happened."
Amy, Stacie and Chloe was sitting on the verandah, near the pool, drinks in hand. They had a good view of the grass slope heading towards the house, without being seen and were now looking at the sorry sight of Jesse and Beca walking back up to the house. It was not so much as their rather messy, bedraggled appearance, caked and coloured with fruit; it was the stiff way both of them were walking, faces seemingly frozen from any expression. They were not talking to each other; none of their usual banter and smiles between them. They looked like they had a huge fight.
"Oh fucking hell, what could it be?" Stacie groaned. "Amy, did Donald or Bumper pushed it too far?"
"No. Donald's a pro at this. He didn't go that far; just enough to make Jesse jealous," Amy said, watching the two thoughtfully. "And Bumper was just icing on the cake."
"Yes, Jesse was practically bursting with jealousy just now," Chloe said, nodding in agreement. "And we left them alone. Oh god, what did Jesse do now?" She narrowed her eyes at the two who had now reached the back of house. They parted without saying a word, each going their own way. Amy was already on her phone.
"Donald, something happened. No, not good," Amy said, frowning a little. "Go and find out." She ended the call and looked at the two girls. "Girls, you know what to do."
"Hey Becs. Where were you? Oh wow, what happened?"
Beca looked up into the mirror at Stacie, lounging by the door frame, looking and sounding far too casual. Beca just shook her head and frowned, taking off the sticky, fruit-covered vest and letting it fall with a wet splat onto the bathroom tile.
"Need to shower," she just said stonily.
When Stacie did not budged, even with Beca glaring at her, she just stepped into the bath and pulled the shower curtain in place with some force. Stacie pushed down the toilet cover and sat on top, listening to Beca removing the rest of her clothes and turning on the shower. The water was beating down hard and soon the bathroom was full of steam.
Stacie contemplated the shower curtain, trying to think of something to say. Beca was using really hot water. Really hot, steamy water. This was bad. This was very, very bad.
"You and Jesse okay?"
"Huh?" came the monosyllable from behind the shower curtain.
"I said, you and Jesse okay?" Stacie yelled over the sound of the shower.
All she got was some mumbling from behind the curtain. Stacie rolled her eyes. The bathroom door was opened slowly and Chloe popped her head round. She gave Stacie a questioning look, which Stacie silently replied with a shake of her head. A silent conversation escalated between them with Stacie finally throwing her hands up, jerking her head at the shower curtain and mouthing "She's not talking!"
"Alright Beca! What the hell happened?"
"What the hell? Chloe!?"
Beca was screaming. Chloe had pulled the shower curtain aside and Beca was desperately trying to cover her goodies with the loofah and leftover soap suds.
"Something happened just now. And I'll be damned if I can't make you tell us, missy!" Chloe said. She had always been the perky one, hardly the one to anger. An angry and determined Chloe was a sight to behold and Beca could not remember anyone who was not cowed. Her included.
"At least let me cover my junk!" she groused. Stacie threw a bathrobe over and Beca quickly covered herself and stepped out of the shower. She was toweling her hair while Stacie and Chloe stood, waiting impatiently. She slowly combed the tangles out of her hair.
"Well?" Chloe said impatiently as Beca walked into the bedroom and rummaged around for some clothes.
Beca got dressed silently and then straightened up with a sigh. "Stacie, you remembered what you said in the car? About Benji and you? About how you are not meant to be?"
"What about it?" Stacie replied warily.
Beca still had her back to the girls but they could see the slump in her shoulders.
"I guess it's the same for me and Jesse. We are just not meant to be."
The girls came over, crowding around her.
"Beca, honey, what's wrong?" "Sweetie, don't cry." "Oh sweetie, tell us. We'll fix it."
But all they got from Beca was a painful sob before she broke into tears, unable to keep up that badass facade any longer.
"Jess, you ok, bro?"
"Just get out." Jesse said, a little more angrily than he meant.
He really did not want to talk to anyone. Let alone Donald or Bumper. They were only going to make some stupid, snarky comment and he did not have any patience for it. Not now. Not after what had happened.
He just locked the bathroom door, undressed and stepped under the shower. The hot water sluiced off all the sticky mess and juice from the fruit fight he had with Beca just now. He rubbed the soap hard into his skin, into his hair, into his hands, his arms. Maybe if he rubbed hard enough, he'd forget how she felt. How wonderfully soft and alive she was in his arms. Maybe if he rubbed hard enough, he would be able to get Beca Mitchell out from under his skin.
Jesse threw the soap forcefully away.
He was stupid. Jesse shook his hard like he was trying to dislodge the pain within. It was hopeless. There was no way he could forget her, forget them, forget what they fought about just now.
xxx
"What do you mean you are moving to LA?"
He had been silent for a moment in shock at Beca's unexpected confession. She's moving to LA? With Luke? She's not going to college?
"Luke asked me to go and I said yes," she replied woodenly.
Of course he knew about her dream of making it big in LA. That had what kept her going all these while as she feverishly made one mix after another; scrimping whatever money she get, pitching for every DJ job going. She had always wanted to go. And yeah, he had thought he would go with her. After college. They would go. Because that was her dream. And she was his.
"Do the girls know about this? Why didn't you tell me earlier? This is huge, Beca!" he said, trying to get his head round at the bombshell she just dropped on him.
Beca was silent.
"Does your dad know about this?" Jesse asked. And from the way she bit her lip and didn't answer, he knew. He fucking knew.
"Beca!" Jesse exploded. "Were you thinking of running away?"
She was not answering him, turning round and walking away. Jesse ran up to her, grabbing her arm.
"For fuck's sake, Beca! Are you going to run away?"
Beca stopped and pulled her arm away.
"Oh God, Becs! Please don't do this! You can't run away to LA!"
She was not saying no. Jesse stepped back, too shocked at what she was about to do.
"I cannot believe this! I cannot believe you, Beca!"
Once Jesse got over the initial shock, he felt himself shaking with anger. She was going to turn away? She's going to just leave? She was just going to leave without telling anyone? Without telling him? He rubbed his face hard with both hands. He needed to sit down. He could not think straight.
"For what it's worth, I was going to tell you." Beca finally spoke, her voice an almost inaudible whisper.
Jesse raised his head to look at her.
"At what point are you going to tell me? When you are hundreds of miles away? When we go mad looking for and you are shacking up with Luke in some crummy apartment ?"
He just could not stop yelling.
"When did he asked you, Beca? When?"
"On my birthday. When he took me out for dinner," she answered softly. "That's why I came over. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to tell you then. But I ..I don't know. I just..I didn't."
Jesse remembered that night too well. That date had been short and she came up to his room, acting a little weird. And she fell asleep next to him. It was the sweetest night sleep he had ever had for a long while.
"Why didn't you tell me?" he was yelling again.
"Because you are going to freak out! Just like this!" Beca yelled back.
"Damn right I will!" Jesse said hotly. "What kind of harebrained scheme is this? How are you going to get there? Where are going to stay? What are you going to do for money? Your parents will go apeshit! Damnit Becs! I can't believe you are seriously thinking about this!"
"I am not stupid, OK?" Beca shouted. She took a deep breath to calm herself down. "Luke...he's ..he's been working hard. Got everything in place. He had been pushing my mix..our mix out there. They liked it. The stations liked it. They like us. We've got a few meetings. We even secured a steady gig in one of the smaller clubs."
"What...how..." Jesse could not articulate what he really wanted to say.
"It's not all empty promises, Jess. I've spoke to some of them. I've seen some of their proposals. I've seen the contract for the gig."
"If it's all legit, why don't you just tell your dad? Why are you planning to sneak off like this?"
"You know exactly how my dad will react," Beca answered. "He's going to stop me! He's going to say it's all a stupid hobby! I just want to go out there, get everything settled and then when everything works out, neither him or my mum can say anything."
"Oh. You are seriously going ahead with this?" Jesse said, staring at her in disbelief.
"I've said yes."
"And when's the big day?!"
"Tuesday. In two weeks."
"Jesus Christ!"
Jesse immediately turned around and walked a few steps away. He just couldn't handle this. He just need that little distance away from her. He did not know what to do, what to say. He felt overwhelmed. This was just too much.
Beca was looking worriedly at his rigid back. He seemed to be thinking hard, his hands tangled in his hair, clutching his head. He was just trying to breathe slowly now and after a long few minutes, Jesse turned round to face her.
"So you are going to leave your mom? And you dad? And all your friends?"
Beca nodded miserably. He didn't add that she was going to leave him too. He didn't need to. She was. She was leaving him behind. And she could see the heartbreak on his face.
"Please don't tell anyone, Jess. Especially my dad."
Jesse laughed out mirthlessly.
"I can't promise that, Becs."
"Please, Jesse! Please don't try to stop me."
"No! No, Beca! You can't ask that of me," Jesse said, his face taut with anger. "Not after you let me kiss you. Not after you know how I feel about you. Not after you told me you love me."
There was so much hurt in his eyes. So much that she could not look at him. She just silently looked away, feeling emotionally battered. And they had walked back to the house in silence, the peaches and the cherries lying forgotten on the ground.
xxx
The hot water was raining down on him and Jesse just closed his eyes, not wanting to think anymore. This was seriously fucked up. He did not know how to fix this. He did not know what to do next.
"Jess! Jesse!" "Bro! You ok in there?"
The boys were now pounding relentlessly on the door. Jesse switched off the shower and got out.
"Yeah. I'm ok," he hollered back.
He dried himself with a towel, wrapped it around him and opened the door. Both Bumper and Donald were outside.
"I thought you drowned in there, dude!" Donald said worriedly.
"What happened to you, bro?" Bumper said, clocking the unusual look on Jesse's face.
He just shrugged them both off and seeing that expression on his face and the stiff way he was standing with his back towards them, the boys knew not to pursue the matter further.
The next evening
It was awkward for the rest of the day and the next. They stayed clear of each other and did separate things. When they were forced to be within the same group, they did try to act as if nothing was wrong. But both of them refused to say anything when asked and their friends conferred worriedly with each other.
"What did she say? Did she drop any hints?" Stacie whispered.
It was their last night at Chloe's and as usual, there was a small barn party. A few more of their mutual friends from school came and some of Chloe's local friends came with their families. There was a nice buzz in the air as they chugged down drinks and line-danced. Chloe was trying to balance three drinks in her hands as she looked over at Beca and Jesse on separate ends of the room.
"No. Nothing," she replied. Chloe was handing out the drinks to Amy and Stacie. "Any news from Jesse? Did the guys found out anything?"
"Pftt! Nothing. That boy's not giving anything away." Amy said. She was thoughtful now. "You know, let them work it out. Something's happened and maybe it needed to happen. We've tried all we could."
"Amy! We can't give up!"
"The course of true love never runs smooth," Amy said sagely.
Beca was miserable. And she hated being so miserable around her friends. She knew they were worried about her and she was being a party pooper, a wet blanket. Beca took another sip of her drink, promising to herself she would try. It was their last night and Chloe had worked so hard to organise this party. The line dancing had been a little excruciating but they were singing karaoke now and that was bearable. The least she could do was try to have a good time. This would probably the last absolute time she would be there with her best friends.
Beca looked around the room, searching out the faces of her friends in turn.
Stacie, surrounded by the local boys and flirting shamelessly all of them. Chloe, ginger hair bouncing as she sang out loud and danced without any inhibition. Fat Amy, talking to Bumper, making expansive gestures with her hands as she spoke and Bumper ducking, trying not to get hit with her flying hands. Donald charming some of Chloe's girlfriends, smooth as usual.
She was going to miss them all.
And none of them knew what she intended to do.
Beca purposely did not look for his face. There was no need. Like she could forget how he looked. She had seen him grow up, for goodness sake. She had seen him as a cute five year old with a gap tooth, as a pimply thirteen year old with a bad haircut and him now. She had seen him happy, bored, nerdy, sad, angry. She had seen him at his best and his worst. And she loved every bit of him.
Damn it! Her eyes had automatically searched for him. He was talking to a blonde girl; someone Beca did not recognised. He had been excruciatingly polite to Beca since their fallout yesterday; not a word about her running away to LA passed his lips. He was smiling his trademark, easy smile at the girl, who now had her hand on his arm. He did not make a move to shrug that hand off.
"I am not drunk enough for this," she muttered before tossing back the drink and going over to get another. Three drinks later and she felt better. She felt...happier. Bumper was now singing some Sisqo song which she should know the title of but she couldn't be bothered to think properly. She needed to dance. She was miserable and she wanted to be happier.
"Stacie baby, dance with me!" Beca yelled, pulling the taller brunette onto the floor.
"Whoops! Ok!" Stacie said, nearly losing her balance and falling on top of Beca.
Donald was now singing Nelly's Hot In Here and Beca whooped loudly. That seemed to be a popular song and the teenagers crowded the dance floor, grinding to the beat. Donald was smirking on stage, enjoying the loud shouts of encouragement and the huge applause that came after. Beca was making the loudest whoops and then, grinning, she made her way a little tipsily to the makeshift bar.
She was about to toss another drink down her throat when a hand shot out and stopped hers.
"I think you had enough."
Beca stared at the familiar hand and then glared up at him. His eyes were boring down on her.
"Have some water."
He was trying to push a bottle of water into her hand and she knocked it aside.
"You don't have to take care of me. I can take care of myself perfectly fine."
He flinched a little at her sharp tone.
"Come on, Becs. Have some water."
He was trying to be reasonable but that made her angrier. Why did he have to be so perfect? Why did he have to be so good to her all the time? Why did he always have to make her fall in love so hard with him? It was making it harder for her to leave.
"Just leave me and go back to that girl. You seem to have a thing for blondes."
Beca heard her own words coming out from her mouth and she felt ill. What the fuck was she saying these things? Why was she trying to hurt him? His face was unreadable. No, she did not want to look at him any longer. It hurt too much.
"Well, you are leaving..." he said slowly through gritted teeth.
"Yes, I am." Beca said, turning away so he could not see how much she wanted to cry. "I just can't wait to leave."
He let out a heavy breath, hesitating for a moment. And he left her alone.
Beca sat down on a bale of hay, feeling a little tired now. Somebody was singing now- she was not sure who. It was rather bad but she didn't really care. Chloe and Stacie appeared out of nowhere and sat down on her either side, putting their arms round her shoulders. They didn't say anything about Jesse. They just chatted some nonsense or another and Beca was glad for that.
Mercifully, that song ended. Someone else took the mic and the next song came on.
Don't stray
Don't ever go away
I should be much too smart for this
You know it gets the better of me
Sometimes when you and I collide
I fall into an ocean of you
Pull me out in time, don't let me drown
Let me down, I say it's all because of you
Beca nearly choked on her water. She looked up and he was singing, staring at her. She did not know where to look. He just looked so hurt.
And here I go, losing my control
I'm practising your name
So I can say it to your face
It doesn't seem right to look you in the eye
Let all the things you mean to me
Come tumbling out of my mouth
She knew the words to the song. They had watch American Pie together, huddled under a blanket in his room. She had thought the soundtrack was rather romantic but Jesse always thought it was rather sad. And hearing him sing it now, Beca knew what he meant.
He was singing the chorus now, still staring at her.
Say you'll stay
Don't come and go, like you do
Sway my way
Yeah I need to know all about you
And there's no cure
And no way to be sure
When everything's turn inside out...
The minus one was still playing, the words lighting up in turn on the screen. But Jesse had stopped singing. He was looking at the screen, seeming to struggle and the room fell silent. He just dropped his head.
"I'm sorry..I.."
He didn't finish the song. He just carefully placed the mic back on the stand and then slowly Jesse Swanson walked out of the room.
A/N Fuck. I still can't decide. Sigh. Anyhoo, song is Bic Runga 'Sway' from American Pie. Chapter dedicated to Jutord because bae, you remember me freaking about that incomplete fic Falling Into You by hatefindingusername. Yeah. That fic tore me up and I always thought of this song.
Thank you so much everyone for your reviews and for your thoughts. I'm toting up the requests and promise will decide one way or another. Love you all and have a slice of calorie-free cyber pizza!
