Addison's Nationals were in L.A. this year. She hadn't been back there since she and Castle had gone chasing after Royce's killer. That seemed so long ago, almost like another life. She had still been coming to terms with her feelings for her now husband back then.
Her husband. Wow, she was not used to that yet.
"What have you got there?" Castle asks, walking into their bedroom and noticing her ruffling through a box.
"Well, the fact that we're heading to L.A. tomorrow made me think about the last time we were there and I realized I had never showed you this." She hands him the letter Royce wrote her before he died. "It's from Royce."
He takes the letter from her and starts reading it out loud. "Dear Kate, I bet I've written this letter a hundred times. Someday I might actually send it. There's no excuse for what I did. Especially what I did to you. But I'm on a righteous path now, and I hope someday that path earns me your forgiveness."
"Skip to the end," she tells him.
Castle looks up at her and then back down to the letter. "And now for the hard part, kid. It's clear that you and Castle have something real. And you're fighting it. But trust me, putting the job ahead of your heart is a mistake. Risking our hearts is why we're alive. The last thing you want is to look back on your life and wonder if only."
He looks back up at her, a stunned expression on his face. She smiles back at him.
"Everyone could see it but us, I guess," Kate shrugs.
"This was before you got shot?" Castle asks, pointing back down at the letter.
She nods, drawing her lower lip into her mouth with her tongue.
"Why'd you fight it for so long?" he asks, setting the letter on top of the box and drawing her into the circle of his arms.
"Why did you?" she counters, returning his embrace.
He huffs, burying his face in her hair.
"Do you have moments like that? Parts of our relationship you wish 'if only' about?" he asks.
Kate nods against his chest. "Several. And all of them lead to us getting together sooner."
"Yeah? Like what?"
She hums, her hands scraping up the back of his shirt. It's one of her favorites on him, the material being so much softer than most of his other shirts and she loves burrowing into it. It was the first one she wore his scent out of when he went missing.
"If only I had agreed to go to the Hamptons with you before you reconnected with Gina. If only we had talked about that kiss or nearly dying frozen in each other's arms. If only you had still been in the living room that night in L.A. –"
"Wait," he cuts her off, pulling away slightly. "What about L.A.?"
She laughs, knowing that was coming.
"I'd read Royce's letter probably a dozen times by then. And we'd had that …moment on the couch. I'd gone into my room to go to bed, but I hesitated by the door. I opened it again, hoping you would still be sitting on the couch, but you had gone to bed as well. I don't know what I was expecting to happen, but –"
"Kate," Castle starts, shaking his head. "I sat out there on that couch waiting for you to come back out, but when you didn't right away, I figured I was just making up signals in my head and went to bed."
"Wait, are you saying that if you had just waited a little bit longer or I had opened the door just a little bit sooner –"
"Our first time together would have happened in L.A." he finishes.
"I wouldn't go so far as to say that," Kate shrugs. "I was still with Josh. And as unhappy as we were, I wouldn't have cheated on him. But…"
"Something would have happened," Castle rephrases. "We would have gotten together before you were shot."
She sighs, shaking her head, thinking about how different that following year would have been.
"Why'd you lose your courage the next day?" he asks.
"I over thought it. Scared myself."
"Scared yourself about what?"
"That maybe you didn't feel the same way. Which brings me to another if only. If only I hadn't lied to you about hearing you say that you loved me."
He sighs, rubbing her back. "So it took us extra long to get here. But we made it. And that's all that matters to me."
"I just feel like we wasted so much time. Time we could've spent together."
"We were together. Just without the sex."
"Yeah, but that's the best part."
He sighs again, walking away from her to finish packing.
"Am I wrong?" Kate asks, following him.
"I'm really trying to find a good comeback here, but I'm at a loss."
"Because I'm right about the sex," she singsongs as she passes him to get toiletries from their bathroom.
"I knew you only married me for my body," Castle sighs, faking indignation.
She comes back out with her arms full of hair products and kisses him on the cheek.
"I married you for a lot of reasons, Castle. That reason just so happens to be my favorite."
"You're terrible. But I have to agree with your reasoning. My wife is hot."
Kate smiles, dropping the hair products onto the bed and draping her arms around his neck.
"I knew you'd come around."
"You've been awfully quiet since our plane landed," Kate says, nudging Addison as Castle checks them into their rooms.
"I guess I'm just nervous," she shrugs.
"You? Miss Three Time National Champion? Nervous?"
"This is L.A. The talent here is insane."
"You're from New York. The talent there is just as amazing."
"My titles…I've won New York Nationals, Orlando Nationals, and Vegas Nationals, but this –"
Kate puts her hand on her shoulder. "And you're about to win L.A. Nationals."
Addison shakes her head, crossing her arms over her chest. "You don't know that. This is the first time you're going to see me dance even."
"I've seen the YouTube videos."
"Yeah, but this is different."
"I think you put too much pressure on yourself, kid," Kate says, rubbing her back.
"I can't help that I'm a perfectionist. And it doesn't help that Jaclyn has been bragging about Travis Wall choreographing her solo."
"Should I know who that is?"
"Oh my God, Mom," Addison mumbles, burying her face in her hands.
"What's wrong?" Castle asks, heading over to them.
Kate shrugs. "I don't know who Travis Wall is."
"Oh he's on that one dancing show," he tells her.
She continues to give him a blank look.
"The point is," Addison starts again. "Her dance is going to be good this year. And if she manages to beat me, I will never hear the end of it."
"So be better, beat her," Kate shrugs.
"Mom –"
"I can tell how much passion you put into your dancing from watching a video where you're this big on the screen," she says, holding up her thumb and index finger. "So when you step out on that stage tonight, kill it. Give them everything you have and it will not matter who choreographed that brat's solo. You can do this."
Addison shoots her a grateful smile, visibly relaxing.
"Come on," Castle starts. "Let's go find our room."
Castle reserves them seats in the audience while Kate follows Addison back to the dressing room. She's had a couple of regional competitions since she's moved in with them, but Kate has never been able to go to one because of work. And she hates that it's been that way, but at least she was able to make it here, to the big one.
"What can I do to help?" she asks as she watches Addison set up her makeup mirror and pull her makeup brushes out of her bag.
"Nothing today. I might need help with hair and costume changes tomorrow when my group dances compete, but I've got my solo covered."
Kate watches her daughter put on her makeup with a practiced hand, fake eyelashes and all. She watches her pin up half of her curls, letting the rest cascade down her back. She watches her unzip her warm-up jacket, revealing her glittering blue costume: a rhinestoned crop top paired with a short tulle skirt over a matching pair of spandex shorts. Addison bends down to slip on her jazz shoes, before she puts her earrings in and slides a sparkling barrette into her hair.
She turns back to Kate, placing her hands on her hips. "How do I look?"
"Stunning," Kate smiles, truly meaning it despite the fact that her daughter looks so much older with all of the makeup. She doesn't want her growing up on her too fast; she's already missed enough of her life.
"Thanks," Addison smiles back.
She grabs her warm-up jacket and slips back into it, zipping it up.
"Miss Leslie's having us run our solos before we go on, so I'm going to go find her."
Kate pulls her into a hug before she lets her leave. "Break a leg, kid."
"How does she look?" Castle asks as Kate sits down next to him.
"She's beautiful."
He thumbs through the program, counting the dances left until she goes on.
"She really wanted you here, you know," Kate tells him, flipping through the program herself to find how close Addison's dance is to Jaclyn's.
"She did?"
"When you were gone she just kept saying how I had to find you in time for Nationals."
Castle laughs. "She probably knew you wouldn't leave with her if you knew I was still missing."
Kate shakes her head. "No, she told me she wanted you here."
He reaches over and grabs her hand, his fingers rubbing over her rings.
"You know, Kate, of all of the places we've ended up at together, a National Dance Competition in L.A. is not something I ever would have guessed."
She shrugs. "Well your daughter isn't a dancer. Mine is."
"Our daughters," he corrects.
She tosses him a smile before looking back down at the program.
"Judges we're going to skip ahead now to act 184. This is Jaclyn with Moth's Wings."
"She's not as bad as Addison made her sound," Castle whispers as the girl starts to spin on stage.
"Addie can take her," Kate whispers back.
"I Googled this Travis guy's choreography last night. The man has Emmys for it. Multiple."
"Sure, but Addie said choreography is only a fraction of the total score. She said costume, technique, performance, and difficulty make up the rest of it."
"I never thought I'd be so nervous sitting at a dance competition."
She smirks at him and squeezes his hand. About 30 minutes later they're finally announcing Addison.
"Welcome act number 203 to our Showerstopper stage. This is Addison with Breathe Me."
She walks out on stage before her music starts and Castle starts hollering and cheering beside her like the proud father he already is. Addison sits with her back to the audience, curled up in a ball almost. Then the music starts and so does she.
As Kate watches her daughter dance, she suddenly realizes why Jaclyn has never won. The other girl had the technique sure, which Addison does too as far as she can tell, but she lacked that passion she knew she saw in those videos. The passion that she's seeing now as Addison acts out the pain associated with the lyrics of the song. She isn't just a dancer up on that stage, she's an actress.
She realizes she's close to tears by the time Addison finishes and walks off the stage, holding the judge's gaze. Now she's really kicking herself for not having made it to one of her competition's sooner.
"Now, I know she didn't get that from you," Castle teases, nudging her.
Kate laughs. "No, I have no idea where she gets that from. But I think it's great that she has it."
Waiting for awards is oddly nerve wracking. They have all of the soloists from the teen category sitting on the stage, huddled together with their respective studios, sporting their team warm-up jackets. First they go through each one of them and announce the adjudicated awards. Addison explained that every competition did it differently, but at Showerstopper the highest award you could receive is a Crystal Award. That was followed by a Double Platinum, Platinum 1st place, and Gold 1st place. The Crystal Award apparently requires absolute perfection and you can kiss your chances of placing in the Top 10 goodbye if you don't earn at least a Double Platinum. Addison's words, not hers. Kate was still trying to figure out what happened to the simple gold, silver, bronze system.
She notices Castle following along with the announcer, writing down the award for each soloist in the program.
"What are you doing?" she asks.
"Tallying up Addison's chances. They've only awarded one of those Crystal things so far. But there's been a few Double Platinums."
"Look at you becoming a dance dad," she smirks.
"What can I say, I love a good competition…and that kid."
Kate leans over and kisses his cheek.
"Oh! Did you hear that? Jaclyn only a got a Double Platinum," he says, making the note in the program.
"That's still good though, isn't it?"
"Yeah, but it's not the highest."
Kate shakes her head, still amused by Castle's peaked interest in this. Of course she wants Addison to win, but she's not quite as into this awards ceremony as he is. They go through a handful of more names before they read off Addison's. They give her a Crystal Award and she has the biggest grin on her face as she goes up to accept her ribbon.
"How many Crystal's does that make?" Kate asks, turning to Castle.
He flips through the program. "Three. But there's still a page and a half of solos to go."
"Well she definitely made Top 10."
"You're getting into this now, aren't you?"
"Shut up," she says, smacking his arm.
The adjudicated awards finish up with five total Crystal Awards having been handed out. The announcer then goes on to announce special judges' awards like best costume and best choreography. Finally he starts in on the Top 10. Jaclyn places 7th. Not even Top 5, Addison will be pleased. He gets to first place and still doesn't call Addison's name. Kate looks to Castle confused, but he just shrugs. She looks up to find Addison grinning widely. What?
"And now for our National Champion…"
Oh. Oh.
Her solo music starts playing and she screams, running up to the front of the stage as confetti canons litter the stage with glitter. The trophy is huge, reaching up just past her hip. She did it. National Title number four.
Castle and Kate stand up and cheer and applaud loudly, shooting Addison a thumbs up when she catches their eyes in the audience.
"What a way to end the month, huh?" Castle asks, nudging her with his elbow.
"So this is what it's like to be happy," she tosses back, grinning at him.
He slips his arm around her waist, pulling her into his side as the stage starts to clear off. Addison lingers on the stage for the competition photographer to snap a few photos before she bounds into the audience with her trophy in tow, launching herself into Kate's arms.
"I'm so proud of you, baby girl," Kate says into her hair. "I knew you could do it."
The girl breaks her embrace from Kate and moves to hug Castle.
"You definitely weren't robbed this year," he laughs, returning her embrace.
"Castle, can I ask you something?" Addison asks, pulling away from the hug.
"Anything for you, Miss Teen Showstopper 2014."
She laughs, shaking her head. "Would it be okay if I started calling you Dad?"
He grins, pulling her in for another hug. "I'd love that."
Kate smiles at them both. Yeah, this is definitely what happiness feels like.
AN: I'm an idiot and wrote "Pomp and Circumstance" in the last chapter instead of "Canon in D." I fixed it now. No worries. Also just to let everyone know, I have no intentions of saying goodbye to this universe just yet. I have no idea how many chapters this story is going to end up being, but we're still going. Thanks for sticking with me!
