Chapter 18
Two days later
"They slept together."
Chloe's eyes widened, "Stacie, how can you be so sure?"
"Trust me they did, " Stacie said firmly. She took a sip from her shake. The diner was half full and they were both sitting a booth by the window, waiting for Beca. "Look, both of them disappeared that night. Donald said Jesse came back and walked straight into a shower without saying good morning. Beca came back, refusing to say anything. Did you see the way they try NOT to be next to each other? Most likely they don't want to jump each other. Oh yeah, they definitely slept together."
Chloe was shaking her head in surprise, "I don't know how you figured that out. But that's good, right? They finally got it. Jesse and Beca is a thing."
It was Stacie's turn to shake her head doubtfully.
"Oh Chloe..." The taller brunette sighed, too tired about the whole situation now. "I said they slept together. But no, I don't think they are together."
"How can that be?" Chloe squeaked in disappointment, stabbing the stack of pancakes in front of her a little forcefully. "Maybe that's why she asked us to meet her here. She said she's got something important to tell us. Maybe she wanted to tell us they are a thing."
Stacie shook her head firmly. "No. Jesse and Beca is still NOT a thing."
"Oh, look. There's Jesse's car."
Both of them watched as Jesse drew up into a parking lot with Beca in the passenger seat. They did not immediately got out. Jesse was saying something and Beca was nodding, running her hand through her hair. They were both in deep conversation and did not notice that they were being watched by two of their most meddlesome friends. Beca turned to say something else to Jesse and then they saw him smiling softly and reaching over.
"OH MY GOD!" Chloe squealed. "Did you see that? Did you SEE that? They kissed! They are still kissing."
Stacie's mouth was hanging open. Chloe was now nearly jumping up and down in excitement,
"It's a thing! Jesse and Beca is a thing!"
Same day, an hour later
His phone buzzed and Jesse immediately opened the text.
Have told the girls. They are going mental. Save me.
Jesse quickly tapped his reply and started his car. He had been driving aimlessly for an hour, finally parking at their usual spot after dropping Beca off at the diner. She wanted to tell the girls by herself and he had agreed. It was only right that she had some time and space to tell the girls properly. Telling them in a busy diner seemed to be a good idea. That way some sort of bloodshed could be avoided. He drove slowly towards the diner. It was not very far but he still wanted to have some time before he had to face whatever fallout that came with Beca's confession.
His mind went back to the last night at Chloe's. And the morning after.
"Jesse, wake up."
They had fallen asleep in each other's arms that night. Completely content and satiated, he had wrapped her close to him and drew the blanket over them before drifting off to sleep with the sound of the drumming rain over them.
She was shaking him softly now to wake him up but he didn't really want to. Because it would mean it would be over. That perfect night would be over. She was covering his face with soft kisses and Jesse had to sigh and open his eyes. She looked so adorable, hair in a mess and tousled with sleep.
"We have to go back to the house. It's going to be morning soon."
"No," he mumbled into her hair, hugging her closer. "Not yet. Five more minutes."
Beca smiled a little at how childish he was. The truth was she was dreading letting him go just as yet so she burrowed herself deeper into his arms, making Jesse sighed happily. They laid together a while longer, under that warm blanket, just enjoying the feeling of being so close to each other.
"Turn around." Jesse whispered.
Beca looked up and turned in his arms so her back was to his chest, her head on that comfortable crook on his shoulder. He had one arm around her, his hand placed possessively on her breast. The rain had stopped overnight and now dawn was breaking. He was kissing her lightly on her temple as they both watched the sunrise through the window. When the room was bathed in dawn's early light, Jesse let out a heavy sigh before burying his face in her hair.
"Thank you for last night," he murmured.
She was shaking her head slowly. She was not quite ready to talk about it but it was getting light and they have to go back to the house soon.
"Just so you know, it was perfect," he continued. There was a heavy pause before Jesse spoke up again. "But I know it is not going to change anything, Beca."
Beca was stroking his arm gently, still unsure what to say.
"You still have to go to LA, Becs."
She turned to face him. "Don't you want me to stay?"
Jesse's face was an open book. "More than you know," he whispered. "But I don't want to be the person to hold you back, Beca. I don't think I can live with myself knowing I'm the one stopping you."
What could she say to that?
They were eighteen. They still had a whole future in front of them. Perhaps she could stay. They could go to college together. They could try to make this relationship work. But who knew where it goes from there? There were no guarantees. And even if it lasted further and beyond, would she resent him in the future for making her stay? Yet, here he was. In love with her. And she loved him dearly. What was she giving up chasing her dream?
Beca's head hurt thinking about it and she could only tightened her hold on him, wishing she could make up her mind.
"Promise me you won't just run away, Beca. Please promise me that."
She nodded.
"And you're going to tell the girls?"
"I will."
He was in front of the diner now and could see Stacie and Chloe standing in front of the entrance. Jesse parked the car, came out and approached them. He was still trying to work out how it went. Chloe looked as if she had just stopped crying and Stacie's face was thunderous.
"So you both know now," he said nervously..
Stacie was giving him an evil eye while Chloe's lower lip trembled. Jesse thought she could hear Stacie muttering under her breath. He looked around for Beca.
"Where's is she?"
"She needed the toilet." Stacie said flatly. She then huffed out loud. "I can't believe this! Why aren't you stopping her, Jesse? For goodness sake, she can't just run off with Luke! Don't you even have any feelings for her?"
"Yes! I thought you loved her. Don't you love her, Jesse?" Chloe said tearfully. "You were both kissing in your car just now! Why can't you just fight harder for her, Jesse?"
"Guys..." he started.
God, this was so hard. Of course, he loved her. Of course he wanted her to stay.
"Never mind!" Stacie suddenly said. "It's over. Fucking thing is all over now. She's going. She's fucking going to LA with Luke."
One week later
"Are you packing these too?"
His hands were delving through her collection of vinyls and Jesse held up two. Beca took a quick look and shook her head. Her room looked like a war zone. Clothes everywhere. All her kit scattered on every available surface. Her suitcases were spilling over already but she had so much to cram into them still. Jesse was trying to help. He really was. But then they would unearthed yet another souvenir or photograph or yearbook and they would both get sidetracked. She walked over and took both vinyls out of his hands and put them back.
"I think I just need my kit," she mumbled before turning her attention to the mess covering her table. She was trying to sort out all the different drives, all the copious notes she had made, all the old mixes she had worked on but not entirely sure what to do with them now. She never knew there were so much.
Jesse's arms went round her and she leaned back onto his chest.
"This is so hard," she muttered, sighing and letting the drives dropped from her hands back onto the desk. "There is just so much..."
He was holding her tighter.
"Just leave it if you are not sure, Becs," he said softly. "Sometimes it's better to just leave the baggage behind."
She was sure he was not just talking about the drives in front of them.
"Are you ok?" Jesse asked.
No, not really, but Beca nodded all the same. The last week had been hard. Telling the girls had been hard. Beca still could see the shocked looks on their faces when she told them she was going to LA with Luke. It was like a rug had been pulled from under them and if the situation was different, she would have laughed at the expressions on their faces.
It got worse.
Chloe was inconsolable and Stacie had been so angry. Beca thought she would have to leave them alone for a few days to get used to the idea but they had came round to her house that very evening. She could not quite keep her emotion in check when they fell on her, hugging her tight, telling her that everything was ok, they were so proud of her and she would be such a kick-ass in LA.
And yes, Beca plucked up the courage to first tell her mom. And then her dad.
And all hell broke loose.
She could not work out who was more agitated. Her mom or her dad. It had been horrific. Her mom took a few days off work to talk to her. Her dad drove down from Barden, storming into the house and as usual, both of her parents had to quarrel in front of her. She was ready to run away that very minute.
"Your dad OK now?" Jesse said.
"Yes. Both of them came round to it."
He let go of her and went back to going through all her vinyls. He did not really want her to see the expression on his face.
"Luke got the third degree?" he said, back still to her.
"Yes, pretty much," Beca answered, now packing some more stuff into her suitcase. "My dad was very thorough. You know how he is. He went through all our plans and paperwork. Contracts, emails, you named it. He made Luke showed him everything. He also put the fear of God in him. Said he couldn't believe it that Luke would allow me to run away with him."
"Good!" Jesse said, sounding vindicated. "He should be scared. It was a stupid plan."
"Dad's still not 100% convinced though. He's coming out to LA to make sure we settle in okay."
Jesse just nodded. They worked quietly, clearing up the mess and finishing her packing, not saying anything much between them. Beca looked round her childhood bedroom again. It was strange seeing her room so tidy. Everything had been packed away neatly. They had gone through all the shelves and drawers. Only one drawer left and it would all be done.
Beca had kept that drawer last because she knew what was in it. It had to be done. Beca hunkered down and drew it opened. And out spill yet more bits of her life with Jesse. The macaroni picture they both made which had a few pieces missing; most probably, Beca had dared him to eat a few afterwards. The NASA souvenir button he bought her during one of their field trips - she wanted it but had spent all her money on sweets. The programme for one of their school musicals where Jesse had pompously autographed for her, saying it would be worth something some day.
She drew out the Mickey Mouse ears Jesse had persuaded her to wear at Disney World. For a moment, she was too choked, staring at those damn Mickey Mouse ears.
How in the world did her life get so intertwined with his?
And how could she do this? Go on without him?
His hands was on hers, steadying the shakes in her hands. Jesse was in front of her now, gently drawing the Mickey Mouse ears away and holding her hands in his.
"Let's put that away, Becs."
He placed the ears back into the drawer and shut it close.
"There's nothing in there for you to bring to LA. Nothing at all," Jesse said softly. Beca nodded dumbly. He held her closer to him, inhaling the scent in her hair before speaking again. "That drawer might be locked now and it might be far away from you but it's still there, ok? All of it. It's still there."
Jesse tipped her chin up with his hand so he could look her in the eye.
"And whenever you come back, all those things will still be in there. Waiting for you."
He kissed her softly on her lips and in between her tears, Beca fervently hoped he meant more than just the bits of memories lying in that closed drawer.
Two weeks later
It was dark by the time he reached their favourite spot. Jesse sat behind the wheel of his car, looking out towards the twinkly lights of the town underneath. He sighed heavily before getting out of his car and taking that few steps to the edge.
He sat down on the grass, thinking of all the times they had been up there. It had always been their favourite place. Jesse thought of the times they've been there - just hanging out, talking, scoffing down burritos and swigging an illicit beer. The time when he had found her up here, crying her eyes out after her parents' divorce. The time she had instinctively seek him out here when he had accidentally broke his mom's favourite china shepherdess and tried to run away at the tender age of eleven. Of course, he remembered prom night with her in a silver dress, huge ass bib around her so she wouldn't ruin her dress.
It was their spot. And he wondered whether he would ever be here with her again.
Jesse wondered what was she thinking at this precise moment. For somewhere down beneath, in between those innocuous, twinkly lights, she was getting ready to leave.
And he couldn't bear it.
He had been slowly and silently saying his goodbyes to her these past two weeks. He said goodbye to her smile and her eyes. Her hair. The way she scowled at him. He said goodbye to way she would punch his arm when she was annoyed with him. The way she rolled her eyes in exasperation. And last night, he softly whispered goodbye to the feel of her in his arms, the way she sigh his name when he kissed her all over, the way she snuggled close to him in sleep.
He had told her he was not seeing her off.
It would hurt too much.
It would mean seeing her walk away. It would mean seeing her walk away with Luke. And Jesse was not entirely sure he would not punch Luke senseless. He had known. Luke had fucking known. Beca had told him what happened and yet Luke was rather calm about it, saying he was expecting it. That it did not matter if she would still come to LA with him. And Jesse just felt like screaming. He felt like the entire world was conspiring against him.
She had nodded when he told her he was not seeing her off.
She expected that.
She was not that great with goodbyes as well.
But she had pressed an envelope into his hands before giving him one last hug and walking away from his doorstep.
Jesse glanced at his watch. She should be at the airport now, perhaps boarding the plane. He sat there for another half an hour before taking that envelope out of his pocket and slowly opening it. He drew that piece of paper out, smiling a little at her untidy scrawl.
And he began to read.
Hey,
I sort of knew you won't see me off and if I know you well enough, dude, I would be on my way when you opened this.
- God, he love her so much -
I could fill this entire paper with how much you mean to me but I think I will run out of room. You've been there all this while and I don't know how I could this without you. I could not have asked for a better friend, a better soulmate; because that is what you are. You are my soulmate.
I am sorry timing's such a bitch. I don't want to fill this letter with the things you or I should have done. I don't think I can bear thinking about it. I am grateful for these two weeks that we had, no matter how bittersweet it is.Thank you for letting me go, Jesse, but I would have to ask one more thing from you.
Please let me go totally. Don't look back at us. Don't look back at what might have been. Have fun in college. Get a girlfriend. Do all the mad stupid things all college dudes do. You asked me to go and chase my dream. I am asking you to live.
I'll always be your best friend and God knows how much I love you.
Yours ever
B
He folded the letter once and once again and placed it back in his pocket. Jesse leaned back into the grass, gazing up at the stars above. She would be in the plane on her way to LA now. She was now gone. And Jesse could not help feeling he should have said goodbye to her one last time.
AN : The most difficult ending I've ever had to do. How did this originally three-shot birthday present to three wonderful girls suddenly grew to an 18 chapter with sequel coming? My original idea was for Jesse to return back to his room and found Beca there waiting for him. She couldn't leave him. But the idea of them in LA is just so... interesting. Please forgive me for those who voted for Option "She shouldn't leave and they should be together." It is Jeca endgame for sure. For me, it always is.
I hope this ending is OK and doesn't feel too rushed
Thank you so much for your reads and reviews. Love you all.
Sequel will be out soon. And I am cuticlecare on Twitter
