I try to retake it the next week, because I figured, "Oh, how could this get any worse?"

I was wrong. It could.

My instructor was a larger guy with a MASSIVE bowl of nachos. The gross, artificial cheesy kind.

"How'ya doin'?" he asks me.

"Good…" I say. He slaps me on the back.

"AWESOME! Well, I'm BERT, and this here bowl of happiness is my wife, Lisa!" he says, roaring.

I start leaning away from him.

"I'm kiddin' kiddo!"he says, whacking me again. I swear now there's nacho cheese all over my shirt. "My wife and kids're at home!"

"Great…" I say, not really sure how to respond.

"So let's get a'drivin, shall we?!" he yells. Could he be any louder?

"HEY MAURICE! GIVE THE BOY HERE SOME SNACKS FOR THE WAY!" he screams.

"No thanks, I'm good!" I tell Maurice, but it's too late. He's brought a pile of candy bars and chips for Bert.

"Allllrighty, let's get on the ROOOOOOOOOOOAD!" Bert says.

It goes pretty well until Bert runs out of snacks. "Boy, let's go get me some Missouri Fried Chicken!" he says.

"Some what?" I ask. Missouri Fried Chicken…is that even a thing?

"MISSORUI FRIED CHICKEN!" he says. "DON'TCHA HAVE THAT, CITY BOY?"

"You mean KENTUCKY Fried Chicken?" I ask him.

"NO, I need me some MISSOURI FRIED CHICKEN!" he says. "Get a'drivin!"

I type in 'Missouri Fried Chicken' on the GPS, which instantly says there are no matches.

"Man, I don't know if I can get you some Missouri Fried Chicken." I tell him.

"WELL GO TO MISSOURI!" he says.

"Let me get this straight: you want me to drive from CALIFORNIA to MISSOURI to get you CHICKEN?" I ask. I'm a little bit peeved at this guy.

"I WANT ME SOME MISSOURI FRIED CHICKEN, BOY, AND I AIN'T LETTIN YOU PASS THIS TEST TILL I GOT SOME IN MY MOUTH!" he screamed. Dear GOD, this guy can scream louder than Mabel with a pimple.

I turned around the car and pulled into a Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurant.

"There! Have your stupid fried chicken!" I said, and it was only a few miles from the DMV so I just turned around and walked there. I was not going to let some stupid guy scream at me because he wanted CHICKEN.