Chapter 17
"I'm sorry...I.."
Jesse did not finish the song. He carefully placed the mic back on the stand and slowly walked out of the room. For a minute to two, no one said anything, unsure at what was actually happening. Then Bumper sprang into action, picking up the mic and quickly switching to the next track like nothing had happened. And everyone seemed to rouse themselves and the party went back on track. Beca was staring open mouthed at the spot Jesse was a moment ago, all her tipsiness melting away.
"Beca!" "Beca!"
She heard her name but it sounded so far away. She was still frozen. She could still see him standing there, singing his heart out. She could still see the hurt and the muted plea in his eyes. Oh god, she had hurt him so badly. All she did was to hurt him.
"For God's sake, Beca!"
Beca shook her head hazily. Stacie was shaking her hard. Chloe and Amy were crowding around her and Beca finally realised where she was.
"Snap out of it, Beca," Stacie said fiercely, give her another shake. "I don't care what happened between you two. I don't care what he's done, what you've done. You go after him right this minute, do you understand?!"
Beca was still standing still, a little befuddled.
"Beca! Now!"
It took her a few moments to clear her head.
By the time Beca ran out after him, Jesse Swanson was nowhere to be found. She didn't quite know where to find him. He could be anywhere. She tried his room first, then the pool and even the stables with those scary, snorty horses but she could not find him. He was not picking up his calls or answering her texts.
She just could not find him.
The humidity and the heat had been getting increasingly oppressive since late afternoon and it felt like it was going to rain. Beca was getting slightly frantic. She stopped for a moment to think. His car was still in the driveway so he could not have gone far. He couldn't have gone down to the orchard. It was far too dark.
Where could he be?
Dark rain clouds were racing across the night sky, blotting out the stars and the moon. Beca walked further away from the house, wishing she had thought about bringing a flashlight. When the first drops of rain started to pelt down, she finally found him by the boat house.
"Jesse!" Beca called out.
If he had heard her, he didn't show it. Beca came nearer. He was just standing there, on the wooden deck, hands shoved into his pockets. He was staring out at ripples the falling rain was making on the water. He didn't seem to notice the rain on him.
"Jesse," Beca called out again, a little softer this time, reaching out to touch him lightly on his shoulder. When he did not answer, Beca stood silently behind him, waiting. She'll wait all night in this falling rain if it comes to that and he knew it. Jesse let out a heavy sigh.
"Hey Becs." he mumbled, looking down at his shoes.
"You are getting wet, " Beca said gently. "Come on, let's get you out of the rain."
The rain was torrential by now and both of them were soaked. She was pulling him towards the boathouse and he docilely followed her lead. The boathouse was locked but Beca knew where the spare key was. She opened the doors and while Jesse was standing dripping just inside, Beca reached out and switched on the lights.
It was a two-storied house with storage and moorings for two boats. A staircase led to the upper floor where the sleeping cabin was. Beca remembered coming out here with Stacie and Chloe one night some years back and scaring each other shitless telling ghost stories. The sleeping quarters was not used that much but it was still kept neat and tidy.
Beca left Jesse standing in the living area on the upper floor whilst she made her way towards the small bathroom. She took a quick look inside and heaved a sigh of relief. There were still fresh towels stacked neatly in the cupboard. A further rummage and she found a large, warm hoody, probably belonging to Chloe's elder brother. She dried herself as best as she could and changed into the hoody.
When she went back to the living room, Jesse was sitting down on the edge of the couch, soaked and still dripping miserably from the rain.
He didn't say a word.
He didn't protest either when Beca knelt before him, gently took off his soaking top and towelled him dry. She grabbed a blanket hanging on the back of the couch and wrapped it firmly round him.
A quick search about the cupboards in the pantry yielded some instant coffee and soon the smell of the hot brew filled the air. She came back to Jesse with a mug for him. He made no move to take the mug off her so she just put it down in front of him before sitting next to him.
They sat in silence with just the sound of the rain drumming on the roof and on the window panes. She was almost drowsing off when Jesse finally spoke up.
"You should go."
Beca sat up and rubbed her eyes tiredly. Ok, he wanted to be alone. He did not want her anywhere near him. She understood that. It was still raining outside but she could find an umbrella or a waterproof jacket downstairs and walk back to the house.
"Ok. I'll leave you alone."
Seeing her getting up, Jesse looked puzzled. "Where are you going?"
"You asked me to go."
It was Beca's turn to look confused.
"No, Beca," Jesse said in exasperation. He was rubbing his face again in frustration. "What I meant is …. you should go. You should go to LA."
Beca sat back down, not entirely sure what she should say. He was still staring straight on, eyes on the rain battering against the window panes. He then looked down at his hands, which were shaking slightly. The drumming of the raindrops sounded far too loud. Jesse took a deep breath.
"It's been your dream, Becs," he said slowly. "If it's as good as you said, then you should go. Luke's a great guy and he'll... he'll take care of you."
It must have pained him to say that.
"Jesse -"
"No. Hear me out," he continued. "Just don't do it like this, Becs. Please don't do it like this. Don't give up college. Tell your dad. Work out a transfer to LA. I don't know. I'm sure your dad could help. Please...just don't do it this way."
"Jess, you know he'll freak -"
"He will freak out more if you ran away, Becs."
Beca sighed heavily and slumped back into the couch. She closed her eyes. Maybe if she lie down quietly for long enough, everything would just magically work out. She could hear Jesse shifting in his seat.
"I know your dad can be hard but he loves you, Bec. And he'll want you to be happy." Jesse said, his voice shaking slightly. "Promise me you won't do it like this. Don't just up and leave. Let your mom said goodbye. Let the girls say goodbye. Beca, it would kill them if you leave without telling them. It would've killed me."
She could not speak. It was just too much. A few months ago, it seemed so simple. She had her music and there was Luke. There was this golden opportunity. And then so many things happened. And then there was Jesse. Her beautiful Jesse. Who loved her back. Who really wanted her to stay. He was hurting so much right now and yet here he was, sitting next to her telling her to chase her dreams.
And suddenly Beca felt overwhelmed.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," she burst out, tears falling now. He immediately caught her in his arms before she could think of getting up and running away. She slumped forwards into his comforting arms, whispering over and over, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Jesse."
"No, I'm sorry, Becs," he murmured, hands tightening around her "I've done so many things wrong. I shouldn't have gone out with Aubrey, shouldn't have stayed with her. Not when you were the one I wanted all along. I should have told you how I felt. I thought I would lose you if I did. I was just so stupid."
"No..I fucked everything up..." she was mumbling now. "I should have talked to you. I shouldn't have said yes. I'm such a freaking mess."
"You are not a mess," Jesse said firmly. He pushed her away so he could look at her properly. "You are wonderful, Beca. You are amazing and talented and passionate. And you are going to LA."
He was lightly brushing her tears away before tucking a damp lock of hair behind her ear. "You are going to be so great, Becs. L.A is going to love you."
His eyes were roving around her face like he was trying to memorise every inch of it before she leaves. He then gave her a sad little smile
"I'm going to miss you."
It was the lightest whisper from him but no five words carried more emotion. She drew a sharp breath because it actually hurt. She felt a yawning emptiness at the thought of him not being there like always.
"I'm going to miss you too."
And this time it was her who kissed him first.
She rose a little in his arms and bore her lips down on his into a searing kiss. She poured all her feelings into that kiss, desperately hoping it would tell him how much she loved him, how much he meant to her. Hands in his wet, curly hair, eyes closed tight, she hardly let him take a breath. When she was finally done, he was looking up at her in wonder.
"Beca."
She closed her eyes again, pressing her forehead against his. She was fighting her tears again. Damn it! When did she become this horrible crying mess?
"Jesse," she whispered shakily, "I know perhaps I shouldn't. It's not fair to you. But I... I really want to be with you tonight."
She was afraid to open her eyes.
"Tell me if I'm being stupid. Tell me if you don't want to.."
His answer was a sweet kiss on her cheek, on her lips, on her neck. At the way his arms gathered her into his lap, his hands drawing her close to him. At the way he was looking up at her so adoringly. At the way his fingers traced her lips, then the line of her jaw before bringing her head down to kiss her again.
Her hands trailed down from his shoulders down to his bare chest. She willed her hands to remember the warmth of his skin, the dip and swell of his muscles, the feel of that light smattering of hair on his chest.
He was sighing into the kiss.
She was just starting.
Her lips were now running down his neck, down his chest where her hands were. Soft kisses. Soft, gentle licks against his heated skin. Lower still. When her teeth scraped against the velvet skin on his hard abs, Jesse was already moaning out her name. Her hands were on the waistband of his damp shorts, fingers stroking the soft skin just underneath.
"Are you sure about this?" he groaned, stilling her hands.
He was looking down at her, eyes dilated. She nodded, her hand now falling softly on the hard bulge on his front. Jesse's head fell back, another groan falling from his lips. He was helpless. All he could do was shift slightly as she settled in between, hands tearing at the fly, dipping in, stroking against his hardness. And when his erection was free and her mouth, her sweet, warm mouth was around him, all he could do was to gasp out loud and jerk against the wet softness.
She was not gentle.
Just the way he liked it.
And he was writhing a little under the onslaught of her mouth, trying to keep himself steady against the hard way she was sucking and licking and stroking. Then she would slow down a little, teasing just a little, just so he could calm down before her mouth and her hands did all these wonderful things to him that left him gasping for more.
It was relentless.
She was relentless.
And he could feel himself building fast.
"Beca..baby..you've gotta.. please. You've got to stop."
But she went faster and he knew he couldn't hold it. His hips were already moving, his hands holding her head steady as he tried to be gentle with his thrusts. It was no use. With a painful grunt, he came hard, hands clawing at her hair and then Jesse slumped back onto the couch.
It took him a couple of minutes to even his breathing. And when he lazily opened his eyes, she was sitting on the coffee table opposite, smiling at him. "What are you doing there?" he mumbled, reaching out for her and pulling her into his lap. "That was amazing. Oh god, baby, that was fucking amazing. Where did you learn to do that?"
She was trying to swat him playfully round his head but he caught her hand, smiling up at her. He pulled her forward so he could bury his head into her softness, one hard already tracing the outline of her breast. His fingers found the hard nub of the nipple and he rubbed it through the soft fabric. She was sighing into his hair. His mouth found that hard nub and bit into it; both his hands moulding around her breasts, squeezing them hard.
Jesse then realised something.
"Are you...are you naked underneath this?" he whispered in disbelief. At her silent nod, he made a low, throaty noise, hand already unzipping the hoody, yanking it apart. She felt so soft. So creamy soft and warm. He was lost in the perfection of her breasts; the heavy, pliant weight of them in his hands, the hard sweetness of her pink nipples, the scent of lotion and rain on her skin.
Jesse held her close as he turned on the couch and pushed her gently back. For a moment, he stared down at her. She was breathing hard, face and skin flushed, her hair a tangled mess framing her perfect face.
So much perfection.
He thought he knew her but there was so much of her still to discover, so much of her still to remember. The softness of the skin on her belly, the silkiness of her inner thighs, the smooth curve of her bottom, that ticklish spot behind her knee that made her giggle when he kissed it. And the moans she made when he lightly bit the skin on her hipbone, that sexy way her hips undulate when he finally tasted her.
Sweet.
Like the rest of her.
And the frantic way she clutched at his head, her moans turning into cries as she neared her completion. Her gasps and sighs. The insistent way she moved under his mouth, the hard shudders before finally falling softly back onto the couch.
He loved every bit of it.
And it hurt to know perhaps this was their only night.
Jesse refused to think more about that. She was right here with him now. And now she was staring up at him. Beca raised herself up on his arms and caught his lower lip, pressing her naked body, slick with sweat against his bare chest. When he moaned into her mouth, his arms curling round her, she impatiently tried to push his shorts down, eager to feel all of him against her.
"Babe," Jesse groaned. "I don't have any condoms. I'm..I wasn't expecting this. Are you..have you taken your pill?"
Beca nearly burst into tears again at the question.
Because he remembered.
He remembered she had to take birth control pills for her painful periods. And that moment, an image of him holding out a chocolate cake complete with candle flashed before her eyes. How the soft candlelight suffused his beautiful face. How he said when it comes to Beca Mitchell, he, Jesse Swanson would remember everything. And the thought made her held onto him tighter as she nodded her answer.
"I love you so much," she mumbled into his neck. "I.."
He didn't let her finish.
Because he could not wait any longer. How many times had he dreamt about this? To have her in his arms like this? And it was sweeter than any dream he had. He was on top of her now, hands and mouth everywhere. He could not remember the last time he had been this hard. And she was so wet, so ready for him it took the merest thrust and he was inside her.
He had to hold still. Because it was too perfect, too intense. If he immediately move a single inch, Jesse knew he could not hold it. She was holding tight to hiis arms, head falling back, eyes closed, her sweet mouth panting. It was the most erotic thing he had ever seen.
"Are..are you ok?" he asked, fighting his primal urge to move.
She opened her eyes, blue and dilated with desire and she nodded, "Yes."
And she moved against him ever so slightly and Jesse was lost.
It was the sweetest thing ever; that feeling of being buried deep in her, her tightness, her fiery warmth. And the way she was moaning his name. God, was there anything sexier? Jesse moved slowly, anxious not to hurt her, anxious that it was as good for her as it was for him. But when she pulled herself up against him and started kissing him, darting her tongue into his mouth, he could not control himself. He moved faster, eyes shut tight. And when she cried out his name, clenching hard against him, it was just too..
Just too...
Oh god. This is just too...
Fuck!
Oh god.
Beca.
Oh my god!
BECA!
