REALIZATIONS
Author's Note: Hi! Sorry for not posting for a long period of time. As you all may have guessed, the holiday season had gotten me so busy, I just had the opportunity to breathe this weekend. Granted, I'm not exactly sure when I'll be able to post again, but hopefully I can work on a new chapter before the month ends.
Warnings: Angst and emotions. A very bad case of the feels, and I'm not so sure if it's the good kind.
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, Ryan Murphy does. If I did, I'd make Kurt, Blaine, and Sebastian fall in love with each other and do very dirty things every other episode while they figured out where their poly-amorous relationship is headed. Oh, and I'm not making any money off of this either. If you sue me, you'll be sorely disappointed since I'm broke. :D
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Kurt felt completely disoriented when he woke up, and the low lighting in the room didn't help. He forced his eyes open and looked around, only to settle his gaze on Sebastian's sleeping form.
Kurt couldn't help but stare at Sebastian's face. He looked so different without the smirk and the mischievous lines on his face. Sebastian looked so…peaceful and gorgeous. Kurt felt his stomach do a bit of a flip as he looked on. Sebastian's lips were slightly parted and the crease that he thought was perennially on the younger man's forehead was gone. He had a five o'clock shadow that added a rugged masculinity to his face. He wanted to reach out and touch that handsome face that had caused him so much pain in the past, but just as much – if not more – pleasure a few hours ago.
"Why do you have to be such an insufferable asshole most of the time, Sebastian?" Kurt murmured, stopping himself when he felt – rather than saw – his traitorous hand lift from the bed and hover just a couple of inches from Sebastian's cheek. Kurt cursed himself quietly and immediately pulled his hand back when he realized what he was doing. Luckily for him, Sebastian chose that moment to turn so that he was facing away from Kurt. The counter-tenor sighed deeply and turned his head a little to look at his fiancé who seemed to have chosen that moment to cling to his waist and pull him closer while he slept on Kurt's other side. He smiled as he gazed at Blaine's handsome face before sitting up slowly, wincing at the dull ache of pleasant soreness that radiated from his ass. He chuckled a little when his raven-haired fiancé snuggled close and he dropped a quick kiss on Blaine's head.
Kurt looked around the room and hummed in appreciation. The room wasn't at all what he had expected Sebastian Smythe's room would look like. The room was big enough to acknowledge the fact that Sebastian came from old money while also maintaining a well-lived, college dorm feel too it – if college dorm rooms were the size of a medium-sized living room instead of a slightly larger walk-in closet. It had enough clutter to make it feel cozy, but was clean enough for Kurt to conclude that Sebastian knows how to pick up after himself.
The furniture inside the room was made of a complementing combination of ebony and some other dark hardwood that Kurt assumed was bubinga, similar to what he had seen in the living room. The frame of the bed itself looked to be made from ebony. It had a very masculine feel to it and seemed to match Sebastian's crude-yet-classy demeanor that still made Kurt's head spin and blood boil at the same time, and he couldn't help but wonder who chose and decorated the apartment. Whoever it was, he or she had really good taste.
The room represented Sebastian to a T, but it also made Kurt wonder if there was a mystery surrounding Sebastian that he needed to unravel. The man was an enigma to him, and he wasn't sure whether that realization excited or scared him. He felt a pull towards Sebastian now that he had never felt before.
He had to admit, he and Sebastian had always had chemistry between them. Sparks flew whenever they had a confrontation when they were still in Ohio. After having sex with him earlier that day, he concluded that a lot of that electricity was because of the thick sexual tension that had pulsed between and through them each time their paths crossed.
The problem is, he didn't know if he wanted to do something about it or if he should just let sleeping dogs lie. The logical side of his brain told him to quit prodding at the thought, but the more curious and emotional side was pushing him to get to know Sebastian more.
Kurt honestly did not know which part of his brain to listen to, and it was making his head hurt.
He felt a pull in his bladder and he sighed a little in relief. His body was offering him a temporary out that could help him shut off his thoughts for the meantime, and he graciously accepted it. He moved Blaine's arm gently so as not to wake his fiancé and he crept off the bed slowly. He made his way to what he spied to be an en suite bathroom to relieve himself.
Kurt didn't notice the two pairs of eyes that followed his movements: confused emerald green ones and the other ones were worried and scared amber. Each pair was oblivious to the other as they observed the pale man move gracefully towards the bathroom.
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Blaine was stirred awake the moment he felt Kurt move. He wasn't normally a light sleeper, but being in an unfamiliar room made him feel a little uncomfortable. And the fact that the owner of the room was Sebastian Smythe made him more uneasy, especially after he had observed the man with Kurt earlier that day.
He couldn't help feeling the way he did. After the incident that caused his and Kurt's break-up during his senior year, Blaine had never felt quite that secure about his relationship with Kurt. He had always felt like he had to fight a constant uphill battle to keep Kurt by his side, to keep that very fragile trust that the man had so graciously bestowed upon him again. So even if Kurt had already forgiven him and had even agreed to the marry him, Blaine felt like one wrong move would screw up this second chance that Kurt had given him.
When he heard Kurt whisper "Why do you have to be such an insufferable asshole most of the time, Sebastian?" and saw his fiancé's hand hover just a few inches from Sebastian's face, Blaine felt his heart drop to his stomach. It took him all his willpower not to sob as he watched Kurt struggle with himself. He did the only thing he could do at that moment. He closed his eyes, wrapped his free arm around Kurt's waist just as he moved to sit up on the bed. He moved closer to Kurt, missing the warmth of his fiancé's body. Sebastian, on the other hand, turned on the bed to face the other way which made the knot in Blaine's chest loosen a little. He heard Kurt chuckle softly and felt the kiss that the love of his life dropped on his head.
Blaine knew that what he was feeling was completely irrational. Kurt was his fiancé and this – thing – they had with Sebastian was just sex. Experimental sex that turned a fantasy he and Kurt had into reality. Would he mind doing it again? Maybe. Sebastian was amazing in bed and the dominating personality he emanated as they had their tryst was so fucking hot, it made his cock twitch just by remembering bits and pieces of what happened that afternoon. So yes, he would definitely consider having another threesome with Sebastian.
He just had to deal with these feelings that were swirling incessantly in his stomach that was making him want to throw up and cry at the same time. If only Sebastian didn't look at Kurt like he had the sun and the moon in his eyes, Blaine wouldn't feel this irrational surge of fear and jealousy that was slowly breaking his heart. And tamping down those emotions would've been easier if Kurt didn't look at Sebastian like he was some sort of a god.
Blaine tried to even out his breathing the best he could so he could continue pretending that he was asleep as Kurt gently untangled himself from Blaine's arm. Blaine slowly opened his eyes and watched the beautiful boy who was just in his arms slip into the bathroom while he worried about how his and Kurt's lives would change now that Sebastian had stepped back into their lives in a not-so-subtle way.
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Sebastian was just about to drift deeper into slumber when he felt eyes staring at him. Even without opening his eyes, he knew those were Kurt's eyes on him, observing him. He felt like he was being assessed, and the skipping of his heart told him he wanted to pass whatever test this is that Kurt is performing on him. He didn't understand why, and frankly he didn't want to care.
But he did. He cared about being good enough for Kurt. He wanted to be good enough for the couple he was currently sharing his bed with. He didn't want to understand why he wanted that so badly. He didn't want to care, because caring meant emotions, which then meant entanglement, and drama, and tears, and he so did not want those things in his life. Ever.
But there he was, wishing and hoping Kurt would caress his face with those soft hands of his. He wished Blaine was lying behind him with his arm wrapped around his waist, holding him close.
"Why do you have to be such an insufferable asshole most of the time, Sebastian?" he heard Kurt whisper, not knowing that Sebastian was now merely pretending to be asleep. Sebastian's heart clenched at the words. He didn't understand why he would feel that way just because of a bunch of words strung together to form a thought. A very honest thought.
Sebastian understood emotions. He understood the concept of liking someone so much that you'd want to spend extended periods of time with that person. He understood the concept of love too, but he didn't believe in it. For him, love was merely a chemical that the brain secretes to make a person believe in feelings so strong that they could actually make someone willing to give up their life for another was possible.
He blamed his distorted view of feelings, emotions, and love on his parents. He didn't exactly have the perfect role-models where love was concerned. His mother and father got married out of convenience. The two families had agreed to merge their businesses in order to become a colossal super power in the stock market, and Sebastian's grandparents thought that there was no better way to do that than to marry their children. Sebastian's parents tolerated each other, but Sebastian never saw nor felt that his parents felt any strong, underlying emotion that would hint of love between them. He knew they cared deeply about him, but he couldn't honestly say that his parents loved him. They cared about him enough to tolerate him, and that was it. His father was not cold, but can be quite indifferent at times, while his mother was too concerned about being a middle-aged socialite to care about not showering his only son with suffocating love.
Suffocating. Love was suffocating. That was why Sebastian chose not to believe in love. That was why he didn't do relationships. He didn't want to be smothered and controlled by someone who would only bring drama to his life. And the sex would eventually become boring. Wasn't that the reason why Blaine and Kurt propositioned him? Because the sex they were having had become so boring that even sex toys couldn't spice it up? If making love to someone you truly and deeply love was the most amazing thing a person could ever experience, how come the only people who had the ability to actually make Sebastian finally believe in love admitted that their sex life had gotten so boring that they needed to have a threesome just to get excited about it again?
But Kurt and Blaine were starting to chip away small pieces of the carefully built walls Sebastian had surrounded himself. It took him years to put all those walls up, but it only took the couple a few hours to break through them. He didn't want to risk having the couple get to know him better because that would mean involvement and feelings. Good god, he didn't do feelings! He can't afford to feel something – anything! – for anyone right now, especially if that someone was Kurt or Blaine.
Kurt. Goddamn Kurt Hummel. Kurt-fucking-Hummel with his perfect alabaster skin, toned muscles, and erotic voice that made Sebastian hard just by thinking about it. Kurt Hummel, who looked positively exquisite as he stared into Sebastian's eyes while he thrust into him relentlessly. Sebastian never saw anything more erotic than Kurt's face when he came.
And then there was Blaine. Sweet Blaine Anderson who he had wanted to fuck since he saw the boy in Dalton that fateful day a few years ago. Never had he imagined that the day would come when he would see Blaine Anderson naked, much less in his bed following every command he uttered.
Sebastian turned so he could face away from Kurt. He needed to open his eyes to look at something that could ground him. The hardwood furniture in his room was bought for that exact reason, as weird as that may sound. He felt the bed shift and move and saw Kurt walk to his en suite bathroom, naked. He gazed longingly at the boy who seemed oblivious of his stare, and his heart did a quick flip.
Oh boy, Sebastian Smythe was fucking screwed.
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AN2: I'd love to read your reviews and comments on this chapter!
